婚外情事

The Affair S02E10

Part 3 Dec. 4, 2019, 10:38 a.m.

可能会再犯
you might do it again.
我差点犯了
I almost did.
你差点和露西上♥床♥了吗
You almost had sex with Lucy?
不是和露西
No, no, not with Lucy, with--
是我的公♥关♥经理伊登
with my publicist, Eden.
刮飓风的那晚
That goddamn night of the hurricane.
我们之前一直提到的
The one we've been over and over and over.
我还隐瞒了一些事
I--well, I-- I left things out.
没错
Yes.
等等你知道吗
Wait, you knew?
她缠着我好几个月了
She'd been after me for months.
我一直拒绝她
I kept turning her down,
然后新书宣传结束
and then it was the end of the book tour.
那天下着大雨
The rain was coming down sideways,
我们被困住了
and we were trapped, so I...
我准备好做了
...I was--I was ready to do it.
但你没有
But you didn't.
对
No.
你阻止了自己
You stopped yourself.
她去开房♥间我看到了这个...
She went to find us a room, and I saw these--
天啊
Oh, Jesus Christ.
你还好吗
Are you okay?
我看到两个姑娘在浴缸里
I saw these two girls in a hot tub
被唤起了性致
and I was turned on,
盯着她们看
and I was staring at them.
诺亚你知道我都听过吧
Noah, you do know I have heard it all.
那是惠特尼
It was Whitney.
是我女儿我...
It was my fucking daughter, I--
就在我新女儿降生的时候
just as my new daughter was being born.
我...
And, I, uh--
那是我最后一次见她
it's the last time I saw her.
我跑了把女儿丢在那
I ran away. I left my daughter there, and I just...
直接走了
...took off.
所以不是我阻止的自己
So, you see, I didn't stop myself.
我没有
I wouldn't have done.
因为我他妈是个变♥态♥的恶人
Because I am a terrible, terrible, fucking sick, bad guy.
妈的
Oh, fuck.
你认为这是你没给艾莉森
So do you think this is why you haven't shown
看离婚协议的原因吗
the divorce papers to Alison?
这些...
That these--
这些认为艾莉森批判你
these feelings you have about Alison judging you,
不信任你的感觉其实主要因为
not trusting you, that they really have more to do with
你不信任你自己
your not trusting yourself?
关于那晚的事当时
The thing about that night, uh, as it was going on,
我记得我对自己说
I remember saying to myself,
"没关系那没关系"
"It'll--it's okay," You know. "It'll be okay."
什么意思
And what does that mean?
我知道自己会跟伊登上♥床♥
Sleeping with Eden, I knew I was gonna do it.
就像我批准了自己这么做
It was as if I'd given myself permission.
也已经原谅了自己
I'd already forgiven myself.
直到看见惠特尼
It wasn't until I saw Whitney
我才惊醒
that I fucking woke up.
然后我就想赶快离开
And then I--suddenly, I just had to get out of there.
不让任何人看见我
I didn't want anyone to see me. It was--
你知道人们总说 "我想去死"吗
you know that expression, "I wanted to die"?
我真的想去死
I wanted to die.
你情愿死也不愿面对自我吗
You wanted to die rather than face yourself?
对
Yeah.
知道吗诺亚
You know, Noah,
我们还从没聊过你的童年
we have never talked about your childhood in here.
怎么
What?
现在你准备给我心理咨♥询♥了
Now you're gonna shrink me?
我准备给你心理分♥析♥吗
Am I going to psychoanalyze you?
拜托不要
Please don't.
我很好奇
I am curious.
你父亲对你母亲忠贞吗
Was your father faithful to your mother?
很好笑吗
That's funny?
他不忠贞
Was he not?
我父亲是东海岸
My father was the only
唯一忠贞的卡车司机
faithful trucker on the eastern seaboard.
我和海伦结婚的那晚
The night of my wedding to Helen,
我爸喝了六杯威士忌
my father drank six whiskeys.
他对布鲁斯说
And he said to Bruce--
布鲁斯是谁
Bruce is?
他是我岳父
He's my, um, my father-in-law.
我的前任岳父他是小说家
My ex father-in-law. He's a novelist.
我爸跟他说他也是搞艺术的
My father told him he was also an artist,
但为了照料他患病的妻子
but he gave up in his 40s
他在40多岁时放弃了
to take care of his sick wife.
这是真的吗
And is that not true?
当然他妈是假的
No, it's not fucking true.
是我在照料他患病的妻子
I cared for his sick wife.
他什么都没做
The man did nothing.
在病情加重前他还算是个好丈夫
I mean, he was an okay husband until the symptoms got bad,
之后他就撒手不管了
and then he just checked out.
我姐姐和我负责了一切
My sister and I did everything.
然后她离开了只剩我一个
And then she left, and so it was just me.
每次注射每次和医生的预约
Every injection, every appointment,
给她洗澡给她按♥摩♥双腿
giving her baths, massaging her legs,
最后还要给她换尿布
and in the end, changing her diapers
与此同时他继续着开他的卡车
and all the while he drove his stupid truck
然后看电视喝啤酒
and then watched TV and drank beer
喝到趴下为止每晚都如此
until he passed out. Every night.
他竟然敢跟我说他爱他的妻子
And he dares tell me that he loved his wife.
他从没出轨过
He never cheated.
他真的觉得自己是他妈的英雄
He genuinely thinks he's a-- he's a--he's a fucking hero.
一个好人因为他从没操过其他人
A good man 'cause he never stuck his dick in any other--
他是个酒鬼
He was a drunk,
失职的父亲糟糕的丈夫
a delinquent father, and a terrible husband.
而我却被打上坏人的标签
And I'm the one who's cast as villain.
那个照料我母亲的人
The one who cared for my mother.
我一直陪着我的孩子和我妻子
I was there for my children, and I loved my wife
相爱了二十年然后就犯了那么一次错
for 20 years until I made one mistake.
抱歉我不是那个意思
Sorry, that didn't come out right.
我不是说艾莉森是个错误
I don't mean Alison was a mistake.
我懂的
No, I understand.
去他妈的
Fuck him.
如果一个好男人的定义是那样
If that's what being a good man is,
我宁愿一点也不要
I don't want any part of it.
我想我明白了
It makes sense to me,
根据你描述的过去
given the history you described,
你可能产生了一种对忠贞
that you might've developed a skepticism
是一种美德的怀疑态度
about fidelity as a virtue.
可以这样说吗
Is that fair to say?
我想是吧
I guess.
你和艾莉森的关系
And that your connection to Alison and--
你会被露西所吸引
and your attraction to Lucy,
对你来说
to you, are...
都在某种程度上和你父亲的虚伪联♥系♥在了一起
...connected in some way to your father's hypocrisy.
我觉得只有在这里事情才变得简单玛丽莲
I think things are only that simple in this office, Marilyn.
其余时间我们基本上都生活在
I think the rest of the time, we live a complicated,
复杂多面的混乱之中
multifaceted mess, basically.
你以为我之前没有这样想过
You think I haven't thought about this before?
"我气我父亲所以我出轨'
"I'm angry at my father, so I cheat."
不好意思
You know, I'm sorry,
我只是觉得想分♥析♥一个人没有那么容易
I just don't think people are that easy to figure out.
有道理
That's fair enough.
我时刻都在思考这些问题
I think about these questions,
为什么人们会这样生活
why people live the way they do, all the time.
是吗
You do?