一起单身（2018）

- Dean, Dean, Dean... - What are you doing...?
你来这儿干嘛
What are you doing here?
-我说的 你别... -我也说了 抱歉
- I said that. You don't... Same. I said it, too. I'm sorry.
阿曼达来我们家了 我给她做晚餐...
So, Amanda was at our house and I was cooking her dinner...
等等 你在跟阿曼达约会
Hold on a second. You had a date with Amanda?
不算约会 只是我们计划的一部分
It wasn't really a date. It was part of our scheme!
跟这件事一样是我们的计划
You know,it was all in this together.
等等 你们是不是真的以为我那么容易任人摆布
Hold on, okay. You don't actually believe that I'm that easy to be manipulated, do you?
迪恩 你这么帅 怎么会受人摆布呢
Dean, you are way too handsome to be manipulated.
-不是这样的... -天呐
- That is not what this is... - God!
-不不不... -明显就是这样
- No, no, no... - That's obviously what this is.
你们听着 阿曼达可能马上就要到了
Listen up, guys. Amanda's gonna be here any second.
我没料到事情变成这样
I didn't intend for any of this to happen.
你把洛杉矶的妹子都约遍了
You've dated everyone in LA.
我们是亲兄弟 你怎么可能约你睡过的女人呢
There's no way for us to not be brothers and Eskimo brothers.
-对不起 -她疯了...
- I'm sorry! - She was crazy...
我要跟你聊聊
I need to talk to you.
-是你啊 -私聊
- Hey. - In private.
别急 阿曼达 你好
Not so fast, Amanda, hi.
今晚你想跟迪恩说的东西
Anything you want to say to Dean tonight,
都可以在我面前说
you can say it in front of me
因为我是他的女伴 说不定不只是女伴哦
because I'm his plus-one and maybe more than that.
你就是艾丝特吧
You must be Esther.
没错 我是艾丝特
That's right, I am Esther.
从迪恩的照片上看得出来你很自信
I knew you were confident from Dean's photo,
从你公开穿着这条"成人裙"晃悠就能看出来
but the way you rock that quincea era dress in public proves it.
谢谢... 谢谢[西班牙语]
Actually, thank you... or gracias.
你想说什么就直说吧
Whatever you got to say, just say it, go ahead.
好 哪有怪物会跟别人睡三个星期
Fine. What kind of monster sleeps with someone for three weeks
然后就突然不接电♥话♥
and suddenly just doesn't return their calls?
我过去这个月一直在找你
I've been trying to contact you for the last month.
不 疯了吧 我... 我们顶多一起睡过十次
No, that's crazy. I... We had sex together ten times, tops.
这就要我回电♥话♥了吗
Okay, that barely warrants a call back.
怎么 你是我老婆还是谁啊
What do you think, we're married?
太混♥蛋♥了 迪恩
That's really bad, Dean.
平心而论 还没有哪个妹子跟我睡超过十次
In all fairness, a girl's never slept with me ten times.
对我来说真♥相♥当于结婚了
That's pretty much marriage for me.
不是 我跟她说过... 我跟你说了我不想谈恋爱
No. I told her... I told you I didn't want to be in a relationship.
你没说过 你叫我去机场接你
You did not say that! You asked me to pick you up at the airport.
因为我最近在地址优步 你知道最近打车软件出了多少事故
That's because I'm protesting Uber because you know what's been happening with them lately.
讲真 任何时候你要坐车去机场
For real, any time you need a ride to the airport,
我都载你去 我保证
I will do it for you, I promise you.
-任何时候 拉瓜迪亚机场... -我绝对不会接受你载我
- Anytime, LaGuardia... - I will never accept a ride from you ever.
绝对
Ever!
我想跟你道歉
I want to say I'm sorry.
我不知道原来你没疯
I didn't know you weren't crazy.
他说得你跟个疯子一样
He made it seem like you were a nut bag.
我绝对不会挖我哥哥的墙角
I would not have tried to schtupp my brother's girlfriend.
-我不知道你们睡过 -不 你哥哥
- I didn't know you were sleeping together.- No, your brother
就是个混♥蛋♥ 以为我会置之不理
was a total dick to me and thought I would just go away,
但是我要坚定立场 这样他就不能祸害其他妹子了
but I'm taking a stand so he doesn't do this to the next girl.
好了 现在你知道她在撒谎了
Okay, well, now you know she's lying,
哪有妹子会那么在意其他妹子怎么想
because no girl cares that much about what other girls think.
-我有时候就很在意 -他说得很好
- I do sometimes. - He makes a really good point
要是你想坚定女权立场
because if you were trying to make a feminist stand,
那你干嘛给他送雕像
then why'd you then give him a statue as a gift?
因为迪恩不懂得尊重女性
Since Dean clearly lacks respect for women,
希望有东西能一直提醒他
I wanted him to have a constant reminder
女性永恒的权力
of the eternal power of the female form.
这是我听过最疯的事 完全听不懂
That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. I don't even know what that means.
-走吧 -回见
- Let's go. - I'll see you later.
-别听她的 -快走
- Don't listen to her. - Now!
能跟你聊聊吗
Can I talk to you?
我很好奇
I'm just curious.
你哄妹子开心都不能坚持一个小时吗
Um, you can't entertain a girl for one hour?
我都迎难而上了
I was up against impossible odds!
-什么 -我们是癞蛤♥蟆♥想吃天鹅肉
- What? - We're ugly people trying to sleep with pretty people.
你觉得这符合达尔文的进化论吗
Do you think that's what Darwin wanted?
我们要做他们的备胎
We're gonna be their rebounds, okay?
他们会吵架 会难过 会伤心
They're gonna fight, they're gonna be sad,they're gonna be broken,
我们趁虚而入 收拾残局
and we're gonna swoop in and pick up the pieces.
别破坏计划
Let's not let this plan go.
对 我们能成
Yeah. We can make it work.
真是意料之中
Well, of course that's what's happening.
打扰了 女士...
Excuse me, ma'am...
之前您点了单人份菠菜派
Earlier you requested a personal tray of spanakopita.
不好意思 你肯定认错人了
Sorry,I'm so sorry, but you must have misconfused with someone else.
确定吗 我以为是你
Are you sure, 'cause I thought it was you.
不是我 不过我知道是谁 我拿给她
It wasn't me, but I do think that I know who it was, and I can get that to her.
-那... -给我吧
- Well... - Just hand it over.
-好吧 -谢谢
- Sure. - Thank you.
-没事 -非常感谢
- Okay. - Appreciate it. Thank you.
-他知道你在撒谎 -管他的
- He knew you were lying. - Whatever.
我要泡个热水澡 听小甜甜的歌♥
I'm gonna take a hot bath and listen to Britney.
我只想洗手
I just wanna wash my hands.
之前一直没洗 因为我不想把防晒喷雾冲掉
I couldn't wash my hands because I didn't want the spray tan to come off.
我的车是白色捷豹 我知道杯座里有多少零钱
It's the white Jaguar, and I know exactly how much change there was in that cup holder,
别想偷钱 明白吗
so don't be a bad hombre, comprendito?
我不是泊车小弟
I'm not the valet, dude.
我们半个小时前聊过天
We talked for, like, 30 minutes earlier.
-记得我跟你说的故事... -我认错了
- Remember, I told you that story... - My mistake.
-是你 -你好
- Hey. - Hey.
谢谢你们让我和迪恩重新在一起
Thank you so much for getting Dean and I back together.
你们开心就好
Sure, yeah,I am happy you guys are happy.
我能问你个问题吗
Yeah. Can I ask you a question?
-当然 -女孩是要聪明点好还是漂亮点好
- Sure. - Is it more fun to be smart or pretty?
你真可爱
You are so cute!
你能回答问题吗
Yeah. Can you answer the question?
...聪明吧
...smart?
-真的吗 -不
- Really? - No.
-不 -好吧
- No. - Okay.
-漂亮好 -让你为难了
- Pretty. - We're putting you on the spot.
抱歉 再见到你真好
I'm sorry. It was good to see you again.
我今晚要去你家找迪恩约会
I'm actually seeing Dean at your house tonight,
-到时候见 -再见
- so I'll see you there. - See you then!
我爱她
Oh My God, I love her.
听到了吗 我本来有机会跟她...
Hear that? I would've actually had a chance with her...
我看起来像泊车小弟吗
What about me looks like a valet parker?
我哪里像泊车小弟了
What are the visual cues that I'm a valet parker?
我穿着红背心打着领结吗
Am I wearing a red vest and a bowtie?
班吉 你长得就像服务员
Benji, you have a serviceman's face.
不是她的错 这又不是坏事
It's not her fault. It's not a bad thing, okay?
-詹姆斯·弗兰科[美国演员]长得也像服务员啊 -当然
- James Franco has it. - And, of course,
他的捷豹又挡在我的车前面
his Jaguar comes before my car.
我是不是就没有让人尊重我的气场啊
It's like I have the vibes of someone you shouldn't respect.