爱你，维克托

一些火♥辣♥版麦格教授的范儿
some sexy Professor McGonagall realness,
我全力挺你
and I am here for it.
你是说我看上去像玛吉·史密斯吗
You mean I look like Maggie Smith?
这就换
Changing.
什么 不 这棒极了 你看上去冶艳神秘
What? No! It's perfect! You look all hot and witchy.
我的房♥间为什么一股防晒霜味道
Why does my room smell like sunscreen?
是香薰蜡烛
Uh, that is a scented candle.
蒂普提克的薰衣草香
Feuille de Lavande by Diptyque.
另外 我给你的抱枕
Plus, I blasted your throw cushions
喷上了香体喷雾 锦上添花
with body spray just for good measure.
紧张是完全正常的
You know, it's totally okay to be nervous.
今晚是你的第一次 挺重要的
I mean, tonight's your first time. That's a really big deal.
这是你的第一次 对吧
I mean, it is your first time, right?
天啊 我可是你最好的朋友
Oh, my God. I am your best friend.
你怎么不告诉我 你什么都告诉我的
Why didn't you tell me? You tell me everything.
因为那只是一♥夜♥情♥
Because it was a one-time thing,
而且太早了
and it was too soon,
又尴尬 完全是个错误
and awkward, and a total mistake.
对不起 我没告诉你
Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't tell you.
没关系 我懂的
It's fine. I get it.
不过是谁啊
But who was it?
就是夏令营的一个教官
Just some random other counselor at camp.
好吧 我在夏令营
Well, the most exciting thing
遇到过的最激动的事
that happened to me at summer camp
就是我不小心拿自♥拍♥杆捅了马蜂窝
was when I accidentally bumped a beehive with my selfie stick.
不过他们之后把我们疏散到万豪酒店了 谢了马蜂们
But then they evacuated us to the Marriott. Mm, thank you, bees.
对第一次下厨来说 成品还不赖
今晚好运
你看上去还真像
Well, don't you look like a man
一个即将被女人触碰 人生从此永远
whose life's about to be forever changed
发生改变的人
by the touch of a good woman.
我想是吧
Guess so.
那是什么
What's that?
你从没玩过卡坦岛吗
You've never played "Settlers of Catan"?
棒极了 我和我妈每周五晚都要过招
Oh, it's awesome. Me and my mom throw down every Friday night.
-听上去很有趣 -确实是
- Sounds like fun. - It is.
而且玩起来一点压力都没有
And not filled with a crippling pressure to perform.
今晚好运 伙计
Good luck tonight, buddy.
-你会表现出色的 -谢了
- You're gonna do great. - Thanks.
菲利克斯 等等
Hey, Felix. Uh, wait up.
好了 放松 你看上去棒极了
Okay, relax. You look amazing.
如果维克托不跟你上♥床♥
And if Victor doesn't hook up with you,
我来
I will.
我希望你别再主动跟我提这个了
Yeah, I really wish you'd stop offering that.
反转 而且不是沙马兰电影里酷炫的那种
Twist. And not the cool M. Night Shyamalan kind.
好莱坞导演 代表作《灵异第六感》
谁准备好去卡坦岛探险了
Who's ready to take a journey to the island of Catan?
好吧 不管这是什么 痛快点
Okay, but just, whatever is it, make it quick,
我可不想去看演出迟到
'cause I don't want to be late to the show.
-别说话了 好吗 -好
- Just stop talking, okay? - Okay.
好了 闭住眼睛
All right. Keep your eyes closed.
好吧 我感觉好像被连环杀手盯上了
Okay. Giving me major serial killer vibes right now.
好了 可以睁开了
Okay. You can open.
欢迎来到"本吉的意式餐厅"
Welcome to "Trattoria di Benji."
如果你想多得分的话
And if you want to get a lot of points,
你需要确保及时升级村庄
you need to make sure to upgrade your settlements,
城市 还有道路
your cities, and your roads.
好了 接下来
All right. So, next...
这有点不守常规
This is something a little unorthodox...
我很抱歉
I'm sorry about this.
我试过动摇他 但他就是不明白
I tried to shake him, but he didn't get the hint.
你看上去很美
You look nice.
每一种地形都提供一种不同的资源
So each type of terrain produces a different resource.
森林产出木材
So forests make lumber,
土地♥产♥出粮食 当然了 山地是产出...
um, fields make grain, and of course, mountains, they make...
矿石
...ore.
如果我...
If I...
好吧 这是我出生以来最无聊的时刻
Okay, this is the most bored I have ever been.
我可是算上了你骗我
And I'm including that time you tricked me
听播客的那次
into listening to a podcast.
这样我就会获得10个胜利点
That would make it my tenth victory point,
并且加冕卡坦岛之王
and crown me King of Catan.
好了
All right.
谁准备好开始玩了
Who's ready to start playing?
等等 我们还没开始吗
Wait, we haven't started?
那我们这四十五分钟都在干什么
What have we been doing for the last 45 minutes?
新手指导
A tutorial.
好了 你们玩吧别算我了
Okay. Uh, you guys start without me.
我也一起
I'll come with.
抵♥制♥幺蛾子行动看来进展很顺利
Operation No Hanky-Panky seems to be going pretty well,
-不是吗 -是啊
- don't you say? - Yeah.
菲利克斯 我很感谢你帮忙
Hey, look, Felix, I appreciate you doing this,
但米娅绝对生气了
but Mia's definitely pissed.
那又怎样 让她气去吧
So? Let her be pissed.
如果你没准备好 那就是没准备好
All right? If you're not ready, you're not ready.
你的身体你做主
Your body, your choice.
我去看看米娅吧
Yeah, I, I think I'm gonna go and check on Mia.
好 但别太久了
All right. But don't take too long.
我可不知道我会对这些小麦卡做出什么事来
Don't know if I can trust myself around all these wheat cards.
知道了
Okay.
你喜欢吗
So, do you like it?
意面和肉丸 就跟我们初次约会时吃的一样 记得吗
Spaghetti and meatballs, like we had on our first date. Remember?
很棒
It's great.
但我们不该很快去看演出了吗
But shouldn't we head to the show soon?
开场的是盲人姐妹俩
The opener are these two blind sisters
她们要唱TLC金曲的蓝草版
who do bluegrass covers of TLC songs.
应该会很棒的
I mean, it's supposed to be awesome.
-是吗 -是啊
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
听上去真的很棒 但我想着也许
Sounds really cool, but I thought maybe
我们今晚可以不去看演出
we could skip the show tonight.
因为这是我们一周年的纪念日
You know, since it's our first anniversary and everything.
纪念日
Anniversary?
我们现在成了异性恋吗
What, are we straight people now?
抱歉
Sorry.
我不是想说...
I didn't mean, like...
我只是不确定我真♥相♥信那些东西
I just don't really know if I believe in all that stuff.
什么东西 纪念日吗
What stuff? Anniversaries?
比如社会让我们追求的东西
Stuff that society tells us to want
仅仅是因为异性恋这样做
just 'cause straight people do.
做同性恋最棒的事情之一
Like, one of the best things about being gay
就是我们不用遵循那些异性恋遵循的
is that we don't have to conform to that hetero-normative,
浪漫喜剧那一套 还都是利益集团编出来
rom-com bullshit that is dreamt up by corporations
为了推销贺卡给白♥痴♥们的
to help sell greeting cards to morons.
那么
Well...
看来我也是白♥痴♥之一了
...guess I'm one of those morons.
我不是有意...
I didn't mean...
我不想在纪念日这天听上去那么俗[奶酪]
-对不起 -我...
- I'm sorry. - I--
我是混♥蛋♥ 而且这些肉丸真的很好吃
I'm a dick, and these meatballs are really great.
-是吗 -是的
- Yeah? - Yeah.
抱歉
Sorry.
事实上 你介意
Hey, do you think it would be cool
我们今晚就到这吗
if we caught the end of the show?
这样吧 你先去吧 我去找你
You know what? Yeah, you go ahead. I'll meet you there.
我得先收拾干净
I gotta clean up first.
好
Okay.
你最棒了
You're the best.
-玩得开心 -谢谢
- Have a good time. - Thank you.
泰 我这就过去
Hey, Ty, I'm on my way.
米娅去哪了
Where's Mia?
在她卧室 生气呢
In her bedroom. Being furious.
她是准备只与你共度这特别的夜晚的
She planned this whole special night for the two of you.