邓肯小镇

我能要一件没有背面的吗
Um, can I have one without the back?
没问题
You got it.
今天 我要游到那个洞里 寻找走私犯
Today, I'm gonna swim in that cave and look for smugglers.
我要去另一边的沙滩上看看
I'ma go scope out the beach on the other side,
举办我自己的音乐节
start my own Fyre Festival.
什么
What?
私人领地 禁止闯入
拉杜什
我洗不掉成功的味道
那洞不是属于大家的吗
I thought The Hole was for everyone.
所以我们不能再来这里了
So we can't come here anymore?
狗屁
Like hell.
显然我错了
Apparently not.
栅栏 来吧
Okay, fence, it's on.
快进去
Go, go, go!
你们这群混♥蛋♥在干什么
What are you punks doing?
擅闯 快
Trespassing. Come on.
糟糕
Oh, crap.
准备好开审
Let's get ready to justice!
爸爸妈妈披萨骄傲有请
Papa Mom's Pizza proudly presents
安妮"你有罪"·哈里斯法官
Judge Annie "Ya Guilty" Harris!
以及净资产总是为
And introducing the plaintiff with a net worth
6千9百万美元的原告
he always keeps at 69 million dollars,
尼尔·拉杜什
Neil LaDouche.
被告是 邓肯和金伯莉
And the defendants, Duncan and Kimberly--
我喜欢这些名字
I love those names.
-哈里斯 -什么
- Harris? - What?
孩子们 你们怎么在这儿
Kids, what are you doing here?
我们试图去使用游泳洞
We tried to use the swimming hole,
但这混♥蛋♥说那是他的
but this jerk says that he owns it,
他告我们擅闯私人领地
and he charged us with attempted trespassing.
那洞不是在公共土地吗
I thought The Hole was on public land.
是的 那洞不属于任何人
Yeah. No one owns The Hole.
实际上 属于我
Actually, I do.
我买♥♥下了镇上所有的公共土地
I bought all the public land in town
这样我前任就不能和她的新男友吃野餐了
so my ex couldn't have a picnic with her new boyfriend.
这是我的权利和白人特权
So it's my right and white privilege
开♥发♥土地 明天就开始
to develop the property, and starting tomorrow,
我打算修建一条全新的卡丁车赛道
I plan to break ground on a brand-new go-kart track.
仅限成人
For adults only.
扯淡
That's bogus.
妈 我是说 法官大人
Mom, I mean, Your Highness,
那洞对我们意义重大
The Hole means so much to us,
就像对你和爸爸一样
just like it did to you and Dad.
沃尔夫在那学会了游泳 我做了后空翻
Wolf learned to swim there. I did a sick backflip.
-超酷 -我们老了后
- It was tight. - And when we're old,
我们会想起那洞 喜极而泣
we'll think about The Hole and be happy and cry,
就像爷爷看到美国国旗一样
like Grandpa does when he sees an American flag.
这块地对奥克戴尔的孩子很重要
This land has meant so much to the kids of Oakdale
自从我们从原住民手中抢走以后
ever since we stole it from its indigenous inhabitants.
它已经在那里多年未被使用了
It has been sitting there unused for many years.
我在里面游泳 我孩子在里面游泳
I got to swim in it. My kids now swim in it.
未来的人也该在里面游泳
And future generations should swim in it, too.
我妻子 人♥民♥的英雄
My wife, hero of the people.
然而
However--
拉杜什先生确实拥有它
Mr. LaDouche does own it,
所以法庭不情愿地宣判
so the court reluctantly rules
拉杜什的成人卡丁车世界胜诉
in favor of LaDouche's Adult Go-Kart World.
抱歉 我亲爱的孩子们
Sorry, my beloved children.
-你们有罪 -妈
- Ya guilty. - Mom!
-什么 -抱歉 孩子们
- What? - Sorry, kids.
法律就是法律
The law is the law.
我也很讨厌这么做
I really hate to do this,
但我需要你们对着镜头说
but I need you to look into the camera and say,
爸爸妈妈披萨店 那是辣味正义
"Papa Mom's, that's-a spicy justice."
爸爸妈妈披萨店 那是辣味正义
Papa Mom's, that's-a spicy justice.
好 再用西班牙语说一遍
Okay, now one in Spanish.
你们几乎没碰你们的派对披萨
You guys have hardly touched your personal party pizzas.
你们可是很喜欢爸爸妈妈家披萨的
You love Papa Mom's,
我的官方赞助商
official sponsor of me.
何必吃呢
Why bother?
我们一旦喜欢上
As soon as we enjoy it,
你就会给有钱人
you'll just give it to a rich guy.
你怎么能这么对我们
How could you do that to us?
那是法庭上
That was the wrongest thing
发生过的最离谱的事
that's ever happened in a courtroom.
我不知道你做了什么 妈妈
I don't know what you did, Mommy,
但听上去无法挽救
but it sounds irredeemable.
猜猜怎么着 我今天学会了一个新单词
Oh, guess what. I learned a new word today.
我感觉糟透了 孩子们 但我无能为力
I feel terrible, kids, but my hands were tied.
我必须维护♥法♥律
I have to uphold the law.
我完成网课的时候
When I finished that online course,
我同意了神圣誓言
I clicked "agree" on a sacred oath.
行了
That does it.
我要找到你以前的冒犯推文 让你被解雇
I'm getting you fired by finding your old offensive tweets.
康伯巴奇太棒了
"Cumberbatch is a treasure."
@丹尼·库克 哈
"At Dane Cook, ha!"
@达美航♥空♥公♥司♥ 我的行李怎么湿了
"At Delta, why is my luggage wet?"
-这些真逊 -是吗
- These suck. - Oh, yeah?
达美航♥空♥公♥司♥老总格伦·豪恩施泰因
Well, President of Delta Glen Hauenstein
私信我给我道歉
slid into my DMs with a personal apology,
现在我们是推特好友
and now we're Twitter buddies.
孩子们 出来
Kids, get out here.
我有个比游泳洞更棒的东西
I have something better than a swimming hole!
盒子上说一次只能容纳一个人
The box says only one person at a time,
但我肯定那只是为了安全起见
but I'm sure that's just for safety.
夏天开始
Oh! Summer starts--
是幼蛇 所以它不知道
Ow! It's a baby, so it doesn't know
该何时停止放毒
when to stop producing venom!
知道吗 静 你♥爸♥爸和我
You know what, Jing? Your father and I
最近忙着执行正义
have been so busy dispensing justice,
我们完全忘了给你买♥♥狗
we totally forgot about getting that dog.
是啊 你说得对
Oh, yeah. You're right.
我们这边完事后 我们就立马去...
As soon as we're done here, we're going straight to the--
挺好了 发生对峙
Listen up. We got a standoff in progress.
我们要带走安妮法官 跟我来
We're taking Judge Annie on the road. Follow me.
我差点就能拥有一只哈巴小猎犬了
I was this close to a puggle.
为什么我被蒙着眼
Why am I blindfolded?
安妮 这是真人秀 我们不能假装你的反应
Annie, it's reality TV. We can't fake your reaction.
抱歉 我可以说得更好
Yeah--oh, sorry. I can say that better.
准备好了吗 三二一
Ready? Three, two, one.
这是真人秀 我们不能假装你的反应
It's reality TV. We can't fake your reaction.
真烂 还是用第一次录的吧
Oh, that's awful. Go with the first one.
那洞 我们来这做什么
The Hole? What are we doing here?
安妮 我们要创造公共台的收视纪录
Annie, we're creating public access ratings gold.
这会比那次
This is gonna be bigger than the time
分区专员跳桥还要火爆
that zoning commissioner jumped off the bridge.
-完美至极 -什么案子
- It's perfect. - What's the case?
那个小企业家
That small business owner--
拉杜什
LaDouche.
起诉一伙激进少年
Versus a gang of radicalized teens.
邓肯 金伯莉 其他小孩
Duncan, Kimberly, other kids,
你们在干什么
what the hell are you doing?
我们在为正义而裸泳
We are skinny-dipping for justice.
如果他想要抽干这个湖 从法律上讲他就是变♥态♥了
If he wants to drain this lake, he's legally a perv.
是的 他就必须被登记为性侵犯
Yeah. He'll have to register as a sex offender,
就像那个分区专员一样
just like the zoning commissioner did.
杰克 我们的孩子参与了一次裸体反抗
Jack, our kids are involved in a naked rebellion.
这太糟了
This is terrible.
我该在哪摆放商品
Where should I set up the merch?
你能说"你咬罪"吗
Oh, and can you say "Ya guilpy"?
我有一堆印刷错误的T恤