老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S05E08
Part 1
Oct. 23, 2020, 10:04 a.m.
NARRATOR: Kids,the secret to dating is very simple:
孩儿们 约会的秘诀其实很简单
confident,be comfortable in your skin, be assured of who you are.
信心满满 泰然自若 相信自我
Uncle Barney was really good at that last one,
Barney叔叔对最后一点游刃有余
even though a lot of the time who he was was someone else.
尽管很多时候他并非本色出演
Hi.Do you see that guy over there in the scuba suit?
嗨 看见那边穿潜水衣的家伙了吗?
You inking of going and talking to him?
你想上去和他搭讪?
No.Good.
- 不想 - 很好
He's seriously the biggest jerk on the face of the Earth.
他是举世无双的超级大混球
How do you know him?
你咋知道?
Oh,he's one of my best friends.
他是我死党
So what's with the scuba suit?
那潜水衣是咋回事?
Well,it's a long story.
说来话长
See,he just went through a breakup...
他刚失恋不久
NARRATOR: There's two basic philosophies of how to handle yourself after a breakup.
失恋后一般会有两种处世之道
- Some people throw themselves into... - My career.
- 有的人全身心投入... - 我的事业
That's my number one focus right now.
现在我以事业为重
From now on,nmore dating.
从现在起 不涉红尘
It's all about work.
事业至上
NARRATOR: While others throw themselves into...
而有的人则是投身于...
Every woman in New York City.
整座纽约市的姑娘们
That's right,Barney Stinson is back on the market.
没错 Barnry Stinson卷土重来了
Mothers,lock up your daughters.Daughters,lock up your MILSWANCAs.
妈妈要看紧自家女儿 女儿要看紧自家的MILSWANCA
- MILSWANCAs? - Wait,I can get this.
- MILSWANCA - 等等 我明白啦
Mothers I'd Like To Sleep With And Never Call Again.
我一睡完就决不联♥系♥的妈妈们
Correct!Cile gets the square.
正确! 太阳打西边出来了
Don't you think you're kinda rushg back into this?
你不觉得这样太快了点吗?
Lily,since I started dating Robin,there's a certain thing I haven't used as much as I would like .
Lily 我和Robin约会开始 有样东西 尽管我心痒痒 但还是没拿出来用 (Lily姐想歪了)
It's...kinda big, surprisingly heavy, kind of leathery, and it's black.
它有点大 绝对重量级 皮质的 而且是黑色的
This,my friends...
就是这个 朋友们...
is The Playbook.
游龙戏凤秘籍
The Playbook contains every scam,con,hustle, hoodwink,gambit,flimflam,
游龙戏凤秘籍包含了所有 亲身实践过的或者跃跃欲试的
stratagem and bamboozle I've ever used-- or ever hope to use--
计谋 骗局 圈套 障眼法 诡计 诈术 谋略和骗术
to pick up chicks and give them the business.
用来泡妞爽翻天
Wow,you wrote another book?
哇 你还写了别的书啊?
we got a...
真是...
Stephen King over here.
堪比Stephen King啊(美国多产作家)
It's all in here.
都在这了
Everything from basic moves like "The Don't Drink That.
从最基本的象"表喝"开始
" Whoa,don't drink that.I saw some guy slip something in there.
"哇 表喝 我看见有人往里放了东西"
What?Who?
什么? 谁?
that guy.
那家伙
Thank you.
谢谢
To more advanced maneuvers like "ThMrs.Stinsfire.
到更高级的计谋象"Stinfire太太"
" Now Kappas,after our disciplinary hearing for lewd behavr last semester,
上学期对于行为不端的惩戒听证会之后
we have been aigned a new housemom.
我们聘请了新的管家
I'd like you to meet Mrs.Stinsfire.
大家来见见Stinsfire太太吧
Hello,girls!
你们好 姑娘们!
I can't picture a way that wouldn't work.
真是想失败都难
What's "The Loreo Von Matterhorn"?
"Lorenzo Von Matterhorn"是啥?
I'm glad you asked.
问得好
"The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn" will be my grand return to the sge.
"Lorenzo Von Matterhorn" 将是我重出江湖的舞台
Or y know,the bed.
换句话说就是我的床
Actually,my bed isind of on a stage.
其实 我的床就是个舞台
I put a platform underneath, and got some lights going.It's a real production.
我在床下摆了台阶 还装了聚光灯 绝对是实打实的
Barney exits!
Barney闪啦!
So,how about you, Robin?You getting back out there?ere is your playbook?
你咋样 Robin? 你又是单身贵族了 你的游龙戏凤秘籍呢?
My playbook?Bro,uh,two-volume set,right here.
我的游龙戏凤秘籍 有两卷呢 就在这
It's a great read actually.
读起来可真带劲
Yeah,I'm reading it right now.
嗯 我正读着呢
Anyway,I told you already,I'm taking a break from all that.
我说过了 我要缓一段时间
Marshall, it's totally gonna happen.
Marshall 绝对会发生
- So gna happen. - What's gonna happen?
- 是啊 - 发生什么?
- You're gonna fl in love. - So soon.
- 你会坠入爱河 - 很快
Not likel I'm focusing on my career.I'm done with dating.
不可能 我现在以事业为重 不问红尘了
Oh,okay,we playing The Pymid?
好吧 想玩金字塔对吧?
Okay,uh, "Things people say right before they meet thlove of their life.
好吧 "遇到真爱前的大言不惭"
Kelly Harris, girl I went to law school with said...
Kelly Harris 和我一起上法学院的姑娘说
: Hey,law school'so hard, I just want to focus on my studies.
嘿 法学好难读 我要一门心思读书
Six months later?
6个月后?
Married!
结婚啦!
- We,that's all well and good... - Travis Frenchroy,backup bartender tells me...
- 那也不错 - Travis Frenchroy 候补酒保告诉我...
: Oh,I'm so over the whole dating ga.
我不想再约会了
I just want to focus on my Star Trek fan fiction.
我只想看我的"星际迷航"
Six months later...
6个月后...
Married!
结婚啦!
May I respond?
我能说句吗?
Well,that's all well and good for them...
对他们来说这样也好
Matthew Blitz, accountant at my office says...:
Matthew Blitz 我办公室的会计说
Oh,I'm gonna die single and alone.
我要孤独终老
I might as well just focus on this year's taxes.
我还是把心思放在今年的税上吧
Six months later?
6个月后?
民事结合并打算结婚 正等着 纽约州参议院通过同性恋婚姻法
Protest all you want, t it's gonna happen.
尽管你不想 但还是会发生
- It's a law of nature. - Lawyered.Of nature.
- 这是自然法则 - 自然而然的事
Believe me,I'd love to have no interest in a relationship.
相信我 要是我不想谈恋爱就好了
There's no way I'd be single right now if I wanted to be single.
要是我一心想着单身 就不会到现在仍单身
Okay,now you're ready.
好吧 你终于准备好了
Ready for what?
准备好啥?
Three years ago, this girl Shelly started teaching at my school.
3年前 有个叫Shelly的姑娘 在我的学校任职
The moment I saw her,I was like, "This is the gi for Ted.
我一看见她 就感觉"和Ted真是天生一对"
" Why am I just hearing abt her now?
为啥你现在才对我说?
111
You ow,I usually hate being set up but this Ted jt sounds so great.
我一直对相亲很反感 但这个Ted听上去不错
Oh,he is.He's so sweet and thoughtful and intelligent.
是啊 他人很好 聪明又贴心
MARSHALL: Come o buddy!One more chicken finger and the crown is yours!
来吧 哥们! 再塞跟鸡条我们就赢啦!
Hmm,I don't see him anywhere.He must be out doing charity work.
呣 我没看见他 他肯定出去做社工了
So,different bar?
换家酒吧咋样?
: That gi with Lily's pretty cute!
和Lily一起的姑娘真可爱!
Oh,yeahshe was cute.
嗯 她真可爱
Yeah,still is.And now you're ready.
嗯 仍不减当年 现在你准备就绪了
Yeah,bro,now yocan fit like, three times as many chicken fingers in your mouth.
嗯 哥们 现在你都能塞下3倍的鸡条啦
You know it.
说得对
Okay,I will set it up, but promise me you won't do anything stupid.
好吧 我来安排 但要保证不会再干蠢事
I promise I won'do anything stupid.
保证不干蠢事
And I kept that promise.But only because...
我说到做到了 只因...
she never showed up.
她没出现
I know.I'm sorry, I feel terrible.
我知道 抱歉 我感觉挺糟的
You should feel teible!
你应该觉得挺糟的!
I do feel terrible!I do!
我真觉得糟透了! 真的!
- You should!You should!You should! - I do,I do!
- 你应该的! 应该的! 应该的! - 真的 真的!
I don't.
假的
Look,I was really loing forward to meeting Ted,
听着 我真的很期待和Ted见面
but I got to the bar an hour early and I met this amazing guy.
但我提前一小时到酒吧时 遇见了超牛的人
ke,seriously amazing.
真的超牛
And you met him at MacLaren's?
你在麦克拉伦酒吧里遇到的?
- Yeah,right at the bar. - What's h name?
- 对 就在那 - 他叫什么名字?
I shouldn't say.
我不该说
Oh,what the heck.It's Lorenzo Von Matterhorn!
管他呢 是Lorenzo Von Matterhorn!
你这个挨千刀的!
So,he hooked up with Shelly?You must've been pisd.
他泡了Shelly? 你肯定气坏了
Damn straight.
这还用问
BarneyI've had Shelly set aside for Ted for three years.
Barney 为了Ted 我把Shelly雪藏了3年
Dude,Ted was not missing out.
姐们 Ted没错过啥啊
She's brainy and annoying, kind of boring in the sack.
她很聪明又很烦人 到了床上又象死鱼一条
Oh,I guess she would've been perfect for Ted.
她的确和Ted是绝配
Had I known that she was the to meet Ted, of course I wouldn have done it,but...
要是我知道是去见Ted的 当然我不会下手
given the circumstances, I thk Ted'll be proud of me.
但鉴于这种情况 我觉得Ted会为我感到骄傲
I pulled off "ThLorenzo Von Matterhorn.
"Lorenzo Von Matterhorn"计谋成功啦
" Okay,what's the Lorenzo Von Matterhorn?
好吧 Lorenzo Von Matterhorn到底是啥?
My question exactly.
我也这么问的
Okay,what's the Lorenzo Von Matterhorn?
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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