老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S05E23
Part 1
Oct. 23, 2020, 10:10 a.m.
NARRATOR: Kids, when you're in your 2os dating is great,
孩子们 二十岁的时候是约会的最佳时机
but by the time you reach your 3os, you find out pretty fast everyone has baggage.
但到了三十岁 你很快就发现 每个人都背着自己的包袱
Sure, you can stick to the small talk
当然你还能闲谈
and pretend it's not there, but sooner or later...
假装它不存在 但迟早你会发现...
It's my ex.
是我前男友
Sorry. We're trying to remain friends.
抱歉 我们试着保持朋友关系
Hi, pumpkin!
嗨 小南瓜!
Did you get our tickets to Maui?
拿到我们去毛伊岛的机票了吗?
***
还爱着前任
Yeah, it's there.
赤♥裸♥裸地存在着
That spring I just started dating a girl named Royce.
那年春天我开始和一个 叫Royce的女孩儿约会
She was smart, beautiful...
她很聪慧 很漂亮...
***
当晚之前
Blah-blah-blah, we're very happy together.
等等之类 总之在一起很快乐
But...
但是...
Exactly. That's the problem.
对极了 那就是问题
Her butt?
她的屁♥股♥?
- What is it, too much? - Too little?
- 怎么了 太大了? - 太小了?
Or is it an issue of access?
或者难以进入?
No, the "but" is, there's always gonna be a "but."
不 问题是总会有问题出现
No matter how great things are going,sooner or later, it's gonna get ruined.
不管事情进展多顺利 迟早会遭到毁灭一击
When she turns 30.
她到了30岁的时候
When I find out what her baggage is.
我知道她的包袱的时候
It's there. I don't know what it is,
肯定有包袱 虽然我不知道是什么
but when I do, party's over.
但当我知道时 一切都结束了
Whoa. Ted, please tell me you are not impugning emotional baggage.
Ted 别告诉我你在指责情感包袱
Baggage is a good thing?
有包袱是好事?
Emotional baggage is the bedrock
情感包袱是美国最重要的
of America's most important cultural export.
文化出口品的根基
ALL: Porn.
色情片
Actually, it's porn.
确切地说 是爱情动作片
Only women with major baggage go into porn.
只有拥有重大情感包袱的女人才能演
TED & ROBIN: Major Baggage.
重大情感包袱
Ted, everyone has baggage.
Ted 人人都有包袱
You just got to look past it.
你只要朝前看忽略它
Really? 'Cause the last time I looked past a girl's baggage,
真的? 我上次忽略的
that baggage belonged to a girl named Stella,
是一个叫Stella的包袱
and, oh, I'm drawing a blank here.
我差点忘了
How did that work out again?
该怎么发展呢?
Here's how it worked out. Marry me.
事情是这样的 嫁给我吧
I asked her to marry me. She said yes.
我向她求婚 她答应了
We were happy. But then the day of the wedding,
我们很幸福 但婚礼那天
her karate instructor ex-boyfriend Tony Grafanello showed up,
她空手道教练 兼前男友Tony Grafanello出现了
declared his love for her,and Stella ran off with him to California,
向她示爱 然后Stella和他跑去加利福尼亚
leaving me utterly and completely heartbroken.
而我彻彻底底的心碎了
Ted, look,what happened with Stella was awful,
Ted Stella的事非常糟糕
but that doesn't mean anyone with baggage is undateable.
但这并不意味着 有包袱的人不能约会
Well, I'm just glad that we met young enough that I don't have any baggage.
咱俩在年轻时邂逅 没有任何包袱 这点我感到非常欣慰
- Mother issues. - I do not.
- 恋母情结 - 我没有
- Grandmother issues. - Definitely do not.
- 祖母情结 - 绝对没有
- Great-grandmother issues. - I just don't like it when she picks me up.
- 曾祖母情节 - 我不喜欢她过来接我
And you know what your biggest baggage is?
你知道你最大的包袱是什么吗?
You're too nice.
你人太好了
How is being nice baggage?
人好咋成包袱了?
Have you ever seen you walk down the street?
你看到过自己走在大街上的样子吗?
I don't even know how to answer hat.
这问题我不知如何回答
Well, let me help you out.
我来帮你
Michael!
Michael!
Javier, Marcello!
Javier Marcello!
Susanne.
Susanne
Hey, Deng, let me help you with that.
嘿 Deng 我来帮你
That ought to do it.
举手之劳
Oh, guys, no. I could not today.It would just be...
哦 朋友们 今天不行 将会...
That's normal.
那很正常啊
There is only one street where that is normal.
只有在一条大街上才是正常的
Here's a hint:
提示一
A giant yellow bird lives on it.
一只黄色巨型鸟住在那儿 (芝麻街)
Well, I'll be pretty happy if Royce's only baggage is that she's too nice.
要是Royce的包袱仅仅是人太好 那我真要高兴死了
Too nice? That is the worst kind of baggage.
太好? 那是最糟糕的包袱
Best baggage: Hates her dad
最好的包袱是 恨她爸爸
and thinks she's fat, but isn't.
觉得她胖 但事实不是
Angry sex on the first date,
首次约会的狂野性♥爱♥
and then as soon as you mention breakfast,she's gone.
而一旦你提到早餐 她立马消失
Why do guys hang out with me?
为什么你们都出来和我玩?
TED: That night on my date with Royce,
那晚我和Royce约会
I kept waiting to see what her baggage would be.
我等着想知道她的包袱
So, is spaghetti your specialty?
意大利面是你的特长?
Uh, no. The main event is my pancakes.
不 主要是煎饼
I'll make 'em for you sometime. They are insane.
以后我做给你吃 不是一般的好吃哦
My dad used to make multigrain pancakes.
我爸以前做杂粮煎饼
He's the one who got me working in porn.
他安排我在PORN工作
****
拍过色情片
You know PORN?
你知道PORN吧?
"Parents Offering Recognition and Nutrition"?
"父母提供认可与营养的组织"?
It's a charity for inner-city teens
为无法获得运动和健康食物的青少年
who don't have access to sports or healthy food.
成立的市中心慈善机构
That reminds me...
让我想起...
I killed my brother...
我杀了我哥...
****
谋杀亲兄
With this joke I told him last night.
我昨晚和他说的笑话让他笑死了
A barber, a stripper and a Jew...
理发师 脱衣舞♥女♥ 犹太人...
****
Ted 等她说完
...lliard-trained violinist walk into a bar.
...利雅德的小提琴家走进酒吧
I looked and looked and looked, but it really appeared
我听啊 听啊 听啊 尽管听上去确实
as though there was no baggage to worry about...
没有任何值得担心的包袱...
until we went to go see a movie.
直到我们去看了一场电影
****
婚礼新娘
Oh, no.
不
Hey, what took you guys so long?
怎么来的这么晚?
Nothing. Forget about it.
没事儿 别提了
We were on our way here,
我们过来的路上
and Marshall wanted to stop and help some guys load their moving van.
Marshall停下来帮人往面包车装货
To be nice. It didn't cost nothing.
做好人 不花任何成本啊
D when the moving van drove away,
面包车开走
who should show up but the owner of the apartment we had just helped some guys rob.
公♥寓♥主人出现了 我们才知道刚刚是在帮他们抢劫
And that one was hard to explain to the police.
对此很难向警♥察♥交代
See, Marshall?This is what I mean.
明白了吧 Marshall? 我说的就是这意思
You can't treat New York City like it's the small, friendly,
你不能把纽约城当做 一个小型的友好的
crime-free, inbred, backwoods,
纯天然无犯罪未开垦的
Podunk, cow-tipping, Minnesota Hickville where you grew up.
毫无名气 人们喜欢推牛的 你从小生长的明尼苏达乡巴佬村
Crime-free?
无犯罪?
Crime-free? In 1994,
无犯罪? 1994年
the cashier from the feed store was held up at hoepoint.
饲料商店的收银员 因偷窃锄式开沟器尖被抓
And besides,
并且
I like being friendly, okay?
我喜欢表现得友好 好吗?
I'm not gonna change that about myself.
我不会改变这点的
No, don't change, baby.I think it's sweet.
不 别改 宝贝 我觉得这样很好
Sweet, sweet.
很好 很好
Sweet mother of God, he's an idiot sometimes.
我亲爱的上帝啊 有时他就是个蠢货
He actually lent the burglars gas money.
他居然还借给窃贼汽油费
He gave them money?
他给他们钱?
Not gave, lent.
不是给 是借
They said that they would send us a check,
他们说会寄张支票过来
so Marshall gave them our address.
于是Marshall把咱地址给了他们
What's to stop them from coming to our apartment one night and maybe tying me up?
要是某夜他们来咱家 把我绑起来 我可怎么办啊?
I mean, sure, Marshall and I like to pretend,
当然 我和Marshall喜欢这么玩角色扮演
but the reality is scary.
但现实真是令人生畏啊
Why don't you say something to him?
怎么不找他说说?
What's the point?He's from Minnesota.
说啥啊 他来自明尼苏达
His high school mascot was a hug.
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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