室内奇兵（2016）

The Great Indoors S01E02

Part 2 Aug. 6, 2020, 5:46 p.m.

你记得我们共同的朋友格伦·马克曼努斯吗
You remember our mutual friend, Glen MacManus?
他刚被杀了
He was just killed.
不
Oh, no.
他才21岁[年]
He was only 21.
格伦·马克曼努斯 21年苏格兰威士忌
敬格伦
To Glen!
敬格伦
To Glen!
他真是口感顺滑的混♥蛋♥
He was one smooth son of a bitch.
我看到你被团团转住
I saw you were surrounded
想你可能需要帮助
and might be in need of help.
这些孩子什么毛病
Yeah, what is it with these kids?
他们觉得最隐私的事是大家的事
They think their most private things are everybody's business.
上周梅森直播了爱玛的疑似怀孕惊吓事件
Last week, Mason live-tweeted Emma's pregnancy scare.
是啊
Yes.
那个罗马尼亚DJ躲过了一劫
That Romanian DJ certainly dodged a bullet.
现在他们想众包我的约会生活
Now they want to crowd-source my dating life.
杰克这是艰难的转变
Oh, Jack, it's a tough transition.
我以前出门在外时约会可容易了
When I was out in the field, dating was easy as rain.
当我回来后俱乐部里吵死人
Then when I returned, the clubs were loud,
女人来去如风
the women were fast,
可♥卡♥因♥的劲出奇的弱
the cocaine was surprisingly weak.
我担心
I worried.
我担心我可能已经脱节了
I worried that I, I might be out of touch.
你觉得我脱节了吗
Do you think I'm out of touch?
杰克这类问题的答案
Jack, that's one of those questions
永远是"对"
to which the answer is always "Yes."
但是振作起来
But chin up!
你在约会上不需要年轻同事的帮助
You don't need our young colleagues' help with dating.
当我在人生低谷时我记得
When I was at my lowest point, I remembered
我有一个永恒的优点
that I had something timeless,
会永远令我吸引人
which would always make me attractive.
那就是钱
And that was money.
很多钱
Lots of it.
罗兰我没有很多钱
Roland, I don't have lots of money.
这意味着这个故事的寓意是
No, but that means the moral of the story is,
你应该让年轻同事们帮你
you should ask our young colleagues for help.
好吧
Okay.
如果我请你们帮我
If I did ask for your help...
你们能保证表现正常点吗
would you promise to be normal about it?
我们已经先行动了肯定不会正常
We're one step ahead of you, and absolutely not!
爱玛重新
Emma has completely
构思了你的简介
re-imagined your bio.
我已经开始后悔了
I already regret this.
地球每小时旋转一千英里
The world spins at a thousand miles an hour.
你的人生路走得更快
Yet life moves even faster.
难道我们不渴望一段绝对的简单吗
Don't we ache for a time of utter simplicity?
谁是杰克·戈登
Who is Jack Gordon?
我来告诉你
I'll tell you.
杰克
Jack.
1米93
Six foot four.
一百分的表情符号♥
"100" Emoji.
就这样吗
That's it?
那个黑人小孩为什么要拿着一根羽毛
Why was the black kid holding a feather?
梅森把你的照片修得非常好
Now, Mason has done an amazing job fixing your photos.
我的照片有什么不好
What was wrong with my photos?
真高兴你这样问
I'm so glad you asked.
我是曾经攀登过高峰的以自我为中心的混♥蛋♥
"I'm a self-centered jerk who once climbed a mountain."
不谢谢了
Uh, no, thank you.
是时候从可恨
It's time to go from hate-able...
变成可约
to dateable.
请看杰克2.0版本
Presenting Jack 2.0.
我真高兴两个夏尔巴向导死了
Oh, I'm so glad two Sherpas died
来帮我烤了一打纸杯蛋糕
to help me bake a dozen cupcakes.
那是松饼继续
They're muffins, moving on.
我们懂你有腹肌
We get it-- you got abs.
但你知道杰克2.0有什么吗
But you know what Jack 2.0 has?
朋友
Friends.
还有T恤
And a shirt.
真是疯了
This is crazy!
你把令我看起来非常优秀的元素全扔了
You're throwing away everything that makes me awesome.
你为什么要把我弄成一个
I mean, why would you make me look
人生最美好的时光已经过去了的
like some middle-aged office worker
中年办公室员工
whose best years are behind him?
对我们在想什么
Yeah, what were we thinking?
我不干了
Yeah, I'm definitely out.
太迟了上线了
Oh, too late! We're live.
你♥娘♥的♥ 我回来了
Holy crap, I'm back in.
好的我出价标她
Yeah, sure, I'll bid on her.
你不能出价标谁
You don't bid on people.
如果你喜欢谁就往右滑
If you like someone, swipe right.
不喜欢就往左滑
If you don't, swipe left.
往右滑
Swipe right.
先别急着掏枪戈登
Whoa! Holster the pistol, Gordon.
拜托我们是天生一对
Come on, we're a perfect match.
我们都喜欢在沙滩上远足爬
We both enjoy long crawls on the beach.
这个女生只有一张照片
This girl only has one photo.
显然是从网上偷的
It's obviously stolen from the Internet.
这么性感的美女为什么要从网上偷照片
Why would a girl that hot steal a photo from the Internet?
往左滑
I am swiping left.
她很漂亮
Okay, she's gorgeous.
是吗
Oh, is she?
哪一个
Which one?
中间那个
The one in the middle!
珍妮弗就希望你这样想
Yeah, that's what "Jennifer" wants you to think.
经典的特洛伊木马
Classic Trojan Horse.
永远不要相信合影
Never trust a group shot.
我熟这招
And I should know.
我全部用的是合影往左滑
It's all I use-- left!
我想我在维珍美航的里程数已经用完了
I think I've reached my quota on help from Virgin America.
我不需要美国处♥男♥的帮助
莎拉
Sarah.
她看起来不错
She looks great.
我要往右滑
I'm swiping right.
别这样做杰克
Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't do it, Jack.
危险信♥号♥♥大大的
Major red flags here.
她只有一张照片而且是合影
She has one photo, and it's a group shot.
我们配上了
We matched!
我自己去安排约会
I'll set up a date on my own.
你的培训还没有结束
Your training is not complete!
别忘了卢克急着面对黑武士时
Don't forget what happened to Luke
发生了什么事
when he rushed to face Vader.
你就是这样说服我在女人问题上
Oh, yeah, that's how you convince me
我需要你的帮助吗
that I need your help with women--
引用《星球大战》的典故
Star Wars references.
后面我自己能行
I got it from here.
现在世界不同了
It's a different world now.
我担心你会被占便宜
I'm worried you're going to get taken advantage of.
我希望我被占便宜
I hope I get taken advantage of!
至于吗
Really?
在厨房♥做俯卧撑
Push-ups in the kitchen?
他们可以夺走我的登山照和腹肌照
They can take away my mountain photos and ab shots,
但他们夺不走我约会前的充血行为
but they can't take away my pre-date pump.
说出来变味了
It's not what it sounds like.
来
Here.
坐我脚上好吗
Will you sit on my feet?
不管怎样那套"探险硬汉"的东西
Well, for what it's worth, all that "Rugged adventurer" stuff?
我不会被这样的男人吸引
It's not what makes a man attractive to me.
你从来没被探险硬汉型的人吸引过吗
Oh, you've never been attracted to the rugged adventurer type?
如果你是说公♥司♥拓展那次
If you are referring to the company retreat,
只有一晚而且会那样
that was one night, and it only happened
只是因为喝不光的莫吉托鸡尾酒
because of the bottomless mojitos.