一起单身（2018）

I've heard of Powell's.
听说他家鸡肉举世无双
They're supposed to have the best chicken ever.
没错 我做了完美的公路旅行攻略
I know. I planned the perfect road trip.
其实 我还计划了很多好东西
Honestly, we have so many good things planned.
我们要去鸵鸟饲养场
We're gonna go to an ostrich farm.
是有那么点恐怖
Which is a little bit scary
但我们进去发几条Ins就走
but we'll just get a few instagrams, and then we'll get out.
我们可以吃世界闻名的嘟嘟甜甜圈... 算了
We have dodo's donuts which is world-famous donuts... No big deal.
说实话 这跟分不清理查德一样 挺尴尬的
Honestly, it's an embarrassment of Richards.
你说什么
Do you know what you just said?
什么叫分不清理查德的尴尬
You just said an embarrassment of Richards.
没有 我是说我们有很多好地方可以去
No, I said we have a lot of good options.
到底有几个理查德
How many Richards?
对啊 你在说几个理查德
Yeah, how many Richards exactly are we talking here?
-行了啊 -理查德·德莱福斯[奥斯卡影帝] 还是理查德·佩蒂[代表作"赛车总动员
- You guys. - Dreyfuss, Petty?
-别说了 -对了 说起该去的地方
- Move on. -Well, speaking of places we should go,
我听说有家店 那儿的香蕉船
I heard about this place off the five, and it has a banana split
用的是香蕉味冰淇淋
where they use banana ice cream with it.
香蕉味的香蕉船
It's bananas on bananas.
-我爱香蕉 -行 我们待会儿再商量吧
- I love bananas. -Look, we'll discuss it later, okay?
我现在超级尿急
Right now I actually have to pee really, really badly.
后面有瓶子吗
Do you have, like, a bottle back there?
-有吗 -还是直接下车
- What do you got? - Let's just hop out
按上帝的旨意蹲着解决吧
and pop a squat like god intended.
好吧 不过事先声明
Fine. But let the record show
这可不算给你的生日礼物
that this don't count as one of your birthday presents.
你可悠着点
Careful, careful.
这双新百伦是新鞋
These are brand-new new balances.
哥们 这是尿 不受控的
Look, man, it's pee. It goes where it goes.
女人尿尿无法瞄准 简直奇怪
It's totally a myth that women can't aim their pee.
快点 知道我在想什么吗
Come on. You know what I was thinking?
如果明天上午10点左右出发回洛杉矶
Tomorrow if we leave around 10 A.M. for LA,
说不定能赶上顶呱呱 脏兮兮的落日
we'll catch a really gnarly, sort of pollution sunset.
是哦 好吧
Yeah, okay.
他尿 你也尿
You know what? He's peeing, you're peeing,
我多半缺水 我得去喝水
I'm probably dehydrated. I need water.
去吧
Okay.
拜托 我们得告诉他
Come on, now, we have to tell him.
他真以为要过夜了
He thinks we're spending the night.
-小心我会把你灭口 -拜托
- I will murder you. - Come on,
今天可是他生日啊
it's his birthday, for god's sakes.
我会毒死你 没人会知道是我♥干♥的
I'll poison you, and no one will know that I did it,
顶多上今日头条
and the most you can hope for is a dateline special
后面附个有奖热♥线♥
with a tips hotline at the end.
艾丝特 我不怕你 我现在就告诉他
I'm not afraid of you, Esther. I'm gonna tell him right now.
我们走着瞧
Then we'll see what you do.
-干嘛呢 -什么事 哥们儿
- Hey, guys. - Hey, what's up, dude?
-怎么啦 -我想说
- Hey. - I just wanted to say
谢谢你们带我来公路旅行
thanks for bringing me on this road trip.
这可能是我过得最开心的生日了
It's probably my funnest birthday ever.
-我不怎么过生日 谢谢你们 -别客气
- Not really a birthday person, so I appreciate it. - Cool.
-好了 我们走 -我还没尿完...
- Okay, let's ride. - Hey, I'm still working...
搞什么啊 让你们帮我守着
Come on, now. Supposed to be looking out for me.
幸好你让我点了炸鸡
I'm so glad you talked me into getting the fried chicken.
太好吃了
It's so good.
烤鸡是孤独的人吃的
Grilled chicken just tastes like lonely-people food, you know?
没错 兄弟 这炸鸡必须拔草 你肯定永生难忘
Yeah, man. Checking this off your list is gonna give you a high you'll never forget.
无论发生什么 能支撑你几周了
It's gonna carry you for weeks, no matter what happens.
我来啦
Hey.
艾丝特 你一定得吃这鸡 太赞了
Esther, you have to try this chicken. It's crazy.
好啊 杰夫里 有点成年人的问题要跟你说
Yeah, Jeffrey, can I have a quick adult chat with you?
鉴于我是在座唯一成年人 我有理由拒绝
Seeing as I'm the only adult here, I respectfully decline.
事关生日惊喜
It's birthday surprise related.
-那就去吧 -你赶紧过来
- Okay, now. - So let's go.
你别用手... 好了
You ain't gotta put your hands on... All right.
你干嘛
What?
你怎么让他点炸鸡和啤酒
How could you let him eat fried chicken and drink beer?
他该照老样子点的
He was supposed to get what he always gets.
烤鸡肉和水
Grilled chicken and water.
艾斯特 今天可是他的生日
Esther, it's his birthday, okay?
不是在集中营里吃饭
Not dinner time at a POW camp.
干嘛这么大反应
I don't see what the big deal is.
杰夫 班吉有个习惯你得知道
Jeff, if there's one thing you're supposed to know about Benji,
那就是他吃了油炸食物之后
it's that he always needs to take a shower after he eats
必须要洗澡 他会吃炸鸡
fried, greasy foods, okay? The only reason he did that
就是因为他以为我们之后要去住酒店
is because he thinks we have a hotel to go shower in after.
我觉得班吉没这么神经病
I don't think even Benji's that crazy.
-那你自己看吧 -好啊
- See for yourself. - Okay.
班吉 我有个特别棒的想法
Hey, Benj, I got a great idea.
我们去完鸵鸟饲养场之后
How about after we leave this ostrich farm,
直接去节目现场 怎么样
we go straight to the show? Does that sound cool?
绝对不行 我要先去酒店
Absolutely not. I have to get to the hotel
把炸鸡味洗掉
and wash off this fried chicken, you know?
酒味和炸鸡味 都必须要洗掉
The booze, the fried chicken. That's my thing to wash it off.
没错 就是这样
That's right. That's your thing.
-杰夫里 什么情况 -是她干的
- Jeffrey, what's going on here? - It was her, okay?
是她 都是她的主意...
It was her. It was her idea the whole...
全是艾丝特的错 我就是个人♥质♥
It was all Esther, and I'm like a hostage, man.
简直担心她杀人灭口
I was scared for my life.
我一点都不想掺和这事儿
Listen, I didn't want nothing to do with this.
-杰夫 闭嘴 -艾斯特 到底怎么回事
- Jeff, shut up. - Esther, what's going on here?
信不信我改快递密♥码♥
Don't make me take away the postmates password.
班吉 没有酒店可以住
Benji, there is no hotel.
什么 在节目前不能舒舒服服洗个澡吗
What? There's no long, steamy shower before the show?
我现在浑身都是食物的油腻
I'm covered in a thick layer of food grease, guys.
我要洗掉自己的罪过
I'm supposed to shower off my mistakes.
这热量差不多有3000卡吧
This was like 3,000 calories.
但还是值得嘛
But totally worth it, right?
鸡肉这么好吃
'Cause it was good chicken.
天哪 你们居然这样害我
Guys, what did you do to me?
历史新低 在我生日当天骗我
New low. Lying to me on my birthday.
班吉 听我解释
Benji, let me explain, okay?
我不想看到你在生日时虚度光阴
I didn't wanna see you wasting away on your birthday
就像郝维辛小姐腐烂的结婚蛋糕[小说"远大前程"中的人物]
like Miss Havisham's rotting wedding cake.
什么鬼
What?
初中的时候我得了接吻病 读了本狄更斯的书
Guys, I had mono in junior high and I read a Dickens book.
-扯吧你 -好吧
- No, you didn't. - Okay,
我最近听别人这么说过
I heard someone make the reference recently
我想说得炫酷一点
and I wanted to sound cool.
没有酒店 就没法洗澡
Look, there's no hotel which means there's no shower.
不能洗澡 我就会抓狂
And if there's no shower, I can't perform.
你知道的
You knew this about me.
我知道 我还知道如果告诉你
Yes, and we also knew that if we told you
没有酒店 你肯定不会和我们一起来的
that we had no hotel, you never would've come with us
在这之前
and up until this point
你都特别开心
you've been having the time of your life.
所以你要扪心自问
You have to really ask yourself
今天我破坏你的心情 有没有平时严重
have I ruined your day any more than I usually do?
答案应该是否定的吧
I feel like the answer is no.
当然有啊 你硬拉着我穿过加州了
Yeah, you dragged me across California.
你一定要洗个完整的澡吗
Do you have to take a full shower?
不能擦个澡凑合一下吗
Could you just take a wipe bath and be cool?
当然不能凑合一下 你当我是法国人吗
No, it can't be a wipe bath. What am I, French?
我的保姆玛莉索尔一直都在饭后给我洗澡
Look, my nanny, Marisol always washed me after meals
这就是我的生命 我必须要洗澡
and this is my life now. I need a shower.
我只想做个好朋友
I was just trying to be a good friend.
你明知道我用不到 还眼睁睁看着我收拾了行李
You watched me pack a night bag knowing I wouldn't even need it.
还有你 杰夫里
And Jeffrey, dear, old Jeffrey.
你也参与了
You were in on this.
她这样就算了 但是你呢
I expect it from her, but you?
你小时候还去教堂做过礼拜呢