前夫总动员（2011）
The Exes
第三季
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前夫总动员（2011）
The Exes S03E01
Part 1
March 18, 2021, 1:34 p.m.
- 他是唐纳德·法森 - 大家好
你正准备收看的是
新一集《前夫总动员》
我们可以一起把唐纳德演的片段下载到手♥机♥
进行循环播放
你好搞笑 你好搞笑
那的确很搞笑
- 能看后面一个片段吗 - 不知道诶
嘿 斯图尔特 哥们 你还好吗?
Hey, Stuart. What's going on, buddy?
自霍莉出城后
Since Holly's out of town,
我一直帮她浇花
I'm watering her plants,
把我背部肌肉都拉伤了
and I pulled a muscle in my back.
我找泰诺的时候
I went looking for a couple of Tylenol,
在她床头柜里
and I found this handy back massager
发现了这个很好用的背部按♥摩♥器
in her bedroom nightstand.
在床头柜里找到的哈?
You found that in her nightstand, huh?
对呀 我跟你说
Yeah, and let me tell you.
这玩意太有穿透力了
This thing really penetrates.
这一刀是你来捅还是我来?
Do you want to tell him or should I?
噢 求你...让我来吧
Oh, please... let me.
什么? 跟我说什么?
What? Tell me what?
那个"背部按♥摩♥器"
Uh, that "back massager"
你现在按得正爽的那个
you're pleasuring yourself with there
其实是霍莉的"爱爱棒"
is actually Holly's love stick.
她的什么?
Her what?
是她的按♥摩♥器 二货
It's her vibrator, goober.
霍莉也用这个哈?
So Holly uses one of those, huh?
你还以为她比我们知性成熟呢
You'd think she'd be a lot more mellow.
我厌恶这些东西
I resent those things.
怎么可能有男人
I mean, how can any man compete
敌过一百二十伏的脉冲感呢?
with 120 volts of pulsating pleasure?
我们老掉牙了 先生们
We're dinosaurs, gentlemen.
老掉牙了
Dinosaurs.
我倒觉得还好
Well, I'm cool with them.
只不过助兴工具的一种
Yep, they're just another tool in the toolbox
帮我家美女达到高♥潮♥的彼岸罢了
to get my lady across the finish line.
我可不是个自私的情人
For I am not a selfish lover.
大家好才是真的好
There is no "I" in "orgasm."
在我的婚姻中
In my marriage,
卧室没我地盘
there was no "I" in the bedroom.
对我前妻而言
Well, I was the only stimulation
我是唯一让她性致勃勃之物
my ex-wife ever needed.
只有在她洗完衣服后
The only time she wasn't in the mood
才没了性致
was after doing laundry.
开着洗衣机好几小时
Running that machine for hours.
我发现她坐在上面
I'd find her in there sitting on it,
看上去面色潮红 筋疲力尽...
looking all spent and flushed and...
哦 老天 我被洗衣机打败了
Oh, my God. I was beaten out by a maytag.
我要是你 就趁霍莉还没回家
Well, if were you, I'd get that thing back
赶紧把那玩意放回她的床头柜里
in Holly's nightstand before she gets home tonight.
说得对
You're right.
有人吗? 猜猜谁回来啦
Hello? Guess who's home.
- 那... - 不不不不!
- Just... - No, no, no, no, no!
嘿 你好啊
Hey. Hi.
- 嗨 - 嗨
- Hi. - Hi, hey.
嗨
Hi.
嘿
Hey.
我们...
Well, we...
我们以为你今晚才回来
We weren't expecting you until tonight.
是啊 一年一度的
Yeah, well, the annual meeting
三州婚姻律师联会
of the tri-state association of matrimonial attorneys
可不是你以为的狂欢节
isn't exactly the mardi gras you'd think it is.
斯图尔特 谢谢你搭理房♥子
Stuart, thanks for looking after my apartment.
一切如常吧?
You find everything okay?
找? 我什么也没找到 什么也没拿
Find? Wasn't much to find. Nope.
没错 不该被找到的东西
Yeah, if... if it wasn't supposed to be found,
我绝对没找到
I didn't find it.
要是该找到的东西
If it was supposed to be found,
我绝对找到了
then I did find it,
东西没有特指
the "it" being nothing.
他哪抽了?
What's wrong with him?
他工作压力太大
He's under a lot of stress at work.
是的
Yes.
哦 你们知道我怎么解压吗?
Oh, you know what I do to take the pressure off?
知道
Yes.
- 瑜伽 - 溜直排轮
- Yoga. - Rollerblading.
普拉提
Pilates.
我直接捧罐子吃糖霜
I eat frosting right out of the can.
现在你们知道我肮脏的小秘密啦
Now you know my dirty little secret.
哦 你个下流女孩 太下流了
Oh, you so dirty, girl. You so dirty.
好嘞 等她一走
All right, look, as soon as she's gone,
我就放回去 好吧 给我那玩意
I'll put it back. Okay, come on. Give me the thingy.
给你
Here you go.
哦不 被你坐坏了
Oh, no. You broke it.
霍莉的玩意被你坐坏了
You broke Holly's thingy.
你看我♥干♥吗?
Well, what are you looking at me for?
- 他也坐了 - 别闹了 兄弟
- He sat on it too. - Get out of here, man.
我坐的是绳子 你坐的是东西
I sat on the cord. You sat on the party end.
可是...
Yeah, but...
我插上电 看看是否还能用
I'll plug it in. We'll see if it still works.
它坏掉了
Oh, it's busted.
没用的东西
Useless.
现在没法耀武扬威了吧?
Not such a hotshot now, are you?
前夫总动员 第三季第一集
- 早上好 - 早上好
- Good morning. - Good morning.
- 你在干嘛? - 称体重啊
- What you doing? - Weighing myself.
那是邮包秤吗?
Is that a postal scale?
是啊
Yeah.
我在看还需要
I'm checking to see how much more
减多少才能回到孕前体重
I need to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight.
哦 要死 还要减12
Oh, no. 12 more to go.
你怎么可能还要减十二斤?
How could you possible need to lose 12 more pounds?
我说的是盎司
I meant ounces.
你被解雇了
You're fired.
旅行愉快否?
So how was your trip?
伊登 你知道
Eden, you know what the best part is
出差十天最大的好处是什么吗?
about being away on a ten-day business trip?
送你助理惊喜礼物?
Surprising your assistant with a gift?
人之常情嘛
People do it, you know.
不 是有男友等着你回来
No, it's having a boyfriend to come home to.
今晚 我和保罗在卧室来个小别胜新欢
Tonight, Paul and and I are having a reunion in the bedroom.
因为我太想我男人了
'Cause I missed my man a lot.
想疯了
A lot.
懂姐暗示吗?
Catch me drift?
当然 眨眼怪
Yes, I do, popeye.
你干嘛说得这么隐晦?
Why do you need to use code?
就不能直说
Why can't you just say,
我很饥渴 我想跟男朋友滚床单吗?
"I'm horny, and I want to have sex with my boyfriend"?
因为我是淑女 我自认为
Because I am a lady, and I'd like to think
我比女汉纸端庄贤淑多了
I'm a little more refined than that.
可今儿保罗要出城做生意
Well, Paul had to go out of town on business.
妈蛋的!
Oh, crap on a stick!
他说到了给你电♥话♥
He said he'd call you when he gets there.
看来今晚就你和鲍勃了
So looks like tonight, it's just you and Bob.
谁是鲍勃?
Who's Bob?
你的电动男友啊
Your battery-operated boyfriend.
伊登
Eden.
没什么可害羞的啊
There is nothing to be embarrassed about.
我每种心情都有一只
I have one for every mood...
开心 淘气 工作无聊...
Happy, naughty, bored at work...
- 伊登! - 怎么了嘛
- Eden! - Come on.
别说你没有
Tell me you don't have one.
给我滚去工作 我是你老板
Get back to your desk. I am your boss.
这种谈话太不合身份了
This is a highly inappropriate conversation to be having.
某个让我又捡她胸罩 又捡她内衣
前夫总动员（2011）
The Exes
剧集 | 前夫总动员（2011） | 导航列表