前夫总动员（2011）

无良司机们都知道 有Lutz哥罩着他们
Irresponsible drivers know they have a friend in Lutz.
伙计们 你们有没有
Oh, hey, guys. Do you have, um,
红酒 开或没开的都成
a bottle of wine that may or may not get opened
还有蜡烛 点没点过都成
and some candles that may or may not get lit?
有约会吗
You have a date?
或许有或许没
I may or may not.
你这没约会"没"得够长的
Well, that's one "May" closer than last weekend.
是吗 Haskell
Really, Haskell?
确定要比
You wanna go one-on-one
咱俩谁的社交生活更糟糕吗
over who has the worst social life?
不了 美女
No, ma'am.
给你
Here you go.
昨晚在任娜罗餐馆吃得怎么样
So how was the last night at Renauro's?
有点超出预期之外
Uh, not quite as expected.
Phil碰到前妻了
Phil ran into his ex-wife,
得知她明天就要结婚了
found out she's getting married tomorrow.
Kerry吗 老天 他还好吧
Kerry? Oh, my God. How is he taking it?
*老子彻底解脱了*
*I don't got to pay no more*
坚强孩子 他没事的
He's strong. He'll pull through.
*哥们儿彻底解脱了*
*You don't got to pay no more*
我要用这歌♥当铃♥声♥
I'm making that my ringtone.
Phillip
再来一勺鱼子酱
I seem to have spooned my way
你就完全让我把自己宠坏了 来吧亲
through another tin of caviar. Hit me.
麻烦给我哥们再来点鱼子酱
Uh, excuse me. More beluga for my buddy.
再给个大勺 谢谢
And the larger spoons, please.
用这小勺 手都累了
Uh, this little thing is making my arm tired.
其实我不介意给赡养费
You know, I actually don't mind paying alimony.
我们共享结婚期间累积的公共资产
I mean, it's only fair that we share equally
这才叫公平嘛
in the communal assets that were accrued during the marriage.
听见没 扼杀派对之音
You hear that? That's the sound of a party dying.
好吧 Phil
All right, so, Phil...
你打算怎么处置那些钱呢 投资吗
What are you gonna do with all the extra money, huh? Invest it?
当然 我打算投资到机车上
Oh, absolutely. I'm gonna invest it in that motorcycle!
一触 即买♥♥
Boop! Bought it.
知道为啥吗 因为
You wanna know why? 'Cause...
*老子彻底解脱了*
*I don't got to pay no more*
那是Ted医生 Kerry的未婚夫
That's Dr. Ted, the guy Kerry's marrying.
- 电视里那个心理医生吗 - 对
- The TV shrink? - Yep.
他就是我的"解脱"啊
He's the reason I don't gotta pay no more.
你猜怎么着 我要去给他买♥♥杯喝的
You know what I'ma do? I'm gonna go buy him a drink.
打扰下
Excuse me.
你是电视里那个 Ted医生吗
Are you Dr. Ted, the TV shrink?
婚姻治疗师
Marital therapist.
- 有什么能帮到你 - 已经帮到了
- Can I help you? - You already have.
我想想 你肯定看了我的节目
Let me guess. You, uh, you've seen my show,
我改变了你的一生
I changed your life.
那可不嘛
You have no idea!
我爱死你了 给你介绍下我自己吧
I love you! Let me introduce myself to you.
我就 想 说说...
I just... Wanna...Talk...
我懂的 见到大牌
oh, I-I know. It can be overwhelming
是会有点不知所措 但我跟你们都一样
meeting a celebrity, but I'm no different from you.
就多点名气罢了
Just a little bit more famous.
好 给你签个名吧
All right, here you go.
- 不 不用的... - 没事 没事
- Oh, no, you don't have to... - No, no, it's okay.
好吧
Okay.
祝君好运
Best of luck to you.
快点 Holly
Hurry up, Holly!
Paul估计马上就到了
Paul's gonna be here any second!
要穿什么都快纠结死我了
I had such a hard time trying to figure out what to wear,
但我终于还是选了套
but I think I picked out something
能管两用的
that works both ways, okay?
同事用
Co-worker.
约会用
Date.
同事用
Co-worker.
约会用
Date.
好吧 朕允了
I think I just got the green light.
好嘛 真心烦躁好么
All right. This is serious, though.
事情太多 理不清
I mean, there's a lot at stake here.
我跟他共事 总猜不透他
I-I work with this guy. He's impossible to read.
我怎么知道他会不会有下一步动作
How will I even know if he's gonna make a move?
Holly 简单着呢
Holly, it's very easy, okay?
你们先开始工作
You guys are gonna start working,
突然间 气氛就会变的
and suddenly, you know, the mood will just change, okay?
他会说好热 可能会脱掉外套
He'll say it's warm, probably wanna take off his jacket,
或许会走向沙发
maybe make a move to the couch.
然后就自然而然滚床单了
Next thing you know, bing bang boom.
若你够幸运 还会再滚一次
And if you're lucky, boom again.
好戏来了
You're on.
我能行 你撤吧
I can do this. You can go.
不 不行 别走
No, I can't. Stay.
你不走怎么滚床单 走吧
But how else will I know? Go.
要万一都是我自己YY怎么办 别走
But what if it's all in my head? Stay.
你好 Holly
Hi, Holly.
你好 Paul 进来吧
Hi, Paul. Come on in.
谢谢
Thanks.
闪吧你
Go.
我去取新机车啦
On my way to pick up my new bike!
等会 Kerry怎么办
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What about Kerry?
你不打算告诉她 未婚夫偷♥情♥的事吗
Aren't you gonna tell her that her fiance is cheating on her?
她终究会发现的
Well, she'll find out eventually.
等她发现后 跟他聊丈夫撒谎偷♥情♥这事
And when she does, who better to talk to her
最好的人选 莫过于Ted医生了
about her lying, cheating husband than Dr. Ted,
婚姻治疗师啊
marital therapist?
所以就为了省掉赡养费
So you're gonna let her marry this jerk
你打算听任她嫁给这混球了
just so you can stop paying alimony?
我除了听到"别付赡养费了" 其他都是废话
All I heard was, "Blah blah blah, stop paying alimony."
得了 Phil 别
Come on, Phil. Come on.
当你每次发动那辆机车时
Don't you realize every time you start that motorcycle,
难道你不会想"是我把自己的快乐
all you're gonna be thinking is, "I put my selfish pleasure
自私地建立在了Kerry的痛苦上"吗
in front of Kerry's happiness"?
我是这么想了下
You know, that had occurred to me,
但穿上这件皮夹克之后 瞬间忘却
but then I put on this nice leather jacket.
看看
Check me out.
我是黑人版Fonz
I'm the black Fonz!
Phil
我靠了
Damn it!
不
No!
不许去
You can't!
Haskell 我以为
Wow. Haskell, I didn't think
你只有在着火时 才会跑那么快
you'd be able to move that fast if you were on fire!
不许你这么做
You can't do this!
这不只会影响到你一个人
You're not the only one it affects.
对于你那笔钱
We all had dreams
我们都YY过要怎么花的
of what we would do with your money.
我打算在洪都拉斯买♥♥栋海滨小屋
I was gonna buy a beach hut in Honduras,
娶个叫Esperanza的当地媳妇
marry a local woman named Esperanza,
然后一起抚养我们的孩子 名字叫Titino
and together we would raise our little boy, Titino,
他会以为游客跳舞谋生
who would make money dancing for the tourists.
你烧坏脑子了吧
Do you have a fever?
所以Radnitz先生合并公♥司♥
So Mr. Radnitz only incorporated to keep
其实是为独吞他们的婚姻财产
the marital assets away from his wife?
对 藏在一个开曼群岛的小账户里
Yep. Kept them tucked away in a small bank account
在他情妇的名下
in the Cayman Islands under his mistress' name.
Holly 很高兴我们能共事
Holly, I'm glad we're working together.
- 合作很棒 - 多棒
- We make a good team. - How good?
棒到可以休息会儿了
Good enough to deserve a little break.
我的背 有点不舒服
You know, my... my back is acting up.
介意去沙发谈吗
Do you mind if we move to the couch?
可以这么安排
I think that could be arranged.
是我的缘故 还是这里真有点热了
Is it just me, or is it a little warm in here?