室内奇兵（2016）
The Great Indoors
第一季
剧集 | 室内奇兵（2016） | 导航列表
室内奇兵（2016）
The Great Indoors S01E02
Part 1
Aug. 6, 2020, 5:46 p.m.
要我把啤酒递给你们
You want me to hand you these beers,
还是发短♥信♥给你们
or should I just text them?
我们没发短♥信♥ 我们在滑动屏幕
We're not texting, we're swiping.
为了配对
For matches.
约会APP
On a dating app.
如果我告诉你们有一款约会APP
What if I told you there was a dating app
可以让你们现在就见到真人呢
that would allow you to meet actual human beings right now?
知道这款APP叫什么吗
You know what it's called?
酒吧
A bar.
恶心 安卓系统适用的吗
Ew, is that for Android?
是人适用的 你们现在就在酒吧里
It's for people-- you're in one right now.
你走到别人面前 开始说话
You walk up to someone, you talk,
如果彼此喜欢 那你已经在约会了
and if you like each other, you're already on a date.
你就这样在陌生人和她们的朋友们
So you just walk up to some stranger
一起出来玩时 走到她们面前吗
while they're out with their friends?
好恐怖
Creepy.
这个人给我发了消息
Ooh, that guy messaged me.
咋样
"What's up?"
他真好
Wow, he's good.
这还真是...
Well, this has been...
差劲
Bad.
很差劲
It's been bad.
你看起来不舒服
You look sick to your stomach.
我跟你说了不要吃这里的东西
I told you never to eat the food in here!
不是
No.
是流行文化粉和他们愚蠢的约会APP
It's the A.V. Club and their stupid dating apps.
老人家又一次对高科技的固执拒绝
Ah, another stubborn rejection of technology
这位老人家曾说 3G的G太多了
from the old man who once said, "3G is already plenty of G."
本来就是的
It is.
杰克 你回到城市时
You know, Jack, the game has changed
游戏规则已经变了
since you moved back into the city.
约会APP现在是绝对主流
Dating apps are totally mainstream now.
是真的
Yeah, it's true.
我就是这样认识保罗的
It's actually how I met Paul.
是吗
Oh, really?
是什么APP
What was the app,
卡其裤碰到羊毛衫吗
Khaki Meets Cardigan?
开玩笑的 我还有梗
I'm kidding, I got another one.
是什么APP 照片拼图吗[乏味]
Oh, what was the app, Blander?
相信我
Trust me.
以前你在酒吧认识的女人
All the women you used to meet in bars?
现在都在这里了
They're on here now.
我不需要靠APP争取到约会
Look, I don't need an app to get a date.
我在七大洲的表现一直不错
I've done fine on my own on all seven continents
还包括一次潜水艇之旅
and on one submarine voyage,
我差点就是"海底炮俱乐部"的成员了
where I almost joined the mile-deep club.
但那时候
Yeah, but that was back
你还是炙手可热的探险记者
when you were a big-shot adventure reporter.
你现在不是了
Which you're not anymore.
恕我失陪 我让你看看我有多优秀
If you'll excuse me, I shall now show you how fine I am.
撩机
Wingman?
来了
I'm on it.
不好意思 你是杰克·戈登吗
Excuse me, are you Jack Gordon?
在麦金莱雪崩中幸存下来的人
The man who survived the McKinley avalanche?
你肯定经常听到这样的话
You must get this a lot,
但你是男子汉的模范
but you are the paragon of masculinity.
真是尴尬
So embarrassing.
但很有代表性
But typical.
你好 我是杰克·戈登
Hi, I'm Jack Gordon.
我请你喝酒好吗
Can I buy you a drink?
老天 我很乐意
Oh, my gosh, I'd love that,
但我已经约了人了
but I'm actually, I'm meeting someone.
我们一小时前对上的
We just matched an hour ago.
他来了
Oh, there he is!
克拉克
Clark!
杰克
Jack!
你去卡座好吗
Would you mind hitting a booth?
你现在有点坏我好事
You're kind of Clark-blocking me right now.
太遗憾了 杰克
Oh, I'm sorry, Jack.
我不遗憾
I'm not.
如果约会APP可以让他这样的男人
If dating apps can help a guy like him
泡上这样的女人
get a girl like her,
那我这样的男人
then a man like me could get...
说不定连美人鱼都能泡到
I don't know, a mermaid!
室内奇兵 第一季第二集
早 艾丝特 你好吗
Morning, Esther, how are you?
我男友的男友和我们一起住
Ugh, my boyfriend's boyfriend's staying with us,
所以整个家里一股意面味
so the whole place smells like spaghetti.
好的 谢谢
Okay, thank you!
我今早看到你的约会个人简介后真想死
I died when I found your dating profile this morning.
看我
Look at me.
我都快崩溃了
I'm freaking out.
好吧
Okay, yeah.
我用了一个愚蠢的约会APP
I joined one of those stupid dating apps.
能有多难
But how hard could it be?
我用过送餐APP
I mean, I've used UberEats.
你按个按钮
You push a button,
玉米煎饼就送到你家
and then a burrito shows up at your apartment.
我不敢苟同 杰克
I don't know, Jack.
没你想的那么简单
It's not as easy as you think.
凭这模样肯定简单
It is when you look like that.
在满是绵羊[胆小鬼]的世界中 这匹孤狼有勇气走在云端
这样的照片肯定不行
Not when your profile looks like this.
杰克 这太可怕了
Jack, this is terrible.
你为什么讨厌衣服
What do you have against shirts?
V领是你的杀父仇人吗
Did a V-neck kill your parents?
不如我们来帮你写简介
Why don't we help you with your profile?
找些新照片 润色下自我介绍
We can find new pics, punch up your bio,
让你看起来不这么
make you look a little less...
-棒吗 -傻♥逼♥
- Awesome? - ?Douchey.
绝对不行
Oh, hard no.
约会不是团体活动
Dating is not a group activity.
这里不是犹他州
This isn't Utah.
杰克
Jack.
你需要我们
You need us.
在这方面你是新手
Because you're new at this.
因为你在生活中是老人家
Because you're old at life.
是的
Yeah.
我们都很擅长
And we're all good at this.
对
Right.
我打赌你是真正的
I bet you're a real...
有女人缘的人
ladies' man?
有时候
Sometimes.
好的
All right, all right.
大家的信息都是克拉克写的
Clark writes everyone's messages.
他在争取约会方面可厉害了
He's incredible at getting dates.
是吗 昨晚酒吧的女生后来怎么样
Really? How did it go with the girl from the bar last night?
这样说吧 良宵终止在"三垒"
Well, let's just say the night ended at Third Base.
不 "三垒"是芝加哥小熊队酒吧
Oh, no, Third Base is a Chicago Cubs bar.
我们喝了杯酒 我被花生噎着了
We got one drink and I choked on a peanut.
所以她离开了 我去了"干了干"
So she left, and I went to Jerk It.
瑞格利球场旁的牛肉干吧
It's a beef jerky bar by Wrigley Field.
然后我自己干了干
Then I masturbated.
克拉克发短♥信♥特别在行 但一见真人就完蛋
Yeah, Clark's great over text, but tends to blow it in person.
没错
It's true.
你们曾经在约会时喊女孩"妈"吗
You ever call a girl "Mom" on a date?
效果不好
Not good.
杰克 你的简介需要帮助
Yeah, Jack, your profile needs help,
你怎么说
so what do you say?
杰克
Um, Jack...
跟我来 我有个可怕的消息
Come with me, I have some horrible news.
室内奇兵（2016）
The Great Indoors
剧集 | 室内奇兵（2016） | 导航列表