老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S01E10
Part 1
Aug. 2, 2021, 11:12 p.m.
现在我还记得很多
Now I remember a lot of stories from back in the days
遇见你妈妈之前的事情
before I met your mother.
但有一个故事我是不记得的
But there's one story I don't remember.
Marshall叔叔一直
Uncle Marshall still refers to
把它称为菠萝事件
it as "the pineapple incident."
那个晚上和平时没两样
The night started like any other.
我们在楼下的酒吧
We were downstairs at the bar.
我请的
Hey, it's on the house.
是我自己调的
it's my own concoction.
我叫它红龙
I call it the red dragon.
谢谢! 这太好了
All: Thanks! That was really sweet.
我们不是真的要尝吧, 是不?
We're not really doing shots,are we?
我可不想
别, 别, 别
I hope not. No,no,no.
这些看起来象血
these look kind of like blood.
好了, 我知道你们以前
否决过这个猜想
Okay,I know that you've
all dismissed this theory before.
但Carl有可能是吸血鬼吗?
But is there any chance that Carl is a vampire?
不, 伙计们, 我是认真的
想想有没可能
no,you guys,I'm serious.Think about it.
他总是穿黑色的衣服
He always wears black.
我们从来没在白天
见过他, 只有傍晚后
We never see him in the daylight,only after dark.
噢, 天那
Oh,my god.
确实形容的象吸血鬼...
或者, 你们知道, 是酒吧调酒师
That does describe a vampire...
or,you know,a bartender.
我得去打扮了
Well, I should go get dressed.
你要去哪, 伙计? 约会?
Where you going,buddy?Hot date?
我来说, 她要和一个
身家数十亿的富翁约会
I'll say.She's going out with a billionaire.
我说了不要那样称呼他
I told you not to call him that.
等等, 你真要和
身家数十亿的富翁约会?
Wait,you're really going out with a billionaire?
他不是身家数十亿
He's not a billionaire.
他是身家数亿
He's a hundred-millionaire.
为什么人们总是分不清楚呢?
Why do people always round up?
那么, 呃
Thurston Howell要带你去哪?
So,uh,where's Thurston Howell taking you?
一个慈善晚会
A charity dinner.
对, 2,000块一个盘子
Yeah,$2,000 a plate.
是1,500 别再弄错了
$1,500. Stop rounding up.
是为第三世界的饥民办的
And it's for third world hunger.
你要献身吗?
You gonna put out?
什么? 只有一个原因
What?There's only one reason
他才会带她去那个晚会
he's taking her to this dinner,
而且这绝不是因为小富翁
and it's not so little Mu Tu
需要人服侍喝疟疾药
can get his malaria pills.
刚才我的灵魂呕吐了
I think my soul just threw up a little bit.
嗯, 我要迟到了
Well,I'm gonna be late.
你们玩的开心点
You guys have fun.
- 拜 回头见
- 拜 回头见
-Bye. See ya.
-Bye.See ya.
你还好吧?
You okay?
当然 为什么这么问?
Sure. Why?
噢, 我不知道
Oh,I don't know.
你的梦中情人和一个
身家数十亿的富翁约会
Girl of your dreams dating a billionaire.
好吧, 首先, 他身家数亿
Okay,first of all,hundred-millionaire.
其次 她不是我的梦中情人
And second,she's not the girl of my dream.
我们只是朋友
we're just friends.
听着, 如果我们在一起
是不明智的
Look,it would not be smart if we got together.
我是说, 我希望一切安定下来
I mean,I'm looking to settle down,
她希望的是...
she's looking for...
什么?你说完了? 太好了
wha...? You done? Great.
看那边4号♥桌
Check out table number four.
看到最后那个小辣妹了吗?
See that little hottie on the end?
她有点矮, 但胸够大
She's short,but has an ample bosom.
我喜欢 她就象个半个乳♥房♥♥
I love it. She's,like,half boob.
我们过去
Let's go.
嗯, 然后说什么?
Yeah,and say what?
我们的开场白是什么?
What's our big opening line?
我... 呃... 爹地回家了
I... uh... daddy's home.
爹地回家了?
Daddy's home?
对
Yeah.
好吧, 你希望我们现在过去
Okay,you want us to go over there right now
然后跟那些女生说
"爹地回家了"?
and say to those girls,"daddy's home"?
认真想清楚点, Barney
Really think about that,Barney.
嗯 耶, 我觉得很不错
Hmm. Yeah,I think it's pretty solid.
好吧, 想下这个
Okay,think about this.
菜单里有任何
Is there even a single item
放了大蒜的菜吗?
on the menu that has garlic in it?
大蒜炸薯条
Garlic fries.
好吧, 嗯, 我再想想
Okay,well,I'll get back to you.
噢, 爹地回来了
Oh,daddy's back.
看吧, 如果你有认真想想...
See,if you'd taken a moment to think about that...
那么爹地就不可能拿到
then daddy wouldn't have gotten this
这个7位数的父亲节卡片了
……来自于Amy的
seven-digit father's day card from Amy.
啊 那管用吗?
Ah. That worked?
我恨这个世界
I hate the world.
Ted, 你的问题是每次
做什么都是考虑, 考虑, 考虑
Ted,your problem is
all you do is think,think,think.
我在教你怎么
实践, 实践, 实践
I'm teaching you how to do,do,do.
do-do
（孩童用语“大便”）
Doo-doo.
对啊
Totally.
我考虑很多
So I think a lot.
因为我恰好有一个
很聪明的大脑
I happen to have a very powerful brain.
那不可能有用
It can't be helped.
噢, 不, 它可以
Oh,yes,it can.
有趣
Interesting.
Ted, 我相信我们相遇
是有原因的
Ted,I believe you and I met for a reason.
就象上天在说, 嘿, Barney
It's like the universe was saying,"hey,Barney,
有个家伙 不错的家伙
"there's this dude-- he's pretty cool
但你的工作是让他变的很棒
but it's your job to make him awesome."
你的脑把你给搞砸了, Ted
Your brain screws you up,Ted.
一直这样
It gets in the way.
Robin也是
It happened with Robin,
半个乳♥房♥♥也是
it happened with half boob,
这些事会一直发生
直到……
and it's gonna keep on
happening until you power down
你用酒医治你的神经妄想症
that bucket of neuroses inebriation-style.
那么, 怎么, 你想我喝一杯吗?
So,what,you want me to do a shot?
噢, 不 我想要你把五杯都喝了
Oh,no. I want you to do five shots.
喔 喔 更加有趣了
Ooh.Ooh. More interesting.
Barney, 我觉得你...
Barney,I think you've officially...
不, 别考虑了 喝吧
no,don't think. Do.
Ted, 他是对的 你想太多了
Ted,he's right: You overthink.
也许你应该多喝点
Maybe you should overdrink.
喝, 喝... 喝
喝, 喝...
Drink,drink... drink,
drink,drink... drin drink,drink...
呃, Lily, 你来告诉
他们这事有多蠢?
uh,Lily,will you tell these
guys how stupid they're being?
伙计, 你们太不成熟和愚蠢了
Guys,you are being immature and moronic,
……还有喝, 喝... 噢!
……and drink,drink... oh!
喝... 喝...
Drink,drink,ink... drink,drink,drink...
让我来告诉你一点
关于这大脑的事, 好吗?
Let me tell you something about this brain,okay?
酒精不能让
这脑袋停止思考
Mere alcohol cannot stop this brain.
喝... 我喜欢这个!
Drink,drink... I love it!
我喜欢这个! 我喜欢这个!
I love it! I love it!
这大脑, 亲爱的凡人们
这不是普通的大脑
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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