鲍勃心动

Bob Hearts Abishola S02E11

Part 2 March 23, 2021, 9:12 a.m.

她甚至拿走了他的乔丹
She even took his Air Jordans.
我的鞋在我妈妈手里下场更惨
Oh, it is better than what my mother did with my shoes.
她用鞋扔我
She would throw them at me.
-你在开玩笑 -没有
- You're kidding. - No.
有一次我在公交站
One time, I was standing at a bus stop,
她开车经过
she drove past and
用我的休闲鞋砸我正中两眼中间
hit me right between the eyes with one of my loafers.
飞车鞋击
A drive-by shoeing.
我妈妈惩罚我的方式是让我睡房♥顶
My mother would punish me by making me sleep on the roof
穿着我妹妹的衣服上学
and wear my sister's clothes to school.
这么一看还不如拿鞋砸脸呢
Boy, that makes a shoe to the face feel like an upgrade.
没那么糟我产生了对天文学的兴趣
It wasn't all bad. I developed a love for astronomy
发现我可以穿铅笔裙
and found out I could wear the hell out of a pencil skirt.
这些经历帮助我们学习成为更好的自己
These experiences helped us learn and become better people.
所以你也会这么对自己的孩子吗
So you do that kind of thing with your kids?
当然不会这是虐待儿童
Of course not. It is child abuse.
午饭时间
德勒是个好孩子
Dele was such a good boy.
是的
He was.
现在我失去了他
And now I have lost him.
是的
You have.
孩子你不能怪自己
Child, listen, you can't blame yourself.
我没有
I do not.
那好吧
Okay then.
在他爸爸来之前这个孩子
The boy was silent and obedient
安静又听话
before his father arrived.
可能是这样
It could be that.
也可能是他成长为青少年了
Or just that you've got yourself a teenager now.
我没有把他抚养成青少年
I did not raise him to be a teenager.
你觉得他能跳过这个时期吗
Did you think he was gonna skip it?
从一个听话的孩子
Go from obedient child
直接跳到听话的医生
straight to obedient doctor?
我就是这么教他的
That is what I told him to do.
我家老大特别倔我归咎于他的父亲
You know, my eldest was very stubborn-- I blamed his father.
但我丈夫去世之后
But then when my husband died,
两个小家伙变本加厉了
the two younger ones were even worse.
在那时我意识到
And that's when I realized
问题在于他们
the problem was them.
我都不认识德勒了
I do not even recognize Dele.
是的突然间他们就开始
Oh, yeah, suddenly they start
跟你顶嘴
talking back to you.
有自己的看法
Having opinions.
我家詹姆斯十四岁时
When my James was 14,
开始跟坏人混在一起
he started hanging out with the wrong crowd,
他逃学还被抓到偷偷喝酒
skipping school, even got caught drinking.
你家孩子听起来像个罪犯
Your child sounds like a criminal.
他只是个青少年
He was a teenager.
好吧
Okay.
少年犯
Teenage criminal.
另一天
烤奶酪吗太棒了
Grilled cheese? Hell yeah.
这是给德勒的
This is for Dele.
艾比希拉带他来上班
Abishola brought him to work
好盯着他我觉得他需要
to keep an eye on him and I figured he could use a little
吃点暖心的食物
comfort food and a check-in
和克里斯蒂娜阿姨的关怀
from his Auntie Christina.
你会是个很棒的阿姨
You're gonna be an awesome aunt.
你这么觉得
You think?
是啊你古怪和现实脱节
Yeah. You're quirky, you're out of touch with reality.
你现在就缺一只能打扮的猫咪
All you need now is a cat you dress up
可以放在推车里推着走了
and wheel around in a stroller.
你会是个有趣的叔叔
And you're gonna be a fun uncle.
"搞怪叔叔"道格
"Funcle" Doug.
也不差啊
I don't hate that.
我很显然没做好准备当爹
I'm clearly not ready to be a parent,
不过作为搞怪叔叔倒有不少可以分享的
but I have a lot to offer as a funcle.
来吧
Shall we?
不要跟他聊你的心理医生
Hey, don't bring up your therapist.
我为什么要聊我的心理医生
Why would I bring up my therapist?
因为你总是会跟别人聊你的心理医生
'Cause you always bring up your therapist.
小家伙
Hey, buddy.
挺糟心的吧
Having a tough time?
没有我还好
Oh, no, um, I'm okay.
这个是为你万一饿了准备的
Well, this is in case you're hungry.
这两个是为你万一想聊聊准备的
And these are in case you want to talk.
谢谢了但是我妈说让我别打扰你们
Thanks, but my mum told me not to bother you.
妈妈们啊
"Mums," Right?
你们能别告诉我妈我吃这个了吗
Can you not tell my mum I'm eating this?
我嘴被堵上了
Oh, mum's the word.
这是搞怪叔叔的笑话
That's a funcle joke.
别撬行
Stay in your lane.
她因为我不够了解约鲁巴文化批评我
I get scolded for not knowing enough about my Yoruba culture,
然后又不准我去探访我的出生地
yet I'm forbidden to visit the place where I'm from.
感同身受
Ooh, been there.
她想让我成为一个成功的人
I'm supposed to become a successful man.
但是又不让我做任何决定
But I'm not allowed to make a single choice.
这样我怎么为未来做好准备
How does that prepare me for life?
你知道吗我有个很棒的心理医生
You know, I have a great therapist.
我怎么跟你说的
What did I say?
对不起
I'm sorry.
你知道你儿子只是想要挑战你的权威是吧
You know your son's just testing your authority, right?
我知道
I know.
这事你得小心处理
You got to be careful though.
每个孩子在这个阶段的处理方式都不一样
Every kid handles these kinds of moments differently.
我能搞定
I will manage.
我们开始练习绕桌子转圈吧
Why don't we try doing the table circles?
好吧
Fine.
鲍勃好对付
Bob was easy.
他不听话的时候只需要一点点负疚感
When he acted out, all it took was a little guilt,
他就屈服了
and he'd snap to.
"鲍比如果你不铺床
"Oh, Bobby, when you don't make your bed,
妈咪就会难过得想自杀"
Mommy just wants to kill herself."
好吧可能不止一点点负疚感
All right, maybe a lot of guilt.
试试两只手均衡用力
Try using both arms equally.
道格拉斯有点棘手
Douglas was trickier.
你得让他相信他赢了
You had to let him think he'd won.
他喜欢把巧克力藏在菠菜里面
Stick a couple of M&M'S underneath his spinach,
之类的事
that sort of thing.
现在沿逆时针方向做
Let's do counterclockwise now.
不过克里斯蒂娜
But Christina.
她就像是一辆山路上的顶级重型SUV
she was like a top-heavy SUV on a mountain road.
你要是没处理好突然之间
You handle her wrong, and suddenly,
她就着火了然后跟一辆校车撞在一起
she's catching fire and taking out a school bus.
好了今天就到这里了
Okay, that is it for today.
我在向你传授我的智慧
I'm doling out some gems.
你起码假装听一下啊
You could at least pretend to listen.
对不起我觉得德勒和你的孩子不一样
I'm sorry, but I think Dele is different from your children.
怎么个不一样
Different how?
背着他们你管道格拉斯和克里斯蒂娜叫
Behind their backs, you call Douglas and Christina
"小傻蛋和小小傻蛋"
"Tweedle Dee and Tweedle D-minus."
才没有呢我当着他们的面叫的
That's not true, I said it to their face.
在尼日利亚
Well, in Nigeria,
养育孩子在于教他们尊重
raising a child is about respect
以及自律性
and discipline.
我就是想说没人能全搞明白
I'm just saying, nobody's got it all figured out.
没有正确答案
There's no right answer.
我的答案更加正确
Well, my answer is more right.
真的吗
Oh, really?
你妈也是这样将你养大的吗
And your mother raised you the same way?
-对 -那你多久和她说一次话
- Yes. - And how often do you talk to her?
她每天都打给我
She calls every day.