一起单身（2018）

Okay, well, then, you know what?
你得找个真正的女朋友了
Maybe you need to get a real girlfriend,
别再和艾丝特瞎混了 好吗
instead of whatever Esther is, okay?
你俩眼神好悲伤啊
You guys have sad eyes.
-眼神悲伤是好事吗 -当然不是
- Is that a good thing? - No.
眼神悲伤可不是件好事
Sad eyes is a bad thing.
你不是说他不在吗
You said he wasn't here.
好了 我一会要开泳池趴
Look, I'm having a pool party later,
你俩... 到时候过来吧
so, why don't you guys... you can come.
挺有意思的
It might be fun, you know?
艾莉雅也会来
Alia's gonna be there.
你姐姐要过来
Your sister's gonna be here?
这派对非去不可
We gotta go to the party.
你俩这样子 得多晒晒太阳
You guys look like you could use some sun.
这么没精神 像病恹恹的萤火虫
I mean, you look like a sick glow worm.
你赛车的燃料到了
Your racing fuel is here!
太好了
Yes! Yes!
我最近一直跟正常人一样加辛烷91号♥
I been rollin' around on 91 octane like a frickin' normy!
拜了
Anyway.
班吉班吉班吉
Benji, Benji, Benji, Benji.
你姐要是能给我一份工作
If I get a job working for your sister,
我的人生就大不一样了
it will change my life, okay?
她们那帮人 多了解美女的秘密啊
Her and all her employees, they know all the hot girl secrets.
艾丝特 你可是吃面包碗的人
Esther, you eat bread bowls.
不可能融入她们的
You're not gonna, like, blend in with them.
哥们 她的时尚公♥司♥很出名
Dude, her fashion company is everything.
听说有个比我丑的妹子
I heard about a girl uglier than me
干嘛 听我说
What? Listen to me.
听说有个比我丑的妹子
I heard about a girl uglier than me
在她那找到工作
who got a job working for her.
立马红了 Ins上还有30万粉丝呢
Now she's hot, with 300,000 Instagram followers.
艾丝特 他们那儿都找不到你能穿的衣服
Esther, they don't even have clothes that fit you.
你怎么去工作
How are you gonna work there?
那我就跟他们说我电脑里很多干货
I'm just gonna mention that I have a charged laptop,
用我在即兴课堂学到的伪装人格
and I'm gonna use my fake personality I learned at improv class.
明白我意思吗
Do you know what I'm saying?
我就假装 我爱时尚 我爱服饰
It's like, I love fashion, and, like, I love clothes,
你上衣真好看
and, like, I love your top.
我要尖叫了
I'm screaming.
可怕
Terrifying.
可以走了
Okay, I'm ready to go.
艾丝特 你不能穿这身去泳池派对
Esther, you can't wear that to a pool party.
这是我最时髦的衣服了
This is the most stylish thing I own.
你看上去跟叙利亚难民一样
You look like a Syrian refugee.
你穿个篮球短裤 还好意思说我
I'm not taking fashion tips from a guy in basketball shorts.
你啥都不懂
You don't know anything.
我知道我不懂时尚
I get that I'm not a fashion person,
但我了解我姐姐
but I know my sister really well,
她肯定会觉得你用力过猛
and she's gonna think you're trying too hard.
这样呢
Is that better?
你没有泳装吗
Do you have an actual bathing suit?
有 不过是在喜剧商店失物招领处找的
I do, but I got it at the Comedy Store lost and found,
不太合身
so it doesn't fit right.
哪个姿势 这样
Which pose? This?
我们是这儿最挫的人
We are the ugliest people here.
确实
Yeah, that's true.
...所以 这不是好酒
...which means it's not vintage.
有芝士和洋葱味
Something smells like cheese and onions.
宝贝弟弟
Baby bro.
莎拉
Hi, Sarah.
哟 姐们
'Sup, sis?
真喜欢你比基尼的款式
My God, I love your bikini pattern.
是不是都是你原创的呀
It's like everything is so OG.
谢谢
Thank you.
不 谢谢你 请我们来
Yeah, no, thank you. Thanks for having us.
还有 我叫艾丝特
Um, by the way, my name's Esther.
你把她雇了吧
You should hire her.
她的手很小 还会修缝纫机
She has, um, small hands, and she can fix sewing machines.
我简直像个"美国女孩"洋娃娃
I was like almost a model for American Girl doll catalog,
不过我指甲缝里有芥末渍
but I had a mustard stain on my cuticle.
你真可爱 我喜欢你的... 头发
Your adorable. I love your... hair.
谢谢 我没洗头 因为上面还有药水
My God, thanks. I don't wash it because of the draught.
艾丝特的可爱就在于她自然不做作
Esther's way of being cute is, like, not trying.
她是慵懒型的
She's lazy chic.
我一点都不懒
I am actually not lazy at all.
懒人会把水果泡在水里吗
Um, do lazy people put fruit in their water?
不会 我要尖叫了
They don't. I'm screaming.
请她吧 她会努力工作的
Please hire her. She'll work hard,
你都不用付太多薪水
and, like, you don't even have to pay her much.
你怎么这么饥渴 抱歉 他太饥渴了
You're, like, so thirsty. I'm sorry, he's so thirsty.
不像我喝了几杯水 没事
Like, I just drink a cup of water, I'm good.
对
Yeah.
艾丝特腰上有圈永久性肥胖纹
Esther has a permanent fat wrinkle on her stomach,
我们都说那是她的赤道
and we call it her equator.
我天 尴尬了
My God, that's so embarrassing.
我去倒酒
I'm gonna go get a refill.
他不错 大家都很好
He's good. Everyone's good.
好 好
Good, good.
大哥 你干嘛
Dude, what are you doing?
你干嘛笑我
Why are you making fun of me?
-再见 -你今天很漂亮
- Bye. - You look good today.
你不懂
You don't get it.
我想幽默一点
I was trying to be funny.
你跟辣妹说话的样子 就像白人
Watching you talk to hot girls is like watching a white person
绞尽脑汁解释生命平等一样
try to explain why all lives matter.
你只会找我茬
All you do is pick on me.
他们吵得跟老夫老妻一样
They bicker like an old couple.
我懂
I know.
他们该试试约会啊
They should just, you know, they should just date.
可不是嘛 00后 既不约会
I know. Millennials, they don't date.
也不上♥床♥ 随波逐流
They don't even sex. They just flow through life,
每天都被孤独折磨得心烦意乱
too distracted by how lonely they really are.
-你个傻屌♥ -你才傻屌♥
- You're a talking penis! - You're a talking penis!
你傻屌♥
You're a talking penis.
在座各位都觉得 你才是傻屌♥
Everybody here thinks you're a talking penis.
算了 你离我远点
All right, I need to get you away from me, okay?
我要单独跟你姐姐聊聊
I need alone time with your sister.
现在我帮你找个妹子聊天
I'm gonna find you a girl to talk to, got it?
她穿长裤 去试试
All right, she's in long pants, so just give it a try.
...香奈儿小姐是大势所趋
...Miss Chanel is the way to go.
抱歉打扰了 我知道很不礼貌
Hey. Sorry to interrupt you. Super rude, I get it.
这位是班吉 这房♥子是他的
This is Benji. This is his house.
太... 棒了
Wow. That... is so cool.
-我叫夏洛特 所以... -等等 这个赛琳包好赞
- I'm Charlotte, so... - Wait. That's such a cool Céline bag.
谢谢 这是工作礼物
Thanks! This is a work gift.
真的吗 你是做什么的
Are you serious? What do you do?
我是保姆
I'm a nanny.
真幸运
Whoa, lucky.
我也当过保姆 却只能拿到小男孩的旧鞋
I was a nanny, and all I got was a little boy's old shoes.
你一个人住吗 班吉
So, you live here alone, Benji?
是 算是吧
Yeah, yeah. I mean, kind of.
我没钱的朋友偶尔会来蹭住
I let my poor friends crash here.
你人真好
That's really kind of you.
我性格就是善良
That's my thing, kind.
大家总说"你人真好"
Everyone's always like, "You're so kind."
-带她逛逛去啊 傻子 -对啊 傻子
- Take her on a tour, stupid! - Yeah, stupid!
我喜欢你叫我傻子
I love the way you called me stupid!
好吧
Okay.
回见
See ya.
我真是个好助攻
I'm the best wing man.
谢谢