脆莓公园（2012）

去你丫的诗吧
[Bleep] Your poem.
亲爱的 这么多年怎么一直不打电♥话♥?
Dear, why haven't you called in all these years?
你们搬走了 也没给我新号♥码
You moved and didn't give me the number.
对哦 行吧 见上一面挺好的
Right. Well, it's been fun.
咱们15年后再会 - 20年也行
Let's do it again in 15 years. - Or 20.
等等 爸 妈 我有点事想跟你们说
Wait. Mom, dad, I have something to tell you.
我现在直了
I'm straight!
真的吗? 苍天有眼啊
Really? Oh, thank God!
我的宝贝囡啊 我们的女儿正常了
My little girl. Oh, we've got our daughter back!
Alan 家里有两个Connie应该会很乱套吧
Alan, it may be kind of awkward having two Connie's around though.
我早想到了
Way ahead of you.
睡觉吧 Connie
Go to sleep, Connie.
长眠吧
Go to sleep.
她叫我小囡囡
She called me her little girl.
妈咪的小囡囡
Mommy's little girl!
你好啊 情人
Hello, lover.
Ethel 不许再偷看人家的婴儿制♥造♥器
Ethel, stop trying to get a peek at my baby maker.
你会搞砸我跟妈妈的关系的
You're gonna ruin everything with my mom.
让那桃花终结者去死 她让你受尽折磨啊
Oh, screw that crotch blocker. That woman had you tortured.
现在不一样了 Ethel
Things are different now, Ethel.
她还给我买♥♥了这个沐浴露
She even bought me this body wash.
没门 我就喜欢你闻着像马戏团地板的味道
No! I like it when you smell like the floor of a circus.
Alan 我们还有个麻烦 - 是呀
Alan, we have a problem. - Yeah.
我不敢相信你搞砸了我的比赛 Woody
I can't believe you ruined my game, Woody.
你特么干嘛呢?
What the hell are you doing?
待会儿人家有朋友要来 你熊毛掉得满房♥子都是
I have company coming over later, and you're shedding all over the house.
而且又把牙膏弄在水槽里了
And you left toothpaste in the sink again.
水槽里的牙膏? 你上周喝大了
Toothpaste in the sink? Last week you got drunk
还把屎拉在水槽眼里呢
and shit down the garbage disposal.
那是以前的我啦 认识全新的我吧 亲
Well, that was the old me. Meet the new me, honey.
天生我才必搞基 你不适应都不行
I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it!
你变基佬我倒没意见
I'm fine if you turn into a gay guy.
你变成全世界最碎嘴的基佬 我可受不了
But only you would turn into the most annoying gay guy on Earth.
怎么说话呢 你个没良心的混球
That was uncalled for, you heartless bastard!
汤姆·克鲁斯前妻 阿汤哥曾陷同性恋传闻
突然间我好同情Katie Holmes
And now I suddenly have sympathy for Katie Holmes.
我家囡囡被掰直了
My little girl is straight.
咱娘俩得好好过这一整天
Oh, we're gonna spend the whole day together.
我好激动哦 妈妈
I'm so excited, mom.
好耶 好耶 好耶 好耶
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!
希望我没打扰到你们哦
Hope I'm not interrupting anything!
没看我们正忙着快活吗?
Can't you see we're busy getting busy?
人家才不跟你讲话
I'm not speaking to you.
Denzel 我只想把这个送你
Denzel, I just wanted to give you this.
艺术手工啥的 欲♥火♥被浇熄的感觉嘛
Ooh, arts and crafts! Oh, turn down the flame a little bit.
Steve 我好喜欢哦
Oh, Steve, I love it.
你少来这套 他是我的
Oh, no, you don't! He's mine!
谁说的? - 我说的
Says who? - Says me!
别闹了好吗? 你俩我都喜欢
Will you two stop it? I like both of you.
但喜欢我多一些 - 闭上你的大嘴巴
But he likes me more. - You shut your big mouth!
看我把你眼珠子挖出来
I'll claw your eyes out.
有你们的 我服了
That's it. I'm done.
嘿 还有谁有点硬了么?
Hey, anybody else got a little stiffy?
Ethel 我终于明白你的爱意了
Ethel, I've come to my senses.
我现在就想占有你那邪恶的女同之身
I need your evil lesbian body now.
Connie?
Connie?
那纸条怪怪的 但我...
That was a weird note, but I...
住手 嘿 你们要对我♥干♥嘛?
No! Hey! What are you doing to me?
来见见"同性洗♥脑♥仪"
Meet the homo eradicator.
话说我一直不是很倾心那名字
You know, I never really liked that name that much.
我在想应该叫它"基情消失机"
I always thought we should call it "the queer-o-disappear-o."
Alan 住手
Alan, stop!
睡去吧 Chuck
Go to sleep, Chuck.
睡去吧...
Go to sleep.
Connie 你穿这身真好看
Connie, you look great in your outfit.
有吗? 身上有点痒 妈妈
I don't know. It's kinda itchy, mom.
有时啊 全身发痒就是有品位的代价 亲爱的
Well, sometimes having class is itchy, dear.
怎么啦? 你的烤饼干都没动
What's the matter? You haven't touched your crumpets.
我在想我朋友Ethel
Oh, I was just thinking about my friend Ethel.
那个邪恶的蕾丝小贱♥人♥? 她呀...
Oh, that evil lez ho? About her...
本来是想给你个惊喜的
It was supposed to be a surprise,
咱们聊天这会儿 你♥爸♥正在改造她呢
but your father is reprogramming her as we speak!
不行
No!
什么? 你应该为那臭女人高兴才对 瞧把你改造得多好
What? You should be happy for that skank. Look how well this worked on you.
那破机器没用 妈 它就是给人上刑
It doesn't work, mother. That machine is torture.
怎么会没用 看看你现在 以前你就是个怪胎
It does work. Look at you now. You used to be a freak.
我就喜欢当怪胎 这些年来 我就想你们接受我
I liked being a freak. All my life, I just wanted your acceptance.
现在看来不值得 我就要做自己
But it's not worth it. I gotta be me!
现在恕我失陪去救朋友了
Now, excuse me while I save my friend.
这些路上吃
I'm taking these.
还有这些
And these.
粉红那块你还吃么?
You gonna eat that pink one?
Ethel
Ethel!
没了女同神力 我闯不过这些守卫的
I can't get past those guards without my lesbian strength.
加油 Connie 你心底肯定还是有点蕾丝边的
Come on, Connie. You must have a little lesbian left in there.
深掘内心
Just dig deep.
对 你说得对
Yeah. You're right.
你个坏蛋 放了她
You bastard! Let her go.
放她走
Let her go!
好了 罪人 释怀吧
That's it, sinner. Let it all out.
把你们脏手拿开
Get your hands off me.
那些疯子要把Ethel折磨至死 我却无能为力
Those maniacs are gonna torture Ethel to death, and I'm powerless to stop them.
对啦
That's it!
我得逆转"基佬炸♥弹♥"的效果
I need to reverse the effects of the gay bomb.
对 我们一起 - Malloy?
Yes, we do. - Malloy?
是我 这破事也影响到我了
Yes. This is my problem too.
Swallow含忍♥受之意 另有口♥交♥之意
弯男Woody实在难以下咽
A gay Woody is hard to swallow.
给我振作起来 Connie 我们得去那个军事基地
Get your mind outta the gutter, Connie. We need to get to the army base.
导弹发射井
这政♥府♥秘密基地绝对跟我之前想象的一模一样
This is exactly what I thought secret government bases were like.
Beefbottom 你好吗?
Beefbottom! How are you?
我们要逆转... - 什么?
We need to reverse the... - What?
我们希望你有办法...
We're hoping that you know a way...
说什么? - 我们需要该死的解药
What? - We need the goddamn antidote.
这里
Oh! Here.
我们只有一人份
We only have one dose.
谁说给你了? 我要拿去给Woody
Hey, who says you get it? I'm taking this to Woody.
不行 我要用这个去救Ethel
No, I need it to save Ethel.
给我拿来
Give me that!
看你干的好事
Oh, look what you did.
那可是我拯救Ethel的最后机会啊
That was my last chance to save Ethel.
我刚才唬你们玩呢
Ha ha ha! I was just [Bleep] with you.
那不是解药 是Bruce做的迈泰鸡尾酒啦
That wasn't the antidote. That was a Mai Tai that Bruce made.
那真解药在哪儿?
Well, where's the real antidote?
没有解药的 药效24小时后就解除了 傻瓜
There isn't one. The effects wear off in 24 hours, silly.
啥破炸♥弹♥过一天就没效果了?
What kind of bomb goes away after 24 hours?
《实习医生格蕾》主演之一 此处吐槽她没有人气
Katherine Heigl掺和的都这样
Uh, anything Katherine Heigl's in.
所以药效消失应该就在...
So the effects should be wearing off right about...
我特么穿的什么玩意儿?
What the [Bleep] am I wearing?
是不是都有被掰直的感觉?
Are you guys feeling straight?
对 - 没错
Yeah. - Yeah.
五秒规则吗?
Five-second rule?
嘿 老娘已经不是女同了
Hey! I'm not gay anymore!
你当然会这样说啦 增强电量
Of course you'd say that. Crank up the juice!
我... 我看可以收工了 恭喜你 你过关了
Oh, I... I think we're all done here. Congratulations. You passed.
不用谢我们把你朋友改造正常啦
Oh, no need to thank us for fixing your friend.
今年圣诞节晚餐一定得来啊
You'll have to come over for Christmas dinner this year.
老爸 我又变回女同了
Dad, I'm gay again.
不来也成
Or not.
知道我现在真心后悔什么吗?
You know what I'm really regretting right now.