燃情克利夫兰

Hot in Cleveland S06E06

Part 3 May 4, 2020, 8:23 a.m.

Oh, my God.
我懂的我的可怕发色
I know. My hair.
乔依重点不在于你和你的可怕形象
Joy, this is not about you and how terrible you look.
我得去睡在一个洞中
I have to sleep in a cave
就因为你们两个说我根本不看合同
because you two said that I didn't read contracts.
我在野外要怎么生存下来啊
Oh, how the hell am I gonna survive in the wild?
我在丽笙酒店都几乎无法撑过一晚
I can barely make it through a night at the Radisson.
女人住在一起就是会出现这种问题
See, this is the problem with women living together.
我们会相互跑进对方的脑海中
We're in each other's heads.
我们的思维周期都变得一致了
Our mind cycles are synced.
你说得对
You're right.
我们患上了PMS[本意经前综合症]
We have pms.
持续性精神...
Persistent mental...
什么东西
Something.
我们该怎么办
What do we do?
沿用女人几个世纪来常用的方法
What women have done for centuries:
喝酒吃巧克力尽量离同性远一点
Drink, eat chocolate, and try to stay away from each other.
那请你们都离我远远的
And stay away from me while you're at it.
等等她是在谁的脑海中啊
Wait, whose head is she in?
大家好我是贝尔·汤玛斯
Hi, I'm Bear Thomas,
这个幽深潮湿荒凉的洞穴
and this dark, damp, remote cave
今晚将是维多利亚·蔡斯的寝殿
is gonna be Victoria Chase's bedroom for the night.
她和大自然对抗的所有工具
All that stands between her and the elements
只有一个睡袋和一瓶古伏特加
is a sleeping bag and a bottle of paleo vodka.
-我现在要丢下她了 -什么
- I'm gonna leave her now. - What?
等等等等等等
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
你必须保护我不被大自然伤害啊
You have to protect me against all this nature.
此次营销活动的重点就是
The whole point of the promotion is
你一个人与大自然元素对抗
you here against the elements.
好消息是这个洞里所有的虫子都是可食用的
The good news is, all the bugs in this cave are edible.
老鼠一般是不会出来的
Oh, and the bats won't come out
除非你突然有大动作或是因恐惧而尖叫
unless you make a sudden movement or scream in fear.
明天见啦
See you tomorrow.
我好孤单啊
I'm so alone.
我脑海里唯一的声音就是我自己的
The only voice in my head is my own,
说着 "你♥他♥妈♥为什么不好好看看合同啊"
saying, "why didn't you read your contract?"
我真希望梅兰妮出现在我深深的脑海中
Oh, I wish Melanie was in my head.
她肯定会有办法的
She'd know what to do.
嘿你为什么不希望我出现在你的脑海中啊
Hey, how come you didn't want me in your head?
因为我更擅长应对危机
Because I'm better in a crisis.
一旦你不能靠喝酒和上♥床♥解决问题
If you can't drink it or sleep with it,
你就不知道该怎么办了
you don't know what to do.
好样的维多利亚
Good one, Victoria.
那是我的台词
That was my line.
不但是是我在想象你说这句话
No, but I'm the one imagining you saying it.
快帮帮我吧
Now, help me.
我要怎么熬过今晚啊
How am I gonna get through the night?
你是个女演员
You're an actress.
是获得过奥斯卡奖的女演员
An academy award-winning actress.
我对于这一点真是乐此不疲
I never get tired of thinking it.
就演得好像你并不是在一个山洞中吧
Just act like you're not in a cave.
你是在一家高档室外水疗馆的"洞穴室"中
You're in the cave room of an exclusive outdoor spa.
格温妮丝也想预定但却被告知你更大牌
Gwyneth tried to book it but was told you were more important.
你不需要给谁留下好印象
There's nobody here to impress,
所以你不用假装看书
so you don't have to pretend to read a book.
现在你虽然没有黄瓜水但你有...
And instead of cucumber water, you have...
伏特加
Vodka.
我好爱我现在的思维方式啊
Oh, I like the way I'm thinking.
那天晚上的事我真的很抱歉
I am so sorry about the other night.
没关系的
That's okay.
不管你信不信我从没跟女人做过爱
Believe it or not, I have not had sex with women before.
你今晚想再次来过夜吗
Do you want to come around again tonight for a nice evening in?
或者
Or...
我们可以狂野一下现在就去洗手间做
We could be naughty and do it right now in the bathroom.
洗...
The bath--
洗手间吗
The bathroom?
我可从没在公共场所做过呢
I've never done it in public before.
当年在新西兰时
Back in New Zealand,
我曾在公车站差点行了苟且之事
I had a sensual encounter at a bus stop once.
但却被羊打断了
But it was interrupted by sheep.
到残疾人蹲位去找我
Meet me in the handicap bathroom.
5分钟后
Five minutes.
听上去好狂野啊
Sounds naughty.
超级狂野哦
Oh, super naughty.
因为如果我们被抓到占用残疾人专用蹲位的话
Because if we get caught in the handicap bathroom,
是要被罚款的哦
we have to pay a fine.
要怎么使洗手间显得性感啊
Oh, how do you make a bathroom sexy?
我真希望乔依在这里
I wish Joy were here.
你为什么最先想到我啊
Why did you think of me first?
就是啊我也在洗手间做过爱啊
Exactly. I've had sex in bathrooms.
是啊但是承认吧
Yeah, but admit it.
你最先想到的就是乔依
You think of Joy first.
你跑到这里来干什么
What are you doing here?
我就是赶过来吐槽你而已
I just came by to say that.
好了我该怎么办啊
Okay, you guys, what do I do?
首先你得喝到足够醉
Well, first of all, you have to be drunk enough
才能忘记你这是在公共洗手间里
to forget you're in a public bathroom.
我没醉现在可是午餐时间
I'm not drunk. It's lunchtime.
梅兰妮这可不是你的风格啊
Oh, Melanie, this isn't you.
拒绝做真实的自己就会带来最差劲的性♥爱♥体验
And not being yourself is the worst sex of all.
你们之前不是说温和的性♥爱♥才是最差劲的吗
I thought you said nice sex was the worst sex of all.
我们知道个什么啊我们又不温和
What do we know? We're not nice.
我们从未享受过温和的性♥爱♥
We've never had nice sex.
或许会很爽呢
Maybe it's good.
的确很爽
It is good.
真宽敞啊
Ooh, roomy, isn't it?
拥有广阔的做♥爱♥空间
Lots of space for sex.
当然了细菌也巨多
And, of course, bacteria.
杰克我很抱歉这不是真正的我
Jack, I'm sorry. This isn't me.
我感觉这也不是你的风格
And I'm--I'm sensing this isn't you either.
拒绝做真实的自己就会带来最差劲的性♥爱♥体验
And not being yourself is the worst sex of all.
实际上不能做♥爱♥才是最差劲的性♥爱♥体验
Well, actually, not having sex is the worst sex of all.
-我们回我家去吧 -好啊
- Shall we go back to my place? - Yes, please.
如果你依然想激♥情♥刺♥激♥一点
And if you still want to spice things up,
我有一种叫「摩洛哥周日」的香烛
I do have a scented candle called "Moroccan Sundays,"
点起那个香烛有点狂野啊因为今天是周二
Which would be rather naughty to light, as today's Tuesday.
你好黛比
Hi, Debbie.
我需要跟你谈谈
I need to talk to you.
天啊你怎么知道我在这里
Oh, my God, how did you know I was here?
我已经跟踪你一整天了
I've been following you all day
但不是变♥态♥的那种跟踪
but not in a creepy way.
你这还不叫变♥态♥吗
How is that not creepy?
因为我儿子每周六晚上需要人陪伴
Because my son needs a companion Saturday nights,
不能再由我来担此重任了
and it can't be me anymore.
听着
Look...
我给欧文发短♥信♥了他正赶过来
I've texted Owen. He's on his way here.
我希望能跟你消除误会
And I was hoping to smooth things over with you,
让你再给他一次机会
so you'd give him another chance.
不你真是疯了
No, you are crazy.
别来烦我否则我就报♥警♥了
Leave me alone, or I'm calling the police.
你不必那么做的我这就走
You don't have to do that. I'm leaving.
你不能就这么放弃了啊
You can't give up like that.
有点自信吧
Have some confidence.
立刻坐回去使出我对付我孩子的那一招
Now get back in there, and do what I do with my kids.
当我们互相伤害之后
When we've hurt each other,
我们会一切重新开始
we start all over again
按照我们原本希望的方式重来
and do it the way we wish we'd done it.
我们把这称作"重启" 有次珍娜...
We call it a do-over. This one time with Jenna--
你知道你可以随时打断她让她闭嘴的吧
You do realize that you can make her stop talking at any time.
你好我是乔依·斯克罗格
Hello, I'm Joy Scroggs.
你这是在搞什么啊