邓肯小镇

-邓肯 -过
- Duncan? - Pass.
米娅 你想有什么样的毕业舞会主题
Mia, what's your idea for a prom theme?
老实说 我觉得毕业舞会
Honestly, I think prom is kind of
对我们这一代来说有点过时了 所以听好了
an antiquated concept for our generation, so get this.
我在想我们可以做一天的服务
I'm thinking we could have a day of service
穿上工作服 清理那条河
where we put on overalls and clean up that river!
然后去流动厨房♥
Then we head over to the soup kitchen, and--
我把我剩下的时间交给其他人
I yield my time.
我有个问题想问史蒂夫
Yeah, I have a question for Steve.
-他叫邓肯 -不 是史蒂夫
- His name is Duncan. - No, it's Steve.
史蒂夫 你打算如何解决我们的垃圾午餐
Steve, what are you gonna do about our crappy school lunches?
不知道 你们午餐想吃什么
I don't know, what do you guys want for lunch?
-苏打水 -单层大块蛋糕
- Soda! - Sheet cake!
好的 都满足
Okay, sure, whatever you want.
我们不想再上体育课了
We don't wanna take gym anymore!
好的 不上体育课
Okay, no more gym.
你不能因为有人呼吁就把项目关了
You can't just eliminate programs because people--
我不想8点就到校
I don't like having to be here at 8:00 a. M.
我错过了《今日秀》的最后三小时
I miss the last three hours of the "Today Show"!
好戏都在那期间
And that's when it gets cooking!
杨子 摩羯座
Yangzi. Capricorn.
计算机室里总是坐满了做作业的书呆子
The computer lab is always packed with nerds doing homework.
计算机是用来玩游戏
Computers are for games
在想赌博以及找到附近性感的单身人士的
and online gambling and finding hot singles in your area!
你想要上暗网
You want full access to the dark web?
没问题
You got it.
邓肯 你在说什么
Duncan, what are you saying?
我不知道 但他们喜欢
I don't know, but they like it.
你试试 大家很热情
You try something. It's a hot crowd.
人人都在讨论学术评估测试
Everybody talks about the SATs,
但是大学入学考试 有人同意我吗
but what about the ACTs? Who's with me, huh?
谢谢你们激烈的辩论
All right, thanks for that rousing debate.
如你所知 我们是根据欢呼声来定夺的
As you know, we vote "Showtime at the Apollo" style.
支持邓肯的喊出来
Holler for Duncan.
支持米娅的
Now for my girl Mia.
我住在那条臭河旁边
I live next to that smelly river.
掌声送给你们的新学生会主席
Then give it up for your new student body president,
邓肯·哈里斯
Duncan Harris!
邓肯 邓肯 邓肯
Duncan, Duncan, Duncan!
-他们知道我名字了 -权力很有毒
- They know my name! - Power is so intoxicating.
-你忘了你的午餐了 泰勒 -妈 你让我很丢人
- You forgot your lunch, Tyler. - Mom, you're embarrassing me.
学生会主席 你
Student body president? You?
-你 -你
- You? - You?
你
You?
这不可能
This can't be real.
我要发短♥信♥给杨子一探究竟
I'm gonna text Yangzi and find out.
你醒了吗
"U up?"
妈 别这么发
Mom, don't write that.
怎么 他可能在睡觉
What? He might be taking a nap.
邓当主席了吗 回我
"Is D the prez? Hit me back."
我看看
Let's see.
竖起大拇指 茄子 抱歉 美国国旗
Thumbs up, eggplant, "Sorry," American flag.
是肯定答复 邓肯 恭喜
That's a yes! Duncan, congratulations.
我一直相信你
I always believed in you.
我儿子 当主席 我要发到脸书上去
My son, the president? I'm posting this on Facebook.
我终于能秀给我远房♥种族歧视的表亲了
I'll finally impress my distant racist cousins.
你有表亲 我想见见他们
You have cousins? I wanna meet them.
不可能的事
Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
我要骗我的破父母去卖♥♥这些饼干
Gotta sucker Mom and Dad into selling these cookies.
我能想到的最悲伤的事是什么
What's the saddest thing I can think of?
我得不到我想要的
Me not getting what I want.
就是这个了
That's it.
我们的商业大亨回来了
Hey, there's our little business tycoon.
过来跟我们一起吃烤鸡
Come join us in a celebratory bag of rotisserie chicken.
我配不上袋装的鸡肉
I don't deserve bagged chicken.
我去了镇上所有房♥子
I went to every house in town
一盒饼干都没有卖♥♥出去
and didn't sell a single box of cookies.
我唯一想要变得受欢迎的原因
The only reason I wanted to be popular
就是想让你们为我骄傲
was to make you guys proud.
我让你们失望了 我很抱歉
I let you down, and I am so sorry.
我要回我房♥间 屏住呼吸直到我睡着
I'm gonna go to my room and hold my breath till I fall asleep.
那我就能喝更多果汁了
More bag juice for me.
可怜的金伯莉 深深自责
Oh, poor Kimberly, so down on herself.
我能应付她无休的怒气
I can deal with her relentless anger,
但是她的悲伤我难以承受
but her sadness is unbearable.
我从没见过她拒绝鸡肉汁
And I have never seen her say no to chicken juice.
而且她没有朝我翻白眼 尽管我们说话的时候
And she didn't roll her eyes at me even though my pants
我的裤子全程都没有拉拉链
were unzipped the entire time we were talking.
或许坑死我们的女儿行动太狠了
Maybe Operation Screw Our Damn Daughter was too harsh.
是叫这个名字吗
That's what we were calling it?
也许是时候展开帮助我们女儿行动了
Maybe it's time for Operation Help Our Damn Daughter.
嗯 有时你得忘记
Yeah, sometimes you gotta forget about
让你的孩子变得更好
making your kid a better person
做让他们短暂开心的事
and just do what makes them temporarily happy.
明天 我们要走遍全镇 卖♥♥掉所有饼干
Tomorrow, we blanket the town and we surprise Kimberly
给金伯莉一个惊喜
by selling every box of those cookies
这样她就能和那些可怕的贱女孩做朋友了
so she can be friends with those horrible mean girls.
棒呆
Yes!
我就喜欢我们违背我们正确的判断
I love it when we go against our better judgment!
好极了 我太激动
Great, now I'm so excited,
我只能屏住呼吸才能入睡了
I'll have to hold my breath to go to sleep.
爱你
Love you.
邓肯 那个选举太疯狂了
Hey, Duncan. Wow, that election was nuts.
那么多夸张的承诺
All those crazy promises.
嗯 清理小河
Yeah. Clean up the river?
你在想什么
What were you thinking?
听着 我知道你说你对政♥治♥不感冒
Listen, I know you said politics wasn't your thing,
我很抱歉把你卷入其中
and I'm sorry I dragged you into it.
所以我给你起草了一份辞职书
So I've prepared a resignation letter for you
可以让你带着尊严下台
that will let you quit with dignity.
你只需签字
You just have to sign it.
抱歉 米娅 但是人♥民♥已经表达了意愿
Sorry Mia, but the people have spoken.
今天是教育里一个新时代的开始
Today is the beginning of a new era in education.
修建玉米片吧
Install the nacho bar!
再见 生菜
So long, lettuce!
你含气的恐怖统治结束了
Your gassy reign of terror is over!
科学家说人体内60%都是水
Science guys say that the human body is 60% water.
我说那太多了
I say that's too much!
你真要这么做
You're really doing this?
他不再是你从前认识的那个人了
He's no longer the man you knew.
沃尔夫先生 割断那根绳子
Mr. Wolf, cut down that rope.
你擦伤了我的小腿
You chafed my calves!
你是我没有女友的唯一原因
You're the only reason I don't have a girlfriend!
你含气的恐怖统治结束了
Your gassy reign of terror is over, rope!
贝克丝 我真觉得你该去看医生
Bex, I really think you should see a doctor.
-邓肯·哈里斯 -米娅 你来得正好
- Duncan Harris. - Mia, you're just in time.
我们在揍这绳子
We're kicking this rope's ass.
我刚去了模拟联♥合♥国♥
I just went to Model UN,
房♥间里全是彩色球
and the room's filled with colored balls.
就是个球池
It's a freaking ball pit.
嗯 我去球池的时候想到了这点子
Yeah, I came up with that idea when I was in a ball pit.
自我6岁起 我就知道我会成为致告别词的学生代表
Ever since I was six, I knew I was gonna be valedictorian,
攻读法律预科 然后读法学院 然后做一些低薪的
go into prelaw, then law, then do some poorly paid
法律慈善捐助 成为美国总统
legal charity work, become president of the United States,
最后到达高♥潮♥ 在Spotify上发布我的夏日歌♥单
all culminating in me releasing my summer playlist on Spotify.
重点是 这一切都不可能了
The point is, none of this will be possible
因为你毁了我的计划
because you're ruining my plans!
你好像很激动 米娅
You seem tense, Mia.
你该去球池里玩玩
You should take a soak in the ball pit.
我以为你喜欢我
I thought you had a crush on me.