脆莓公园（2012）

It's not fair.
我爸爸和我就在重建父子关系的节骨眼上
My father and I were just starting to rebuild our relationship.
我才不要她搅和进来
I shouldn't have to share him with her.
亲爱的 交给我来
Darling, I'll handle this.
Steve 你要学会接受 你♥爸♥爸和我这事是真的
Steve, you're going to have to accept that what your father and I have is real.
真的很放得开
Real kinky.
你能想到的任何招式 我们都玩过了
Anything you can imagine, we've tried it.
你仔细琢磨一下吧
Think about that for a minute.
看见没? 她都快逼疯我了
See? She's driving me crazy.
那对此你作何感受?
And how does that make you feel?
发疯啊 哇 你真行
Crazy. Wow, you're good.
医生 我理解Steve的痛苦
Doctor, I understand Steve's pain,
可是Jonah不像我以前好过的任何男人
but Jonah's unlike any man I've dated before.
诚然 他话不多 但那又怎样?
Sure, he doesn't say much, but so what?
姐这张刀子嘴够两个人使的
My banter is charming enough for two people.
"这句说得真不错 Ethel" 哎 当然啦
That's a good one, Ethel. Oh, it certainly is.
不行 现在时机不成熟 宝贝
No, now is not the right time, sweetheart.
行吧 我跟他说
Fine, I'll tell him.
Steve 你♥爸♥爸和我 我们要结婚了
Steve, your father and I, we're getting married.
什么?
What?
我很抱歉这样冒失地告诉你
I'm sorry you had to learn this way.
我本来希望你是从脸书上看到的
I was hoping you'd find out on Facebook.
我可受不了啦
I can't handle this.
你得做出抉择 老爸
You need to choose, dad.
要她还是要我
It's her or me.
我看见你做出的"选择"了
I see you've made your choice.
好消息 你的肾在牙买♥♥加黑市上可以卖♥♥两千刀
Good news, I'm getting 2 grand for your kidney on the Jamaican black market.
就我而言 我们扯平了
As far as I'm concerned, we're square.
算了吧 亲爱的小熊仔 别卖♥♥掉我的肾啊
Come on, snuggly-wubs, don't sell my kidney.
给我个机会把它赢回来 要么翻倍 要么全赔
Just give me a chance to win it back, double or nothing.
我不确定哎 - 求你啦 给个机会
I don't know. - Please, give me a chance!
你想要啥我都敢赌 - 我打赌你敢的
I'll bet on anything you want! - I bet you will.
行 那赌吧 - 这不刚赌了吗
Okay, let's bet. - We just did.
我赢了没? - 你输了
Did I win? - Ooh, you lost.
我擦
Goddamn it!
靠啊 他赌运还真好
Oh, man, he's on a roll.
那一夜是多么美好啊
That was such a fun night.
听起来我俩都有点小麻烦
Sounds like we both have a problem.
你是谁?
Who are you?
Connie啊
Oh, Connie.
事情明摆着了 Steve
Here's the thing, Steve.
咱俩谁也不希望这场婚礼举♥行♥
Neither of us want this wedding to happen.
或许我们可以联合起来
Perhaps we should join forces.
是哦 联合起来
Yeah, join forces.
照我说的做
Do as I say...
保证我俩都会非常开心
And we'll both be very happy.
好 好 你... 你不会想伤害我爸吧 是不?
Yeah, yeah. You're... you're... you're not gonna hurt my dad, are you?
当然不会了 他会好好的...
Of course not. He'll be fine...
下地狱
In hell.
这效果咋做的?
How did you do that?
抱歉 我冲蜡烛放了个屁
Sorry. I farted on your candle.
你们是女方家属还是男方家属?
Are you with the bride or the groom?
她是女方家属 她是男方家属
She's with the bride, she's with the groom.
谁有链锯吗?
Anybody got a chain saw?
抱歉把你硬拖过来
Sorry I dragged you to this.
其实是我硬拖着你来啦
Actually, I dragged you to this.
好吧 我替你高兴 老爸
Well, I'm happy for you, dad.
绝无不可告人动机
No ulterior motives here.
说得好
Ha! Good one.
失陪一下 老爸 我要去妨碍一下婚礼
Would you excuse me, father? I need to sabotage the wedding.
不是你的婚礼啦 是另外一家
Not this wedding, a different one.
芬克尔斯坦一家啦 Bob和Jill 你不认识他们
The Finklesteins, Bob and Jill. You don't know them.
没人认识 我胡编的
Nobody knows them. They're made up.
见鬼
Damn it!
全拿来了 我一辈子的积蓄 照你的指示
So, here it is, my life savings, just like you wanted.
整整四百块
$400.
说吧 打算怎么花?
So, what are we spending it on?
不行 别告诉我 我要留点小惊喜
No, don't tell me. I want to be surprised.
步♥枪♥
懂了
Uh, I got it.
我们要拿这个板条箱砸Ethel
We're gonna hit Ethel with this crate.
Malloy 你真是最萌人的婚礼戒熊啦
Oh, Malloy, you make the cutest ring-"bear"- er.
爱搞笑是吧?
Oh, you are funny.
身穿白衣暗示当晚约炮
所以你要在婚礼上穿一身白咯 你个浪货
Is that why you're wearing white on your wedding day, you whore?
真不敢相信你居然带着那玩意儿过来
I cannot believe you brought that thing here.
以间接方法来表现不喜欢他人
什么叫消极攻击啊
Talk about passive-aggressive.
拜托 我要反击
Come on, let me get even.
最后一赌 要么翻倍 要么全赔
One more shot, double or nothing.
你需要帮助 Woody 你得病了
You need help, Woody. You've got a disease.
我知道这事 因为卖♥♥你肾的时候
I know that because when I tried to sell your kidney,
他们说 这家伙有病
they said, "that man has a disease".
行了 我要主持婚礼开幕
Well, I need to get this wedding started.
只剩五分钟的干净血源了
I've only got five minutes of clean blood left.
亲爱的朋友们 今天我们齐聚在此 见证这场乱♥伦♥之恋
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to legitimize the fornication
这位漂亮的女士和这位先生...
between this beautiful woman and this man, who...
靠 苍天啊 他在吃耗子
Oh, God, he's eating a rat.
天啊
Huh? My God.
Connie玩邪的
Connie's totally lost it.
她在策划谋杀
She's planning on murder.
我得采取行动
I need to do something.
老爸 要不你和Ethel换个位置吧
Dad, why don't you and Ethel switch places?
危机转移
Crisis averted.
擦 真有她的
Damn, she's good.
那个... 别介意 大伙
Would you, uh, excuse me, everyone?
我... 憋不住要去拉个大号♥
I, uh, have to make a number two.
加油
Come on.
走起救老爸
And now, to save my dad!
婚姻是男人和女人间的神圣结合
Marriage is the sacred union of man and woman,
不是男人与男人 更不是不同种族之间
not man and man, and certainly not between the races,
西班牙佬和亚洲佬另说
except for Spaniards and Asians.
他们能制♥造♥菲律宾佬 长得漂亮 还超能挣钱
They make Filipinos, who are great looking and desperate for cash.
愣着干嘛呢? 扣动扳机啊
What are you waiting for? Pull the trigger.
我看自己下不去手
I don't know if I can do this.
你就是个弱爆的肥肿陆地鲸
You're a weak, bloated land whale.
我当初干嘛硬把梳妆台搬上来
Why did I even lug that stupid boudoir up here?
不许动 你个弱爆的肥肿陆地鲸
Freeze, you weak, bloated land whale.
为什么谁都挑我的刺?
Why is everyone picking on me?
给我 给我
Gimme! Gimme!
我真是个孙子
I'm such a dick.
给我拿来 给我拿来
Gimme that! Gimme that!
给我
Uh! Gimme!
一般我不打女人 但现在别无选择了
I don't usually hit women, but I have no other choice.
嘿 放开我
Hey, let me go!
女性运动阴♥部♥肌肉以助产的方法
凯格尔万岁
Kegels.
太糟糕了
This is terrible.
我再也不要照镜子了
I'll never look in a mirror again.
那你刮胡子可小心刮坏脸哦
It's gonna make it really tricky when you shave.
但愿Jonah平安无事
I just want Jonah to be okay.
我要比平安无事更好的结果 因为我爱他胜过你爱他
Well, I want him to be more than okay, because I love him more than you do.
Steve 这事儿咱俩不用比的
Oh, Steve, we're not in competition.
我们爱他的方式不同啊
We love him in different ways.
你的爱纯真而简单
Your love is innocent and simple.
我们的爱 龌龊肮脏 暴♥力♥性感
Ours is nasty and dirty, violent and sexual.
好消息 大家伙 病人马上就没事了
Good news, everyone. The patient's going to make it.
太好了 他活下来了
Yay, he's alive.
谢天谢地 - 赞透了
Oh, thank God. - Hell yeah.
对了 有个小事儿
Oh, one minor detail.
他不是你父亲 - 什么?
He's not your father. - What?
凭啥这么说?
How do you know that?
他是一只熊 我才这么说