老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S05E06
Part 1
Oct. 23, 2020, 10:04 a.m.
In the fall of 2009,a new couple had moved in upstairs.
2009年的秋天 一对夫妻搬了进来 住在我们楼上
We hadn't met them yet, but we could hear th,
我们还没和他们碰过面 但是我们可以听到他们的声音
all the time.
一直都能听到
They were always...
他们总是...
Well,kids,let's just say they were always
噢 还是让我这么说吧 (其实在滚床单)
"playing the bagpes."
他们一直在吹风笛
Okay,this is ridiculous.
这也太离谱了吧
I can't believe those two are still bagpiping.
我真是不敢相信 他们两个居然还在吹
I know. It's been six hours.
我知道 都吹了有6个小时了
Must be that tantric bagpiping that Sting is into.
肯定是这笛声弄得我到处疼
She keeps yelling out r him to play the bagpipes harder,
她不停地叫他使劲吹风笛
but it sounds like he's bagpiping her pretty hard.
但听起来像是他已经吹她吹得很猛了
There's a glass of water in my bedroom that's vibrating like Jurassic Park.
我卧室里的那杯水震的 像是在侏罗纪公园一样
You have neighbors! Shut the bagpipes up!
你也为你的邻居考虑考虑! 别吹了!
I decided to go to the bar to get some peace and quie
为了获得片刻的宁静 我决定去酒吧待着
That didn't work out so well.
但是没有什么效果
Ted,I hate to have to be the one to tell you this.
Ted 我不得不告诉你件事情
Marsha and Lily are getting a divorce.
Marsha和Lily要离婚了
,they're not.
不 他们不会的
Just listen to what I witnessed yesterday.
你仔细听好 我昨天亲眼看到了这一切
Baby,you mind washing that?
亲爱的 你不介意把那个洗洗吧?
No problem.
没问题
I should go.
我得回去了
She makes him wash his dishes right awayTed.
她让他立刻就把他的盘子洗了 Ted
I give 'em two, maybthree weeks tops.
我猜就两周 最多三周 他们就会离
Barney,that's not a big deal.
Barney 这没什么
And it's certainly not a big enough deal for you to be holding my hands.
这事也没重大到你要握着我的小手说话
They're in big trouble,Ted.
他们问题严重了 Ted
I see what's going on.
我知道是怎么回事
You,my friend,are suffering from a little known conditn--
其实是你 我的朋友 得了一种鲜为人知的病
"little known" because I just made it up--
之所以鲜为人知是因为 我刚刚才给这种病取了个名字
called New Relationship Smugness.
叫做恋爱初期自大症
You and Robin are in the honeyon phase.
你和Robin还在蜜月期
Everything's perfect.
一切都是完美的
Every so on the radio's about you.
你们的关系是最好的
Everother couple sucks.
其它情侣的关系都很糟糕
Enjoy it.
你自己好好享受吧
N.R.S.doesn't last forever.
恋爱初期自大症时间不长的
It doewhen you're this awesome.
对于像我这么灵的人来说 就会是永恒的
Hey,check it out.Robin and I have been keeping a tally of how many beds we've done it in.
嘿 你听着 Robin和我把我们搞过的床做了个记录
We're up to 83-and-a-half.
有83个半床
A half?
半张床?
19 century ottoman in an antique shop.
古董店的一把19世纪的长软椅
- Hey. - Hey,what'up?
- 嘿 - 嘿 你们在聊什么?
y,tiger.
嘿 小老虎
How yaolding up? Do you need a hug?
你最近怎么样? 要我给你个拥抱 安慰安慰你吗?
You want to talk about yesterday? Safe space.
你想谈谈昨天发生的那事吗? 来我的怀抱呗
Barney thinks Lily asking you to wash your dishes right away
Barney认为Lily叫你洗自己的盘子
is a sign your marriage is crumblg.
是你们婚礼破裂的标志
What? Why?
什么? 为什么?
Lily likes a clean sink, so I do the dishes right away;
Lily喜欢干净的水槽 我就把盘子洗了
what's the big dl?
这有什么了不起的?
I'll tell you what the big deal is.
我来告诉你这到底有多严重
Yoknow how I was always the best at being single?
你们知道为什么我能在单身时如鱼得水吗?
- No. - No.
- 不知道 - 不知道
Well,now I am the best at relationships.
而现在我又成为了恋爱圣手
Even better than you and Lily.
比你和Lily处理的还要好
Aw,look at you.
哦 看看你自己吧
Had a girlfriend for five minutes,you think you can play with the big boys-- adorable.
有了5分钟女朋友 就以为自己能上天入地了 真是个小可爱
Son...
孩子...
I've been in a relationship since you had a potail
你扎着小辫 弹着妈妈给买♥♥的卡西欧电子琴 (小Barney曾经清♥纯♥的样子)
and were playing Dave Matthews on your mama's Casio.
装深沉玩摇滚的时候 我就已经在谈恋爱了
I'm a good boyfriend in my sleep.
我睡觉的时候都是个合格的男朋友
I can rock a killer foot rub with one hand and
我可以一手做着足部按♥摩♥
ew a kick-ass pot of chamomile in the other that would make you weep.
另一手奉上沁人心脾的甘菊精油
Hell, I've fortten more about microwaving fat-fr popcorn
即便我已经不像以前那样 成天加热无脂爆米花陪着看那桑德拉布瑞克的电影
and watching Sandra Bullock movies than you'll ever know, but
但是我谈恋爱的水平无需你担心 伙计
thanks for your concern,rook.
谢谢你的关心
- rshall,let me ask you one question. - Sure.
- Marshall 我问你个问题好吗 - 问吧
Do you mind if there is sink full of dirty dishes?
你会介意满是脏盘子的水槽吗?
Not really.
不会
Then it's Lily's problem, not yours.
这样的话 就是Lily的问题了 不是你的
Yeah,but if I said that to her, it would only lead to a fight,so...
是的 但如果我说这是她的问题 就会吵架的 所以...
You fight.
所以你们会吵架
See,Robin and I never fight.
听到没 Robin和我可从来不吵架的
Of course you do.
你们当然会吵架
No.And here's the secret:
不 我不会 我有个秘诀
evy time it looks like we're about to get into a fight...
每次我们快要吵起来的时候...
Um,why is there a bag of panties labeled "April 2008" in your closet?
你柜子里怎么会有一包 标着2008年4月的衬裤?
So any time you think you might have a fight you just get up and leave?
你们每次要吵起来的时候 你就站起来走了?
100% effective.
屡试不爽
Can't fight if you're not there.
没有对手就吵不起来了
at's what Gandhi taught us.
这是甘地教我们的
Boy,that'not true.
老兄 甘地没说过这话
I can't believe that Robin puts up with that.
我不相信Robin居然吃你这套
Oh,don't worry.She's got a great way to avoid fights,too.
哦 别担心 她也有避免争吵的好方法
Um,are ties machine washable?
领带可以用洗衣机洗吗?
No,they most ceainly are not. Why?
不行 当然不可以咯 怎么了?
What is in your hand?
你手里拿着什么?
Oh,my God, what's in your hand?!
哦 苍天啊 你手里拿着什么?!
Okay,so you walk away. Robin gets naked.
这么说 你每次就走开 Robin每次都果着
Those are the two stupidest ways to handle conflict I've ever heard.
这是我听过的两个最愚蠢的避免冲突的方法
Actually,the naked thing ain't ba
事实上 果着这方法还不错
That felt kind of weird.
就是有点怪异
- Okay,call me crazy. - crazy.
- 好吧 是我疯了 - 疯子
a problem comes up, Lily and I actually talk about it.
当有问题出现 Lily和我会好好讨论
There are so many great things to do withhe human mouth.
人的嘴巴可以用来做很多的事情
Why waste it on talking?
干吗浪费在讨论这件事情上?
But if you insist,
但是你坚持这么做的话
here's what I would say about the dishes
关于盘子的事 我会这么说
if I were Lily's husband.
如果我是Lily老公的话
Barney,you're home!
Barney 你回来了!
- Get to the point! - All right.
- 伙计 说重点! - 好吧
Thanks,doll.
谢谢 宝贝
Sweetie,are you going to wash that?
亲爱的 你会把杯子洗洗吧?
I'm glad you bring that up. No.
我真高兴你提出来了 我不会洗的
And here's why.
原因是
Lily,I know you don't like a dirty sink.
Lily 我知道你不喜欢脏乱的水槽
But does that make it my job to keep it clean?
但是保持它的干净是我的职责吗?
I mean,if one day I lookp at the living room ceiling and ink,
如果有一天 我抬头看到起居室的天花 于是开始想着
"Hey,I'd like a replica of the Sistine Chal up there."
"嘿 我想在那弄一幅西斯廷教堂壁画的摹本"
would it be your job to paint it?
会由你来负责画吗?
Well,no. Of course not.
不 当然不是
Exactly!
那就对了!
So,baby, by the same logic,
那么 宝贝 同样的逻辑
if you don't like looking at a sink full of dishes,
如果你不喜欢看到满是脏盘子的水槽
shouldn't it be your job ***
难道不该是你的责任去清洗一下?
Thanks for explaining that. I get so confused.
谢谢你的提点 是我糊涂了
That's because you're a woman.
因为你是个女人
I don't even know why we're laughing!
我都不知道我们在笑些什么
Of course you don't.
你当然不知道了
You're kidding me with this.
你开玩笑的吧
Hang on,Ted. Let's ar the man out.
等等 Ted 听听他怎么说
Once I have her attention, it's time to bring out the big guns.
一旦引起了她的注意 就该拿出杀手锏了
Look,I love you.
听着 我爱你
But,baby,with the little energy I have left after work,
但是 宝贝 下班回来后我剩下没多少体力了
I want to shower you with love,
我想把它们用来与你共浴爱河
not wash some silly dishes.
而不是洗那些该死的盘子
You're right. I'll do the dishes.
你说的太对了 我来洗
Right after I do this.
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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