老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S05E20
Part 1
Oct. 23, 2020, 10:08 a.m.
Kids, everyone has one or two moments when they make a huge, crazy decision
孩子们 每个人都会时不时地 做出一些可能永远改变他们人生的
that changes their lives forever.
疯狂决定
This is the story of mine.
这是关于我的故事
It all started with a visit from my mom and her longtime boyfriendry.Clint,
一切都是由我母亲和她 一直交往的男友Clint的到访开始的
who was always saying stuff like...
她男友总是喜欢说些...
ted,your mother is a very,very erotic woman.
Ted 你母亲是个性♥欲♥非常强的女人
Please don't.
拜托别说了
As a painter, slash, songwriter, slash,
作为一名画家 作曲家
volunteer fear-fighter, I find her...
兼恐惧消除员志愿者 我觉得她...
Incredibly sexual.
非常性感
But you have your own sexual memories with your mom, don't you?
不过你和你母亲 也有特别的性回忆 不是吗?
Please don't.
别...
Exiting her womb, receiving her milk.You get me?
离开她的子♥宫♥ 接受她的乳汁 你懂我的意思吗?
Good.
很好
Mom. Mom,It's okay.
- 真不敢相信我竟然跟那个男人在一起 - 妈 妈 没事
You don't have to settle.There are plenty of guys who...
你不用这么快就定下来的 还有很多男人...
He is so cool!
他是这么的酷!
And he picked me!
但却选择了我!
Well, I'm, uh...I'm glad you're both so happy.
呃...我...很高兴你们都这么开心
Well, good, because we do have an announcement...
很好 我们确实有件事要宣布...
Son.
儿子哎
And so my mom was lapping me.
没错 我老妈远远超越了我
Getting married for a second time before I was even married once.
在我还光棍着的时候就二婚了
I was so happy for them.So freakin' happy.
我真为他们开心啊 真...是开心
*******
不过 婚礼是不可思议的
*************
我最终和我的未来妻子跳上了舞
And if you don't boil those jam jars,
如果你不拿开水泡过哪些果酱罐
it's just a welcome mat for bacteria.
它们就会变成细菌滋生地
******
不是她
Oh, congratulations! Oh!
哦 恭喜你! 哦!
We are so happy for you.
我们真为你高兴
I feel like I'm 19 again. Oh.
我觉得我又回到了19岁 哦
It's like the last 35 years of my life never happened.
就好像过去35年从来没发生过一样
So wonderful to hear... Mom.
真高兴你这么说啊...老妈
Son, to show that your mom and I will always be there for you,
儿子 为了表示 你母亲和我将永远在你身边
I want you to have this beautiful picture that I painted.
我希望你能收下这幅我画的画
Kids, there was no guitar.
孩子们 画里其实没有吉他
Excuse me, Ted.
失陪一下 Ted
Best... Wedding......ver!
史上...最棒的...婚礼!
Hello, everyone.
大家好
Mahalo for being here with us.
感谢大家来到这儿
My entire life...
我的一生...
Well, this life.
也就是这一生
I've waited for a muse like Virginia.
都在等待一位 像Virginia的缪斯女神的出现
Baby...
宝贝儿...
This is your song.
这是送给你的歌♥
* When I squeeze her trembling bosom... *
* 当我挤她的胸部的时候... *
Oh, God...
哦 天...
* The blood pumps to my loins *
* 血液就冲到了我的腰部 *
* When I penetrate her...*
* 当我穿透她的时候... *
Kids, I swear to God, I blacked out for the next 12 minutes.
孩子们 我向上天发誓 接下来的12分钟 我的脑袋就当机了
So I have no idea how the song got to this ending.
所以 我不知道那歌♥是怎么结束的
* And Mahatma Gandhi *
* 圣人甘地啊 *
* And the pancakes *
* 还有薄饼啊 *
Everyone! * And the dragon *
大家一起来! * 还有龙啊 *
* And you Virginia. *
* 最后还有你 Virginia *
Guys!Guys! Guess what Robin just did.
伙计们! 伙计们! 你们猜刚刚Robin做了什么
20s ago
20秒前
* Red and true...*
* 红色 且真是...*
Are you crying?
你在哭?
- I know it's stupid, but... - Everyone! * And the dragon...*
- 我知道这很傻 但是... - 大家一起来! * 还有龙...*
They're happy, you know?
他们很快乐 明白吗?
Not as happy as I am, Robin.
没我来的快乐 Robin
Guys! Guys!
伙计们! 伙计们!
Guess what Robin just did.
你们猜刚刚Robin做了什么
And then, I told you guys what Robin just did, but you were there for that.
结果 等我告诉了你们 你们竟然感同身受
I gotta tell the rest of the wedding.
我得去告诉婚礼上所有其他的人
Aunt Meredith!
Meredith阿姨!
Kids, I can't overstate how horrible it is
孩子们 在老妈二婚的现场
to be the single guy at your own mother's second wedding.
却还是单身太可怕了
So, Ted, When's your wedding?
Ted 你什么时候结婚?
So, Ted, When's your wedding?
Ted 你什么时候结婚?
When's your wedding?
你什么时候结婚?
Robin cried at Clint's song.
Robin因为Clint的歌♥而哭了
Oh, I told you already.
哦 我告诉过你了
Ted's hot sister, Heather!
Ted的火♥辣♥妹妹 Heather！
I have to leave.
我得走了
Wait, Ted. What about your toast?
等等 Ted 你的祝词怎么办?
Make up some emergency or something.I just... I-I can't handle this.
随便编点理由 我只是...我实在受不了了
Ted, Ted, where are you going?It's your mother's wedding!
Ted Ted 你去哪儿? 这可是你♥妈♥的♥婚礼啊!
Uncle Larry,my hand to God...Niagara Falls.
Larry叔叔 我向上天发誓... 尼亚加拉瀑布啊
This one.She's pouring.
就是这家伙 是她流的
And my friends didn't see me for the next 72 hours.
接下来3天 我的朋友们都没见到我
Seriously, is Ted okay?
说真的 Ted没事吧?
I mean, I know it was a rough weekend, but...
我是说 我知道这个周末很糟糕 但...
- This radio silence is weird. - I know.
- 这么毫无音讯可太奇怪了 - 我也觉得
His mom's called, like, five times asking where he disappeared to.
他妈打了有5次电♥话♥ 问他跑哪儿去了
Sorry, Robin. They're all out of pretzels.
抱歉 Robin 他们的脆饼都卖♥♥完了
And I know how emotional you get.
我知道你很多愁善感
Let it go. Okay!
放下吧 放下吧 好了!
Shh... Okay, I...
嘘...好了 我...
I cried at Clint's song.
我确实因为Clint的歌♥哭了
She cried at Clint's song.
她因为Clint的歌♥哭了
Hey, guys.
嘿 伙计们
Ted, where have you been? Are you okay?
Ted 你去哪儿了? 你没事吧?
Oh, I'm better than okay. I am on top of the world.
哦 我好极了 我状态超佳啊
Come on. We're going for a ride!
走 我们去兜兜风!
Hey, buddy, do you want to, maybe,
嘿 伙计 你想不想
let somebody who isn't having some sort of manic episode drive for a while?
让个没发狂躁症的人来开会儿?
Yeah, and where the hell are we going?
是啊 还有 我们到底要去哪儿?
First, let me tell you what happened the night of the wedding.
首先 让我告诉你们婚礼 那天晚上发生了什么吧
Watching my mom get married,
看到我妈的婚礼
I realized how far behind I was in my own life.
我意识到我的生活落后了太多
I just had to get out of there.
我不得不离开那儿
So I went back to my hotel room and got onto this Web site
于是我回到旅馆房♥间 上了这个网站
I sometimes visit when I can't sleep...
有时候我睡不着就会上去看看
Oh! Oh! Oh-oh! Ted, come on. Oh, God. T.M.I.
哦! 哦! 哦！Ted 拜托 哦 天 说太多了哦
We do not want to know what you and the Internet do when you're lonely.
我们可对你孤单的时候 用网络干嘛不敢兴趣
I didn't... I...
我没...我...
That's not the part of the night I was talking about.
我说的不是那个时候的事
I went to my favorite real estate auction site-
我上了我最喜欢的房♥地♥产♥拍卖♥♥网站
come on, we've all got one-
拜托 我们都有的
scrolled through a few properties and...
察看了几处房♥产 结果
Guys...
伙计们...
I just bought my dream house.
我刚买♥♥了我的梦想之屋
What do you mean you bought this house?
什么叫做你买♥♥了这房♥子?
I mean, I made a bid online.
我的意思是 我在网上竞标了
I won the auction the next day and I got approval.
我赢了拍卖♥♥ 第二天就获得了批准
I just finalized the paperwork.
我刚刚结束了文书工作
And was the Blair Witch easy to deal with
那布莱尔女巫 (美国热门电影)很好对付
or did she haggle over the closing costs?
还是不停讨价还价呢?
Don't even joke about that, man.
别开这玩笑
So, I'm thinking this room will be the study.
我在想 这个房♥间将会变成书房♥
You know, a place just for Dad.
你知道 给爸准备的
I mean, the kids are welcome in here if they're reading a book, but no toys.
孩子可以来这儿 如果他们 要看书的话 但是 不能带玩具进来
It's not a question of withholding love.It's a question of drawing boundaries.
这不是在抑制爱心 而是在设立规矩
Ted, this is insane.
Ted 这太疯狂了
This is going to take years
这要花很多年
and a small fortune to make livable.
还有很多钱才能住人
I'm an architect.I'll find a way.
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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