脆莓公园（2012）

Oh, Denzel, stop it.
我都要给你羞死了
You're embarrassing me.
那么 你现在穿什么呢?
So, uh, what are you wearing right now?
化纤材质的家用睡袍 怎么了?
A polyester housecoat and gown. Why?
不 我问里面穿的什么
No, I mean under that.
好吧 胸罩和紧身褡
Oh... Well, a brassiere and a girdle.
不 宝贝 我问下面穿的什么
No, baby. I mean under that.
尿布
A diaper.
这才够恶心
Now, that's nasty.
谢谢你 Steve 这是我一生最愉快的一周
Thanks for the best week of my life, Steve.
不要哭 Frankie 我们很快就能再见面了
Don't cry, Frankie. We'll see each other soon.
是我很快能见到你 哦不 我就要死了
Well, I'll see you soon. Oh, wait. I'll be dead.
Steve 你能做得这么出色
Steve, you have been so amazing.
而且... 好吧 我直说吧
And... Look, I'll be honest.
你总让我反胃 让我觉得恶心
You always disgusted me. I found you repulsive.
你知道 就像看着胖子接吻 但你变了
You know, like when fat people kiss. But you've changed.
现在的你看起来...
You now seem so...
可爱而且富有激♥情♥
Sweet and compassionate.
现在既然只有我俩...
And now that we're alone...
Ethel 虽然我很乐意把我感染的插头插入你的插座
Ethel, as much as I'd love to dip my diseased donk in your bonk,
但我还得多行点善事 不然我就要下地狱了
I need to find some more good deeds to do or I'm gonna burn in hell!
拜托别再把我拖过街了
Please stop dragging me across the street.
再来三次你就可以走了
Three more times and I'll let you go.
总得让我用轮椅吧
At least let me use my wheelchair.
没时间了
No time!
五金店
来吧 小猫咪 跳下来
Come on, kitty. Jump.
同城网 接下来呢?
"Craigslist." Now what?
好吧 首先呢
Okay, first things first.
你不想雇小孩 点击一下"成人专属"区域
You don't want to hire a child, so click on the "adults only" section.
"成人专属" 很好
"Adults only." Good thinking.
话说咱不需要再雇个女林警的 对吧
Now we don't need another female ranger, right?
当然不要 - 而你是个男人
Hell, no! - And you're a man, of course.
直接点击 "男性 搜寻对象 男性"
So go ahead and click "men seeking men."
这比我想得还轻松
Wow, this is easier than I thought.
嘿 Steve 你在干嘛?
Hey, Steve. What are you doing?
我在为林警们办好事
I'm doing good deeds for the rangers.
我在镇上办的好事都没什么成效 我快没时间了
The ones I tried to do in town didn't work out so well, and I'm running out of time.
我们能谈谈不? - 现在不行
Can we talk for a second? - Not now.
Denzel要我吞了这些套套然后开车去墨西哥
Denzel asked me to swallow these condoms and drive to Mexico.
但我得先给Connie涂防晒霜
But first, I promised Connie a spa day.
Steve 我的含羞草喝完咯
Steve! I need another mimosa.
听着 Connie 记得你劝我告诉Steve真♥相♥吗?
Listen, Connie. What you said before about telling Steve?
现在我明白了 是时候和他说了
I agree with you now. It's time I told him the truth.
不行 维持现状就好
No way. This is great.
我这辈子从没这么舒坦过
I've never been so pampered in my life.
你这是利用他 这可不对
You are taking advantage of him. It's not right.
我现在就去告诉他...
I'm gonna tell him right... Oh!
你敢把事捅破 看我不灭了你
If you ruin this, I will break you.
你广♥告♥上说需要一个愿意服于你权威之下的人吧?
Your ad said you need a man who is willing to submit to your authority?
是的 先生 我会像机器一样用你到废
Yes, Sir. And I'm gonna work you long and hard.
我愿意对你俯首帖耳
I'm willing to get down on my hands and knees
不惜一切代价来满足你
and do whatever it takes to satisfy you.
看到没 Malloy? 这就是人们说的一诺千金
See, Malloy? That's what you call commitment.
随你怎么说
If you say so.
我想让你用拳头打我屁♥股♥ 让我像布偶一样工作
I want you to shove your fist up my ass and work me like a puppet.
好吧 如果这是好好工作的另一种说法 我来给你登记吧
Well, if that's code for having a good work ethic, let me go get the paperwork.
这是搞毛啊
Whoa! What the [Bleep]?
Steve 我想你马上就要痛苦地呜呼了
So, Steve, I was thinking. You're about to die a horrible death.
真是痛心 话说回来 我在想你能不能帮我个小忙
Condolences. Anyhow, I was wondering if you could do me a small favor.
没问题 我会帮你
Sure, I'll help you.
看到没 老天爷 我在帮助这只动物呢
Hear that, God? I'm helping an animal.
就和Woody说你的遗愿是让我接手你的工作
Just tell Woody that your dying wish is for me to have your job.
上帝为这个世界创造了三种动物
God put three types of animals on Earth.
一种用来吃 一种用来骑 还有一种是鲸鱼
One type to eat, one type to ride, and whales.
这就是上帝的意愿
So sayeth the Lord.
能别跟我念叨上帝这套垃圾话了么?
Would you stop it with all this God crap?
你个亵渎者
You blasphemer!
Steve 我知道你是傻缺 但是听仔细了
Steve, I know that you're dumb, but try to listen closely.
上帝根本不存在 - 再说一遍?
There is no God. - What?
要是真有上帝 饥饿 苦难 战争又是怎么回事?
If there were a God, how do you explain hunger, suffering, and war?
想想非洲
You know, Africa.
下礼拜进了天堂 我自会问问上帝
I'll ask God next week when I'm in heaven.
失陪一下 我要去帮Connie做个巴西蜜蜡脱毛
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to give Connie a Brazilian.
准备好咯
I'm ready.
你说得对 上帝根本不存在
You're right! There is no God!
Steve?
Steve?
见鬼
Damn it!
都给我回来 花栗鼠
Come back here, chipyunk!
像个男人来战斗
Fight like a man!
嘿 Steve 住手
Hey, Steve! Stop it!
怎样? 反正又没上帝
Why? There is no God.
好人坏人啥区别?
What's the difference?
区别就是你不会死
The difference is you're not dying.
医生上周打电♥话♥告诉我
The doctor called last week and told me.
我没跟你说因为... 我真的...
I just didn't tell you because I... I really...
我真的喜欢新的Steve
I really like the new Steve.
扯淡 你这是哄我 好让我放过小鹿斑比
Bullshit! You're just lying to me so I don't blow Bambi's brains out.
等下 Steve 好 好 好
Wait, Steve! Okay! Okay! Okay.
假设... 假设你要死了
Su... Suppose you are dying.
你真想就这么度过剩下的日子?
Is this really how you want to spend your last few days?
知道吗? 你说得对
You know what? You're right.
我在浪费宝贵的人生 - 多谢理解
I'm wasting precious time. - Thank you.
还有更损的路子我一直想去实践呢
There's way more messed up shit I've always wanted to do!
天使粉
Angel dust!
老妈 我得和你谈谈Denzel
Mother? I need to speak to you about Denzel.
你无权管我和谁约会
You can't tell me who to date.
Myrtle 我记得你今天要去做透析的
Myrtle! I thought you had a dialysis appointment.
你怎能这样 老妈? 你死定了 婊♥子♥
How could you, mother? You're going down, bitch!
我就是做了 跟这个有色男孩
I just did, on the colored kid.
而且欲♥仙♥欲♥死♥
And it was heavenly.
Myrtle 别 别
Myrtle, no! No!
天啊
Oh, man.
别抓着我 他是我的
Get your hands off me. He's mine.
该死
Oh, shit!
我从没爱过你
I never loved you.
妞们 妞们 淡定点
Ladies, ladies, calm down!
我知道怎么搞定了
I know how we can work this out.
天啊 你俩都挺给力啊
Man, y'all are freaks.
我猜从得到选举权那天后 你就没这么开怀过了
I bet you ain't smiled like that since you got the right to vote.
是不 妞?
Right, girl?
Myrtle 你妈好像死了
Uh, Myrtle, I think your mama dead.
Myrtle?
Myrtle?
我勒个擦
God damn it.
打开天窗说亮话 咱都利用了Steve
Let's be honest, we all took advantage of Steve.
我们害他六神无主 没有告诉他他不会死
We preyed on his insecurities, and we didn't tell him that he's not dying.
等着 Steve不死了?
Wait, Steve's not really dying?
擦 你真比昨天我上的俩老太太还冷血
Damn, you colder than those two dead women I just had sex with.
那个... 我是说 咱怎么帮帮Steve?
Uh, I mean, uh... How can we help Steve?
Steve 是我
Steve, it's me.
上帝
God.
你不是上帝 你是个黑子
You can't be God. You're black.
是啊 哥就黑了 有啥不对劲吗?
Yeah, I'm black. What's wrong with that?
没啥
Uh... Nothing.
这就对了 你个傻X 我要不是上帝 能干这个?
That's right, mother [Bleeper ]. If I wasn't God, could I do this?
你真是上帝 对不起我没坚定信仰 上帝
You are God. I'm sorry I lost my faith, God.
我坏事干尽 就在过去三天 会直接下地狱的哈?
I've done bad things. And in three days, I'll be going straight to hell, huh?
按理说会 但我不是过来给你擦屁♥股♥了么
Yeah, that's what you deserve, but I'm here to heal your shit.
尽看上帝之神威吧
Behold the power of God.
你没事了
You're healed.
太谢谢了 上帝
Thank you, God.