邓肯小镇

- You're so cool. Feel me up. - With pleazh.
勃起警告
Boner alert.
别傻站在那 引荐我
Don't just stand there. Introduce me.
蒙面歌♥手是
And the masked singer is...
-你们俩很开心我是你们爸爸 对吗 -爸
- You two are glad I'm your father, right? - Dad.
他们正要揭露一个我们不知道的名人
They're about to unmask a celebrity we don't know.
凯尔·柏海莫
Kyle Bornheimer!
还在为邓肯的事难过吗
Still upset about Duncan?
来 清理你的唱片 这总能让你心情好起来
Here, clean your records. It always cheers you up.
是的 我爱《恋恋风尘》
Yup. I love "Dust in the Wind,"
但是讨厌我的堪萨斯专辑沾灰
but hate dust in my Kansas albums.
这才是我嫁的那个单纯男人
There's the simple man I married.
我要学开车
I need to learn to drive now.
这也是我想要的 我帅气的儿子
It's all I ever wanted. My beautiful boy--
不是你 你
Not you. You.
不
No!
恋恋风尘
♪ Dust in the wind ♪
我们只是恋恋风尘
♪ All we are is dust in the wind ♪
怎么突然对开车感兴趣了
So why the suddent interest in driving?
你跟我一样吗
Are you like me?
受够了自行车届里嗑药的丑闻
Fed up with all those doping scandals in the biking world?
我不知道 我就觉得我可以做个更好的儿子
I don't know. I just figured I could probably be a better son,
帮你和爸爸
you know, and help you and Dad.
让我送奶奶去她的拉伸课
You know, let me drive Grandma to her stretching class,
让我去买♥♥帮你通便的蛋白酸奶
and let me go get that protein yogurt that helps you poop.
阿邓 我觉得现如今"太棒了"这词
Dunkie, I think the word "awesome" gets thrown around
出现的频率太高了
too much these days,
但你就是这样 太棒了
but that's what you are. Awesome.
邓肯
Aw, hey, Duncan.
你是为了打动米娅而想学开车吗
You learning how to drive to impress Mia?
是啊 米娅美翻了
Yeah, that Mia was banging.
米娅超性感 你勃起也很正常
Mia's hot. You were right to have a boner.
你好 哈里斯太太
Oh, hi, Mrs. Harris.
新的瑜伽裤 不错
New yoga pants? Nice.
等等
Wait a minute.
你喜欢一个叫米娅的女生
Do you have a thing for a girl named Mia?
什么 没有
What? No.
阿邓 青少年96%的糟糕决定都是在车里做出的
Dunkie, 96% of bad choices made by teens happen in a car,
所以我要确保你不会毁掉你的生活
so I'm going to make sure you don't ruin your life
我们来角色扮演
by doing a little role play.
-不要 -要
- God no. - God yes.
你扮演你 我扮演米娅
You be you, and I'll be this Mia girl.
不 我喝了好多
Oh, no, I had too much to drink
我没法口头同意
and I'm not capable of giving verbal consent.
我衣服上有颗扣子松了
And one of my shirt buttons may not hold, so...
不要 恶心 别演了
No, gross. Stop, ugh.
你该怎么做 邓肯 你该怎么做
What do you do, Duncan? What do you do?
-趁火打劫 -不
- Go for it? - No.
你要尊重她
You treat her with respect.
-明白 -很好 开车吧
- Okay. - Good, now let's drive.
检查你的侧视镜 检查你的后视镜
Check your side mirror, check your rearview mirror,
检查后座看有没有杀人犯
check the backseat for murderers.
好 我这就走
Fine, I'll go.
祝你好运 邓肯
Good luck, Duncan.
拜拜
Bye-bye.
就在那栋房♥子里
Oh, that's the house
一个男的被一条巨蟒给整个吞了
where the guy had a python that swallowed him whole.
跟你一起开车很有趣 妈 跟爸爸不一样
Driving with you is fun, Mom. It's not like dad.
我不想在死之前还跟你闹不和
I don't want to die with this rift between us.
就跟斯普林斯汀一样 我和我爸的关系也很复杂
Like Springsteen, I had a complicated relationship with my father,
我不想你也经历这种事
and I don't want that for you...
你♥爸♥爸是出于好心 他只是很情绪化
Oh, your father means well. He's just emotional,
可能是因为他只有一颗睾丸
probably because he only has one testicle.
这里左转
Take a left up here.
邓肯
Duncan!
-你差点撞到了老橡树 -就是棵破树而已
- You almost hit Ol' Oakie. - It's just a stupid tree.
破树 它是我们镇心爱的象征
A stupid tree? It's the beloved symbol of our town,
我们在那里绞死了所有女巫
and where we hung all those witches.
我们不引以为傲 但我们很安全
We aren't proud, but we are safe.
-抱歉 妈妈 -没事
- Sorry, Mom. - That's okay.
阿邓 我想你准备好
You know what, Dunkie? I think you're ready
做我书友会的指定司机了
to be designated driver for my book club.
为什么书友会需要一个指定司机
Why would a book club need a designated driver?
当我想你的时候
♪ When I think about you ♪
-我自♥慰♥ -我自
- ♪ I touch myself, whoa, oh ♪ - ♪ I touch my ♪
有人跟你说过
Has anybody ever told you
你长得像年轻版的詹姆斯·帕特森吗
you look like a young James Patterson?
因为这是事实
Because you do.
海伦在离婚后就一直不太稳定
Helen has been going through some stuff since the divorce,
别跟她独处
so do not be alone with her.
少女妈妈试镜
同一天有索尔兹伯里牛排和披萨
Salisbury steak and pizza on the same day?
我能带一个回家给我外婆吗 今天是她生日
Can I take one home to my grandma? It's her birthday.
一个学生只能要一份主菜 你知道规矩的 贝克丝
One entrée per student. You know the rule, Bex.
别这么混♥蛋♥ 贾斯汀 你去年才毕业
Aw, don't be a dick, Justin. You just graduated last year.
盘子给我 贾斯汀
Plate me, Justin.
米奇先生
Mr. Mitch.
你怎么不在教职工休息室里吃
Why aren't you eating in the faculty lounge?
我更喜欢这里的食物
I like the food out here better.
我知道只是在英式松饼抹了番茄酱
I know it's just tomato sauce on an English muffin,
但食堂的披萨太好吃了
but cafeteria pizza is dope.
米奇先生 吉米噎住了
Mr. Mitch, Jimmy's choking.
该死
Damn.
吉米 别噎了
Jimmy, stop choking.
免费东西
Free stuff.
我拿到了今晚EDM音乐节的通行证
Your boy just copped all-access passes to the EDM Fest tonight.
炸♥弹♥袜想进军年轻人市场
Bombas Socks is trying to crash the youth market,
于是联♥系♥了我 因为我点赞了他们最新的中筒袜
so they hooked me up 'cause I favorited their new mid-calf.
好看
Nice.
高度正好
The perfect height.
你要去EDM音乐节
You're going to EDM Fest?
我一直想去
I've always wanted to go to one.
什么
Ow, what? Oh.
你想跟我们去吗 记得你说
You want to come with us? Remember when you told me
我开车很酷吗 我可以再做一次
I looked cool behind the wheel? I could do that again.
今晚见 谢谢
Okay, see you tonight. Thanks.
勃起警告
Boner alert.
我没勃起
I don't have one.
我知道 但是让你去看了你的小♥弟♥弟♥
I know. Made you look at your junk.
你不用跟我的朋友说话
And you don't even have to talk to my friends.
实际上 最好别
In fact, it's better if you don't.
我只需要一个大人在旁边 这样我就能合法开车了
I just need a grown-up to make it legal for me to drive.
电子音乐节 算了吧
An electronic music festival? I don't think so.
我看过一次《20/20》讲夜店小孩的 他们吃迷幻药
I saw this "20/20" once about club kids, and they took molly,
他们在浴缸里互相切割
and they carved each other up in bathtubs.
抱歉 阿邓
Sorry, Dunkie.
你保护欲太强了
You're so overprotective.
你总是觉得我会被砍死
You always think I'm going to get hacked to death
或者参与人体蜈蚣
or wind up in the middle of a human centipede.
那是最可怕的
That's the worst spot.
米娅宁愿用脸贴屁♥股♥也不会想跟你接吻
Mia would rather go face-to-butt than kiss you.
脸贴屁♥股♥ 脸贴屁♥股♥
Face-to-butt, face-to-butt,
-脸贴屁♥股♥ -多谢了 金伯莉
- face-to-butt, face-to-butt. - Oh, thank you, Kimberly.
我知道了
Oh, I know.
要不你留在家里跟我们一起看《宝贝老板》吧
Why don't you stay home with us and watch "The Boss Baby?"
《宝贝老板》 《宝贝老板》
Boss Baby. Boss Baby.
我在红盒子租的
I got it from the Redbox.
讲一个当老板的婴儿
It's about this baby who is a boss.
他有一个小公文包
And he's got a little briefcase,
一个订书机 应有尽有
and a stapler, the whole shebang.
他甚至还穿了...
He even wears a...