一起单身（2018）

不是吧 我都做了无数次示范了
Come on, man. I've shown you this like, a million times.
斯卡乐的核心就是在弱拍向上拨弦 明白吗
Look, pretty much, the entire backbone of ska music is upstrokes on the offbeat, right?
斯卡乐:20世纪60年代兴起于牙买♥♥加的一种节奏强而快的流行音乐 后来发展成雷盖音乐
斯卡乐的核心就是在弱拍向上拨弦 明白吗
Look, pretty much, the entire backbone of ska music is upstrokes on the offbeat, right?
这就是斯卡乐
That's ska music.
我根本不知道斯卡是什么鬼
I don't even know what ska is.
我们能学鲁米尼尔[美国民谣摇滚乐队]或者科特·维尔[费城唱作诗人]的歌♥吗
Can we learn the Lumineers or Kurt Vile,
那些才是现在流行的
'cause that's what's cool right now.
帕克 你才初一 哪懂什么是流行
Parker, you're in seventh grade. You don't know what's cool.
你身边的人都忙着学平衡车 随时都有人被炸飞
Everyone around you is getting blown up on exploding hover boards.
是啊 幸运的人还能保险理赔呢
Yeah, but the lucky ones get settlements.
蕾妮姨妈说你想做专业音乐人 对吧
Look, aunt Renee says you wanna be a professional musician, right?
这首歌♥就是你的敲门砖
Yeah. This song can be your ticket in.
我的新爹罗德尼是家大音乐公♥司♥的律师
My new dad Rodney is a lawyer for a big music label,
他才是我的敲门砖
And that's gonna be my ticket in.
帕克 别这么说
Parker, come on.
天上不会掉馅饼 你必须要自己努力
No one in life is just gonna hand you stuff. You gotta earn it.
除非你是个美女 那我刚才的话就作废
Unless you're a beautiful woman; that advice doesn't apply to you.
帕克 你必须要努力才能获得认可
Parker, you have to work hard and earn it,
要像班吉一样 和他哥哥住在一起
Like Benji, who lives with his brother,
还在易趣上卖♥♥他爸爸的旧高尔夫球杆
And sells his dad's old golf clubs on ebay.
我现在在教他弹吉他
I'm giving a guitar lesson right now.
在赚钱 我是挣钱的人
I'm making money; I'm an earner.
我也是挣钱的人
I'm an earner.
你看这个
Look at this.
这黏胶玩具这么黏 是女上还是女下姿势的黏液
So viscous. Is that upstairs slime or downstairs slime?
听不懂你什么意思
I don't know what you mean by that,
不过你显然没跟上潮流步伐
But clearly, you're out of touch with important trends.
在手工品网站上 大家都在花大价钱买♥♥自♥制♥的黏胶玩具
People are paying big bucks for small batches Of homemade slime on etsy,
所以我必须要插一脚这个生意
And you're damn straight your girl's gettin' in the game.
我觉得这个黏度可以
I think this is the right viscosity,
帕克 你看这东西小孩喜欢吗 你觉得呢
But Parker, does this look like kids will like it? What do you think?
喜欢 做得挺好的
Yeah. Yeah, you're getting there.
你居然把你的牙套磨碎了赚钱
I didn't know you were profiting off your retainer scrapings.
可真是不放过每一分每一毫的价值
It's very "using every part of the buffalo" of you.
-谢谢你 -你有什么计划 要攒钱买♥♥啥
-Thank you. -What's your plan? What are you saving money for?
蕾哈娜演唱会门票
Rhianna tickets.
她既是舞蹈家 也是创业者 我也一样
She's a dancer-entrepreneur icon like myself,
所以我们要相互支持
So we have to support each other.
说得对 蕾哈娜特别需要你的支持
Yeah, Rhianna needs your support, totally.
好了 说到斯卡乐...
All right, so, with this ska stuff...
别拿你的斯卡乐玷污人家了
Don't teach him your ska music.
帕克 听我说
Parker, listen to me.
你需要学点炫酷的东西
You need to learn about cool stuff
比如讲谋杀悬案的播客
Like podcasts about unsolved murders.
这首歌♥就很酷
This song is cool.
是我高中时为我们的斯卡乐队写的 斯卡诺德小喇叭
I wrote it for my high school ska band, the ska-nold trumpets.
那时候斯卡乐和特朗普还不像现在这样超级尴尬
That was before ska and donald trump got super embarrassing,
只是有一丢丢尴尬而已
And were only, like, kind of embarrassing.
等等 这首歌♥是你写的
Wait. You wrote that?
我都不知道你还有这种才艺
I didn't know you had any talent.
以前斯卡乐真的很流行
The truth is that ska used to be really popular,
说不定还能再火一把
And it's probably gonna be popular again.
音乐行业就是周期循环
The music industry works in cycles, right?
比如傻脸娜就是不会唱歌♥跳舞的詹妮弗·洛佩兹
Like how Selena Gomez is really just J. Lo without the ability to sing or dance.
-闭嘴 不要说了 -咋了
- Don't. Don't do this. - What?
收回你的话
Take it back.
-收回什么 -收回你刚才黑脸脸的话 好吗
-Take what back? -Take back what you said about Selena, okay?
-不许你这么说她 -她看起来还行
- It's unacceptable. - She seems like a nice girl,
是很漂亮 但没有才华
And she's pretty, but she's not talented.
你再说我就离家出走 你这辈子都见不到我了
Okay, I will walk out that door and you will never see me again.
所以比伯才甩了她
This is why Bieber left her.
什么叫他甩了她 是她升级找到到盆栽哥威肯了
He didn't leave her. She upgraded to the Weeknd.
-搞清楚再说话吧 兄弟 -跟比伯分手算什么升级
-Know your stuff, man. -There's no upgrade after Bieber.
-没人喜欢丁日 你自己留着吧 -谁都喜欢比伯
- No one likes Bieber, okay? You can have Bieber. - Everyone likes Bieber.
那你去找比伯吧 你俩就孤零零地在岛上玩吧
You can go get Bieber. You and Bieber will be by yourself on an island.
好啊 我巴不得和比伯在一个岛上呢
Fine. I wanna be on an island with Bieber.
-我也是 -还能合作首歌♥
- Yeah, me, too. - We'll collab and stuff.
把食指放在第三品上
Take your index finger and put it on the third fret.
帕克 该走了
Parker, time to go.
我们今晚请了大厨过来 他要做西班牙海鲜饭
We have the chef coming tonight, he's making paella.
他的海鲜饭做得跟狗粮一样难吃
His paella tastes like dog dingus.
现在就给我上车
Okay, in the car now,
要不然就别想去你的游戏夏令营了
Or you can just forget about your video game camp.
那是使命召唤锦标赛
It's a call of duty tournament.
说过无数遍了
For the millionth time.
他生气又骄纵的样子和我真像 我们真是一家人
You can tell we're related by how angry yet coddled he is.
周末他的受诫礼[年满13岁的犹太男孩的成人礼]你来吗 是音乐主题
Are you coming to the bar mitzvah this weekend? It's a music theme.
当然要去 不然我妈得杀了我
Yes, I'm gonna be there, of course. My mom will kill me if I don't go.
受诫礼现在越来越复杂了
Bar mitzvahs have gotten so elaborate.
他的朋友都有MV或家庭录像
All of his friends have music videos and home movies.
你认不认识有这方面经验的人
Do you know anyone with music video experience?
我超擅长做动图和表情包
I make memes and gif's all day.
拍个MV不成问题
I could make a music video.
而且今天还教了他一首特别好的曲子 万事俱备啊
And I already taught him a really great song today. We're good to go.
那太棒了 当然我会负责所有开支
That's terrific. I will, of course, cover all the costs.
太好了 谢谢你
Wow. Thanks.
蕾妮 太好了你还没走
Renee, I'm so glad I caught you.
我想跟你说一下
I just wanted to let you know
我有空可以做保姆 价钱合理好商量
That I am available for babysitting, and have very competitive rates, and I'm open to negotiation.
好吧 我要上单车课了
Okay, I have a spin class.
"我要上单车课"
"I have a spin class."
无聊的家庭主妇就会用方法逃避你的问题
That's how bored housewives get away from you.
我现在做黏胶忙得焦头烂额
God, I'm busting my ass making slime.
还是得回有钱人家里做保姆
I gotta get back into nannying for rich families.
那才是赚大钱的地方
I mean, that's where the money is.
我知道 有钱人的冰箱最赞了
I know. Rich people fridges are the best.
永远有小瓶的果仁酱
They always have small-batch nut butters.
有一次我去一个亿万富翁家里
I once went to this billionaire's house.
他有开心果酱 那是个什么鬼 我真是大开眼界
He had pistachio butter. Like, what is that? My mind was blown.
天哪 听起来真恶心
My god. That sounds so gross.
我也想尝尝开心果酱
I wanna try pistachio butter.
下次说果仁酱的时候不要看着我的眼睛
And don't ever look at my eyes when you say nut butter.
太恶心了
That was gross.
你来帮我拍MV吧
You should help me with the music video.
什么 你真要帮他们拍吗
What? You're really considering doing that?
是啊 他的新爹认识那么多音乐行业里的人
Yeah. His new dad knows so many record industry people.
音乐人
Industry people?
我觉得OK
Me likey the sound of that.
我在练意大利口音呢
I'm working on my Italian accent.
债见 网安 布宜诺斯艾利斯
Buenas noches. Buenos aires.
要是这些人喜欢我的音乐视频
Dude, if my music video crushes in front of those people,
谁晓得会发生什么
Who knows what could happen.
说不定能让斯卡乐圈一大票新粉丝呢
I might reawaken ska for a whole new generation of music fans.
班吉 不好说
Benji. Maybe.
如果你帮我 我就把你的费用也加入预算
If you help me, I'll work you into budget.
蕾妮姨妈出所有钱
Aunt Renee's paying for everything.
我就说你是个大头小鲜肉的替身
I'll say you're a stand-in for a top-heavy young boy.
可以帮你买♥♥到蕾哈娜的门票
Help you out with those Rhianna tickets.
算我一个
I'll do it.
可我得先看下你导演的MV
But I have to see your directing reel first obviously.
没问题
Yeah, totally.
你说你要看的
You said you wanted to see my director's reel.
我要笑死了 可以可以
I'm dying, and I'm fine with it.
我愿意就这样拍
This is how I wanna go.
你干嘛这样跳舞
Why are you dancing like that?
感觉你想掩盖自己缺乏节奏感
It's like you're trying to escape your lack of rhythm,
但总是踩不到点上
but you just can't do it.
这在当时多酷啊
This was cool back then.
-别拍了 -求你了
-Stop. No, - please, please.