脆莓公园（2012）

玻璃顶棚
Glass ceiling!
那玩意没撞破
That one stopped me.
别扯油头了 Steve
Enough excuses, Steve.
Denzel一直也没爹 人家可不是牢骚鬼
Denzel never had a dad, and he's not a wuss.
Woody 我可是我爹带大的
Woody, my father raised me.
你口中的"老爸"应该是"祖母" 对吧
By "father" you mean "grandmother", right?
听着 伙计们 我知道让你们失望了
Look, guys, I know I let you down.
但这都是过去了
But those days are over.
只要下次有机会 我绝对会证明我比这里任何人都爷们儿
The next chance I get, I'm gonna prove that I'm more of a man than anyone here.
包括她在内
Including her.
你好 我想反映一个严重问题
Uh, hi. Um, I've got a real problem here.
我的营地里到处都是被吃掉一半的山羊
My campsite is littered with half-eaten goats.
被吃掉一半的山羊
Half-eaten goats?
见鬼 看来又是那只美洲狮来捣乱了
Crap. Looks like it's that rabid cougar again.
你们谁愿意去搞定它
Which one of you is gonna hunt him down?
你猜怎么着?
You know what?
就在30秒之前
I've been looking for an opportunity
我还在想怎么证明我的爷们儿气概
to prove my manhood since about 30 seconds ago.
包在我身上
I'll do it.
抱歉 我想你还没听完我的话
Sorry, I guess you didn't know that I wasn't finished speaking.
我希望能退还我10美刀的野营费
I'd like my $10 camping fee back.
没问题 你把信♥用♥卡♥给我刷一下就行了
No problem, I'll just run your credit card.
搞定 这个月底就应该能打到你的卡上了
Done. Should show up on your statement at the end of the month.
你个衰人 你就是一坨扶不上墙的烂泥
You suck. You are a pile of shit.
而我想告诉你 你父母刚打电♥话♥来说
And I want you to know that your parents just called,
他们要离婚
and they're getting a divorce.
他们说这都是因为你得了白血病
They said it's your fault, because you have leukemia
你头发也会掉光光
and all your hair's gonna fall out.
你这是在和谁说话呢
Who are you talking to?
儿子 我们要告诉你些事情 我们要离婚了
Son, we have something to tell you. We're getting divorced.
而且你有白血病
And you have leukemia.
Malloy 我知道这有些过分 但我快给你筹到2000美刀了
Malloy, I know it's past the deadline, but I've almost got your $2,000 together.
再筹个1900就够了
I just need $1,900 more.
别太操心了 Woody 我们会想到别的办法的
You worry too much, Woody. We'll work something out.
好吧 那么你有何打算 采取分期付款吗
Okay, so what are you thinking? Some kind of installment plan?
放松好吗
Will you relax?
拿去
Here.
次氯酸钠
帮我闻闻这个
Sniff this for me.
肾脏
别拿那种眼神看我 生意而已
Don't look at me like that, it's just business.
我到底该怎么样找到那只豹子
How am I ever gonna find this cougar?
跟着山羊尸体走就行了
Follow the dead goats.
真是个好主意 脑海里的声音
Good idea, voice in my head.
你比我大吼大叫时的声音好听多了
You sound so much cooler than when I talk out loud.
是我在说话 蠢材
It's me, dumb ass.
奶奶的屁屁
你逞英雄的时机真是大错特错
You picked the wrong time to start acting like a man.
那豹子绝对要把你活吞了 Steve
That cougar's gonna eat you alive, Steve.
谢谢你的苦口良言 合十礼
Thanks for the tough love. Namaste.
合十礼
"Namaste".
我还是呆在没有豹子侵扰的地方算了
Nah, I'ma stay right here where there ain't no cougars.
你的痛苦结束了
Your suffering is over.
愿主怜悯你
Mercy is upon you.
很抱歉没打中
Uh, sorry about that.
现在 接受主的怜悯吧
Now, mercy will be upon you.
就快了
Almost done.
很快你就能和耶稣同行了
You'll be with Jesus soon.
去死吧
Die!
帮我在天堂占个座 朋友
Save a place for me in heaven, friend.
这肯定就是它的藏身之处
That must be where it lives.
爷们儿点 Steve
Be a man, Steve.
爷们儿点 爷们儿点 爷们儿点
Be a man, be a man, be a man,
爷们儿点 爷们儿点 爷们儿点 爷们儿点
be a man, be a man, be a man, be a man.
我不想当爷们儿啊
I don't want to be a man!
老爸
Dad?
老天 老爸
Oh, my God. Dad!
居然是你
It's you!
我有问题要问你 老爸
I have one question for you, dad.
为啥我长了蛋蛋蕊
Why do I have a ball gina?
那货是你爹? - 没错
That's your dad? - Yeah.
老爸 这是Denzel
Dad, meet Denzel.
不 别别别别别 老爸
No! Eh, eh, eh! Eh, eh, eh, dad!
Jonah 听着 很抱歉我从没去找你
Jonah, listen, sorry I never looked for you.
我本来想去 但你老婆真心很需要抚慰
I meant to, but your wife was in dire need of comforting,
尤其是她的子♥宫♥深处
way down deep in her uterus.
我已经不想再憋着了
I've held my tongue long enough.
你老爸闻起来就像大便一样
Your dad smells like shit.
别告诉我你还为削肾那事生气
Don't tell me you're still pissed about this kidney thing,
因为我已经不计较了
because I've moved on.
重要的是我老爸还活着 而且他还一点都没变
The important thing is my dad is back and he hasn't changed a bit.
这招倒是没见过 - 嘿 真够乱套的
Well, that's kind of new. - Yo, that's messed up.
我觉得乱套的是...
I'll tell you what's messed up...
你狗眼看人低的态度
Your judgmental attitude.
我爸就是需要点帮助 重新适应社会而已
Father just needs a little help readjusting to society.
老爸新学的搞笑段子 就快演完了
Dad's new comedy bit. He's almost done.
好啦 够啦
Okay, that's enough.
行啦 老爸 我们都看懂啦
Okay, pops, we get it.
求别射啊
Please don't finish.
为什么我总是爱上错的人?
Why do I always fall for the wrong guy?
我想要的只是一个心眼好 尊重我的人
I just want a nice guy, someone who will treat me with respect.
我打赌那样的人就近在眼前
I bet that person's closer than you think.
Connie 有你这样的闺蜜我真是幸运
Oh, Connie, I'm so lucky to have a platonic friend like you.
不能再这么懦弱了 Connie
Stop being so chicken shit, Connie.
告诉她你的感受
Tell her how you feel.
告诉她你想要你俩的胯间摩擦出激♥情♥的火花
Tell her you want to start a fire by rubbing your 'ginas together.
不许这样子说她
Don't talk about her like that.
哪样子说谁?
Talk about who like that?
美国电视访谈节目 主持人Ellen为出柜女同
《艾伦秀》开始了
Ellen's on.
现在 爸爸 既然你回归文明世界了
Now, father, since you've returned to the civilized world,
区分沙拉叉和甜点叉可是至关重要的一大步
it's crucial that you learn the difference between a salad fork and a dessert fork.
不行 停下 看好 这是沙拉叉
No, no, no. Salad fork.
怎么回事啊?
What is going on here?
Armando 这些人就想安安静静吃顿好饭
Armando, these are people trying to have a nice meal.
你打扰他们干嘛?
Why you bother them?
请允许替Armando向两位致歉
Allow me to apologize on Armando's behalf.
他是新来的 可他是个好孩子
He is new, but he is very good boy.
Armando 不如你去给这两位老板拿点免费的面包条?
Armando, uh, why don't you go and get these nice people some free bread sticks?
招待不周啊 下次来
You come back anytime.
您想插谁的脖子 随便插就是
Anybody you wanna stab him in the neck, you go right ahead.
请大家快点登上"老威父子"列车
All aboard the Williams and Son rail road!
通往永远幸福的列车马上就要出发了
Now departing for happily ever after!
要让此情此景更棒 猜我们还缺点啥? 刨冰
You know what would make this even better? Snow cones.
Steve 我在编辑"相亲.com"个人资料
Hey, Steve, I'm doing my match dot com profile,
"亚美尼亚人死远点"怎么才能说得礼貌些?
and I need a polite way to say "no Armenians".
如果说"我不喜欢一字眉" 别人能心领神会吗?
Now, do you think they'll take a hint if I say I don't like uni-brows,
还是我应该添上"白色宝马车免谈"?
or should I also throw in "no white BMW's"?
你好 你一定就是Steve的父亲了
Oh, hello. You must be Steve's father.
真无礼 我就跟你打个招呼
Excuse me. I just said hello.
用得着这样对待女人吗?
Is that any way to treat a woman?
你既粗鲁 又无礼 你...
You're rude, you're disrespectful, you're...
就是我的菜
Just my type.
你想吃什锦水果味的还是...
Do you want tutti-frutti or goo-goo gra...
那个野人搞你的真爱
Are you just gonna sit there and do nothing
你还要坐在这里无动于衷吗?
while that creep bangs your true love?
Ethel是个成熟♥女♥人 她想跟谁好就跟谁
Ethel's a grown woman. She can date whoever she wants.
你真可悲
You're pathetic.
你甚至不配有我这样的邪恶人格
You don't even deserve an evil alter ego.
我不要再听了
I'm not listening to you.
我们对着一泡鹿尿嚷个啥?
Why are we yelling at deer piss?
家庭心理治疗
这事不公平