老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S01E21
Part 1
Aug. 2, 2021, 11:14 p.m.
老爸老妈罗曼史
第一季 第二十一集
How.I.Met.Your.Mother
Season 01 Episode 21
孩子们，人生就像一条黑暗的道路
Kids,life is a dark road.
你永远看不清前方等待你的将是什么
You never really know what's up ahead.
一个夜晚，当你独自享受的行驶在这条道路上时
One night you're cruising along enjoying the ride,
突然间
and then all of a sudden,
你28岁了
you're 28.
这是给生日男孩的千层面
For the birthday boy,lasagna.
谢谢
Thank you.
小心，盘子很烫
Careful.The plate is very hot.
好的
OKay.
哦，来吧，碰一下
Oh,go on,touch it.
见鬼
Sweet damn,
好烫的盘子
that's a hot plate.
好吧,那么,Barney,
All right,so,Barney,
你干不干啊?
are you doing this or what?
老天,Barney,别
jeez,Barney,don't do this.
我必须做，这是我给Ted的生日礼物
I have to,it's my birthday present to Ted.
你不是一定要做
You don't have to.
拜托，会很丢人的
Please,it's going to be embarrassing
我们以后都不敢再来了
and we're going to have to stop coming here,
这可不怎么好...
which will suck...
补充一点，不来这可能会更健康
in addition to probably being kind of healthy.
拜托,Marshall,
Come on,Marshall,
这在什么时候都是泡妞的好招
it's the greatest pickup line of all time.
Barney
Barney.
天啊
gevalt.
生日快乐,Ted
happy birthday,Ted.
请原谅,有人告诉过你...
excuse me,has anyone ever told Y...
哦，天啊
oh,my god.
怎么?
What?
叫救护车!
Call an ambulance!
怎么回事?
What's going on?
别说话
Try not to speak.
来，坐下
Here,sit down.
只要别说话
Just don't talk,
别说话
don't talk.
她没事吧?
Is she okay?
我认真的,拨911
I'm serious,call 911.
怎么了?
What's wrong?
怎么回事?
What's the matter?
不要动
Just don't move.
不要动
Don't move.
只要试着...
Just try...
来，喝点水
here,have some water.
水!
Water!
来，喝了这个
Here,drink this.
你知道吗，我看得越多
You know,the more I watch this,
就越觉得这个任何时候都合适的泡妞妙招没什么说服力
the less convinced I am that it's the
greatest pickup line of all time.
等等
Wait for it.
28.
还有两年就是重要的三十岁
Two more 'til the big one,three-O.
事实上，我的30岁生日也不太糟糕
Actually,my 30th birthday wasn't so bad.
除了我的洗手间多了只羊
except for the goat in my bathroom.
倒是个好故事
Which is a great story.
但我以后再讲
But I'll get to that later.
而且，你知道
Still,you know,
又老了一岁
another year older.
却还是单身
Still single.
你难道没有听到自己“Ted钟”在向前走吗?
You don't hear your Tedological clock ticking?
没有
Nope.
我按下睡眠键了
I hit the snooze button.
护理员来了
And here come the paramedics.
哦，谢天谢地，你们来了
Oh,thank god,you're here.
什么情况?!
What is going on?!
我想可能是内出血
I think there might be some internal bleeding.
可能有破裂
Probably some fractures.
我们必须送她去医院
We got to get her to the hospital.
你在说什么?
What are you talking about?
你摔的很重
You've had a terrible fall.
我没有摔啊
No,I haven't.
真的吗?
Really?
我发誓你是从天堂摔落下的
Cause I could swear you fell straight out of heaven.
天使...
Angel...
给他你的号♥码
Give him your number.
什么?
What?
给他你的号♥码
Give him your number.
什么?
What?
给他你的号♥码
Give him your number.
你在让我难堪
you're embarrassing me.
给他你的号♥码
Give him your number.
你怎么...?
What are you...?
-来吧
-给他你的号♥码
-Come on.
-Give him your number.
你不给我号♥码
They're not going to stop
他们是不会停下的
'til you give me your number.
给他你的号♥码
Give him your number.
好吧!
All right!
成功!
It works!
我不敢相信她给了他号♥码
I cannot believe that she gave him her number.
她可能真的脑子受损了
Maybe she really does have a brain injury.
谢谢大家
Thank you,everyone.
这很有意思
It's been fun.
这是服务生Wendy
It's Wendy the waitress.
多给她点小费
Tip her well.
多谢你们
Thanks a lot,guys.
Troilus和Cressida
Troilus and Cressida.
来自隔壁的剧场
Neighborhood playhouse.
去看他们的表演吧，他们很不错
Check them out,they're good.
我知道我为什么还单身了
I realize why I'm still single.
我太挑剔了
I'm picky.
我不会定下来的
I'm not going to settle.
我要娶的人,
If I'm going to marry someone,
必须是完美的
she has to be perfect.
嗯，怎么样的完美?
Well,what's perfect?
具体我可不知道
It's not like I have a list.
哦，你知道
Oh,yes,you do.
迷人，大学毕业
Attractive,college-educated,
她想要两个孩子--
she wants two kids--
一个男孩，一个女孩...
a boy and a girl...
这不难
that's not hard.
-我知道，至少...
-我还没说完
-I know at least...
-I'm not done.
她喜欢狗
She likes dogs,
喜欢Otis Redding
Otis Redding,
喜欢做填字游戏
does the crossword.
擅长运动
She's into sports,
但是不要运动太多
but not so much so that her legs are,like,
腿上肌肉比我还多的那种
more muscular than mine.
我觉得太奇怪，不喜欢
That weirds me out.
而且她要能像Pixies里的Kim Deal
那样弹低音电吉他
And she plays bass guitar like Kim
Deal from the Pixies.
或者像Sonic Youth里的Kim Gordon
Or Kim Gordon from Sonic Youth.
或者像任何一个酷乐队里的Kim
Any Kim from any cool band,really.
不要太挑剔
Can't be too picky.
你永远找不到这样的女孩的
You're never going to find this girl.
完全正确
Exactly.
所以我只能等她来找我
So I'm just going to wait for her to come to me.
我不想再计划无法计划的事情了
I am done trying to plan the unplannable.
那么，你是认为命运会帮你搞定?
So,what,you think fate's just gonna take care of it?
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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