老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S05E18
Part 2
Oct. 23, 2020, 10:08 a.m.
Barney,Lily,Robin,Ted,Marshall和 真命天女之Emily
Robin's Uncle Cecil's funeral: Marshall,Lily,Robin,Barney,Ted and...
Robin叔叔Cecil的葬礼 Marshall,Lily,Robin,Barney,Ted和
"this just proves you find the one when you're not looking" Isabel.
街上闭眼随便抓来的真命天女 Isabel
My appenx surgery: Robin,Marshall,Barney,Lily,Ted,and...
我阑尾炎手术 Robin,Marshall,Barney,Lily,Ted和
Well,this one you admitted you were just trying to bang.
哦 这个你至少承认了 你只是想和她上♥床♥
Respect.
佩服啊
Oh,hey. Remember this yoga instructor you brought to my birthday last year?
记得我去年生日你带来的这个 瑜伽教练吗
You.
你
Thank you. Thank you. Oh,my - oh,my God.
谢谢 谢谢 哦 天啊 天啊
You guys are not going to believe who just came in.
你们肯定想不到刚是谁进来了
Don't look. Don't look!
别看 别看
Why aren't you looking? !
你们怎么不看啊
It's Slash from Guns N' Roses!
是枪花乐队的Slash!
Okay,okay,group shot. Group shot!
镇定 镇定 拍照 拍照
And we got it.
我们拍到了
We got a picture with Slash on my birthday.
在我生日那天和Slash拍到合影
Awesome,right? Right?
太妙了 是吧? 是吧?
We were there. We know how this ends.
我们当时在 我们知道后来如何
Wrong!
错了!
You know what's funny about this picture? He was grabbing my ass.
你知道这张照片好笑在哪里? 他在捏我屁♥股♥
Really? He was grabbing my ass,too.
真的? 他也在捏我屁♥股♥
He was grabbing my ass,too - how many hands does that guy have?
他也捏我的屁♥股♥了 这家伙到底有几只手啊
No wonder he's such a good guitarist.
怪不得这家伙吉他弹得这么好
Actually,I'm sorry dude,I thought that you were Lily.
我想说抱歉哥们儿 我当时以为你是Lily
Wait a second. Look at these pictures again.
等一下 再看看这些照片
Barney has the same pose in each shot and these are,like,years apart.
Barney这么多年来这么多照片 都是同一个姿势
Ah,yes,about that: I never take a bad picture.
是啊 关于这个 我拍照一直完美的
Never have,never will.
过去是 将来也是
There has to be a bad picture of you.
肯定有张没拍好的
Nope,not one.
没有 一张也没有
What about from elementary school? Everyone has bad pictures from school.
小学的照片呢? 上学的时候谁都有没拍好的照片
Not the Barnacle.
本人从来没有
I always look drop dead,stone cold amazing.
我永远都是惊人地完美
Unlike Marshall,who just looks dead,stoned and cold.
不像Marshall永远是一副死相
He was right,kids.
他说对了 孩子们
Your Uncle Marshall does a lot of things well,
Marshall叔叔很多方面都很好
but he does not take a good picture.
但是他从来没有拍过一张好照片
They're not all bad,okay? Like...
也不是都那么糟糕吧 像
here. Here,look at this one. My eyes are open.
这张 这张 我眼睛睁着呢
- Marshall,no! - Oh,you did put a bow on it.
- Marshall 别! - 哦 你还真打上蝴蝶结了啊
- Chip and dip,Barney? - Sure.
- 吃薯片吗 Barney - 当然
Aha! Got it! A bad picture.
啊哈! 拍到了! 不完美照片
Is it though?
果真如此?
No! Wait! You were eating a chip!
不会吧 等一下 你在吃薯片!
Where's the chip?
薯片去哪里了?
It is physically impossible for me to take a bad picture.
对我来说拍不好照片是不可能的
I don't know why. Ask God.
我不知道为什么 问上帝吧
Look,Lily,I'm sorry about Amanda.
听着 Lily 关于Amanda我很抱歉
I'm just going to say it. You are being a birthday brat.
但是我还是要说 你纯粹是在耍小孩子脾气
You're all bent out of shape just 'cause you think I ruined a couple pictures.
你们都这么不高兴 就因为我破坏了几张照片?
Oh,Ted. These girls have ruined so many events,
哦 Ted 这些女孩破坏了好多聚会
or are you forgetting Paris?
或者你忘了巴黎的事情了?
What happened in Paris?
巴黎发生什么事情了?
It was junior year and I was studying abroad in Paris,
大学三年级 我到巴黎去学习
and I hadn't seen Marshall for two months.
我和Marshall两个月没见面了
Two months. And I had just started having sex.
两个月啊! 我们才刚开始有性生活
I wasn't ready to stop for two months.
我根本没准备好要中断两个月
And Marshall was coming to visit over spring break.
Marshall打算春假时来看我
And at the last minute,Ted decided to come
最后时刻 Ted决定跟来
with the girl he had just gotten back together with,Karen.
还带着一个刚复合的女友 Karen
Karen.
Karen
I am so excited you're here.
你能来我太兴奋了
I'm so excited to go to Paris.
一起去巴黎我太兴奋了
I'm so excited to have sex again.
能重新体验性生活我太兴奋了
But just before the plane took off...
就在飞机起飞前一刻
Wait,I want to tell you something.
等一下 我有事情要告诉你
Really? 'Cause I think I want to tell you the same thing.
真的? 因为我想告诉你同样的话
Is your thing,I had sex with my philosophy professor last night?
你要说的是 我昨天晚上和哲学教授上♥床♥了?
'Cause that's my thing.
我要说的就是这个
And thus began the longest seven and a half hours of Marshall's life.
就此 Marshall人生中最漫长的 7个半小时开始了
When I picked them up at the airport...
我去机场接他们的时候...
Ted broke up with me.
Ted和我分手了
I need to sleep in your room this week.
这个礼拜我要跟你睡一起
Marshall can bunk with Ted.
Marshall能和Ted挤挤
Two months! My balls were bleu! Bleu!
两个月! 我的蛋蛋都憋蓝了! 蓝了! (法语)
This will come as no shock,but the rest of the trip was terrible.
这还不算什么 但是之后的旅行 糟糕透顶
And all I wanted was a romantic kiss picture
我只想在艾菲尔塔前拍一张
in front of the Eiffel Tower,which I actually did get.
浪漫的亲吻照片 我还真的拍到叻
It just happened to be between Karen and Francois,
结果是Karen和Francois
our waiter from the day before.
就是前一天的服务生
Wow,that's just awful.
太糟糕了
Just... Ugh! Just-Just...
太... 嗯! 太... 太...
- Oopsies! Hey. I dropped my phone. You mind picking it up for me? - Oh,sure.
- 哎呀! 我的相机掉了 能帮我捡一下吗? - 当然
Smile,you son of a bitch! Got it!
笑一个 你个混♥蛋♥! 拍到了!
Did you,though?
果真如此?
Wait. How do you do that?! You weren't even standing up!
等等 你怎么做到的?! 你根本没站起来!
The camera loves me,Robin.
照相机爱我 Robin
More than loves me. The camera lusts after me.
不只是爱我 照相机对我如饥似渴
The camera wants to put on some nice lingerie,
照相机想穿上性感内衣
pop in an Al Green CD,dim the lights and do all the work
放Al Green CD里的歌♥ 调节好弱光 搞定所有的事
while I just lie there with my eyes closed.
而我只要闭着眼睛躺着就好了
Look,I'm sorry about Paris and all the ruined group shots,
巴黎那次 还有所有搞残的集体照 我很抱歉
but when you're single,you got to hope that each next new girl is the one.
但单身的时候 每一次你总要抱着 下个姑娘肯定能成的希望
- I mean,Erin. - Emily.
- 你看Erin - Emily
- Irene. - Or Isabel.
- Irene - Isabel
- And Sarah. - It's Leilani. What is wrong with you?
- 还有Sarah. - 是Leilani 你哪根筋搭错了?
At the time,yes,I thought each of these girls could be the one,
那个时候 我真的觉得 她们都有可能成
but I got to stay hopeful.
我总得怀揣希望
I mean,what's the alternative?
不然还能怎么着?
Here's the alternative. How about no more random skanks at my birthday!
就这样 你别再随随便便带个讨厌鬼 来参加我的生日派对!
Hey,sweetie!
亲爱的!
Hi. Uh,do you guys have a cooling rack?
你们有冷却架吗?
Oh,drawer under the oven. Can't wait. You're just the best!
在烤箱下面的抽屉里 快去吧 你最棒了!
Ted,I'm sorry. I gonna have to agree with Lily on this.
Ted 很抱歉在这点上 我不得不同意Lily
I mean,these kind of events are hard for a new person.
新朋友参加这些聚会太勉强
That's why I didn't bring Don tonight.
这就是为什么今晚我不带Don过来
I mean,when I lived in Japan,this guy,for our third date,
我住在日本的时候 这个男人 在第三次约会的时候
brought me to his brother's wedding.
带我参加他哥哥的婚礼
Now,I- a total stranger-
现在 我...一个彻头彻尾的陌生人
am in that Japanese couple's wedding picture for all eternity.
永远留在那对日本夫妇的结婚照里了
Name***
那个婊♥子♥叫什么!
Yeah,Ted,I think you should listen to Robin.
对 Ted 我觉得你应该听Robin的
Right,right,'cause... 'cause Robin's your best friend.
是啊是啊 因为... 因为 Robin是你最好的朋友
- Exactly. - Your best friend in the whole world.
- 当然 - 全世界最好的朋友
- Absolutely. - Careful,Lily. It's a trap.
- 那是 - 当心 Lily 是陷阱
And before she was your best friend,what was she?
在她成为你最好的朋友之前 是什么?
Oh,that's right. One of my random skanks.
哦 对了 是我随便带来的讨厌鬼之一
Okay,yes,Ted. This particular skank...
好了 没错 Ted 这位特殊的讨厌鬼...
... happened to work out,but she's the skanky exception,not the skanky rule.
碰巧成了 但是她是讨厌鬼中的例外 不是不是讨厌鬼中的惯例...
Okay,I'm crying a little bit.
行了 我要哭了
Okay. Hey,guys,that about wraps up this whole skank conversation.
伙计们 不要继续这个讨厌鬼的话题了
Let's get back to the birthday song!
我们来唱生日歌♥吧!
Okay,um,Barney,your part goes like this.
好 Barney 你这样唱
She's cute She's cute.
她很可爱 她很可爱 她很可爱
Lily,I bring girls to these events
Lily 我带这些姑娘来参加聚会
because you guys are important to me. You're my family.
因为你们对我很重要 是我的家人
And,oh,hey,Robin.
Robin 你 嗨 Robin
Hey,Robin,Robin,your part goes like this.
Robin Robin 你这样唱
And nice and nice And also nice!
还很善良 还很善良 还很善良!
Yes. We're a family.
是的 我们是家人
So why can't these events ever just be us?
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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