前夫总动员（2011）

她这儿是在闹饥荒吗
What's the snack situation like?
无碳水化合物 无糖 无谷蛋白
- Carb-free, sugar-free and gluten-free!
她的食物根本称不上是食物
Her food's got no food!
伙计们 别这样
Guys, come on.
我们不需要零食或是电视
We don't need snacks or tv, okay?
咱们就在一起聊聊天不行吗
Why don't we just hang out a little?
谈论一下我们的生活
Talk about our lives, hmm?
我先说
I'll go first.
- 视频阿凡达 - 你真是救星啊
- Streaming avatar! - Thank you!
拿稳点儿 我看不见屏幕
Hold your hands steady. I can't see the screen.
那你就让开点儿
Then--then shove over.
你的大拇指挡住屏幕了 别这样
Your thumbs are covering the sc--come on, man.
是啊
Y-yeah.
面对现实吧 电影之夜是不可能了
Let's face it. Movie night's not happening.
- 我要睡觉了 - 是啊 我也是
I'm gonna go to bed. - Yeah, me too.
是啊 我也是
Yeah, me too.
等一下 三个人 一个卧室
Hold on, three guys, one bedroom.
睡觉也不可能了
That's not happening either.
我是说 我们有什么选择
Well, I mean, what are our choices?
床 沙发 地板
Bed, couch, floor.
肯定有公平的方法让咱们选择
Well, there must be some fair way to do this.
是啊 一定有
Yeah, there must be.
我要睡卧室
I'm gonna go sleep on it.
那家伙是个小羚羊
The guy is a gazelle.
是的 他是
Yes, he is.
看来这事就这样儿了 是吧
So that's how it's gonna go down, huh?
好吧
Fine.
但你知道他们都怎么说睡在地板上的人吗
But you know what they say about the man who sleeps on the floor.
他没什么可失去的
He has nothing to lose.
什么都没有
Nothing!
都收拾好了啊
All right, all freshened up?
来喝一杯吧
How about a glass of wine?
你和红酒有什么仇吗
What's with you and wine?
酗酒是是你婚后才应该干的事
The time for heavy drinking is after you're married.
- 妈妈 咱们得谈谈 - 是的 咱们得谈谈
- Mom, we need to talk. - Yes, we do.
咱们得谈谈你的婚礼计划 准备得怎样了
We need to talk about your wedding plans; so where are you?
关于婚礼 事实是
About the wedding, um, the truth of the matter is--
你还没有制定任何计划 是吧
You haven't made any plans, have you?
是的 我没有 原因是
No, I haven't, and the reason for that--
亲爱的 你不用跟我解释
Honey, you don't have to explain it to me.
你很忙 你有事业
You're busy. You have your career.
哦 不是 实际情况比那个更复杂一些
Uh, no, it's a little more complicated than that.
当然是了
Of course it is.
你得准备请柬 定日子 定饭店 挑婚纱
There are invitations, a date, a place, a dress.
压力太大了
It's overwhelming.
而且我还没帮你
And I haven't been there for you.
哦 不 不 没事儿
Oh, no, no, that's okay.
不 事儿大了
No, it's not.
我帮过你姐姐Jill
Your sister Jill had my help,
现在我也要帮你
And that's exactly what you're going to get.
你知道吗
You know what?
什么时候你的婚礼计划
I'm not leaving here until we have
完全定下来了 我再走
Your entire wedding completely planned.
早啊 宝贝儿
Morning, baby.
宝贝儿
Baby?
早上好 甜姐儿
Good morning, funnyface.
哦 Haskell 你在我床上干什么呢
Oh, Haskell, what the hell are you doing in my bed?
别紧张 漂亮男孩
Take it easy, pretty boy.
我睡地板睡的腰好疼
The--the floor was killing my back.
总之 我可一点儿都没越界
Anyway, I stayed on my side of the fence.
而你 我必须把你打回去才行
You, on the other hand, had to be slapped back several times.
哦 嘿 Eden
Oh, hey, Eden.
我应该问问Holly好么 还是昨晚怎么样
So...Should I ask how is Holly or how was holly?
不是你想的那样
It's not what you think.
我是认真的 Haskell 离我的床远点儿
I mean it, Haskell, stay out of my bed!
好吧 情况有点不对劲儿
Okay, something freaky is going on here.
我想知道我为什么没被邀请
And I'd like to know why I wasn't invited.
额 Holly的妈妈突然来了
Uh, it just uh--Holly's mother showed up unexpectedly,
我们得交换房♥间
So we had to swap apartments
直到她告诉她妈妈她的订婚已经取消了
Until she tells her she's no longer engaged.
哇哦 不管我们多大岁数了
Wow. No matter how old we get,
我们还是想让妈妈们开心
We still want to please our mothers.
我永远都是我妈妈的小女孩
I'm always gonna be my mom's little girl.
尽管我确实很喜欢凡事都赢过她
Even though I do like, tower over her.
大家早上好啊
Good morning, everyone.
我不知道你们都喜欢吃什么样的早餐
I didn't know what kind of breakfast treats you all like,
我就一样都来了点儿
So I just got an assortment.
- 哦 想的真周到 - 是啊
- Oh, that was very thoughtful. - Yeah!
- 别 别 别吃那些 - 什么 为什么
- No, no, don't eat those! - What? Why not?
那是她的坏消息篮子
It's her bad news basket.
她要求我新年夜加班的时候
Okay, she gave me one just like it
她送了我一个一模一样的
When she asked me to work new year's.
吃一口 她就搞定你了
Take one bite, and you're her bitch.
我已经吃了一口了
I already took a bite.
听着 别听她的 吃光好吗
Look, don't listen to her. Eat up, all right?
来口 吃个煎饼 非常好吃
I mean have a scon-- try a crumpet, those are yummy!
等一下
Wait a minute!
你没告诉你妈妈
You didn't tell your mother. -
现在我们困在这个信息闭塞的荒岛上了
Now we're stuck in the land technology forgot.
我试过了
I tried.
我本来要说的 但是她不肯喝酒
I was ready to, and then she wouldn't take the wine.
她不肯喝酒
She wouldn't take the wine!
她说她会一直呆到
She told me she was gonna stay
帮我筹备完婚礼为止
And help me plan my entire wedding.
她还说她为我感到骄傲
And then she told me she was proud of me.
- 然后我 - 你就崩溃了
And then I-- - you just crumbled.
稀里哗啦的
Big time.
她总是说我姐姐Jill
All she ever talks about is my sister Jill
她的生活有多完美
And how perfect her life is
她的婚姻有多完美
And how perfect her marriage is and...
头一次 我不再是周六晚上独自在家
for once, I wasn't the pathetic loser
等着助理来送文件
Sitting at home alone on a Saturday night
这样就能用工作麻痹自己的
Waiting for her assistant to bring over files
可怜的衰人了
So she could bury herself in work.
我应该把这些文件放在哪儿
Where should I put these files?
但是 听着
But listen, you guys.
我保证 午饭时我一定告诉她
I promise, I'm gonna tell her today at lunch.
好吧 你最好这么做
Okay, you better.
因为我不想再和这个梦游者一起睡了
'cause I'm not sleeping here with the night crawler.
哦 梦游者 哈
Oh, the night crawler, huh?
我本来不想说的 但是
Well, I was going to let it go, but...
你舔了我的耳朵
You licked my ear.
很痒
It tickled.
我们来这儿干嘛
What are we doing here?
我以为我们要去吃午饭
I thought we were going out to lunch.
我一分钟都不能多等了
I couldn't wait another minute.
从你还是个小女孩的时候
I've dreamt about seeing you in your bridal gown
我就一直梦想着你能穿上新娘礼服
Ever since you were a little girl.
你从来都不是“小”女孩 但你懂的 小时候
Well, you were never really little but you know, young.
嗨 我是Colleen 你的婚礼顾问
Hi, I'm Colleen, your bridal consultant.
你和我会成为很好的朋友的
Oh, you and I are going to be very good friends.
现在套近乎还早了点儿
Well, let's not start braiding each other's hair just yet.
好吧 先试试礼服吧
Okay, time to try dresses.
哦 不是我吧
Oh, not me, right?
不 不要礼服 不 哦 我的天哪
No, no--dresses no--oh, my god.
不 妈妈 这太疯狂了 我们得谈谈
No, mom, this is so crazy--we need to talk.
我们会谈的 先试一件礼服
And we will. Just try on one dress,
然后你爱怎么谈就怎么谈
And we'll talk as much as you want.
我现在最不想做的事情
The last thing I want to do right now
就是试礼服
Is try on a wedding dress.