老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S05E07
Part 1
Oct. 23, 2020, 10:04 a.m.
as long as I'd known your Uncle Barney, he'd always had some pretty strong opinions on relationships.
从我认识Barney叔叔开始 他就总对恋爱这回事有些固执的观点
Your girlfriend?
你的女朋友?
She's your girlfriend?
她是你的女朋友?
She's a girl and a friend?
她是个女的 还是个朋友?
Do not humanize the enemy,Ted.
别把敌人给人性化了 Ted
But nice to meet you.Barney Stinson.
但是很高兴见到你 Barney Stinson
And yet, in the fall of 2009, he was the one with the girlfriend.
而到了2009年的秋天 他成了有女朋友的人
Go ahead.Open it.Open it!Open it!Open it!Open it!
继续啊 打开 打开 打开...
It's my porn collection!
是我的A片集♥合♥!
Just kidding.That would be weird.
开玩笑的 那不就太怪了吗
- It's your porn collection. - It's my porn collection!
- 是你的A片集♥合♥ - 是我的A片集♥合♥!
I'm giving you my porn.
我的A片都送给你了
Now that things are so great with Robin, I don't need it anymore.
既然我跟Robin相亲相爱 我也不再需要它们了
Wow,you are voluntarily...
哇 你自愿...
giving up your porn?
送出你的A片?
You really are serious.
你们俩够认真的
- Yeah,well, that's obvious. - What does that mean?
- 是的 很明显是的 - 什么意思?
Oh,nothing, it's just,you know, you got relationship gut.
噢 没什么 就是 你已经有了"恋爱肚腩"
What?No,I do not "got relationship gut.
什么? 不 我才没有什么"恋爱肚腩"
" That is ridiculous.
可笑至极
It's no big deal.
这没什么大不了的
I mean,once you're dating someone, it's natural to let things go a little bit.
我是说 当你开始和某人恋爱 放纵体重也是情有可原的
Trust me, we've been there.
相信我 我们是过来人
Boy,did I pudge out for a while.
伙计 有一阵子我发福了很多
Well,we should get going.
好吧 我们得走了
Good-bye,my sweet, beloved friends.
再见 我最最亲耐的好朋友们
You have always been there for me.
你们总是默默地支持着我
You'll be missed.
我会想念你们的
He's talking to the porn.
他指的是A片
- Bye,Robin. - See you,Robs.
- 再见 Robin - 再见 Robs
God,look at these videos.Space Orgy?
天呐 瞧瞧这些片子 "太空狂欢会"?
Horny Co-Ed Surprise Party 23?
"饥渴放荡♥女♥的惊喜派对第23部"?
You'd think after the first 22 parties, the co-eds wouldn't be surprised anymore.
经历过之前的那22个派对 放荡♥女♥应该不会再惊喜了吧
So,uh...
所以...
we can get rid of these for you.
我们帮你把这些扔掉吧
Yeah.No.No-no-no-no-no-no.
不 不 不....
It's not a problem.
没关系的
I'll-I'll take care of them.
我...我来处理就好
Are you sure?I mean,no biggie.
你确定? 我是说 真的不麻烦的
We can just swing by the back alley and drop the box in the Dumpster.
我们可以绕道去后街把盒子扔到垃圾箱
I see six of the words you just said on this video label.
你刚才说的话中有6个单词 出现在这部A片的标题里
Seriously,it's not a big deal.I will take care of it.
我是说真的 没关系 我自己来就好
- No,'cause I,I mean... - Leave them!
- 不是 我是说...那个 - 给我放下!
You know,in a way it's sad,right?
某种程度上说 这是个杯具
I mean,Barney's giving up his porn.He's got relationship gut.
Barney放弃了A片 又有了"恋爱肚腩"
They eat at the same diner every night.
他们每晚在同一家餐厅吃饭
It-it's,like,the end of Barney Stinson as we know him.
以我们对他的了解 这简直是Barney Stinson的坟墓
- Yeah,well,so what?They're happy. - Yeah,well,we gotta go.Later.
- 是吧 那又怎么样 他们很开心 - 是的 我们也走了
- So what'd you get? - I gotSquat.
- 你拿到了什么? - 我拿到了"Squat"(Squat: 蹲式 Orz)
What are you...I thought I saw you take one.
什么...我看到你拿了一部的 (Marshall把squat理解成"什么也没有")
Yeah,I did.It's calledSquat.
是啊 我拿了 片名就叫"Squat"
ArchiSexTure.
"建筑性学"
That is not how you spell "Buckminster Fuller.
Buckminster Fuller才不是这么拼写的呢! (美国建筑学家)
" Kids,pornography is bad, and so I was getting rid of that vile pornography right away...
孩子们 色情录像危害很大 所以我马上会把那箱A片给扔了
I am getting rid of this vile pornography right away.
我马上就会把这箱A片给扔了
when something terrible happened.
突然间 可怕的事情发生了
Oh,no.
不!
Oh,no.
不!
Oh,no.
不!
Oh,no.
不!
WOMAN : ArchiSexTure...
建筑性学...
Hello,Ted.
你好 Ted
If you are watching this tape-- and I knew you'd pick this one--
如果你正在看这卷带子 我就知道你会挑这部的
then you are now in possession of my porn.
代表我的A片归你所有了
This can only mean one of two things: either I'm dead,
这仅有两种可能: 要么我死了
or I'm in a committed relationship.
要么我正式恋爱了
If I'm dead, I want you to honor my memory
如果是我死了 我想让你尊重我的遗愿
by taking my body to the Hamptons and recreating Weekend at Bernie's.
把我的遗体运到汉普顿 重演"Bernie家的周末" ("Bernie家的周末"专指某种性♥交♥方式)
I want to dance.
我想要跳舞
I want to have sex with a girl.
我想和一个女孩嘿♥咻♥
And I want to go fishing.
我也想去钓鱼
If,on the other hand,I'm in a committed relationship,
另一种可能 如果我正在恋爱的话
then as your best friend, I have only one request:
作为你最好的哥们 我只有一个请求
please,for the love of God, get me out of it!
求你 看在苍天的份上 把我解救出来吧
I might look happy, but don't believe it.
也许我看上去很快乐 但这只是表面
Barney Stinson is meant to be single.
Barney Stinson注定是单身的
So please,if you value my best-friendship--
所以求你了 如果你在乎我们的友情
that's right,Marshall, I'm his best friend, how does that feel?
没错 Marshall 我才是他最好的朋友 伤到你的心了吗
-- then get me out of this.
那就把我从这里解救出来
And finally,since you were expecting some porn...
最后 既然你期待着看A片...
No,no,no,baby, don't worry.
不 不 不 宝贝 别担心
The flashing green light means it's off.
绿灯一闪一闪说明摄像机是关着的
Are we sure he was finished talking?
确定接下来他没有什么要说的了吗?
Look,there's no reason we should take this seriously,right?
我们没必要把事情看得那么严重
Of course not.This is an old tape.
当然不会了 这是很久以前拍的带子
Barney is happy with Robin.
Barney和Robin在一起很快乐
But over the next couple weeks, I started to notice things.
但是接下来几周 我开始注意到一些事情
Barney and Robin stopped having crazy adventures.
Barney和Robin的热度在退减
So what'd you guys do last night?
昨晚你俩干什么了?
I wanted to go to a concert.He wanted to go to a party.
我想去看演唱会 而他想去派对
Obviously,we couldn't do what just one of us wanted,
很显然 我们无法做只有其中一个人想做的事
so we just stayed in, watched a movie on cable.
所以我们就呆家里 一起看了部有线台的电影
It wasLegen-- wait for it-- ds of the Fall.
那就是 燃情...来了..岁月
Legends of the Fall!
燃情岁月!
It was okay.
一般般吧
Barney stopped being himself.
Barney不再是他自己
Hey,Barney,I'm,uh,I'm chatting up this girl over there,
Barney 我正跟那个妞聊天
and I could use a little help landing the plane.
泡到她我还需要点帮助
Sorry,Ted,I'm my own wingman tonight.
对不起 Ted 今晚我只帮自己泡妞
And Robin got annoyed at everything he said.
只要Barney一开口 Robin就很不耐烦
So,how are you two?
你俩怎么样?
- So great.Relationships are the best. - shut up.Shut up.
- 好极了 恋爱真是太棒了 - 闭嘴 闭嘴
- Shut up,shut up,shut up... - The sharing, the compromise, the monogamy--
- 闭嘴 闭嘴... - 分享 妥协 一夫一妻
- can't beat it. - Shut up,shut up...
- 令人无法抗拒 - 闭嘴 闭嘴...
Catchphrase!
都是重点词! 对
But the worse they got...
他们的关系越糟糕...
I'm full...sweetie.
我饱了 亲爱的
the more they kept saying things were great.
就越把"好极了"挂嘴边
Now,in reality, Barney and Robin only kind of let themselves go.
事实上 Barney和Robin只是放纵了一点点
But after another few weeks, to us,they seemed like this.
但是我发誓 几周后 对我们来说 他们看起来就像这样
I'll be there...
我马上过去
in a minute.
让我休息一分钟
- They're killing each other. - They love each other.
- 他们摧残对方 - 他们深爱对方
Barney and Robin love each other, but they're not Barney and Robin anymore.
Barney和Robin彼此相爱 但他们都不是自己了 他们就是一个胖男人和一个老女人
They're the fat guy My favorite '70s detective show.
就像我最爱的"70年代侦探秀"
Look,it's so clear.
太明显了
Barney's been overeating because he hates being tied down like this.
Barney暴饮暴食是因为他不喜欢被束缚
And Robin's stressing out because she hates what Barney's turned into.
Robin压力过大是因为 讨厌Barney变成这个样子
No,they're a perfect match.
不啊 他俩挺般配的
Well,maybe that's the problem.
好吧 也许那正是问题所在
Maybe they're too similar.
可能是因为他们太相像了
It must be tough having two alpha dogs in one relationship.
一段恋爱关系没有两只阿尔法犬
- We have two alpha dogs in our relationship. - Sure we do,sweetie.
- 我们的恋爱关系里就有两只阿尔法犬 - 那是当然的 亲爱的
If they're not happy, why don't they just break up?
如果他们不快乐 为什么不分手呢?
Because they're too stubborn.
因为他们太固执了
Neither one of them wants to be the first to admit that they want out.
没有一个人愿意先承认自己准备放弃
They're playing Relationship Chicken.
他们在玩"恋爱鸡汤"游戏
I think Barney ate the relationship chicken.
我倒是觉得Barney把"恋爱鸡汤"喝掉了
Ted,it's just a rough patch.
Ted 这只是个小难关而已
It takes time getting used to being with someone else.
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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