东邻西舍

The Neighborhood S02E15

Part 2 Feb. 27, 2020, 9:59 a.m.

但表达爱意一定少不了"我"
but there is one in "I love you guys."
卡尔文我正在跟你的员工交流
Calvin, I'm-I'm trying to talk to your employees.
戴夫我没有员工
Dave, I don't have employees.
这些人就像我的家人一样
These guys are basically like family.
你老婆还好吗诺姆
How's your wife, Norm?
我还没结婚
I'm not married.
可惜了因为你真的是个理想对象
Well, too bad because you're a real catch.
卡尔文今天你不能在场
Calvin, i-if this is gonna work, you can't be here.
好吧我走了行吧
Okay, all right, I'm gonna go, all right?
快讯伙计们
Quick update, guys,
我刚投票选出了本月员工之星
I just voted for Employee of the Month,
恭喜大家你们都获胜了
and congratulations, you all won!
你不是凯拉
Oh, you're not Keira.
你怎么发现的
What was your first clue?
因为我不是女的还是因为我跟你说话了
That I'm not a woman or that I'm talking to you?
告诉你我们之间的沉默即将打破
Well, for your information, that's about to change.
你终于约她出来了
Oh, you finally asked her out?
比这更好我设计了周密的计划把她引到我家
Better. I've devised an elaborate plan to lure her to my apartment,
这样我就有主场优势了然后
where I'll be on my own turf, and therefore,
约她出来就更容易说出口了
more comfortable to ask her out.
我称这个计划为"约凯拉行动"
I call it "Operation Date Keira."
我觉得更像是
Yeah, that sounds more to me like
"限制令行动"
"Operation Restraining Order."
不相信我这个计划万无一失
No, trust me, man, it's foolproof.
今早我把我的一封邮件放进了她的邮箱
This morning I put a piece of my mail in her mailbox,
这样她就不得不把信还给我
which she will feel compelled to return to me,
如果她不这么做就是犯了重罪
and if she doesn't, she's committed a felony,
我不会再追她了
and I'm not interested.
马蒂那是我听过的最白♥痴♥的主意了
Marty, that is the dumbest idea I've ever heard,
比爸爸为了开上拼车专用道
and that includes Pop's plan to buy a mannequin
打算买♥♥个人体模特的主意还白♥痴♥
so he can ride in the carpool lane.
你还会说我白♥痴♥吗
Dumb you say?
那是电梯的声音
That was the sound of the elevator,
我还听见了一串动听的脚步声
and I hear the sound of beautiful little footsteps.
她来了
And here we go.
看看吧
Yeah, would you look at that,
你要履行陪审团义务了
you got jury duty.
怎么搞了这么久
Ugh, what is taking so long?
不敢相信我要说出这句话了
I can't even believe I'm about to say this,
戴夫什么时候才来
but when is Dave gonna get here?
宝贝放轻松
Baby, relax.
你为什么这么在意戴夫的报告
Why are you so stressed out about Dave's report?
因为里面肯定全都是对我的诽谤
Because it's gonna be full of lies about me.
要是上面写我给诺姆起了个外号♥
And if it says that I called Norm a certain name,
那不是真的
I didn't do it.
大家都笑了
And everybody laughed.
宝贝种瓜得瓜
Baby, you created this situation,
你要对自己的行为负责
and now you have to deal with the consequences.
就像上次警♥察♥要你靠边停车
Like the time that cop pulled you over
因为你开车载了个人体模特
for driving with that mannequin.
要是个白人模特
Well, they wouldn't have pulled me over
他们就不会拦下我了
if the mannequin was white.
才不是呢
Oh, stop.
-你们好 -请进
- Hey, guys. - Hey, come on in.
戴夫你在店里情况怎么样
Hey, Dave. So, uh, how'd it go down at the shop?
非常顺利你对诺姆的评价一点没错
Really well, and you were right about Norm.
他怎么可能单身
How is that guy single?
好吧接下来怎么做
Okay, so how do we do this?
通常我会先解释我的方法理论
Well, I usually start by explaining my methodology
还有得出结论的分♥析♥过程
and how I arrived at my findings.
听起来不错这个就跳过吧开始讲吧
Yeah, sounds good. We're not gonna do any of that. Come on.
好吧以下是我的结论
All right, uh, well, here's what I found,
经过数轮面谈很明显你的员工
after numerous interviews, it's clear that your employees
在以下方面很有异议
have serious issues with...
诺姆是个骗子
Norm's a liar!
宝贝放轻松我们不是说好了
Okay, babe, relax. I-I thought we agreed
不管戴夫怎么说都能接受吗
that we would accept whatever Dave says, right?
很高兴你能这么想缇娜
Well, I'm-I'm glad you feel that way, Tina,
因为他们抱怨的不仅只有卡尔文
because the complaints weren't about Calvin,
还有你
they were about you.
什么
What?
你听到了缇娜
You heard the man, Tina.
那些白♥痴♥爱我
Those idiots love me.
不是吧
Seriously?
有问题的是我
I'm the problem?
卡尔文冲谁都大呼小叫的还给他们起外号♥
Calvin yells at everybody and calls them names,
他们有意见的却是我
and they blame me?
峰回路转了吧
It's funny how that works, huh?
好好好
Okay, okay, okay,
告诉我这些不知廉耻不怀好意
tell me exactly what these egg-sucking, two-bit,
狼心狗肺的混♥蛋♥们都说了些什么
no-good punks said.
令人意外的是
Well, surprise, surprise,
他们觉得你有点无礼
they find you to be a little insulting.
有意思继续
Fascinating. Go on.
总地来说
Okay, well, uh, in general,
他们觉得你不尊重他们的工作
they feel like you don't respect their work
有时候会有点不公道
and sometimes can be a little unfair.
天呐我很难受
Oh, my God. I mean, I-I feel horrible.
我绝不会
I mean, I would never--
给我看看
Give me that.
抱歉缇娜
I'm sorry, Tina.
这些谈话记录必须保密
These interviews have got to stay confidential.
我发过誓
I took an oath.
真的吗
Really?
不是正式的誓言
Well, it's not an official one,
我自己编的誓言对此我很认真
but I made up my own and I take it very seriously.
我尊重这一点戴夫
You know, I respect that, Dave.
就像我在工作中尊重我们的员工一样
Just like I respect our employees at work.
你特别幸灾乐祸是吧
You are just loving this, aren't you?
别这样缇娜重点不在于我
Well-well, come on, Tina. This isn't about me.
重点在于修车店还有你在店里有多刻薄
This is about the shop. And how mean you are there.
好了现在最好的办法
Okay, look, the best thing to do at this point
就是咱们三个和你们的机修工坐下来
is for me to sit down with the two of you and your mechanics
讨论一下缇娜可以做出哪些调整
and figure out some adjustments that Tina can make.
太荒唐了
This is unbelievable!
宝贝不开玩笑了
Look, come on, babe, all joking aside,
我们不能再失去机修工了
we cannot afford to lose any more mechanics.
所以为了我们的店你必须这么做
So for the good of the shop, you got to do this.
你说得对宝贝你说得对
You're right, baby. You're right.
如果是为了我们的店
If it's for the good of the shop--
给我
Give me that!
我发过誓
I took an oath!
伙计你怎么来了
What's up, man? What you doing here?
我来拿点东西
Oh, I just came to get some supplies
为约凯拉行动的下一阶段做准备
for the next phase of Operation Date Keira.
马蒂我说过了
Come on, Marty. I told you
你把事情搞得太复杂了
you are making this way too complicated.
我听到你说的了
No, I heard what you said,
所以这次的方法简单多了
which is why I made this one way more simple.
我只需要一个网球拍和一只冻火鸡
All I need is a tennis racket and a frozen turkey.
你应该明白如果你继续透露计划
You do realize if I hear any more,
我将不得不作证指控你
I will have to testify against you.
好吧我知道我有点莫名其妙
Okay, I... I know I'm being a little crazy,
但我和你不同马尔科姆
but I'm-I'm not like you, Malcolm.
你能跟女孩侃侃而谈
You could talk to girls about anything.
我只有两个话题科学和科幻
I got two subjects: science and science fiction.
马蒂你只是在找借口
Marty, you're just making excuses, man.
而且这些荒谬的计划只是权宜之计
A-And all these ridiculous plans are just half measures.
如果你真想和这姑娘约会
If you really want to go out with this girl,
你必须一鼓作气直接问她
you just have to go all the way and ask her out.