邓肯小镇

邓肯小镇
第一季 第十一集
妈妈
Mommy!
-邓肯 -邓肯
- Duncan! - Duncan!
妈妈 我今天在学校里给你做了个烟灰缸
Mommy, I made you an ashtray in school today.
真好看 但我不抽烟
Oh, it's lovely, but I don't smoke.
你能抽吗
Can you?
我的棉花糖麦片
My marshmallow cereal!
那是我的周日早餐
That is my Sunday morning treat.
一边去 你是吃葡萄干的 老头
Back off! Raisins are your candy, old man.
我报名了学校的募捐活动
I signed up for a school fundraiser
我得卖♥♥出价值800块的饼干
and I have to sell $800 worth of cookies.
爸 能给我800吗
Dad, can I have $800?
我没那么多钱
I don't have that kind of money.
我得去自动取款机 公主
I just gotta run to the ATM, princess.
杰克 不要
Jack, no.
拜托了 卖♥♥出饼干最多的四个人能得到
Please? The top four cookie sellers get a free ticket
趣玩游乐园的门票
to Fun Place Amusement Park.
ABC三人组总是占据前三
The ABC girls are always the top three.
艾什莉 布鲁克 考特妮
Ashleigh, Brooke, and Courtney?
她们是贱女孩
They're the mean girls!
亲爱的 主要是艾什莉
Honey, it's mostly Ashleigh.
布鲁克和考特妮只是跟风
Brooke and Courtney just follow along.
金伯莉 要不我直接给你买♥♥一张趣玩游乐园的门票吧
Kimberly, why don't I just buy you a ticket to Fun Place?
我看看 60
Let's see--$60?
这是趣玩奥兰多吗
What is this, Fun Place Orlando?
你为什么想毁掉我的生活
Why are you trying to ruin my life?
你不明白吗 你买♥♥下我的所有饼干
Don't you understand? You buy all my cookies,
我就能和ABC三人组相处一天
I get to spend the day with the ABCs,
她们就能终于发现我有多毫不费力地酷了
and they'll finally see how effortlessly cool I am!
毫不费力
Effortless!
不
Oh, no.
我们家里堆满了筹款的东西
Our house is full of fundraising stuff
你们卖♥♥不掉 最后只能由我们买♥♥下
you kids didn't sell that we ended up having to buy.
杂♥志♥ 包装纸 还有那些叫个不停的鹦鹉
Magazines, wrapping paper, and those relentless parakeets.
-闭嘴 -你才闭嘴
- Oh, shut up! - You shut up!
妈妈 门外有辆饼干车
Mommy, there's a cookie truck outside.
梦想真的会成真
Dreams do come true.
我们不能要
We are not accepting them.
大家别出声 假装我们不在家
Everyone be really quiet and pretend we're not home.
阿邓 关掉灯 邓肯
Dunkie, shut off the lights. Duncan?
是的 我住在这儿 我要收下
Yes, I live here, and yes, I accept these.
我该在哪签字
Where do I sign?
-该死 邓肯 -该死 邓肯
- Damn it, Duncan! - Damn it, Duncan!
我要杀了那些鸟
I'm gonna kill those birds!
来啊
Bring it.
看看这家伙和弗洛·里达
Yo, check out what this dude and Flo Rida
教了他的熊做什么
taught his bears to do.
这是YouTube上最火的视频
This is the hottest trash on YouTube.
-跳牙线舞 熊 -跳牙线舞
- Floss it, bear! - Floss it!
看 我也会了
Huh, look, I'm doing it!
我仍然是唯一一个
I'm still the only one
竞选学生会主席的人吗
running for student body president?
-不 那个尖尖的家伙也要竞选 -那是食物金字塔
- No, that pointy dude is running. - That's the food pyramid.
你基本上已经赢了 因为食物金字塔逊毙了
You basically already won, 'cause the food pyramid sucks.
-那不是人 -你确定吗
- That isn't a person. - Are you sure?
因为他好像有在我的历史课上
'Cause I think he's in my history class.
再说 我不想因为只有我一个人参选而获胜
Besides, I don't wanna win just because no one else is running.
民♥主♥的意义在于选择
The point of democracy is choice.
我也想 但我没有正式登记
I'd run, but I'm not officially enrolled.
要不你来和我竞争吧 邓肯
Why don't you run against me, Duncan?
你可以作为我创造历史的白人对手
You could be the white guy I make history against.
我说不好 我对政♥治♥不感冒
I don't know. Politics isn't my thing.
我喜欢的是把多力多滋袋子放进微波炉
My passion is putting Dorito bags in the microwave
让它们缩小
so that they shrink into tiny Dorito bags.
-听上去有毒 -是吧
- That sounds toxic. - I know, right?
拜托 明天和我辩论 会很好玩的 就你和我
Come on, debate me tomorrow. It'll be fun, just you and me.
就你和我
Just you and me...
你好 我是个没有医保 水深火热的小商贩
Hi, I'm a struggling small business owner without any healthcare,
我想看参选人情人
and I'd like to see the candidates make out.
-乐意至极 -天呐
- Ooh, with pleash. - Oh, my.
民♥主♥万岁
Democracy rules!
好 我会和你约会 我是说辩论
All right, I'll date you. I mean, debate you.
别说政♥治♥了 继续放音乐
Enough politics. Put those bears back on!
好 我在推车被刮的地方做了标记
Okay, I marked my wagon where it was scratched
避免误会
just so there's no misunderstandings.
在这里和这里签字
Sign here and here,
这里签名字首字母缩写 拒绝保险
and initial here to decline insurance.
看不懂草书 所以我只能信任你了
Can't read cursive, so I'm just gonna trust you.
别让我去卖♥♥这些东西
Don't make me go sell these.
伪造入室抢劫 然后声称买♥♥了保险
Just fake a home invasion and claim them on your insurance.
我甚至愿意用手♥枪♥柄打打你 爸
I'll even pistol whip you, Dad.
你会很棒的 宝贝 说你好
You'll be great, sweetie. Just say hello,
进行友好地攀谈
make a little friendly small talk,
不卖♥♥完就别回家
and don't you dare come home until you've sold every single crumb.
还有微笑
And smile!
不要露牙齿
No teeth.
-别敲那扇门 -你不是艾什莉爸爸吗
- Uh, don't knock on that door. - Aren't you Ashleigh's dad?
请让给我吧 她在看着呢
Please let me have this. She's watching.
快点
Ugh, hurry up!
我们已经卖♥♥了半个小时了
We've been doing this a half hour,
你才卖♥♥了100盒
and you've only sold 100 boxes!
你在卖♥♥你自己的饼干吗
Are you selling your own cookies?
D区 你父母死了吗
Ew. Did you parents die?
D区
Ew!
要是他们死了 你们会更喜欢我吗
Would you like me more if they did?
抱歉 亲爱的 他们坚果过敏
Sorry, honey. They had a nut allergy.
你是医生 跟他们说他们没有
You're a doctor. Tell them they don't.
他们对他们父母好凶
They're so horrible to their parents.
我也能做到
I could do that.
天啊 那是刮痕吗
Oh my God, was that scratch there?
不是
Nope.
放松 邓肯
Relax, Duncan.
如果不知道答案 就说过 明白吗
If you don't know the answer to something, just say pass. Understand?
-过 -这就对了
- Pass. - There you go.
你为什么这么想做主席
Why do you wanna be president so bad?
漂亮 可爱 高颜值
Isn't it enough just to be
对你来书还不够吗
pretty and cute and good-looking?
你不想改善学校
Don't you wanna improve the school
以及你同学的生活吗
and the lives of your fellow students?
不
Nah.
这学校里都没人知道我是谁
No one in this school even knows who I am.
一半的人以为我叫史蒂夫
Half the kids think my name is Steve.
好啊 同学们
What up, students?
你们都以为这是幼稚冈比诺的演唱会
You all think you're here for a Childish Gambino concert.
不过那是我为了骗你们来礼堂参加选举而编的谎言
But that's just how I got you in the auditorium for class elections.
有请竞选学生会主席的候选人
Here are your candidates for student body president.
邓肯·哈里斯和米娅·阿巴拉
Duncan Harris and Mia Abara.
注意了
Pay attention, y'all.
这是你们人生中最重要的决定
This is the most important decision of your lives,
因为其中一人会选择你们的毕业舞会主题
because one of these two will be picking your prom theme.
我们上一任主席就是因此而急速衰老的
That's what aged our last president so horribly.
下周我要拿到我的学习驾照了
Next week I get my learner's permit.
首先是开场陈词 你来 米娅
We'll start with opening statements. Hit us, Mia.
大家好
Hi, everybody.
我就不用我在我以前学校的资历来烦你们了
I won't bore you with my qualifications from my old school,
我当过班长 秘书
where I was class president, secretary,
学生自治会联合主席 宿舍管♥理♥员♥ 助教 优秀学生
co-chair student council, RA, TA, obviously honor roll,
勉强当了拉拉队长
reluctant cheerleader,
以及我们在布鲁塞尔姐妹学校的大使
and ambassador to our sister school in Brussels.
你的时间到
And your time's up.