燃情克利夫兰

Hot in Cleveland S06E23

Part 1 May 4, 2020, 8:26 a.m.

燃情
克利夫兰
第六季第二十三 ~ 二十四集全剧终
《燃情克利夫兰》是在摄影棚观众前现场录制的
Hot in Cleveland is recorded in front of a live studio audience.
请各位坐好机舱门已经关上
Please take your seats. We've closed the doors
飞机马上就要起飞前往巴黎
and begun preparations for our flight to Paris.
谢天谢地我赶上了
Thank God. I made it.
实际上那杯酒是我的
Actually, that was mine.
但看起来你比我更需要
But you look like you needed it more than I did.
真的很抱歉
I'm so, so sorry.
我保证不会吃你的腰果
I promise I won't touch any of your cashews.
除了这一颗我一整天没吃东西了
'Cept this one, 'cause I haven't eaten all day.
请自便
Help yourself.
-我叫汤姆 -我叫梅兰妮
- I'm Tom. - Oh, Melanie.
老天这一天可真疯狂
Boy, have I had a crazy day.
发生什么事了
What happened?
说来话长
It's a long story.
飞行时间也很长啊 9小时呢
Well, it's a long flight, nine hours.
我不是说你能持续说那么久
Not that you'd talk for that long.
你真是不了解我
You don't know me very well.
那就说吧
Go for it.
好吧先给你讲一下故事背景
Okay, well, first I have to set things up.
6年前我和我的朋友们
Six years ago, my friends and I
也像这样准备搭飞机飞往巴黎
were on a plane just like this flying to Paris.
没想到那架飞机紧急迫降
But that plane crash-landed.
但是你不要想太多
Oh, but, you know, get that out of your mind.
如果一路上你脑子里都想着
It would ruin the flight
"要是这姑娘是个扫把星
if the whole time you're thinking,
害这架飞机也出事怎么办" 那会毁掉你的旅程的
"What if this girl's a jinx and this plane crashes?"
我本来没有那么想现在开始想了
I wasn't thinking that. Until now.
言归正传我们安全降落在克利夫兰
Anyway, we landed safely in Cleveland,
结果定居在那里了
and then we ended up living there.
而明天我亲爱的好闺蜜乔依
And tomorrow, my dear, sweet friend Joy
将在巴黎举♥行♥她的梦幻婚礼
is gonna have her dream wedding in Paris.
我们知道以后一切都会改变所以
We knew everything was gonna change, so...
昨天我们决定暂时抛开一切
yesterday we decided to just put that out of our minds
开一场嗨翻天的单身派对
and just have the most fun bachelorette party.
不不不
No, no, no!
今晚的规矩是不能流泪
The rule of the evening is no tears.
要是感到难过的话就想想
Whenever we feel sad, let's just remember
我将在巴黎举♥行♥梦幻婚礼
my fabulous wedding in Paris
人们会从世界各地...赶来参加
that people are flying to from all over the world...
包括加拿大
and Canada.
敬巴黎
To Paris!
我来从「真心话」问题卡中
I'm gonna pull another card
再抽一个问题吧
from the bachelorette party question deck.
听好了各位
Okay, everyone.
"你最爽的一炮是跟谁打的"
"What was the best sex you ever had?"
是鲍勃
It's Bob.
说真的他让我忘掉了
Honestly, he's made me forget
其他所有我睡过的男人
every other man I've ever slept with.
那一定把她大脑里的内容都清空了
That must have emptied out the old brain pan.
你呢爱尔卡
What about you, Elka?
-是歌♥王辛纳屈对吧 -不不是
- Sinatra, right? - Nope, nope.
我经历过最爽的一次高♥潮♥
The best orgasm I ever had
是当乔依说她要搬走时
was when Joy said she was leaving.
梅兰妮
Melanie.
我不想说
I-I don't wanna...say.
拜托告诉我们嘛
Oh, come on, tell us.
说实话吗是鲍勃
Honestly? Bob.
我知道我们只上过一次床
I mean, I know we only slept together once,
但他床技真的好棒抱歉
but he was amazing. I'm sorry.
不不
Oh, no...
你不用道歉
You don't have to be.
我知道你们对彼此都没有感觉
I know neither one of you has feelings for the other.
就像你知道如果你们中的一个喜欢对方
Just like you know that if either one of you did,
我一定会打断你们的腿
I would have to cripple you in some disfiguring way.
这游戏真好玩
Ah, this game is fun!
我最爽的一次是和那个曾经的他
For me, the best was the one who got away.
强尼·里维尔
Johnny Revere.
我在小报上看到
You know, I read in the tabloids
他每晚都换一个20岁的小粉丝睡
that he's sleeping with a different 20-year-old groupie every night.
我敢打赌他很痛苦
I bet he is miserable.
我跟你赌
Oh, I'll take that bet.
我会很想念这感觉的
I'm gonna miss this.
谁敢相信我们6年前搬来这里
Who can believe we moved here six years ago
就因为一家酒吧里的人觉得我们很火♥辣♥性感
just because men in a bar thought we were hot?
是全城都觉得我们很火♥辣♥性感呢
The whole city thought we were hot.
我们在这里比在洛杉矶约到的男人多多了
And we had a lot more dates here than we would have had in L.A.
尽管并不是每个男人都很出色
Although they haven't all been great.
还记得那个维尼熊吗
Remember Pooh Bear?
他除了一件T恤什么都不♥穿♥
He walked around in only a T-shirt and nothing else?
那个有恋足癖的家伙呢
Oh, and what about the guy with the foot fetish
他给我的脚趾做了小衣裳
who made little outfits for my toes?
我约会过一个18岁的小屁孩
I've been with an 18-year-old,
一个把自己打扮成彩虹小马的家伙
a man who dressed up like My Little Pony,
我还差点嫁给一个疯流浪汉
and I almost married a homeless lunatic
就为了拿绿卡
just to get a green card.
不好意思打断下
Excuse me.
大胸男手蹼男尾巴男
Man boobs, webbed hands, human tail,
前额长鼻男联体双胞胎我都约过
forehead nose, conjoined twins--
我赢了
I win.
好了是时候抽出
All right, it's time for me to pull out
将在我的婚礼上
the name of the person
致敬酒辞的人了
who will give the toast at my wedding,
那个人将在我人生中最幸福的一天
the one who will say lovely, wonderful things about me
向大家讲述我是多么可爱又美好
on the happiest day of my life.
爱尔卡
梅兰妮
Melanie!
上面写的是梅兰妮
It says Melanie!
我很荣幸但当众演讲...
I mean, it was an honor, but public speaking--
那让我超级紧张
oh, it makes me crazy nervous.
我上一次演讲时汗渍
The last time I did it, I got these sweat stains
从腋下一直延伸到腰部
that went from my armpits all the way down to my waist.
更不要提胸部下方的新月形汗渍
Oh, not to mention the under-boob sweat crescents?
我为什么要跟你说这个
Why am I telling you this?
别担心
Don't worry about it.
我会把它和你之前提到的在飞机事故中惨死的事
I'll put it in the same place as your suggestion of dying
一起抛到脑后
in a hideous plane crash.
很好很好
Good, good.
不管怎样后来夜越来越深
Anyway, so the night went on,
我们继续玩着游戏
and we played some more games
然后维多利亚老天呐
and then Victoria...boy.
她简直丢出了一个重磅炸♥弹♥
She dropped a really big bombshell on us.
好了维多利亚轮到你了
All right, Victoria. Your turn.
"有什么事是你从没告诉过任何人的"
"What is one thing you've never told anyone?"
好吧
Okay.
我有个重大消息要宣布
I have a major announcement to make.
乔依的婚礼结束后我会搬回洛杉矶
After Joy's wedding, I'm moving back to L.A.
你说搬回去是什么意思
What do you mean, you're moving?
我的经纪公♥司♥ 经纪人和整个团队都说
Well, my agent, my manager, my whole team all said
如果我真的打算重振我的事业
that if I'm serious about reinvigorating my career,
我得回到洛杉矶去
I need to be in L.A.
-为什么呢 -你仔细想想
- But why? - Well, think about it.
如果我人在洛杉矶斯嘉丽·约翰逊
If I'm in L.A. and a Scarlett Johansson
或者娜塔莉·波特曼退出了一部戏
or a Natalie Portman drop out of a project,
你觉得他们会找谁来演
then who do you think they're gonna call?
你吗
You?
对极了
Exactly.
我们的温馨小屋真的要四分五裂了
Our house really is splitting up.
我们到时候都不在一个城市
We're not even gonna be in the same city.
我们美好的同居岁月终究走到了尽头
This wonderful time of us living together is coming to an end.