一起单身（2018）

Look, I'm an artist, and I'm performing,
需要你支持我 你能做到吗
and I need you to support me.You gonna?
-我一直在支持你啊 -唇部刺青怎么不支持
- I always support you. - But on the lip tattoo?
不要再把我当成你gay蜜了
Stop trying to make me your gay best friend.
-求你了 -不要
- Please! - No!
我脑子好像不疼了
I think my brain is feeling better.
好啊 很好
Good. Great, okay.
你脉轮估计也上升了
Your chakras are probably better, too.
-好了 咱们走 -等下
- All right, let's go. - Hey, hey, hey.
听我说 我可以告诉你龙舌兰在哪儿 但保险起见
Um, I got a pitch. I'll tell you where the tequila is, but as insurance
-你得答应我 如果迪恩把我赶出家门 你得让我住你家 -不行
- I need you to tell me that I can move in with you when Dean kicks me out. - No.
我要真想在沙发上养什么奇奇怪怪的生物
If I wanted a weird creature just wheezing all over my couch every day
我就养法国斗牛犬了
I would get a French bulldog.
需要放大招了
It's time for the show-stopper.
走吧 咱们走了
Let's go. Let's go.
等一下 我觉得 既然今天我们都会死
Hey, guys, um, I figured since we're all gonna die tonight,
你们是不是可以迅速了解一下我呢
that maybe you guys could get to know me a little better real quick?
-我的天 -超可爱
- My God. - This is so cute.
闻起来像"美国偶像"
That smells like American Idol.
这不是电子宠物鸡吗
Is that a Tamagotchi?
我在"强迫性囤积症患者"[美剧]有一集里看见过
I saw this on an episode of Hoarders.
-电子宠物鸡 -其实是幼儿鸡哥鸡
- Tamagotchi. - It's actually Rugrats Gigapet.
电子宠物鸡没出过联合推广
Tamagotchi never did cross-promotion.
但能不能请你们...
But actually if you guys just...
把拿出来的东西再放回包装里...
if you do take something out put it back in its package...
-天哪 -怎么了
- My God. - What happened?
是地震吗
Was that an earthquake?
地震不是应该地面摇晃吗
-Doesn't it for it to be earthquake the ground shake?
我都分不清是不是地震
I can't even tell if it was an earthquake.
-手♥机♥也没信♥号♥♥ -我不知道
- There's no reception. - I don't know.
贝弗利山这里就是信♥号♥♥不太好
There's not really good service in the hills,
再说 信♥号♥♥站估计也在停电
plus the blackout probably took out the signal booster.
好了吧 大家这样
All right, everybody. All right, um,
现在没法知道外面到底什么情况
there's no way to really know what's going on out there
但我猜洛杉矶大部分地区估计着火了
but my guess is yes, most of Los Angeles is probably on fire
咱们说话这会 摩托帮肯定也开始巡街了
and roving motorcycle gangs are forming as we speak.
-得了 -天啊
- Please. - Boy.
那我绝不出房♥门
I am not leaving this house.
我跟摩托帮有过很多不好的经历
I have had too many bad experiences with roving motorcycle gangs.
没错 克莱拉 就是
Absolutely, Clara, yes.
所以你们才更应该和我们待在一起
More reason for you guys to just stay here with us.
等等 艾丝特呢
Wait, where's Esther?
这儿呢 安全
I'm here. I'm safe.
乡下小老鼠 出洞吧
Hey, country mouse, let's get out of there.
-好吧 -快出来
- Okay. - Come on, there you go.
对啦 好孩子
All right, that's a girl.
那一瞬间 我一生的记忆都在我脑海中闪现
My whole life flashed before my eyes.
你们知道我想通什么了吗
And you know what I learned?
我应该和我的帅表哥上♥床♥的
I should've just had sex with my hot cousin.
谁会在乎啊
I mean, nobody would've cared.
你的小想法真有意思
Okay, that's an interesting takeaway.
大家听我说 现在停电了
Listen up, there's no electricity
车道门打不开 我们都困在这儿了
so the driveway gate is not gonna open so we're all stuck here.
我提议咱们吃点东西
I suggest we just have some food
-缓解一下情绪 -好
- and sort of settle our nerves. - Yes.
-吃点东西会好的 -好极了
- Food is good. - Awesome, great.
我们困在这个没有电♥话♥ 也没有网的地方
So we're trapped here with no phone and no internet.
简直又经历了一次那个俄♥国♥佬的游艇
I mean, this is just like that Russian guy's yacht all over again.
你们愿不愿意分享一下补水方法
Do you guys wanna at least share hydration tips for fun?
走去找龙舌兰
Find that tequila.
-好 -必要的话扒开地板
- Yeah. - Tear up the floorboards if you have to.
你们是说...
You guys, does that mean...
龙舌兰... 龙舌兰能补水吗
you think tequila... is tequila hydrating?
肯定有很多男人为你做过鸡蛋
So I'm sure most guys make you eggs,
但有谁给你做过鸡蛋松吉吗
but do most guys make you fluffy eggs?
你吃鸡蛋的时候真的应该问问自己
That's what you should reallybe asking yourself when you eat these.
大熊猫怎么会濒临灭绝呢
How are pandas endangered?
到处不都是竹子吗
I see bamboo, like, everywhere.
你姐想试试我的喷雾
Your sister wants to try my spa water.
-好激动 -超抱歉
- I'm so excited. - Hey, super sorry,
-但现在冰箱不能用 -谁说的
- but fridge is off-limits. - No, it's not.
你说什么呢
What are you talking about?
我在品趣志[图片分享平台]上面研究三星期了
I've been brewing this for three weeks from a Pinterest.
让开
Get out of my way.
放手
Come on.
起来
Get up.
-等等 停电了 为什么冰箱灯亮着 -好吧
- Wait, why are the lights on in the fridge if the power is out? - Okay,
是我把屋子电掐了
I turned all the power off in the house.
-是你干的 -只留了厨房♥的电
- You did this? - Except for the kitchen
我哥的松露巧克力在冰箱里
'cause my brother's truffles are in there
现在是他吃松露巧克力的季节 我没疯
and it's truffle season. I'm not crazy.
为什么不告诉我
Why didn't you tell me?
我也想参加酷炫计划
I wanna be a part of cool plans.
我们应该联♥合♥行♥动♥的
We were supposed to be working together.
这就是我们的计划啊 要把她们留下 忘了吗
This was our plan to keep them here, remember?
-你把危险演得可好了 -真的吗
- You sold the danger. - Really?
超级真实
Yeah, you were selling it, honey.
真的吗 有多好
Really, like how good?
等下 那是因为我真的很害怕
Wait, but that's because I was really scared,
-你背叛了我 -我没有
- and you betrayed me. - I didn't betray you.
是你背叛了我 你吃了我的应急补给食品
You betrayed me. You ate all the emergency supplies.
那是因为你没告诉过我这件事 又算是一次背叛
That's because you never told me about them,which is another betrayal.
你攒的事有点多
Things are starting to add up for you
对你不利啊 亲
and it's not looking good, man.
我没攒事 我好着呢
Things are looking great. I look great.
天哪
Gosh!
她恐慌症发作了 快想办法
She's having a panic attack. Do something!
让她别叫了啊
Make her stop!
-你干嘛 -给她看洋娃娃衣服 让她平静一下
- What are you doing? - I'm showing her these doll dresses to calm her down.
克莱拉 你可以随便挑一件
Okay, Clara, you can pick anything you see
-除了粉色的 -看 灯亮了
- except for the pink one. - Look, the lights are working.
我就是普罗欧米修斯
Yay, I'm like Prometheus.
-虽然你们不知道他是谁 但没关系 -别这样
- You don't know that reference, but that's okay, yay! - Stop.
这主意糟透了
That's the worst idea ever.
癫痫发作了吗
That's epileptic.
你想选粉色那件吗
Do you want the pink one?
想要的话我就给你 但你必须非常想要才行
If you do I'll give it to you but you have to really want it.
-怎么样 -没用
- Come on. - It's not working.
她不行了
We lost her, man.
我们尽力了
We did everything we could.
什么鬼
Wow, okay.
班吉这就是你的生活状态吗
Benji living your best life.
好了 她还在吓傻状态吗
Okay, is she still freaking out?
嘿 嘿 嗨
Hey, hey! Hi.
这些都是你的幻想
This is all in your head, okay?
振作起来
Get it together, okay?
你是位坚强又强大的女性
You're a strong and powerful woman
但你要是再不振作清醒
but if you don't snap out of it right now
我把就把你丢回特伦百货卖♥♥场
I will drag you back to the Nordstrom Rack
就是我拽你出来的那个 把你一直留在那儿
that I pulled you from and leave you there
等到格子衣重新流行
until plaid comes back in style.
-懂了吗 -懂了
- Got it? - Got it.
很好
Okay.
-太帅了 -是啊
- That was cool. - Yeah.
超帅的
Super clutch.
我们还是继续做煎蛋卷吧
All right, let's get back to making omelets and stuff.
电力恢复了
The lights are back on.
我们也要走了 不过首先
We're getting out of here, but first
迪恩的龙舌兰在哪儿
where the hell is Dean's tequila?
在车♥库♥里 滑水装备后面
It's in the garage behind the water skiing equipment.
给你了