老实说（2015）

我们把外带食品带进了电影院
we brought outside food into the movie theater?
你都没被抓到呀
You didn't get caught.
你自己拿出了做饼干的面团的收据
You surrendered your log of cookie dough,
然后躲在小黄人后面
and then you hid behind a foam minion.
因为那个人是想抓我
Because that man was onto me.
那人只不过是16岁的小鲜肉
That man was a 16-year-old boy
他就说了句 "观影愉快"
and all he said was, "Enjoy the movie."
我们要被抓了啊
We were going down!
看到了吧
See?
米奇 告诉你明天我要干嘛吧
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do tomorrow, Mitch.
我管你乐不乐意
I'm getting my good friend Angie
我要给我闺蜜安琪弄张打折的健身房♥会员卡
a discounted gym membership, whether you like it or not.
去呀
Go for it.
当你在违反法律的时候
And while you are breaking the law,
我会给我们亲爱的朋友
I will be saving our dear friends
在新车上省下一大笔钱
a pile of honest money on a new car,
既道德又合法
in a moral, ethical way.
好啊 打个赌
I love it. It's a bet.
我们比比谁能给他们省得更多
We'll see who can save them more.
输的给赢的背部按♥摩♥一星期
And whoever loses has to give back rubs for a week.
来战啊
You are on.
但我可不要那种装模作样的捶背
But I don't want some half-assed back rub
那搞不了五分钟就啪啪啪去了
that's gonna lead to sex after five minutes.
我要的是那种专业的按♥摩♥
I want a legit back rub.
奇葩要求 但我接受
Weird, but I accept.
所以他们是在用我们的日常生活打赌
So, are they just betting on our lives?
差不多
Pretty much.
我赌黑妞赢
My money's on Tan Girl.
我赌蛋黄酱先生赢
My money's on Mayonnaise.
你别吃了
Stop eating those.
- 没关系啊 免费的 - 不是的
- It's okay, they're free. - They're not free.
"无偿提供" 不就是免费吗
"Complimentary" means free.
你要是吃了这个甜甜圈 在潜意识的层面上
If you eat that doughnut, on some subconscious level,
你就会觉得自己欠了他们的
you're going to feel like you owe them.
那个熊爪圈会花掉我们1200刀
That bear claw's gonna cost us $1,200.
那我们已经欠了3600刀了
Well, then we're $3,600 deep in doughnuts.
拉塞尔 这里所有的一切陈设都是为了
Russell, everything here is designed to get us
让我们卸下防御心理
to let our guard down.
甜甜圈 气球啊 还有
The doughnuts, the balloons, the...
- 你们需要帮助吗 - 不
- Can I help you guys find anything? - No.
这个靓丽的销♥售♥员 比甜甜圈更危险
The hot saleswoman... more dangerous than doughnuts.
我们现在在敌人的领域
We're in enemy territory.
每一步都可能踩到地雷
Every move we make is a potential land mine.
你猜猜我为什么会带莎蒂过来
Why do you think I brought Sadie?
因为她是你闺女
Because she is your child,
照顾她是你的责任 对吗
and it's your responsibility to take care of her?
错了 因为当销♥售♥员说
Wrong. Because when the salesman says
他要去跟经理商量一下的时候
he has to go talk to his manager,
我就说 "请快一点
I say, "Make it quick,
孩子要睡觉了"
we're up against her nap time."
我真想甩开膀子上了
I'm so close to ripping my shirt off.
等等 你为啥拿了杯免费的咖啡
Wait, wait, wait, why do you get complimentary coffee?
因为我能驾驭这内疚感 而且这里有点冷
Because I can handle it. And it's freezing in here.
哎呀 我说了要你多带件外套的
Yeah, I told you to bring a jacket.
- 我知道 - 你特别容易感冒
- I know. - You always get cold.
- 你从来不听我的 - 我知道
- You never listen to me. - I know.
多么美满的一家啊
Look at this beautiful family.
嗨 我是格伦 还珠格格的"格"
Hi, I'm Glenn with two "Ns".
我和我的另一半 布莱克斯顿
My partner, Braxton, and I just adopted
刚刚从埃塞俄比亚收养了一个小女孩
a little girl from Ethiopia.
她是从哪来的
Where is she from?
哦 我们不是...
Oh, oh, no, we're not...
她的生母是菲律宾人
Her birth mother is from the Philippines.
噢 这女的行吗
Ooh, what about her?
她跟你简直复♥制♥人一样
She can be your doppelganger.
复♥制♥人... 那复♥制♥人有我两倍大了
Doppelganger... is that German for "twice my size?"
安琪 我们是带着任务来的
Ang, we're on a mission here,
如果你不降低一下你的标准
if you don't lower the bar a little,
你就要像那些傻瓜一样 付双倍的价钱
you're gonna be paying twice the price like all these dummies.
她怎么样
What about her?
她都能做我妈了
She could be my mother!
所以她跟你很像啊
So she does look like you.
所以你是说我们这些人都长一样吗
Are you saying we all look alike?
你认真想想
What exactly is it
我们到底是来这里干什么的
you think we're doing here?
等我一分钟 格伦
Give us a sec, Glenn.
有个小屁孩不太高兴了
Someone seems a little cranky.
你知道怎么才能让她高兴吗
You know what'd make her happy?
一辆新车
A new car.
我稍后再来
I'll be over here.
好的
Okay.
- 你在干嘛 - 那你又在干嘛
- What are you doing? - What are you doing?
我就要给你省下一大笔钱买♥♥车费了
I'm about to save you a boatload on a car
因为那个叫格伦 还珠格格的"格"
because Glenn with two "Ns"
以为我们跟他一样 也是同性恋
assumes that, like him, we're gay.
米奇 我直了32年
Mitch, I've been straight for 32 years,
我才不要改变我的性取向
and that's not a streak that I'm looking to break.
这很好
Congratulations.
跟你说 汽车销♥售♥员都是很无情的
Look, I said car salesmen are ruthless.
我们需要想尽一切办法 发掘可利用的弱点
We need to work any angle, exploit any weakness.
我们可以得到 "同性恋折扣"
We're about to get the Gay Discount.
还有 "同性恋折扣"
There's a Gay Discount?
我不知道 万一有呢
I don't know, but if there is,
你猜哪一对英俊的混种族同性恋可以拿到折扣
guess what handsome mixed-race couple is getting it.
你必须要假装承认 我们之间有爱的花火
You have to admit, there's an undeniable chemistry between us.
没人能否认我们非同一般的关系
No one's refuting our undeniable chemistry.
我意思是 我喊东 你绝对不朝西
I mean, when I zig, you zag.
对啊 我们就是这样
Yeah, that's us.
我是风儿你是沙
I'm the zagger, you're the zigger.
谁攻谁受无所谓啊
It doesn't matter who's who.
- 那行 - 挺好
- I agree. - Yeah.
嘿
Hey.
别 别碰我
Stop, stop touching me.
- 别碰我 - 嘘 就这么演下去
- Stop touching me. - Shh, shh, shh, let this happen.
- 米奇 - 拉塞尔 宝贝
- Mitch! - Russell, babe.
- 米奇 - 嗯哼
- Mitch. - Yes?
不
No.
你要知道 这整个过程
You have to understand, this whole thing
都让我很难受
makes me very uncomfortable.
挺好啊 你需要一些危险的尝试
Good, you need to live a little more dangerously.
我说了你别忘心里去啊
Don't take this the wrong way,
但是你真的比我坏了不止一点点
but you're a much worse person than I am.
然而你让我展现出最好的我啊
And you bring out the best in me.
一个丈夫能为他的妻子做的有很多 对吧
There's certain things out that a man wants to do for his wife, okay?
杀蜘蛛 舞锤子 买♥♥汽车
Kill spiders, hammer things, buy the family car.
没人知道我其实害怕蜘蛛 我也没有锤子
Lord knows I'm scared of spiders. I don't even think I own a hammer.
所以我一定要认真买♥♥辆车
So I have to get a good deal on this car.
但是用这种方式买♥♥
But doing it this way?
我意思是 我可能是个演员 所以我要
I mean, I guess I'm an actor, so I should be able to,
呃 踏出我的舒适圈 勇敢一点
you know, step outside my comfort zone and live a little bit.
但是我喜欢我的舒适圈
But I like my comfort zone.
这就是它为什么叫舒适圈
That's why it's called a comfort zone!
我能吃个甜甜包吗
Can I have a doughnut?
也许吧 我啥都不知道了
Maybe. I don't know anymore!
我不懂规矩
I don't know the rules.
诶 你做过的最坏的事情是什么
Okay, what's the worst thing you've ever done?
姐不能告诉你的
I can't tell you that.
好吧 那你做过的第十二坏的事情是什么
Okay, what's the 12th worst thing you've ever done?
我在跟米奇约会之前 跟他爸爸约过
Before I dated Mitch, I dated his dad.
- 真的吗 - 怎么可能
- Really? - No!