一起单身（2018）

- It's ringing! - Hang up! We're not ready!
您好 为您转接♥班♥吉先生
Hello, please hold for Mr. Benji.
我忘记你姓什么了
I forgot your last name.
你好 抱歉 助理新来的
Hey, what's up? Sorry, new assistant.
你能稍等下吗
Um, can you just hang on one sec?
抱歉 一秒钟就好
Sorry, one sec.
我怎么说啊
What should I say?
-我也不知道啊 -该不该邀请她打迷你高尔夫
- what, I don't know. - Should I invite her to minigolf?
别啊 想别人觉得你神经病吗
No. Do you want to sound like a psycho?
问她想不想试试尊巴舞课
Ask her if she wants to try Zumba lessons.
不是 海滩漫画
No, caricatures at the beach?
我想问你 晚上不忙的话
Um, so I was thinking if you're not busy tonight,
过来吃晚饭吧 我会做饭
do you want to come over for dinner? I can cook.
-今晚吗 -对 迪恩要参加房♥地♥产♥晚会
- Tonight? - Yeah, Dean is going to that real estate gala.
-他不在家 -有舞会啊
- He won't be here. - The ball?
好的
Okay, yeah!
说定了 好的 到时见
Sweet. All right. See you then.
-天呐 -等下
- My God! - Okay, wait.
我们需要做点坏事
We need to do something that will make Dean
激怒迪恩报复她
want to retaliate against her.
-说得对 -不要太暴♥力♥
- That's right. - Nothing too violent.
不能犯罪 就在犯罪边缘
Not quite a felony, but almost felonious.
嗯... 我知道做什么了
Yeah... I know what we can do.
我现在感觉活力四射 像布鲁斯·斯普林斯汀[美国摇滚歌♥手]歌♥里唱的一样
I feel so alive. I feel like a Bruce Springsteen song right now.
我感觉... 我咬到舌头了
I just feel, like... I bit my tongue.
好痛 超级痛 痛死了
It hurts really bad. It hurts really bad. It stings.
哥们儿 这下好了 网上发图这招没有用
Dude, okay, you know what? Your stupid Instagram trick didn't work.
阿曼达刚往我窗户里又扔了一个蓝胖子雕像
Amanda just threw another one of these fat blue statues through my window.
有人往你窗户里扔了一个雕像吗
Someone threw a statue through your window?
艾丝特的照片肯定惹毛了她
Wow, that picture of Esther must've really gotten to her.
你俩为啥这样说话 什么情况
Why are you guys talking like this now? What's the deal?
你俩能不能好好说话 噢噢噢的
Why are you guys talking like that, like, "ohhhhhhh"
那么诡异 算了 就这么着
That's weird. You know what, it doesn't even matter, okay?
你说会有效果 结果没用
You said it would work and it didn't, okay?
不要像个湿婆[印度教三大神之一]一样坐在这儿拼图了
So stop playing puzzle like you're sitting shiva,
-快帮我处理啊 -给你出个招吧
- and fix this! - Can I pitch you an idea?
你带艾丝特去参加洛杉矶地♥产♥协会晚会呗
You should take Esther to the LA Realtors Association event!
想想是不是 哥
Think about it, man.
你带艾丝特去
You're gonna go there with Esther,
她跟个河马宝宝一样
who's pretty much a wet baby hippo.
会气死阿曼达的
It's gonna drive Amanda crazy.
她绝对不会对你有想法了
She's not gonna be interested in you at all!
...怎么 你笑什么
...What? What's so funny?
你想... 让我带艾丝特去工作的场合
You want... You want me to take Esther to my work event,
让她站我旁边...
okay, and have her stand next to me...
让我同事看到吗
so, like, my colleagues would see that?
老弟 还有个搞房♥地♥产♥的哥们儿会去呢
Bro, a Property Bro is going to be there.
挺帅的一房♥地♥产♥商也要去的
The good-looking Property Bro is going to be there.
拜托 我看了请帖
Come on, I read the invitation.
走个过场而已 他注意不到艾丝特
It's gonna be passed apps. He won't even notice Esther.
你不会看到我的 我不会在你跟前晃
You won't see me. I'll be out of your way.
别人只会听说我也去了而已
It'll just be the hearsay that I was there.
老弟 这样阿曼达肯定会觉得我特别恶心
Man, you know what, Amanda is going to think I am disgusting, dude!
真的 我就是一天才
Honestly, I'm a genius, man.
特别好 好了
This is great. Okay.
艾丝特 你给我赶紧起来
Esther, I want you to get off your ass
咱现在购物去
and we're gonna go shopping right now.
-我还能去购物 -没错 这就去
- I could shop. - Yeah, you can and you will.
你可不能跟个没衣服穿的胖小子似的
You're gonna dress not like a fat kid on laundry day.
要不要尝尝饼干沾蜂蜜
Dude, you don't wanna try crackers with honey?
闭嘴 穿衣 走起
Shut up. Come on, let's go.
第二次约会 欢呼
It's our second date. Whoo!
今天属于你
This is your day.
你也可以约到高富帅
You can date a tall hot guy.
怎么样
What do you think?
想不到这衣服你穿还挺合身
Wow, I'm surprised that actually fits you.
真的吗 一般我都来童装区买♥♥衣服
Really? I usually shop in the kids' section
是因为童装比较便宜
just 'cause it's more affordable
还显我身材
and more flattering for my body type.
你肯定会是最可爱的花童
You are going to be the cutest flower girl.
黛比阿姨一定骄傲死了
Aunt Debbie's going to be so proud of you.
您女儿真美
You have a beautiful daughter!
你好
Hi.
艾丝特 我们要走了
Esther, we have to go now.
好吧 走吧
Okay, we can go.
告诉你声 我要把裙子撕开一点
Um, just so you know, I'm gonna go rip the dress,
告诉他们衣服有瑕疵
and then I'm gonna tell them there was some damage.
-我们就能有折扣 -好 一般女孩都巴不得我在她们身上多花钱呢
- We'll get a discount. - Nice. Usually girls want me to spend more money on them,
-不是少花钱 -我不是一般女孩呀
- not less. - I guess I'm not like most girls.
你不是 完全不是
No, you're not. Not at all.
闻着好香
My God, it smells so good.
谢谢 这是我摩洛哥祖母的玉米糊配方
Well, thank you. It's my Moroccan grandmother's polenta recipe.
你与我约过的大部分男人都不一样
You're really different from most of the guys I go out with.
应该大部分男人不为你做玉米糊
You mean most guys don't make you polenta
更不会用最新鲜的提神醒脑的辣椒粉吧
with paprika so fresh that it'll deviate your septum?
说到大部分男人 迪恩今晚人呢
Speaking of most guys, where is Dean tonight?
他在...
He is...
应该和迈克摩尔[美国说唱歌♥手]一起参加慈善篮球赛了吧
I think he's doing a charity basketball game with Macklemore.
我能帮忙打下手吗 有什么吗
So, can I help with anything? At anything?
好啊 能不能切点西红柿
Sure. You want to, um, slice some tomatoes?
-当然 -好嘞
- Yeah. - Cool.
原种番茄是我的最爱
Heirloom tomatoes are my favorite!
现在也正当季
They're in season right now, too.
不要用那几个了 我去拿西红柿罐头
Let's just not use those. Let's use canned tomatoes.
房♥地♥产♥协会晚会 迪恩在那儿是吗
Realtors Association Gala. Is this where Dean is?
和那个自信的披萨大厨在一块是吗
Is he with that confident pizza chef?
她啊 她... 不是什么人物
Her, she's just... she's nobody.
对你构不成威胁
She's not a threat to you.
就是个失败者 不要被吓到
She's just a loser. There's nothing to be intimidated by.
她就像是一个行走的酵母菌 没事
She's a walking yeast infection. It's fine.
你跟你哥真是一个德行
You are just like your brother.
-我和他不... -满嘴谎言
- I'm nothing... - All you guys do is lie.
-我们重新开始吧 -我要找他对质
- Let's start over. - I'm going to confront him.
你别去找谁对质呀
You don't gotta confront anybody.
别这样 咱有话好好说
Come on, let's talk this through.
你不能再和迪恩这样的男人约会了
You've gotta move on from guys like Dean,ok?
换个会欣赏你 欣赏你艺术的男人吧
Move on to someone who appreciates you and your art, you know?
我炒了八小时洋葱呢
Come on, I've been caramelizing onions for eight hours!
我不管马桶里扔了多少麦子薄饼
I don't care how many Wheat Thins I flush down the toilet.
厕所会堵是因为你家水管太旧 是你的问题
It's your old pipes. It's your problem.
听到没 过生日时给我换个崭新的马桶
You hear me? And cut to me on my birthday with a brand-new toilet.
说说而已
I'm just saying.
朋友们 你们让我笑得更年轻了
My God, boys, you keep me young.
-真的 -我好喜欢
- You really do! - I love that!
-真的好喜欢 -好了 我这老汽油箱要加点菠菜派了
- I just love that! - All right, I gotta fill up the old gas tank with some spanakopita.
你们就自己聊一聊哈
Um, I'll let you guys talk amongst yourselves, okay?
-好啊 -好吗
- Okay! - Yeah?
我喜欢 我喜欢
I love it! I love it!
迪恩 她真有魅力
Dean, she's a firecracker!
以前怎么没听你提起过她
Why have you never introduced me to this woman before?
不知道 有点奇怪 一开始我以为她很烦人 但是...
I don't know. Yeah, it's weird. At first I thought she was annoying, but...
我讲的笑话她都笑
she kind of just laughs at all my jokes, no matter what,
对我来说很赞 因为我想尝试写喜剧...
and that's really cool for me 'cause I'm trying to work on my comedy,and...
迪恩 你要... 迪恩
Dean? Did you want a... Dean?
-等我一下 -好
- Give me a second. - Okay.
-迪恩 -怎么了
- Dean, hi! - Hey, what's up?
你能不能一直保持刚刚这种状态
How come you can't be like this all the time?
-什么 我表现不错吗 -你表现得挺好
- What? Did I do good? - Yeah, you did pretty good.
你朋友都超好
I think your friends are great.
我讨厌死那个人了 我留长发他也跟着我留长发
I hate that guy. He grew his hair out long after I did.
-迪恩 迪恩... -你来干嘛...