邓肯小镇

Duncanville S01E08

Part 2 July 2, 2020, 11:38 a.m.

那是谁
Who is that?
我的愚蠢选民爱她
My idiot constituents love her.
-她叫... -闭嘴我在看呢
- Her name is A-- - Shut up, I'm watching.
总而言之法官大人
So in conclusion, Your Honor,
告诉拉杜什先生他不能凌驾于法律之上
tell Mr. LaDouche he is not above the law,
他需要缴纳罚金
he needs to pay that fine,
以及旅游结婚是累赘
and that destination weddings are a burden.
所以才有蜜月
That is what the honeymoon's for.
没错妈妈
Yeah, mommy!
他十分钟前就缴纳了罚金
He paid the fine ten minutes ago.
他在停车场里转圈呢
He's in the parking lot doing doughnuts.
接招吧天空
Take that, sky!
安妮你有兴趣在公共电视台上
Annie, how would you like to be a low-paid part-time judge
做低薪兼♥职♥律师吗
on public access television?
电视律师你觉得如何杰克
A TV judge? What do you think, Jack?
我说不好那样你就得干两份工作
I don't know. You'd be working two jobs,
我们有小孩你总是说我们要看《火线》
we have kids, you keep saying we're gonna watch "The Wire."
杰克闭嘴
Jack, shut it. Hey.
我们让你做电视法庭监守怎么样可以吗
What if we made you a TV bailiff? Good?
那我就会说《安妮法官》会在广♥告♥之后回来
Then I'd say, Judge Annie will return after this.
《安妮法官》
所以我们不买♥♥狗了
So we're not getting a dog?
全体起立
All rise and shine
迎接奥克兰公共台的新星受人尊敬的
for the new star of Oakland Public Access, the honorable...
妈妈法官
Judge Mommy!
我在此宣布要遵守早餐秩序
I hereby call this breakfast to order.
我喜欢你的袍子亲爱的
I'm loving the robe, honey.
让人充满遐想
It leaves everything to the imagination.
我不懂妈妈你怎么做上法官的
I don't get it, Mom. How can you be a judge?
难道不需要上大学
Don't you have to, like, go to college
有一张又红又老的脸吗
and have a red, old face?
不
Nope.
你只需要上一节45分钟的网课很简单
All you gotta do is a take a 45-minute online course. It's easy.
我想做法官
I want to be a judge.
没那么简单静
It's not that easy, Jing.
你会应对任何只会通过打架
Are you gonna be dealing with any troubled youth
来表达感受的问题少年吗
who only know how to express their feelings by fighting?
抱歉我只审判小事
Sorry. I only cover small stuff
比如交通违规财产纠纷
like traffic violations, property disputes,
运气好的话扣押快艇
and if I'm lucky, seizure of a speedboat.
酷
Cool.
我判你服刑20年
I sentence you to 20 years in prison,
以及把那艘快艇给我儿子
and to give my son that speedboat.
好酷的船邓肯想去抓坏人吗
Cool boat, Duncan. Want to catch some bad guys?
你懂的
You know it.
看《路易斯安那购地案》的第七章
Read chapter seven about the Louisiana Purchase!
-好了 -击掌
- All right! - Slap.
人都去哪了
Where'd everyone go?
他们在你眼神呆滞
They left while your eyes were glazed over
在空中击掌的时候就走了
and you were high-fiving the air.
该死热浪回来了
Crap. The heat wave's back.
凉瓷砖归我了
I call the cool row of tiles!
我是老大凉瓷砖是我与生俱来的权利
I'm the oldest. The cool tiles are my birthright.
等等
Wait.
我们在地上做什么我们有那洞啊
What are we doing on the floor? We've got The Hole.
我们走[滚]
Let's roll.
好第一件案子
Okay, first case on the docket.
这上面说哈尔
It says here, Hal,
你卖♥♥给了米奇先生一架有缺陷的梯子
that you sold Mr. Mitch a defective ladder.
米奇先生跟我解释
Mr. Mitch, talk to me.
我是为学校买♥♥的
Well, I bought it for the school
想要加固老是掉在学生头上的天花板瓷砖
to secure the ceiling tiles that keep falling on the students' heads.
可然后梯子坏了
But then the ladder broke
我摔倒在了学生们的头上
and I fell on the students' heads.
有时我会想我还不能重拾他们的信任
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever regain their trust.
哈尔听上去梯子确实有缺陷
Hal, it sounds to me like the ladder was defective.
实际上他只是用错了
Well, actually, he was just using it wrong.
你看你得把脚分别放...
You see, you need to put one foot on each--
这是法庭
Is this a courtroom,
还是男人说教大会
or a mansplaining convention?
她真逗
She's funny.
米奇先生你可以回到哈尔的店
Mr. Mitch, you can go back to Hal's store
选择任意一架梯子
and pick any ladder you want.
哈尔学会闭嘴你有罪
Hal, learn to shut it. Ya guilty.
什么事男人说教
What's mansplaining?
这感觉像是陷阱
This feels like a trap.
就是这了那洞
This is it. The Hole.
沃尔夫你的泳衣呢
Wolf, where's your bathing suit?
差点忘了准备好了
Almost forgot. Okay, ready.
你为什么没告诉我沃尔夫身材这么好
Why didn't you tell me Wolf was jacked?
这里真漂亮
This place is beautiful.
让我想起了《阿凡达》
It reminds me of "Avatar," I think.
等等《阿凡达》是讲什么的来着
Wait, what was "Avatar" about, again?
我不知道
I don't know.
这里未受污染好纯洁
It's so unspoiled and pure.
我该在这里修一个酒店
I should start a hotel here.
天看看这个
Oh, my God. Check this out.
水上摩托艇
A jet ski!
这会定义我们的童年
This is gonna define our childhood!
继续踢你做得很棒
Keep kicking, buddy. You're doing great.
你抓住我了吗你们抓住我了吗
You got me? Have you still got me?
-你们还抓着我吗 -是的
- Have you all still got me? - Yes.
我不会让你出事的
I'm not gonna let anything happen to you.
各就各位预备开始
On your mark, get set, chicken fight!
我们就该那么打架
你为什么感觉什么事都在针对你
我想这是我们打架的方式
邓肯你能帮我在背上涂点防晒霜吗
Duncan, will you put sunscreen on my back?
乐意至极
With pleazh.
等等那不是我我放的是喇叭屁
Wait. That wasn't me. I make trumpet farts.
听到没
See?
我为什么那么做
Oh, why'd I do that?
伟大的松鼠人
Oh, great Squirrel Man,
我们用这些谦卑的祭品来纪念你
we honor you with these humble offerings.
你们带了什么来
Okay, what do you got?
猎枪蛋壳素火腿
Shotgun shell. Vegan ham.
我父母车♥库♥的开门器
My parents' garage door clicker.
湿润的玉米片派碎屑
Wet Frito crumbs.
他会很开心的
He will be pleased.
你说你邻居的狗整晚都在叫
You say your neighbor's dog is barking all night,
但我只听到你在狂吠
but the only one I hear yapping is you!
给他戴上保护套杰克
Cone him, Jack-O.
她好火陪我喝香槟
She's a hit! Have some champagne with me.
但我已经戒酒三年了
But I'm three years sober.
听上去像是你的问题
That sounds like a "you" problem.
又离婚
Another divorce?
分分合合分分合合
You're off again, you're on again.
你们是夫妻
Are you a couple,
还是该死的电灯开关
or are you a friggin' light switch?
你有罪
Ya guilty.
你有罪
Ya guilty.
看看我们
Look at us,
坐在"有钱人和情人"的区域
sitting in the "rich guys with mistresses" section.
他们还给了我新的蜡笔
They even gave me fresh crayons.
皇室蓝
Mm. Royal blue.
这太疯狂了
Oh, this is crazy.
我上了两本公共行业性杂♥志♥的封面
I'm on the cover of both public access trade mags.
人人都盯着我因为我的古铜肤色很好看
Everyone's staring because my tan looks so good.
安妮法官我是你忠实粉丝
Judge Annie, I'm such a big fan.
-能合影吗 -当然
- Can I have a selfie? - Sure, why not?
我们在吃免费的家庭晚餐
We're in the middle of a comped family dinner.
但你可以买♥♥这件官方安妮法官T恤
But you can buy this official Judge Annie T-shirt.