鲍勃心动

Bob Hearts Abishola S02E07

Part 1 Feb. 25, 2021, 5:55 p.m.

尼日利亚拉各斯
巴洛贡市场
密歇根州底特律
你好艾比希拉
Hello, Abishola.
我不想让你大吃一惊
Now, I don't want to alarm you,
但我有劲爆新闻
but I have alarming news.
什么新闻
What is it?
我的表妹迪佩今天早上
My cousin Dipe called me
打电♥话♥和我说她的朋友努戈兹
early this morning to tell me that her friend Ngozi
去巴洛贡市场买♥♥新的DVD播放机
was at Balogun Market to buy a new DVD player
因为她的孩子往旧的机子里塞了一片吐司
because her baby jammed it with slices of toast.
她简直暴怒了
She was furious
因为她《毒枭》刚看到倒数第二集
because she was on the second to last episode of Narcos season two.
那家店就在那个
Anyway, the stall is right next to the man
卖♥♥假新秀丽箱包的家伙边上
that sells knockoff Samsonite cases.
仔细看的话那商标其实是"新李丽"
Now, if you look closely, they actually say "Samso-tite."
但是你要是进去...
But when you go inside...
凯米
Kemi.
你能直接说重点吗
Can you please get to the point?
你不让我制♥造♥悬念吗
Will you not allow me to build up the suspense?
不行
No.
好吧你丈夫要来美国了
Fine. Your husband is coming to America.
什么
What?
一个被堵上的播放机怎么会引出这种事
How you know that from a clogged DVD player?
你要是能让我说完就好了
Well, if you had let me finish.
迪佩和我说她的朋友努戈兹和她说
Dipe told me that her friend Ngozi told her
她看到塔约也就是艾比希拉的丈夫
that she saw Tayo-- Abishola's husband--
买♥♥了一个四轮的大旅行箱
buying a large suitcase, with four wheels.
天啊
Oluwa mi o.
还看到他买♥♥了一件有手套的外套
And he was seen buying a coat with mittens.
我的天啊
Oluwa mi o.
他还买♥♥了五磅干鱼
He also bought five pounds of dried fish
让店家包了两遍
and made the man wrap it twice.
我的天啊
Oluwa mi o.
你在嘟囔什么呢
Why are you olo woo-ing that?
这是通德叔叔最喜欢吃的
That is Uncle Tunde's favorite.
飞过来要18小时
And it's an 18-hour flight.
包上两遍就不会沾上
Wrapping it twice will keep the fish stench
塔约内♥裤♥的臭味了
off of Tayo's underpants.
拜托你们在玩什么尼日利亚迷案呢这些线索
Oh, come on, all these Nigerian Murder, She Wrote clues
就告诉你艾比希拉的丈夫要来底特律了吗
tell you Abishola's husband's coming to Detroit?
-是的 -是的
- Yes. - Yes.
而且他最近一条脸书状态是
And on his last Facebook post he wrote,
"我要去底特律了"
"I'm going to Detroit."
我的天啊
Oluwa mi o.
鲍勃心动
第二季第七集
过了一会儿
八年了他为什么要现在来底特律
It's been eight years. Why is he coming to Detroit now?
是出差
It is a business trip.
真的吗我们刚订婚
Really? So the minute we get engaged,
佳星国际就突然让他们的副总裁
WellStar International suddenly sends its VP
跑到美国来
all the way to America?
你怎么知道他在哪里工作
How do you know where he works?
开什么玩笑我上网把他搜了个遍
Are you crazy? I googled the hell out of him.
还有一个叫塔约·阿德班博的低音放克音乐家
There's also a Tayo Adebambo who's a funk bass player.
谢天谢地你嫁的人不是他
Thank God you weren't married to him,
不然我肯定没有机会
I wouldn't have stood a chance.
他可能会想见见德勒
He will probably want to see Dele.
很合理
That makes sense.
这说明他会来家里
Which means he will be at the apartment
吃几顿晚餐
for several dinners.
你就不能把德勒从窗户上吊下去
Can't you just dangle Dele out the window
让他在街上看看就得了吗
so he can look at him from the street?
鲍勃
Bob.
我真的不想见他
I really don't want to see him.
也许这样最好
Maybe this is for the best.
他来见见他的儿子
He comes over, sees his son,
你和他提离婚
you ask him for the divorce,
第二天你给我带奥卢的剩菜
you bring me Olu's leftovers the next day.
皆大欢喜
It's a win for everybody.
那倒没错
That's true.
记住一件事
Just remember one thing.
谢天谢地
Thank God
你嫁给了另一个阿德班博
you married the wrong Adebambo.
很放克吧
Funky, right?
另一天
寿司无聊
Sushi. Boring.
你们的是什么
What do you guys got?
什么辣非洲菜吗
Something African and spicy?
我的是火腿三明治
I have a ham sandwich.
我有速食午餐
I have a Lunchable.
想换吗
Want to trade?
这寿司要30元呢
This is $30 worth of sushi.
加上太阳橙汁就成交
Throw in the Capri Sun, you got a deal.
伙计们
Fellas.
-维勒先生 -维勒先生
- Mr. Wheeler. - Ah, Mr. Wheeler.
我问你们一个问题
Hey, let me ask you a question:
你们在尼日利亚离婚一般要多久
how long does it usually take to get a divorce in Nigeria?
你是说离婚文件
Do you mean how long does it take
要多久才能通过吗
for the paperwork to go through?
-是的 -我不知道
- Yeah. - I have no idea.
我在尼日利亚没见过离婚
I have never met a divorced Nigerian.
-我也是 -真的吗
- Me, neither. - Really?
离婚是很罕见的几乎就1%的概率
Divorce is very rare, something like one percent.
拜托不可能吧
Come on, that can't be right.
离婚和美味的寿司
Divorce and good sushi:
尼日利亚几乎见不到的两样东西
two things you can't find in Nigeria.
你呢
Well, what about you?
你说过你父母在你小时候就不说话了
You said your parents haven't spoken since you were a child.
-但是他们依然是夫妻 -他们开心吗
- But they stayed married. - Are they happy?
这有什么关系吗
What does that have to do with anything?
他们刚刚庆祝完50周年纪念日
They just celebrated their 50th anniversary.
爸爸在夏威夷妈妈在哥斯达黎加
Daddy in Hawaii, and Mummy in Costa Rica.
这上面说尼日利亚离婚率是0.2%
Says here the Nigerian divorce rate is 0.2%.
那几乎等于零了
That's pretty close to zero.
我不管这是不是百万中挑一
I don't care if it's one in a million.
艾比希拉必须要离婚
Abishola's getting divorced.
其实她应该是412万中挑一
Actually, she would be the one in 4,120,000.
你是在脑子里算出来的吗
Did you do that math in your head?
-是的 -下次不用大声说出来
- Yes. - Yeah, next time, keep it there.
-听听这个 -怎么了
- Here's something. - What?
500人中有一个有会有11个手指或11个脚趾
One in 500 people have either 11 fingers or 11 toes.
跟我说有什么用
How does that help me?
让你多了解点嘛
It gives you perspective.
至少你不是那些怪胎
At least you're not one of those weirdos.
失陪一下
Excuse me.
他多长了一个奶头
He has an extra nipple.
别和他说我告诉你了
Please don't tell him I told you.
当晚
裙子真好看
That's a nice dress.
塔约肯定会喜欢的
Tayo will like it.
不是给他准备的
It's not for him.
我只是刚从柜子里收拾了点旧衣服出来
I just grabbed any old thing from the closet.
你的旧衣服上
Well, your old thing
还有百货的标签
has a tag from Nordstrom's.
我不希望他过来
I did not want him to come here.
父亲总是要见见儿子的
A father must see his son.
你难道更想去汉堡王之家吃吗
Would you rather they eat at the home of the Whopper?
我的姐姐养出来的你应该懂事的
I know my sister did not raise you like this.
是的阿姨
No, Auntie.
那就别说这些有的没的帮我做薯泥
So stop talking nonsense and prepare the pounded yam.
塔约更喜欢米饭
Tayo prefers rice to yam o.
是吗
Does he, now?