室内奇兵（2016）

The Great Indoors S01E10

Part 2 Aug. 6, 2020, 5:48 p.m.

Attention!
是时候让罗兰用他惨绝人寰的故事
It's now time for Roland to regale us
来娱乐大家
with his harrowing tale.
准备好了接下来的停顿比无痛分娩课上的还多
Get ready for more pregnant pauses than a Lamaze class.
妈呀有钱人吐槽都这么彬彬有礼
Man, when rich dudes throw shade, it's so polite.
我以为他们会斗猎鹰或是举办饥饿游戏呢
I thought they fought with falcons or held a hunger game.
首先我想说
Firstly, may I say
我真高兴马瑟·威尔科克斯可以和我们一起
how thrilled I am that Mather Wilcox could be with us.
自他最后一次登山后
Since his last climb,
他一直在对抗最可怕的疾病
he's been dealing with the most terrible ailment:
静止的怨夫相
Resting Bitch Face.
于是阿图罗和我开始攀登
And so Arturo and I began our ascent,
我们眼中充满希望心里充满勇气
our eyes filled with hope, our hearts full of courage,
阿图罗的包里放满了腐臭的凤尾鱼
and Arturo's pack full of rancid anchovies--
我承认对这个恶作剧我考虑得不够仔细
a prank I admit I didn't fully think through.
暴风雪过去了
The storm passed,
云雾分开迷人的山顶露了出来
the clouds parted to reveal that bewitching summit.
那一刻是我这辈子最性奋的时刻
In that moment, I was the horniest I'd ever been.
最后一次挥舞冰镐
We gave one last swing of the ice axe,
终于征服了这一宏伟的婊♥子♥
finally conquering that majestic whore.
我们拿了阿图罗的相机
We grabbed Arturo's camera
做了所有人会做的事拍了两张自♥拍♥
and did what anyone would do: we took two selfies.
一张正经的一张模仿霹雳娇娃
One serious, and one like those girls on Charlie's Angels.
我在山顶上抱着阿图罗命令他活下去
I held Arturo atop the peak and commanded him to live!
他对我微笑
He smiled up at me
说救你自己罗兰先生
and said, save yourself, Senor Rolando.
让我死在这里让我成为这伟大山峰的一部分
Let me die here and become a part of this glorious mountain?
阿图罗用受伤的胳膊
Arturo cradled his smashed leg
抱住他受伤的腿
with his equally shattered arm
说告诉卡门我爱她
and said, tell Carmen I love her.
然后告诉我老婆我爱卡门
And then tell my wife I love Carmen.
然后他在我怀里与世长辞了
And then he expired in my arms.
杰克说得对
Jack was right.
这些家伙太厉害了
These dudes were badasses.
种族歧视也是真的
Also right about the racism.
我被使唤倒酒三次了
I've been asked to refill drinks three times.
-克拉克你还好吗 -不好
- Clark, you okay? - No.
我永远不会有这样的经历
I'm never going to have an experience like that
荣登墙面
to earn my place on the wall.
我做过的最勇敢的事就是摸邻居的鸟
The bravest thing I've ever done was touch my neighbor's bird.
感谢大家非常感谢
Thank you, thank you all so very much.
还有问题吗
Are there any... any questions?
我有个问题
I have a question.
你有听说两个登山家
Have you heard about the two mountaineers
找到了阿图罗的尸体吗
that just found Arturo's body?
如果你是想说什么没品味的笑话
If that's a set-up for a tasteless joke,
那么时机太不合适了
it's very poorly timed.
不不是笑话
No, it's no joke.
我们说话的时候他的包正被送到我的办公室
His backpack is en route to my office as we speak.
你能否跟我解释下
So, can you explain to me
为什么他的尸体在山顶一千英尺下的营地
why his body was found at the camp 1,000 feet below the peak?
不说实话
No, no, tell the truth.
你们两个真的登上了那宏伟婊♥子♥的顶点吗
Did you two actually summit that majestic whore?
是有原因的是这样
There's more to the story than that, you see.
阿图罗没有死在山顶上
No, Arturo didn't die on the peak...
所以你的确说谎了
So, you did lie!
先生们
Gentlemen...
帕特里夏和玛丽
And Patricia and Marie...
作为主席我必须把罗兰·赫克斯利
As president, I must suspend Roland Huxley
从探险协会中开除
from the Adventure Society.
现在
Now...
现在我们去地下室
let's go to the cellar
看斗大蜥蜴
for iguana fights.
我担心我爸
I'm so worried about my dad.
他的探险家的名声就是建立在
I mean, he built his reputation as an explorer
攀登托雷峰基础上的
on climbing Cerro Torre.
对那故事改变了我的人生
Yeah, that story changed my life.
没有这个我可能在汽车保养店
Without it, I'd probably be some assistant manager
做经理助理滚数不清的床单
at a Jiffy Lube having tons of sex.
咋样啊小婊砸们
What's up, bitches?
没错布里安娜让我心烦然后我意识到
Sure, I was bummed about Briana, but then I realized
我不是老到了26岁我是风华正茂的26岁
I'm not 26 years old, I'm 26 years young.
人生至少还有三四年好日子呢
I've got at least three or four good years left in me.
典型的25岁后危机
Classic quarter-life crisis.
我依然很有影响力
I'm still hella influential.
看着
Watch.
克拉克百吉饼早过时了
Clark, bagels are out.
布里安娜说的吗
Did Briana say that?
不是
No!
我说的
I did.
我的天爸你看起来...
Oh, my God, Dad, you look like...
杰克这个你拿手
Jack, this is your wheelhouse.
你看起来像丘吉尔和尼克·诺尔蒂的
Yeah, you look like Winston Churchill had sex
大头照做♥爱♥了
with Nick Nolte's mugshot.
如果有人找我不会找的
If anybody wants me, which they won't,
我在埃德华的酒吧享用失败
I'll be down at Edward's, dining on failure
和一大盘土豆皮
and fully loaded potato skins.
-罗兰我们得谈谈 -不杰克
- Roland, we have to talk. - No, Jack.
我知道你要说什么
I know what you're going to say.
但你不必出于对你导师的忠诚
But you don't have to quit the Adventure Society
从探险协会中退出
out of loyalty to your mentor.
什么不我没打算...
What? No, I wasn't...
你不必
You don't have to.
-不我没打算 -不你不必
- No, I wasn't... - No, y-you don't have to.
无论你的荣誉感是怎么说的你不必
Whatever your sense of honor tells you, you don't have to.
-我刚成为正式的... -不求你了
- Well, I just became an official... - No, no, please!
求你了我不允许
Please, I won't allow it.
无视应该做的正确的事
Just ignore the right thing to do.
我赦免你
I absolve you.
我没打算...
I wasn't going to..
你真的不必
No, you really don't have to!
你点了两杯威士忌
You ordered two scotches.
是的
Yes.
一杯我喝
One for me,
一杯过去的我喝
and one for the man I used to be.
哪个你付钱
And which of them is paying for these?
都不付
Neither.
埃德华我觉得好像
You know, Edward, I feel as if
现代世界终于让我滚蛋了
the modern world is finally showing me the door.
对
Yeah.
那些该死的孩子
These damn kids.
我年轻那阵只有一种粑粑表情符号♥
In my day, we only had one poop emoji
该死的有这个就足够了
and, damn it, that's all we needed.
瞧瞧
Wow, look at this.
《户外极限》的全体员工
The whole Outdoor Limits crew
大白天的出现在我的酒吧
in my bar in the middle of the day.
今天恰好是某人
And it just so happens to be
特别的生日
somebody special's birthday today.
一点也不可疑
Not suspicious at all.
我们是来找罗兰的
We're actually here to see Roland.
对好的
Oh, right. Okay.
我配合一起演
I'll play along.
我有些家务事要处理
Well, I'm going to go run a couple errands.
对某些不准备办一个超赞惊喜派对的人来说
Plenty of time for someone who isn't trying to set up
时间太充裕了
a kick-ass surprise party.
你们这些家伙
Oh, you guys.
爸我不想看到你这样
Dad, I hate to see you like this.
拜托肯定还有隐情
Come on, there's must be more to the story.
罗兰我知道你不会说谎
Roland, I know you're not a liar.
你是酒量好的酒鬼这是肯定的但你不会说谎
A high-functioning alcoholic, absolutely, but not a liar.
我不能告诉探险家们到底发生了什么事