一起单身（2018）

怕什么天黑 我们是棚拍 不受阳光影响
What are you talking about? We're indoors. Daylight's not an issue.
对 可我得在单口秀前把设备还回去
Yeah, but I have to get this equipment back before the stand-up sets start.
要没及时还 我就会被降职做检票员
If I don't, they'll bump me back down to ticket taker
-那就麻烦了 赶紧吧 -知道了
- And that's paper-cut city, man. Now tick-tock. - Fine.
对啊 快开始吧 我五分钟后就得走了
Yeah, let's get started. I have a hard out in five minutes.
帕克 请你就位
Parker, you're invited to set.
都别笑我了
Stop laughing at me, everybody.
你来了 来创造奇迹吧
There you are. Let's make some magic.
-帕克你发型真有型 -谢谢
- Parker, your hair is looking so sharp. - Thanks.
你怎么不♥穿♥鞋 你妈反对让小孩打疫苗
Why aren't you wearing shoes? Your mom's an anti-vaxxer.
你真以为自己打过破伤风疫苗吗
You really think you ever got a tetanus shot?
我想做另类民谣 鲁米尼尔乐队那种
I wanna be alt-folk, like The Lumineers.
帕克 你真♥他♥妈♥装 另类民谣就是装腔作势
Parker, you freakin' poser. Alt-folk is a sham.
你以为鲁米尼尔乐队是坐马车巡演吗
You think The Lumineers tour in an Oregon trail wagon?
拜托 动动脑子吧
Come on, man, use your head.
开始
Action.
-机位在那边吗 -开始
- That's where you're gonna put the camera? - Action!
艾丝特 你演得有点过了
Esther, you're playing it a little bit big.
-稍微收一点 -明白
- Let's pull it back a little. - Okay.
你得把那张斯卡唱片给他
You're supposed to hand him the ska cd.
这样他才能走入黑暗堕落的道路
That's what leads him down the dark path of ruin.
他好像饿了
He looked hungry.
谢谢 我真饿了
Thank you. I am hungry.
各位 开机的时候不要聊天 好吗
Guys, there's no chatting when we're rolling, okay?
-那别惹我们啊 -快把唱片递给他
- Then don't provoke us. - Just hand him the CD.
好
Got it.
你受伤了吗
Did you hurt yourself?
你干嘛呢
What are you doing?
他受伤了
He has a boo-boo.
停一下 停
That's a cut. Cut!
过来 我给你说
Come here. I need to talk to you.
-过来 -怎么了
- Come here. - What is it?
你只用把唱片递给他 就这么简单
Just need you to hand him the cd, it's really simple.
这MV就这么一个重点
It's the whole point of all of this.
我不会碰这种过时的媒体的 会受诅咒的
You know I don't touch outdated media; it's cursed.
先照我说的做 待会儿再做你要的表演
Let's just do it my way now, And we'll do it your way later.
唱片拿着
Just take the CD.
别听他的 艾丝特
Don't do it, Esther.
-别那么做 -你闭嘴
- Don't do it. - Shut up.
-来呀 -拿着
- Make me. - Take it.
-来呀 -你听指挥就好
- Make me. - Just take direction.
-打扰一下 -我讨厌被指挥
- Please. - I hate direction.
-你们 -杰夫 你闭嘴
- You guys. - Shut up, Jeff!
我就要成为一名优秀的保姆
I am gonna come off as a great babysitter.
她比看起来猛得多 你知道的
She's stronger than she seems, you know that.
-你给了帕克不良影响 -你才是不良影响
- You're a bad influence on Parker. - You're a bad influence.
别打了 别在器材边打
Don't hit. Not around the equipment.
搞什么 不是说过不许打闹吗
Unbelievable. What did we just learn about horseplay?
对不起 杰夫
I'm sorry, Jeff.
谁能想到自己真会发生统计数据的情况吗
You know you just never think you're gonna become a statistic.
行了 就此取消你们的特权
Well, your privileges are revoked.
我要是连喜剧俱乐部摄像师的荣誉都捍卫不了
OK? If I can't honor the title of comedy club AV guy,
-还能做什么 -你说得对 我退出
- Then what can I do? - You're right. I'm out of here.
你要愤然离场吗
You're just gonna storm off set?
可能吧 我都忘了要从哪里出去了
Maybe. I don't remember how to get out of here,
连安全出口标志都没有
And I can't see the exit signs.
我才是这次剧组的大明星
I'm the star of this video.
要愤然离场 那也得是我来
If anyone's gonna storm off the set, it's gonna be me.
我走错方向了
I actually went the wrong way.
来吧 哥们儿
Come on, man.
把东西录完 走吧
Let's finish this thing. Let's go.
怎么录啊 杰夫把设备都拿走了
There's nothing to finish. Jeff is taking the equipment.
那又怎样 别人用手♥机♥拍的电影照样提名奥斯卡
So? People make movies on phones that get nominated for Academy Awards.
这就别去考证了
Don't fact-check that.
送你一句斯卡乐诗 你真是大材小用了
You want to hear some ska poetry, real big fish.
我放弃 都糟透了
I'm giving up because I know everything sucks.
亲... 班吉 这是我第一次看到你这么在乎一件事
Dude... Benji, this is the first time I've ever seen you actually care about something,
我不想让你因为一些微小而至关重要的创意改进 就放弃你的计划
And I'm not gonna let you give up over a few tiny yet important creative improvements.
你只想骗骗有钱的家长 让他们以为你真知道怎么给中毒控制中心打电♥话♥
You're just trying to trick rich moms into thinking you know how to call poison control.
谁知道怎么给中毒控制中心打电♥话♥啊 大家都是装的
No one really knows how to call poison control. We're all just pretending.
虽然我的钱途要依靠这支成功的MV
Yes, my financial future depends on the success of this video,
但你也不能轻易放弃你的歌♥啊
But that doesn't mean you should turn your back on your song, man.
振作点
Come on.
随便吧 放弃也没什么大不了
Whatever. Quitting gets a bad rap.
感觉超爽的
It feels so good.
讨厌 你这是逼我说这种话
I hate that you're making me do this.
班吉 你的歌♥没那么糟
Benji, your song isn't that bad.
我不是说它好 甚至它都不算一首真正的歌♥
Okay? I'm not saying it's good, And I'm not even saying I think it's a real song,
但有个地方总会有人喜欢它的
But I think somewhere, someone could like it.
-谢谢 -继续拍吧
- Thanks. - Let's do this.
你是第一个正面评价这首歌♥的女生
You're the first girl to say something nice about it
而且还没穿保龄衫
who isn't wearing a bowling shirt.
这个我相信 真的
I believe that. I surely do.
MV拍出来竟然还不错
This thing turned out great.
幸好你把我劝回来了
I'm glad you talked me into finishing it.
这是我至今最好的作品
I mean, this is my best work to date.
感觉在看玛丽莲·梦露养成记
I feel like I'm watching a Norma Jeane Baker in the making.
就差跟古墓丽影主角上♥床♥
All I have to do now is have sex with tomb raider,
高中时期的班吉就死而无憾了
And high school Benji's 100% validated.
高中时期的艾丝特会遗憾 怎么没在墓地多野餐几次
High school Esther would wonder why I'm not having more picnics in cemeteries.
我一直觉得那是很大胆的尝试
I really thought that was gonna be a bigger thing for me.
当时我很孤独 没有朋友
It's almost like lonely and didn't have friends.
你说我的歌♥不错 是认真的
Did you mean it when you said this was good,
还是只是为了让我回去拍完视频
or did you just say that so i'd go back in and finish?
已经成功了 就不要在意这些细节了
Let's not poke holes in success.
这些小孩跳舞好差
Kids suck at dancing.
真替他们父母难过
I feel bad for their parents.
我替帕克感到难过
I feel bad for Parker, man.
他的受诫礼预算水准有点低啊
They kinda went low budget on his bar mitzvah.
他哥当时有个吹玻璃的 还有小老虎... 蕾妮姨妈
His brother had a glass blower, a baby tiger... Aunt Renee!
我们正在说 你的音乐主题受诫礼太赞了
We were just saying how you totally nailed The music theme here.
我想问罗德尼姨爹哪去了
I just wanted to say, where is uncle Rodney?
我找他一晚上了
I've been looking for him all night.
我等不及要见他了 快 你把他藏哪了
You know I wanna meet this guy, come on. Where you hiding him?
他要晚点才能到
He's running late.
正在和哪个童星准备签份大合约呢
He was just negotiating a huge record contract for a certain child celebrity.
天啊 是不是布鲁·艾薇[碧昂斯女儿]
My god, is it Blue Ivy?
-必须是布鲁·艾薇 -天了噜
- Totally Blue Ivy. - My god.
可如果我没记错的话 布鲁·艾薇不是才6岁吗
Correct me if I'm wrong; isn't Blue Ivy, like, six?
他们想把字母歌♥混音成俱乐部单曲吗
Are they remixing the alphabet song to be a club single?
这你就不懂了吧 我的歌♥唱水平巅峰就在6岁
What, are you crazy? My singing career peaked at six.
班吉 我得好好谢你帮了帕克
I wanna thank you, Benji, for helping with Parker.
他整天整夜都在排练
He's been rehearsing day and night.
从没见过他这么自律的样子
I've literally never seen him this disciplined.
他本身也特别乖
He is just such a sweet boy.
只要轻轻督促一下就很好
I feel like all he needed was a gentle nudge.
他一直跟我提起你呢 艾丝特
Aw, well, he's been going on and on about you, Esther.
你一定要来给我们当保姆
You will have to come and babysit for us.
天哪 我特别愿意
My god, I would love that so much.
请给我办公室打电♥话♥
I mean, please call my office.
-我们再预约时间 -好的 我会的
- We will get that scheduled. - Okay. We will do that.
我喜欢你的裙子 是哪位设计师
And I love this dress. Is that designer?
每样东西都是别人精心设计的
You know, everything is designed by someone.
好吧 你俩玩开心点
Okay. All right, you two have fun.
老天爷 我计划的第一段竟然成功了
My god, phase one of my plan actually worked.
谢谢 接下来的目标就是来参加受诫礼的每个孩子
Thank you. Next target, every single kid at this bar mitzvah.
拿下他们吧
Get it, girl.
当然
Yes!
我要这个
I'll take that.
我们的摇滚小巨星帕克 为大家准备了一个特别的节目
So our little rock star Parker Has something very special that he would like to show you.