一起单身（2018）

so if you did your homework, you wouldn't have a problem.
太好了 现在才感觉像是游戏之夜
All right, now it's feeling like game night.
班吉 艾丝特 你们俩想一队吗
Well, Benji, Esther, do you guys like to be on the same team?
他们永远都在一队
They always play on the same team.
从他们认识那天就一直这样
It's been that way since the day they met.
其实我倒蛮想听听这个故事
Actually, I'd love to hear that story.
-你们是怎么认识的 -对呀 你们怎么认识的
- How did you guys meet? - Yeah, how did you meet?
当然
Of course, yes.
我当时正在喜剧商店开放式麦克风的台上 表演独角喜剧
Um, I was at the Comedy Store on stage doing stand-up at the open mic, and I heard
然后听到了一阵尖锐 烦人甚至令人痛苦的声音从房♥间后面传来
this sharp, annoying, almost painful voice coming from the back of the room.
原来是个挑刺儿的...
It was a heckler...
我没有挑刺儿 艾丝特在台上都尴尬死了
I wasn't heckling. Esther was on stage bombing,
居然在热场的时候问观众
trying to do crowd work by asking the audience
最喜欢芝士蛋糕工厂的哪个主菜
what their favorite Cheesecake Factory entree was,
所以我才插手救她...
so I stepped in to save her...
我才不需要被你救
I didn't actually need to be saved,
明明我做得就很好 就算是失败了
because I was doing just fine, and even if I was failing,
失败也是计划的一部分
failure is a part of the process.
那是你成长 成功的必经之路
That's how you grow, that's how you achieve, et cetera.
艾丝特 班吉质疑你对你俩相遇的回忆 你有什么感受
Now Esther, how does it make you feel when Benji questions your recollection of how you two met?
老实说 萝丝 我觉得特别烦
Honestly, Rose, it makes me feel terrible.
你可真奇怪 不该烦的事要烦 该烦的事不烦
It's weird that you feel terrible about certain things, and not about other things,
就比如说 她的易集账户被标记了
like, for example, her Etsy account got flagged,
因为她倒卖♥♥未授权的希斯·莱杰[演员 代表作"断背山" "蝙蝠侠的东西
'cause she was selling unlicensed Heath Ledger merch.
随你怎么说 你就是嫉妒我小时候喝的是母乳 而你不是
Whatever. You're just jealous that I was breastfed and you weren't.
你以为就我一个吃奶粉长大的吗
You think I'm the only formula baby at this table?
你怎么知道你有没有得罪别人
You don't know who you just offended.
班吉 我们都深呼吸
I think maybe we should just take a breath.
你说得对 这就充分展示了我的情况
You're right, and here it is, it's on full display.
所以我才想向前看 请你们做我的导师
This is the reason why I, moving forward, would love for you two to be my mentors.
导师的意思是 心理健康专家吗
By mentor, you mean mental health professionals?
那我们当然会帮你 没问题
Then sure, we can help you, no problem.
不 我说的导师就是能看穿我的所有问题 然后帮我纠正
No, I mean mentor, like someone who looks at all the problems I'm having and then fixes them for you.
对 我们就是靠这个吃饭的 我们是心理学家
Yeah, we do that for a living. We're psychologists.
抱歉 你肯定也注意到了...
I'm sorry, you must've noticed that...
经常有客户出入我们家
The clients coming in and out of our apartment.
你们说什么
What are you talking about?
我还以为你们是朋友多
I thought you just had a lot of friends.
不是 其实自从你搬进来 我们就一直在观察你
No. We've actually been observing you since you moved into the building.
说来有趣 我们还以为
It's interesting; we thought
你是个独♥立♥生活的未成年人
that you were probably an emancipated minor,
因为你的饮食习惯
you know, because of your dietary habits,
后来我们又以为
and then, we thought, no,
也许是班吉违背你的意愿监禁你
maybe it's Benji is keeping you against your will
逼迫你做契约佣工
as an indentured servant.
我怎么可能违背别人意愿监禁别人啊
I mean, how would I keep someone against their will?
我才110斤
I'm 125 pounds.
是我们想错了
We were wrong about that.
不过 今晚和你们相处下来
After spending time with you two this evening,
你们简直是教科书式的互相依赖
this is clearly a textbook case of codependency,
而这阻碍了你们两个发挥自己全部的潜能
and it's keeping you both from reaching your full potential.
没错 谢谢
Yes! Thank you!
我的错 不好意思
My fault. Sorry about that.
-没关系 他很健康 -没错
- That was good. He's very healthy. - Yes.
这是事实
It's the truth.
所以你们搞半天是在练习招揽生意
So all of this was just to drum up business for your practice?
你们看看这房♥子 她根本担负不起心理治疗费用
I mean, look around. She can't afford therapy.
哪有心理医生会监视潜在病人啊
What kind of therapist spies on potential patients?
根本违反职业道德了吧
That sounds unethical to me.
我们没监视你 只是你明显不太健康 所以会留意一些
We weren't spying. You're so obviously unwell, we couldn't help but notice.
谢谢你们开创性的诊断出我们互相依赖
Thank you for the groundbreaking diagnosis that we're codependent.
真的
Really.
你们上的菲尼克斯大学[专门从事成人教育]吗 我们知道我们互相依赖
You go to University of Phoenix? We know we're codependent.
我们连肠蠕动都发短♥信♥告诉对方
I mean, we text each other every time we have a bowel movement.
每晚睡觉前都视频 在彼此周围环境的噪音中入睡
Yeah. We FaceTime every night before bed, and fall asleep to each other's ambient noises.
环境噪音中入睡 那可不正常 姑娘 正常人不会这样的
Ambient noises to fall asleep; that is not normal, girl. People don't do that.
你们还不如直接和对方滚滚床单 就算完事
I think you two should just have sex with each other, and call it a day.
真是重大的革命
Wow, what a revolution. Yeah, we know.
你以为这话我们没听过吗
You think you're the first person to say that?
建议我们滚床单是仅次于"你们互相依赖"的人身攻击
Suggesting we have sex is the most hack thing to say to us right after "you're codependent."
好吧 你知道吗
Okay. You know what?
我们不是来这儿招揽生意的
We didn't come here to drum up business.
我们不需要你这单生意
We don't need your business.
我们来是为了和邻居享用一顿美好的晚餐
We came here to have a nice dinner with our neighbors.
但我想我们该走了 亲爱的
But I think it's time to leave, honey.
-没错 是该走了 -真是个好主意
- Yeah, I do. - I think that's a great idea.
我也觉得你们该走了 请你们离开
I think you should just go. Go. Please go.
我们自己出去
We'll just show ourselves out.
请你们自己出去 这样最好
Please show yourselves out and go, I think that's great.
不好意思 我做心理治疗十年了
I'm so sorry. I've been in therapy for ten years.
就是想让你知道 我支持你们
I want you to know, I'm on your side.
只是我得留下吃蛋糕
It's just, I gotta stay for cake.
等一下 走之前能免费咨♥询♥一个问题吗
Wait, before you go, can I ask you one question for free?
你们怎么能一直都那么好闻
How do you guys smell so good all the time?
是哪种沐浴露 秘诀是什么
Is it a shower? What is it?
薰衣草精油
Small-batch lavender oil.
超贵的那种
Very expensive.
谢谢 出去吧
Thank you. Get out!
-抖动的虫子 -十米冲刺
- The jitterbug. - Ten-meter sprint.
-"韦恩的世界"闪回 -违章穿越马路
- Wayne's World flashback. - Jay-walking ticket.
闪回
Flashback.
"不要追逐瀑布"
"Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls."
90年代女子组合
'90s girl groups.
要记住题目类别啊
Always remember the category.
抱歉 现在听你那么一说 你学的超像
I'm sorry. Now that you say that, you were nailing it.
-可不是嘛 -我没反应过来
- I know. - I just missed it.
好了 到我了
Okay, I'm up.
不
No.
艾丝特 我都不知道这些是什么
Esther, I don't know what any of these things are.
什么叫"不再(宝贝我会好的)"
I mean, what is "No More"?
"三个小女生"[女子组合]啊 你到底有没有童年啊
3LW. Dude, did you have no childhood?
-怎么了 -每次游戏都只有你能赢
- What's going on? - Making games only you can win?
怎么 你是"淘气小兵兵"里的安吉利卡吗
What are you, Angelica from Rugrats?
你们自己不在玩游戏前做好准备 怪我咯
You guys, if you're not doing the right research before you play the game, that's on you.
这蛋糕哪来的
Where did you get this cake?
其实是三个旧蛋糕混成一个
It's actually three old cakes pushed into one cake,
其中一个是我半岁生日派对上的
and one of them is from my half-birthday party,
你们还没给我礼物呢
which I'm still waiting on my presents, guys.
所以是三个月以前的蛋糕了
So this cake's from three months ago?
把蛋糕都混在一起不就是再循环吗
When you push all the cakes together, it's like recycling.
我放在冰箱里的
It was in the freezer, okay?
冰都是全新的
The icing is brand-new.
算了 我走了 下周见
All right, I'm out. See you guys next week.
-什么 -什么下周
- What? - What's next week?
你俩真没意思
You guys suck.
-这人太消极了 -可不是嘛
- So negative. - I know.