一起单身（2018）

Yes, thank you.
不是我说 艾莉雅 这些我一点都不能吃
No offense, Alia, but I can't eat any of this food.
太不健康了
Yeah, it's so unhealthy.
我知道 我本来想拿点好玩的派对食品
I know. I wanted to get, like, fun party food.
没想到那些东西我们都不吃
I didn't realize it was gonna be something none of us would eat.
那是阿伦·艾弗森[篮球明星]
That's Allen Iverson.
个头虽小 势头可猛呢 跟我一样
He's small and mighty, like me.
-不错 -这个... 是诺兰·莱恩[棒球明星]球卡
-Good show. -This... is my Nolan Ryan rookie card.
大概是我最值钱的东西了
It's probably the most expensive thing I own.
他以前还在纽约大都会棒球队打过球 很多人不知道
He was a Met. A lot of people don't know that.
你喜欢棒球吗
Do you like baseball?
...我喜欢湖人前座
...I like Laker floor seats.
好吧 不是一♥码♥事
Okay. That's something else.
等等 我们见面之前 跟你闲聊的女生是谁
Wait, who are those ladies that I saw you hanging with before we met?
我姐姐和她的员工
That's just my sister and her employees.
她开了家时尚公♥司♥ 叫温蒂凯型
She runs this fashion company called Vindication.
什么
What?
你姐姐的公♥司♥是温蒂凯型
Wait, your sister is Vindication?
是 她自己创办 自己经营
Yeah, she started it, she runs it.
自己做衣服 都是她
She makes the clothes. It's all her.
这是我最喜欢的品牌
It's just like my favorite brand ever.
我每天都穿他们的衣服
I wear them, like, every single day.
她倒是给我做了名片 让我挂名当了个副总裁
She made me business cards that say I'm vice president
帮我泡妞... 你要一张吗
to help me meet girls... do you want one?
我是班吉 温蒂凯型的副总裁
I'm Benji, vice president of Vindication.
第三季度计划不错
Third quarter projections are looking healthy.
我不是真的副总裁
You know I'm not really, like, the vice president of Vindication.
-她只是给我做了张名片 -我不管
- She just made me business cards. - I don't care.
你好棒
You're so cool.
赞
Okay. Cool.
薇薇安 拜托 你香水浓得往我嘴里钻
Vivian, come on, your perfume is getting in my mouth.
香水是让别人闻的 不是让别人尝的
I want to smell you, not taste you.
你们喜欢螺旋藻脆片吗
Hey, do you guys like spirulina crisps?
感觉这里的东西都不能吃
I feel like the food here is just not edible.
埃德娜赢了
Um, Edna for the win!
我... 超爱吃这个
Yeah, I, like... I'm obsessed.
出门必备品
I can't leave my house without these.
一直都在吃
I eat them all the time.
还有 我叫艾丝特
Also, my name is Esther.
听说你在招人 刚好
So, I heard you're hiring, which is crazy 'cause like,
我超有空
I'm pretty free.
艾 我朋友夏洛特
Hey, Al, meet my friend Charlotte.
很高兴见到你 我喜欢你的上衣
It's so cool to meet you. I just love your top.
谢谢夸奖 我正想找人聊聊比基尼呢
Thank you. I've actually been dying to talk bikinis with someone.
你这身... 简直是...
Yours... come on, it's just...
-这什么鬼 -你现在是干什么工作的
-What's going on? -Wait, what do you do?
我是个保姆 可我做梦都想从事时尚行业
I'm nannying right now, but I'm actually just dying to get into fashion.
你特别适合
My God, you're perfect.
找时间来跟我谈谈
You should come in and talk to me.
我正要找你这样的人
I've been looking for someone just like you.
和模特打交道时 像你这样
It's actually really good to have experience
有清理呕吐物经验的人特别好
cleaning up vomit when you're dealing with models.
真的吗 我的天 超爱这个的
Awesome! Yeah, I would love that.
我可以一起去吗
Should I come in too?
怎么回事
What just happened?
我好像刚找到了夏令营之外的第一个女朋友
I think I just got my first non-summer camp girlfriend.
她是在跟我说话吗
Do you think she was talking to me?
没人在跟你说话
I don't think anyone was talking to you.
来啦
Hey.
你干嘛穿舞会的衬衣
Why are you wearing your prom shirt?
我和夏洛特准备去马斯特罗牛排馆
Charlotte and I are going to Mastro's.
-真的吗 -是啊
- Are you serious? - Yeah!
你看起来好开心 真烦
Ooh, you're so happy. It's so annoying.
那又怎么了
What's the problem?
我也想去马斯特罗啊
I want to go to Mastro's someday.
想试试菲力牛排
I want to try filet medallions.
那就存钱去啊
So save up money, go to Mastro's.
夏洛特先抢走了我梦想的工作 还吃到了我的主菜
Charlotte. First my dream job, then my dream entree.
你还因为工作的事生气吗
Are you still mad about that job?
-当然啊 -你为什么不试试
-Yeah. -Why don't you just try to find something
其他你擅长的事呢
more in your wheelhouse?
就没想过当个公♥证♥员什么的吗
Have you thought about, like, being a notary or something?
-怎么样啊 兄弟 -你好啊 杰夫
- What's up, guys? - Hey, Jeff.
怎么样 老铁 最近在干啥 见到你真好
What's up, bro? How you doing? Good to see you.
你抱我了 你知道我不喜欢拥抱
Wow, we're hugging. You know I don't like hugs.
-我是知道 所以才抱你的 -你需要滋润
- I know, that's why I do it to you. - You need affection.
我父母从来不抱我 拥抱太诡异了
My parents didn't give me hugs. It's weird for me.
-慢慢适应吧 -好了
- Adjust. - Okay.
我有个问题 你是要去参加葬礼吗
Let me ask you a question-- you goin' to a funeral?
穿着什么玩意
What's up with that shirt?
是在坐七[犹太人习俗]吗
You sitting shiva?
我跟他提过犹太人的习俗
All right. I taught him Jewish stuff.
你们这是在嘲笑寻找真爱的男人
Make fun of the guy trying to find true love.
谢谢了 回头见
Thanks, guys. See you later. Thanks.
班吉要去跟女孩约会
Benji's going on a date with a girl
她只因为他家房♥子不错才喜欢他
who only likes him 'cause he lives in a nice house.
我也是因为班吉家房♥子不错才喜欢他的
I only like Benji 'cause he lives in a nice house.
我知道 我也是
I know. Same.
我也说不出来 那女孩不太对劲
I don't know. Something doesn't add up about that girl.
-怎么了 -她的老板香奈儿小姐
- Why? - That Miss Chanel she nannies for
肯定有钱得飞起 居然给她买♥♥赛琳的包包
must be crazy rich if they gave her a Céline purse.
我给有钱人做了两年保姆
I nannied for a rich family for two years,
还是只能背环保包
and my bag is still a reusable tote.
香奈儿小姐不是个人 是个应♥召♥网站
Um, Miss Chanel's not a person, it's an escort website.
-真的假的 -如假包换
- Shut up. Are you serious? - Absolutely.
所以他... 他要跟个应♥召♥女去吃饭
So, that's... that's an escort he's about to get dinner with?
是的 他要跟应♥召♥女约会了
He's gonna go on a date with an escort.
我要赶快跟他说啊
I need to tell him, like, immediately.
别扫他的兴嘛 他会有一次很棒的应♥召♥性♥爱♥体验
Aw, don't ruin it for him. He's gonna have some really good escort sex.
杰夫 别恶心了 这是犯罪啊
Jeff, don't be disgusting, okay? That's so criminal.
我就不会给性工作者定罪
I don't like to criminalize sex workers.
我怎么向他证明呢 他肯定不会信我的
How do I prove it to him? He'll never believe me.
只会觉得我在嫉妒
He thinks I'm jealous of him.
除非你是顾客 否则不能在网上查询女方信息
You can't see the ladies' profiles on the website unless you're a subscriber.
可我没有工作信♥用♥卡♥啊
I don't even have a working credit card right now.
也不知道怎么注册登录
I don't know how I'd sign up.
你可以这样
I know what you can do.
-你自己创建账户 -然后呢
- Make yourself a profile. - Okay.
这样你就是应♥召♥女 然后就可以去查看其他人的资料了
You'll be like an escort and you can see the women that way.
对吼 这挺安全的
Right, that's safe.
是啊
Yeah. Absolutely.
而且也不会有人点我资料
Yeah. No one's gonna hit me up.
要我我就会啊
I mean, I would.
我喜欢胖子 你没戏了
I like fat guys. This is going nowhere.
-你太英雄了 -那当然
- You're a real hero. - I know.
-早上好 -早上好啊
- Good morning. - Good morning! Hey there!
我有事跟你说
I have to talk to you about something.
夏洛特不是保姆
Charlotte's not a nanny.
你在瞎扯啥呢
What are you talking about?
她是应♥召♥女
She's an escort.
香奈儿小姐不是人
Miss Chanel isn't a person.
是个应♥召♥网站
It's an escort website.
这... 可能是任何人啊
I mean... that could be anybody.
脸都糊掉了
The face is blurred out.
班吉 一样的发型身高 一样的银色包包
Benji, same hair, same height, same exact silver handbag.
啊 一样的俄亥俄纹身
No. Same Ohio State tattoo.
她有三星呢
She's three out of five stars.
不可思议 我肯定给她打五星啊
That's crazy. Like, she seemed five-star to me.
我没有任何竞争力 可是... 你跟谁发短♥信♥呢
I don't have any basis of comparison, but... Who are you texting?
你好好消化下这些信息吧
Take a minute to process what's going on.
糟糕透了