老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S01E17
Part 1
Aug. 2, 2021, 11:13 p.m.
当你们的Marshall叔叔十岁时
When your Uncle Marshall was ten years old,
他读了本书叫《在大猩猩中生活》
he read a book called Life Among the Gorillas.
Aurelia Birnholz-Vazquez一个人类学博士所写
It was written by an anthropologist named Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-Vazquez,
讲的是她和喀麦隆的西部低地猩猩一起生活的经历
and it told the story of the year she spent living among the Western Lowland Gorillas of Cameroon.
Birnholz-Vazquez博士来地方大学办讲座
When Dr. Birnholz-Vazquez came to the local community college to give a lecture,
最年轻的听众Marshall举起了手提问
Marshall, the youngest member of the audience, raised his hand with a question.
你对未来的人类学家有什么建议?
What advice do you have for a budding anthropologist?
你想成为人类学家吗?
So you want to be an anthropologist?
对 我长大后要和你一样跟大猩猩一起生活
Yep. When I grow up, I want to go live with the gorillas, just like you did.
她接下来说的话改变了他的一生
What she said next changed his life.
噢, 不错, 但恐怕你不行了
Oh, that's wonderful, but I'm afraid you can't.
等你长大那时候猩猩已经死光了
They'll all be dead by then.
...如果不强制执行经济制裁和贸易管制
...and if economic sanctions and trade restrictions aren't enforced,
对雨林的破坏将会持续，超过百万的物种将会灭绝
the destruction of the rainforests will continue and over a million species will be wiped out.
所以你不要咖啡?
So you don't want coffee?
我在说咖啡工业将导致无法挽回的...
I'm saying that the coffee industry is causing irreversible...
- 好吧 我把它倒了
- 好吧, 就一杯
- All right. I'm pouring it out.
- Okay, one cup.
小朋友需要被警告，工作第一天得多加小心
The kid needs to be alert. First day on the job and everything.
我还是不敢相信你要去公♥司♥工作
I still can't believe you're going all corporate on us.
"男孩"已经成为"男人"了
"The kid" has become "the man."
好了, 这只是实习挣点钱
Okay, it's just an internship to make a little money.
毕业后, 我会去自然资源保护委员会工作
After law school, I'm going to work for the NRDC.
他们会阻止全球气候变暖
They're gonna stop global warming.
嗯... 我是说... 他们会尽全力
Well... I mean... they did their best.
你的外带午餐
Here's your sack lunch.
好了, 我爱你因为，第一, 你给我准备外带午餐
Okay, I love you because, one, you made me a sack lunch
第二, 你每次说"外带"时都会笑
and two, you laugh every time you say the word "sack".
- 我爱你, 棉花糖
- 我爱你
- I love you, Marshmallow.
- I love you.
我也爱你, 棉花糖
I love you too, Marshmallow.
啊哦
Uh-oh.
Ted?
Ted?
噢, 别 别, 她不是吧
Oh, no. No, she didn't.
是的 就是她
Yeah. Yeah, she did.
又一个关怀包裹?
Another care package?
又一个关怀包裹
Another care package.
我和Victoria异地恋持续了近一个月
I'd been in a long-distance relationship with Victoria for nearly a month.
异地恋真糟糕
Long-distance relationships are a bad idea.
到现在这是第几个了?
How many is that so far?
三
Three.
那你给她送了几个包裹?
And how many have you sent her?
电邮里还是脑子里?
In the mail or in my mind?
零，她却寄来了三个.
Zero. She's up three-zip.
噢! 纸托蛋糕!
Oh! Cupcakes!
真好 我打赌它们很可口
Great. I bet they're delicious, too.
对了, 它们很可口
Yep, they're delicious.
真该死!
Damn it!
我不配吃这些可口的纸托蛋糕
I don't deserve these delicious cupcakes.
天那, 我讨厌我自己
God, I hate myself right now.
天那, 简直和我15岁时一样
God, that is so me at 15.
Marshall要去一个叫Altrucel的公♥司♥工作
Marshall was going to work for a big corporation called Altrucel.
Altrucel以生产网球面上的黄绒毛著名
Altrucel was most well-known for making the yellow fuzzy stuff on the surface of tennis balls.
我是说, 这是一个大公♥司♥
所以他们也有其他的生意...
I mean, this was a huge company, so they did other things...
但他们希望公众把注意力集中在那些黄绒毛上
But mostly they wanted the public to focus on the yellow fuzzy stuff.
Marshall在他们的法律部找到了实习机会
Anyway, Marshall managed to score an internship in their legal department
因为他认识那里工作的某人
because he knew someone who worked there.
这里是Barney
Go for Barney.
Stinson先生, 我是大厅保安Willis
Mr. Stinson, this is Willis from lobby security.
抱歉打扰您, 但是我们接到报告,有个大脚野人进了大楼
Sorry to bother you, but we've had reports of a sasquatch loose in the building.
大脚野人?
A sasquatch?
对, 先生, 脚很大
That's right, sir, a Bigfoot.
我们不想吓到您, 但他在您的楼层
We don't want to alarm you, but he's been spotted on your floor.
真好!
Yes!
看看你
Look at you.
你穿的很得体
You suited in an unmistakably upward direction.
哇哦 一大堆鼓舞人心的海报
Whoa. That is a butt-load of motivational posters.
是啊, 天, 是啊 我都有:合作, 勇气, 敬畏...
Yeah, hell, yeah. I got 'em all: Teamwork, Courage, Awesomeness...
有表示敬畏的吗?
There's one for awesomeness?
是啊, 我让人做的
Yeah, I had it made.
坐
Sit.
嘿, 那么, 现在我在这工作,你要告诉我到底你的工作是什么吗?
Hey, so, now that I'm working here, are you finally going to tell me exactly what your job is?
拜托
Please.
- 我们的狗!
- 我们的狗!
- My dawg!
- My dawg!
嘿, Blauman, Bilson, 这是Marshall.
他们是法律部的
Hey, Blauman, Bilson, this is Marshall. These guys are in legal.
你要和他们一起工作
You're gonna be working with them.
Marshall Eriksen 很高兴认识你们
Marshall Eriksen. Nice to meet you.
领带不错 牛肉酱
Nice tie. Steak sauce.
噢, 牛肉酱! 真的
Oh, steak sauce! For true, though.
哪里, 我没, 我没看见啊...
Where, I don't, I don't see...
Marshall? 借一步说话
Marshall? Sidebar.
你的领带很牛肉酱 就是说很棒?
懂了吗? 试着跟上进度
Your tie is steak sauce. It means A-1. A-1? Get it? Try to keep up.
好了, Eriksen, 我们开始吧
凌晨两点 外面下着雨
Okay, Eriksen, let's get to work.
It's 2:00 a.m. It's raining outside.
叮咚! 什么? 门铃?
Ding dong! What? The doorbell?
噢, 你好, Jessica Alba就穿了件雨衣
其他什么都没穿
Oh, hello, Jessica Alba in a trench coat and nothing else.
但等等 咚, 咚 后门有人敲门?
But wait-- knock, knock. Somebody's at the back door?
我家没后门
I don't have a back door.
噢, 我的老天,Jessica Simpson? 太惊喜了
Oh, my gosh, Jessica Simpson? What a surprise.
两个Jessica, 你得选一个,你会怎样? 选!
Two Jessicas, you gotta pick one. What do you do? Go.
好的, 呃... 我已经订婚了, 所以
Right. Well, uh... I'm engaged, so
未婚妻出城了 你会怎样?选
Fiancee's out of town. What do you do? Go.
但我们还是订着婚, 就算她...
We're still engaged, even if she's...
好吧, 未婚妻死了,被车撞的 你会怎样? 选
Okay, fiancee's dead. Hit by a bus. What do you do? Go.
确定不想吃一个?
Sure you don't want one?
你吃了多少了?
How many of those have you eaten?
十...四
不, 就四个
Four. Teen. No, just four.
还把另两个的糖霜刮了吃了
And the icing from two more.
所以, 无论如何, 这就是问题了
So, anyway, here's the problem.
嘿, 我是Ted,我猜你在睡觉
Hey, it's Ted. I guess you're asleep.
我收到关怀包裹了, 真是很棒
Anyway, I got the care package, and it's just great.
这儿, 听着...
Here, listen...
嗯 嗯!
Mmm. Mmm!
我就站在那儿,嘴巴塞满美味的纸托蛋糕...
So I'm standing there, my mouth full of this delicious relationship-winning cupcake...
然后... 我说了句蠢话
And... I said something dumb.
噢, 还有, 呃... 别担心,你的包裹我送出去了
Oh, and, um... don't worry, yours is in the mail.
我几天前送出去的
I sent it a couple days ago.
很不错的东西
And it's awesome.
真的, 真的很不错
Really, really awesome.
为什么我要说那些?
Why did I say that?
我想是糖精让我撒谎
I think frosting makes me lie.
噢, 小Teddy
Oh, Teddy boy.
是啊 所以现在, 不管我送她什么
她都会发现我是在那之后送的
Yeah. So now, whatever I send her,
she'll know I sent it after I talked to her.
这就是问题 你想办法,我负责吃蛋糕
So that's the problem. You work on that. I'm gonna eat this cupcake.
好了, 你要做的是
All right, here's what you do:
打包一些纽约的东西进关怀包裹
Put together a care package of stuff from New York
一些面包圈, 帝国大厦钥匙圈...
some H&H bagels, an Empire State Building keychain...
然后在最上面放一份纽♥约♥时♥报♥... 知道吗?
and then, top off the package with a New York Times... Ready?
三天前的报纸
From three days ago.
这太妙了
That's brilliant.
你真聪明
You're brilliant.
你知道吗, 这太搞笑了, 不久前
You know, it's funny, not so long ago,
我还去问Marshall和Lily如何打动你
I was coming to Marshall and Lily for advice on how to impress you.
是很搞笑
That is funny.
这就是为什么很搞笑
And here's why it was funny.
几周前我知道了
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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