邓肯小镇

奥克戴尔的中年人
Middle-aged people of Oakdale,
你们准备好摇滚了吗
are you ready to rock?
二三四
Two, three, four.
伏特加果冻
Jell-O shots?
伏特加果冻
Jell-O?
我要喝伏特加果冻
Well, I'll drink some Jell-O
摇摇晃晃 然后
with the shaking, and the jiggling, and the--
你说得对 太早了
You're right. Too soon.
抱歉 大家 抱歉 艾尔弗
Sorry, everyone. Sorry, Alf.
没事 这是80年代
It's okay. It's the '80s.
我们还是爱他 二三四
We still love him. Two, three, four.
现在我要确保我的家人再也不会忘记我
Now to make sure my family never forgets me again.
就是这样 铐上我 联♥系♥我父母
That's it. Cuff me, call my parents.
不 我只想知道你是在哪买♥♥的那双网球鞋
No, I just wanna know where you got those tennies.
我女儿想要
My daughter wants a pair,
我想让她知道我有留意
and I want her to know I pay attention.
女士Foot Locker鞋店
Lady Foot Locker.
我刚偷了这些耳环 你不拦下我吗
I just shoplifted these earrings. Aren't you gonna stop me?
警报不会探测中间小孩
The alarm doesn't detect middle children.
你可以走了
You're free to go.
你的船掉了 给
Hey, you dropped your boat. Here you go.
快 来绑♥架♥我
Come on. Abduct me.
不 不要
No, nope.
不 不
Nope, nope!
救命 警♥察♥
Help, police.
看看酒单
Ooh, look at the menu.
他们有我们最爱的80年代酒水
They have all of our favorite '80s drinks.
床笫之间 激♥情♥海岸 尖叫高♥潮♥
"Between the Sheets," "Sex on the Beach," "Screaming Orgasm."
-天 80年代真淫♥荡♥ -下流嬉皮士
- My God, the '80s were horny. - Hey, you filthy hippie.
我等不及军队来抓你们了
I can't wait until the army gets you
把你又长又性感的头发剪掉
and cuts off that long, luscious hair.
要喝点什么
What'll it be?
-我要喔喔鸡尾酒 -朗姆新可乐
- I'll have a Woo-Woo. - Rum and New Coke.
能用精灵杯子装吗
And can we get those in Gremlins cups?
波旁威士忌 四指深 参照我的手指
Bourbon, four fingers. My size fingers.
艾尔弗 演出很棒
Hey, Alf. Great set, man.
-我知道 -永远别见你的英雄
- Yeah, I know. - Wow, never meet your heroes.
我逗你呢 小子
I'm just giving you crap, kid.
-你想要加入吗 -当然
- Hey, you wanna sit in? - Do i?
我们很坚强
♪ We are strong ♪
没人能说我们错了
♪ No one can tell us we're wrong ♪
我们都知道爱是战场
♪ Both of us knowing love is a battlefield ♪
看 亲爱的 我在跳希米舞
Look, honey, I'm shimmying!
爱是战场
♪ Love is a battlefield ♪
请把手全程放在对方身上
Please keep your hands on each other at all times
享受过程
and enjoy the ride.
懂吗
Get it?
-他们看着很幸福 -是的
- Aww, they look happy. - They do.
你是谁
Who the hell are you?
布拉德利
Bradley.
他妈妈是心理医生 我想他能帮我们
His mom is a therapist, and I think he can help us.
我的游戏房♥就在她办公室旁边
My play room's next to her office,
我也学了点东西
and I've picked up a thing or two.
我先说 邓肯在毁掉我们的婚姻
I'll start. Duncan is ruining our marriage.
别跟我说 跟他说
Don't tell me. Tell him.
你宁愿和你朋友玩也不想和我玩
You'd rather be with your friends than me,
你还会收到垃圾女人的短♥信♥
you get texts from trashy women,
我们再也不一起看《发现者赫克托》了
and we never binge "Hector the Detector" anymore.
天 我们今早才看了五集
Oh, my God--we watched five episodes this morning.
我们也没有结婚
And we're not married.
这真的是场歪机
This really is a kwisis.
邓肯 我先问你吧
Duncan, I'll start with you.
当静说这种话的时候
When Jing says things like that,
你会有什么感脚
how does it make you fweel?
我不知道 大概是难过吧
I don't know. Sad, I guess.
有时我看着我的生活
Sometimes I just look at my life,
我意识到...
and I realize a very im--
静 你会有什么感脚
Okay, Jing. How does that make you fweel?
好像只有我在认真对待这婚姻
Like I'm the only one taking this marriage seriously.
确实只有你认真对待这婚姻
You are the only one taking it seriously.
这就是个弱智游戏 我为了让你开心才玩的
It was just a stupid game I played to keep you happy.
开心 我已经好几个小时没开心过了
Happy? I haven't been happy in hours!
第一次咨♥询♥ 这种情况很常见
This is very common for the first session,
但是心理机询是段旅程
but thewapy is a journey--
布拉德利 10点了 回家
Bradley, it's 10:00. Go home.
保重 邓肯
Be well, Duncan.
拜托 安妮 用你的脚蹼
Come on, Annie. Use your flippers.
我解锁了卢克和劳拉的婚礼
Yes, I unlocked Luke and Laura's wedding.
宝贝
Hey, babe.
如果爱是战场 我愿意随时死在你的山岗上
If love is a battlefield, I'd die on your hills any time.
什么
Excuse me?
我是说你有个很棒的臀部
I'm just saying you got a bitching ass
我愿意死在上面
and I'd like to die on it.
这想法真可爱
That's a lovely thought,
但你犯了个大错 先生
but you just made a big mistake, mister.
等等 我糊涂了
Wait a minute, I'm confused.
所以你是真的
So you're real,
但是在表演中 你受木偶表演者控制
but on the show, you were operated by puppeteers?
都是好莱坞魔术
It's all Hollywood magic.
直到魔术消失 我要死了 杰克
Until the magic is gone. I'm dying, Jack.
杰克 我得跟你说件事
Jack, I gotta tell you something
我不想你生气
and I don't want you getting upset.
亲爱的 艾尔弗跟我说他...
Honey, Alf just told me he's dy--
那边那人刚撩我
That guy over there just hit on me.
-哪个人 -那个
- Which guy? - That one.
挺帅的
Oh, he's cute.
我老婆 谢谢
My wife. Thank you.
我交往过的那个杰克会大展拳脚
The Jack I dated would've opened a can of whoop-ass
把他暴揍一顿
and knocked him at next Wednesday
因为他诚心找打
because he was crusing for a bruising!
-你想我打他 -不 别胡说
- You want me to punch him? - No, don't be ridiculous.
我只想要你有打他的冲动
I just want you to want to punch him.
像你过去那样 超性感的
Like you used to. Oh, it was so hot.
不好意思 你的鞋带松了
Excuse me. Your shoe's untied.
她的眼睛在这儿
Her eyes are up here.
-你太坏了 -我永远都会这样
- You're so bad. - And I always will be, baby.
已经不是80年代了
It's not the '80s anymore.
我不用再为了留住你而打架
I don't have to fight to keep you.
-你哪也不会去 -是吗
- You're not going anywhere. - Oh, yeah?
我和我性感臀部要回家了
Well, me and my sexy hills are going home.
她终于意识到你是个废物
She finally figured out you're a bum.
我还没收伏特加果冻的钱
And I didn't charge you for the Jell-O shots.
我知道我的预约在一个月后
I know my appointment's not for a month.
我现在就得见你
I need to see you now.
所以我没有揍那人
And so I didn't punch the guy,
现在你妈妈和我不说话了
and now your mom and I aren't speaking.
我和静的关系也很棘手
Oh, things are tough with me and Jing too.
我感觉我什么都做不对
I feel like I can't do anything right, you know?
我给她做三明治 果酱太多了
If I make her a sandwich, there's too much jelly,
如果我把果酱弄掉
and then if I take some of the jelly off,
她又会说果酱不够
there's not enough jelly.
婚姻很复杂 邓子
Yeah, marriage is complicated, Dunker.
但我的很奇怪 因为我的妻子是我妹妹
Yeah, but mine's weird because my wife is my sister.
这个我也给不出建议
Yeah, I got no advice for that.
我不想要你♥爸♥爸去揍他
I didn't want your dad to punch him.
我只是 我被过去缠住了
I just--I got caught up in the past,
我想知道他还足够关心我
and I wanted to know he still cares about me enough
愿意为了我打人
to deck someone.
我也不想吼邓肯
And I don't wanna yell at Duncan.
我只是不太会抹果酱
I'm just not good at putting the jelly on.