脆莓公园（2012）

你可以想像一下梅毒搞完癌症 还染上了艾滋病晚期
Well, try to imagine if syphilis did it with cancer and got full-blown aids.
梅毒艾滋癌?!
Can-a-syphil-aids?
对的 梅毒艾滋癌
Yes, can-a-syphil-aids.
这名字起得很贴切 Steve
That has a nice ring to it, Steve.
好消息是你只会病上两星期
The good news is, you'll only be sick for two weeks.
好哎
Yes!
因为之后你就死翘翘了
Because after that you'll be dead.
我的上帝啊 Steve
Oh, my God, Steve.
这真是可怕的消息
This is horrible news.
就像有人活生生把我的心从胸口挖出来一样
Feels like someone's ripped my heart straight out of my chest.
别担心 Woody 会没事的
Don't worry, Woody. It'll be okay.
怎么可能没事
No, it won't!
知道聘个新林警得费多大劲吗? 你个黄土埋脖子的傻缺
Do you know how much of a hassle it is to hire a new ranger, you stupid dying idiot?
Malloy 你这又是干啥?
Malloy, what are you doing?
练习下在Steve坟上要跳的爱尔兰吉格舞
Just practicing the jig I'm going to do on Steve's grave.
我还真是赶巧 那痴呆要死了
Can you believe my luck? That moron's dying.
现在把我弄成新林警 然后把枪给我
Now make me the new ranger and give me my gun.
林警小熊熊? 以后还会有什么?
A bear ranger? What's next?
原谅你那个因为想念亡妻就逼你穿女式内♥裤♥ 戴胸罩的爹吗?
Forgiving your dad for making you wear panties
原谅你那个因为想念亡妻就逼你穿女式内♥裤♥ 戴胸罩的爹吗?
and a padded bra just because he missed his dead wife?
我不是我妈 爸爸
I'm not mom, dad!
她已经死了
She's gone!
Steve 我真不敢相信你要死了
Steve, I can't believe that you're dying.
是哦 Steve 我也好难过
Yeah, Steve. I'm sad.
不要如此悲伤 朋友们
Don't be so sad, guys.
两周以后 我就在天堂了
In two weeks, I'll be in heaven.
笑啥? 你们认为我去不了天堂?
What? You guys don't think I'm going to heaven?
没错
Uh, no.
我的孩子 要上天堂 你需心中接纳我主耶稣
My son, in order to get to heaven you need to accept Jesus Christ into your heart
他是你的主和救星
as your personal Lord and savior.
搞定 我特么爱死主了 还要干嘛?
Done. I [Bleeping] Love him. What else?
你要为人们干好事
You need to do nice things for people.
那还不简单 我刚买♥♥了iPad3
On it. I just bought myself an iPad 3
还自费买♥♥了"阴酷网"的全权限帐号♥
and an all-access pass to a website called PubeTube...
Steven 我的意思是你要与人为善
Steven, I mean good deeds for other people.
假设一下 如果我从没帮过别人... 会怎样?
Uh, hypothetically, what if I've never helped another person... Ever?
那就永远活在地狱的烈焰中吧
Then you'll burn in hell for all eternity.
我在地狱可熬不过九个月
I can't spend nine months in hell!
你说的是"有孕" Steven
That's maternity, Steven.
我说的是"永远"
Eternity is forever.
不要啊 你得想法儿救我
Oh, no! You gotta get me out of this!
求你了
Please!
还有时间的 孩子
There's still time, son.
出去助人为乐吧
Just go out there and help others.
Ethel 她尽做好事
Ethel. She does good stuff.
她甚至还办了个瞎眼孩子营
She even started a camp for blind kids.
不错 就像她那么干 她会帮助你上天堂的
Good! Do what she does. Oh, she'll help you get into heaven.
等一下 跟着你不是更好么? 你是神父啊
Wait. Wouldn't it be better if I just followed you around? You're a priest.
我很忙的 Steven 我还要去演出扮小丑呢
Too busy, Steven. I've got this other gig where I dress as a clown.
我有重要事情问你
I need to ask you something important.
Steve 我说过了 果汁只能给营员喝
Steve, I told you, the juice boxes are for the campers.
我是来请求你原谅的
I wanted to ask for your forgiveness.
我为我的自私自利道歉 还有我想帮你一起做好事
I'm sorry for being so self-centered, and I want to help you do good deeds.
我是改头换面的Steve 就想助人为乐
I'm a brand-new Steve, who just wants to help other people.
比如这样
Like this one.
你可不能玩棍儿啊 会戳瞎眼睛的
You shouldn't be playing with sticks. You could put your eye out.
Steve 如果你想的话 可以读书给孩子们听
Steve, if you want, you can read to the kids.
都过来 孩子们 故事时间到
Come on, kids. Story time!
你好
Hello?
你好 我是Kuzniak医生
Hello, this is Dr. Kuzniak.
我有重要消息得告诉Steve
I have some very important information for Steve.
你能否告诉他 他不会死
Can you tell him that he's not dying?
是我不小心把他的血样跟另一个病人的弄混了
It turns out I accidentally mixed up his blood sample with another patient's.
以圣父 圣子 圣灵...
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the holy...
Steve 医生打电♥话♥来要我转达重要消息
Steve, the doctor called! He has important news for you!
43页哈 我们到了《蕾丝胸衣》专栏了
Page 43. We're into the lace corset section.
虽然还是12页那个妹子 但胸部露得更多了
It's the same chick from page 12, but you can see her jugs better.
Steve叔叔 你让盲人觉得有如亲眼所见
Oh, Steve. It's like you've helped the blind to see.
那 医生的重要消息是什么?
Now, what was that doctor's big news?
他说... 你还是快死了
Um... Just that you're still dying.
那我得相信他专程打电♥话♥ 就是说我还是要死了?
So I'm supposed to believe that he called me, just to tell me I'm still dying?
靠 那医生还真特么混♥蛋♥
Man, that doctor's a [Bleeping] asshole.
孩子们 放开束缚
Kids, this is the last day...
不要因为看不见东西就不敢去做你想做的事
being blind is going to prevent you from doing anything you want.
拉弓
Draw...
放箭
Release!
我们射得怎么样?
How'd we do?
Ethel 我花了一整天让瞎眼娃儿们
Ethel. I've spent the whole day showing blind kids
知道他们也能做正常孩子们做的事情
that they can do anything non-crippled kids can.
真是太好了 Steve
That's wonderful, Steve.
因为行将就木 Steve改变这么多 真是不可思议
Wow. It's amazing how much this dying thing has changed Steve.
我也这么说 有他在其实挺好的
I know, right? He's actually kind of pleasant to be around.
那个我... Connie 能跟你讲个事吗?
Which is why I... Connie, can I tell you something?
Steve其实不会死掉
Steve isn't really dying.
医生打过电♥话♥来了 他根本没生病
The doctor called. It turns out he isn't even sick at all.
真是好消息 我们去告诉他吧
That's great news! Let's tell him.
我们先不跟他说 也没什么吧?
Would it be horrible if we hold off telling him?
你知道的 趁势再让Steve当一阵子好人
You know, maybe ride the "nice Steve" wave a little bit longer?
Ethel 你这样实在够自私的
Ethel, that's really selfish of you.
你会这样想我深感遗憾 但这是为了孩子们好
Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, but it's for the good of the kids.
看看谁玩的嗨呀
Now who's having fun?
这些人干嘛的?
What's going on in here?
都是来面试林警的
Oh, I'm interviewing for our next ranger.
签我得了 也省得你费那么多周折
Just hire me, and let's be done with this.
老爹很忙 宝贝 为啥你不出去找点乐子?
Daddy's busy, honey. Why don't you go outside and play?
不 我好得很 - 随便你咯 下一位
No, I'm good. - Suit yourself. Next!
下午好 欢迎...
Good afternoon. Welcome...
请允许我打断一下
Eh! I'm gonna stop you right there.
一种烈性迷幻药
你们单位禁食天使粉吗?
What's the company policy on angel dust?
园内不允许使用 美国境内也不允许使用
It's illegal in the park, and in these United States of America.
见鬼 难道我又回美国了? 我怎么不知道?
Well, shit! I'm back in the States? Since when?
伙计 知道什么能让你嗨翻天吗?
Man, you know what can really make you forget where you are?
天使粉
Angel dust.
顺带问问 能借我20刀买♥♥点天使粉吗?
By the way, can you advance me 20 bucks to score some angel dust?
下一位 - 伙计 我爱死天使粉了
Next! - Man, I love angel dust.
下一位 - 只要让我放把火 我就高♥潮♥了
Next! - I can only ejaculate by setting things on fire.
下一位 - 我爱棒棒糖
Next! - I like lollipops.
下一位
Next!
我来面试是因为我喜欢动物
I want this job because I like animals.
不 是因为我爱动物
No, I love animals.
有人说我爱动物有些过头了 你懂啥意思不?
Some people say I love animals too much, you know what I'm saying?
下一位
Next!
而且我是经过认证的救生员 - 真有两下子
And, I'm a certified lifeguard. - Well, I'm impressed.
好吧 就这样了
Well, everything looks good.
他是加拿大人
He's Canadian.
什么?! 给我滚出办公室 你这恶心的怪胎
What?! Get out of my office, you disgusting freak!
这就是报纸打广♥告♥能找到的货色
That is what you get when you put an ad in a newspaper.
要死不活的弱智媒体
Stupid dying medium.
Malloy 能帮我在网上打个广♥告♥
Malloy, can you help me post an ad on the Internet
给我找个正常点的家伙来吗?
that doesn't attract a bunch of wacko nut jobs?
我想我能帮上你的忙
Oh, I think I can help you with that.
你好 - 是我 Denzel
Hello? - It's Denzel.
噢 对 那个黑人小伙子
Oh, right. The colored kid.
这样的 Myrtle现在不在
Oh, well, Myrtle isn't here right now...
我不是和Myrtle通话的
Oh, I didn't call to talk to Myrtle.
我是来和你通话的 宝贝
I called to talk to you, baby.
我明白了
Oh, I see.
Agnes 我觉得你棒极了 我喜欢成熟♥女♥人
Agnes, I think you fine as hell. I like mature women.
对我而言Myrtle就是没成熟的小鸡仔
Myrtle's just too young and naive for me.
拜托 Denzel 打住吧