脆莓公园（2012）

脆莓公园十周年纪念洗版
你还见过比这更美的景色吗?
Have you ever seen a more beautiful sight?
没见过
No, I haven't.
我肯定这闻起来跟草莓酥似的
I bet it smells like Strawberry Shortcake.
英伟的费城雄鹰
The majestic Philadelphia Eagle.
它们都要灭绝了 就因为...
They're almost extinct, because...
Malloy 你在干什么啊?
Malloy! What are you doing?
真不好意思 伐木咯
Ooh, I'm sorry, "timber".
你很可能会灭绝一个物种
You may have just wiped out an entire species!
你可不能在国家公园里乱砍...
You can't just cut down trees inside of a national...
闻起来更像草莓味屎糕
Whoa. Smells more like strawberry shit-cake.

脆莓公园
听好了 林警们 我有个激动人心的消息
All right, rangers. I've got exciting news.
让我猜猜
Oh, let me guess!
美国著名女律师 时年70岁
Judy法官来了 她光着大屁♥股♥让我鸡动的要死
Judge Judy is here, and she buck-ass naked and horny as hell!
不 今天是我生日
No. Today's my birthday.
今晚会有一场年度狂欢派对为我举♥行♥
And tonight's my annual blow-out party in honor of me!
有蛋糕 有冰淇淋 还有妓♥女♥
There will be cake, ice cream, and hookers.
跟我小时侯的派对一样
Just like my childhood parties.
Malloy 你个没良心的杂种
Malloy, you worthless son of a bitch!
能大点声说吗? 我听不见诶
Hmm, can you speak up? I cunt hear you.
你吓走了母鹰 这些蛋也全都碎掉了
You made the mother eagle fly off, and these eggs are completely cracked.
还好Connie随身带着胶带
Luckily, Connie had duct tape on her.
突然想到 你到树林里带着胶带干嘛?
Come to think of it, why did you bring duct tape into the forest?
不干嘛
No reason.
这些树都是要在Woody生日派对上用的
Those trees had to go to make room for Woody's birthday party.
Malloy全权策划派对大小事宜
Malloy here is planning the whole thing.
你就为了你的烂派对不惜危害濒危物种?
You are jeopardizing an endangered species for your stupid birthday party?
嘿 所有伟人都会给自己开体面的派对
Hey! All the great leaders throw themselves extravagant parties.
均为独♥裁♥者 图为《希♥特♥勒♥战术集》
侯赛因 卡扎菲 金♥正♥日♥ 我们都是从希♥特♥勒♥这儿学来的
Hussein, Gaddafi, Kim Jong-il, we all took a page from Hitler's playbook.
自我膨胀是加强我们统治的手段
"Self-aggrandizement is how we reinforce our dominance".
Steve 亲我屁♥股♥
Steve, kiss my ass!
很荣幸 生日快乐 老大
Gladly. Happy Birthday, Sir.
靠 我不是指这字面意思
Di... I didn't mean literally!
但我也没让你停
Ah-ah... but I also didn't say "stop".
真够下♥贱♥的
Ugh, that is so degrading.
当然要下♥贱♥ 不然怎么让人保持头脑清醒
Of course it's degrading, it keeps people in line.
Connie 一边掐自己一边祝我生日快乐
Connie! Wish me Happy Birthday while you choke yourself!
生日快乐 Woody
Happy Birthday, Woody.
Denzel 你是下一个 - 给哥跪舔 臭混♥蛋♥
Denzel, you're next. - Suck my [Bleep], mother[Bleeper].
听见了吧 黑人说生日快乐就是这么说的
See, that's... that's black for "Happy Birthday".
我不管多少人祝你生日快乐 没人是真心的
I don't care how many people wish you Happy Birthday, none of them mean it.
那我真是幸运 我可不管 我宁愿别人怕我而不是爱我
Well, lucky for me, I don't give a shit. I'd rather be feared than loved.
好吧 我既不怕你也不爱你 走 蛋蛋们 我们离开这儿
Well, I don't fear you or love you. Come on, eggs, let's get out of here.
这是给它们保温
It keeps them warm!
我总觉得巫婆的咪♥咪♥是冰的
Huh. I always thought witches' tits were cold.
火爆Jim 焰火 大炮仗 嘣 爱国者导弹
我要办生日派对 需要些焰火
I need some fireworks for a birthday party,
听说你是这附近最棒的
and I heard you were the best around.
哈? 啥玩意?
Huh? What?
是啊 倒腾了20年焰火没出一起事故
Yeah, 20 years in the business and not one accident!
知道为啥吗? - 你有多残废 我就有多糊涂
You know why? - Hmm, I'm as stumped as you are.
啥? 就因为我专注安全20年
What? Because I'm all about safety!
说你来点啥?
So what you need, huh?
我有瓶子导弹 跳爆竹 二踢脚 可♥卡♥因♥
I got bottle rockets, jumping jacks, m-80s, cocaine.
我可是火爆Jim 牛X人 知道吗?
I'm Firecracker Jim, God damn it! Huh?
不要 这些都是小孩玩的 没有大点的家伙吗?
No, this is kid stuff. You have anything bigger?
当然有 你稍等下
Hell yeah, I do! Hold on a minute!
苏联 伊♥拉♥克♥ 利比亚财产 火爆Jim财产
买♥♥了
Sold.
知道我怀念啥吗?
You know what I miss?
手指头? - 对头
Uh, fingers? - Yeah.
好了 大伙 都勤快点
All right, people, work faster!
或者干慢点 因为我想玩碎我这条鞭子
Or work slower, because I kinda want to break in this bullwhip.
耶稣基♥督♥啊 我也像你一样被钉了
Ow! Jesus Christ, I look like Jesus Christ!
不好意思 Steve 我走神了
Sorry, Steve, I got distracted.
我去拿拔钉钳去
I'll go get a nail claw.
Connie
Connie!
别再浪费钉子了
Stop wasting nails.
要么一枪钉死他 要么别再玩了
Either go for the kill shot, or knock it off.
我看出咋回事了
I know what's going on.
你喜欢那姑娘
You like that girl.
要么就想谋杀她 我分不清楚 反正都是一副变♥态♥眼神
Either that, or you planning to murder her. I can't tell, you got those crazy eyes.
过奖了 我可配不上她
Wow. She's way out of my league.
客气个啥? 你和她一样恶心人啦
Don't sell yourself short. You're just as nasty as she is.
我告诉你啊 今晚派对 我会帮你搞到那姑娘
Tell you what, tonight at the party, I'ma help you get that girl.
你真能帮我? - 当然 我们是朋友嘛
You'd really do that? - Sure, we're friends.
计划是这样的 在派对上 我吸引她注意力
Now, here's the plan. At the party, I'll distract her.
你把她扔进后备箱就行 - 什么啊?
You throw her in your trunk. - What?
我可不想杀了她 我想和她约会
I don't want to kill her, I want to date her.
杀了她 上了她 都一回事 她肯定都得挂彩
Kill her, date her, either way, she's getting a gash to the face.
野生动物基金呢?
What happened to the wildlife fund?
我取钱去买♥♥孵化器 但没钱了
I tried to get cash for an Incubator, but it was all gone.
Woody说他需要一笔钱
Woody said he needed the money.
做什么? - 那个咯
For what? - For that.
我觉得我像个法老
Ha ha! I feel like a Pharaoh!
你更像个肥佬 - Woody 你怎么能这么做?
You look more like a fat-ho. - Woody, how could you do that?
我在拯救一个濒危物种
I am trying to save an endangered species.
这些老鹰濒危是因为它们太弱了
Ugh, those eagles are endangered because they're weak.
我可不会尊重弱者
And I got no respect for weak!
是吧 Steve - 生日快乐
Right, Steve? - Happy Birthday!
谢了 你个弱爆了的混♥蛋♥
Aw, thanks, you weak son of a bitch.
嘿 说到混♥蛋♥ 真不敢相信Ethel还没祝我生日快乐呢
Hey, speaking of bitches, I don't believe Ethel's wished me a Happy Birthday yet.
现在说 - 去死吧你
Now say it! - Screw you!
那么好吧 你被... 行政休假了
Okay then, you're on... administrative leave!
你特么什么意思? - 我是说我在行政
What the hell does that mean? - I mean, I am the administrator,
至于你... 呃... 给我滚蛋
and for you to... well, uh... [bleeping] Leave!
你就是混♥蛋♥ Woody Johnson
You are a dick, Woody Johnson.
滚回去干活
Get back to work!
派对办得真棒 小子
Great job on the party, little buddy!
给我准备什么娱乐项目没?
So what's in store for my entertainment?
这个嘛 放完烟花 Denzel会表演魔术
Well, after the fireworks Denzel will be performing a magic show.
魔术? 我爱死魔术了
Magic? I love magic!
炫透了 让我觉得又回到了伊♥拉♥克♥
Glorious! Makes me feel like I'm back in Iraq!
找个日子我还得回那儿看看
I've gotta go back there one day.
还记得我那条没做完的婴儿小鸡鸡项链不?
You know I never finished my necklace made of baby dicks?
嘿 火爆Jim 我看这玩意是个哑弹
Hey, uh, Firecracker Jim, I think this one's a dud.
啥? 哑弹? 扯淡
Huh? Dud, my ass!
往上面倒点汽油 点着不成问题
Pour some gasoline on it, it'll light!
我说先点孟加拉焰火 再点罗马焰火筒 你这痴呆
I said light the Bengal Fire, then the Roman Candle, idiot!
我来吧
I'll do it!
你机会来了 - 嘿 想来点啥?
Now's your chance! - Hi. What can I get you?
荷兰传说: 小男孩用手指堵住大坝洞口 使荷兰免遭洪灾
我们玩荷兰小孩拯救荷兰的游戏吧
Let's play little Dutch Boy who saved Holland.
你可以把手指头插到我的大坝洞里
You can stick your finger in the dyke.
这也太糟糕了
Well, that was a disaster.
靠 我以为这句会万无一失呢
Man, I thought that was a solid line.
花了我一整晚才想出来的
Took me all night to come up with that.
别担心 我还有第二手牌
Don't worry, I got a backup plan.
你得帮我一起演一出魔术 她肯定会喜欢的
You gonna help me do a magic trick. She'll love it!
魔术?
Magic trick?
何乐不为呢? 你们俩都是拉拉对吧
Why not? You're both lesbians, right?
没什么比魔术更基的了
Ain't nothing gayer than magic.
Woody说他不管小鸟死活的那一刻
When Woody says he doesn't care about these birds,
我就明白他的潜台词是他根本就不鸟我
what he's really saying is that he doesn't care about me.
去他大爷 现在说啥我也不会吃回头草了
Well, screw him! Now nothing can keep me here!
Steve 你能贴心 对这玩意吹口气帮我发动引擎吗?
Steve, can you be a doll and blow into this thing so I can start my car?
你是不是又喝酒了?
You're drinking again?
什么? 哪有
What? No.
给力啊 近亲结婚的劣种们
Come on, Cousin [Bleepers],
让我看看你们为种族战争预留了什么
let's see the stuff you were saving for the race war.