一起单身（2018）

Actually, you know what's weird?
-手最需要保养 -当然
- It's your hands. - Of course.
-手上皱纹最容易暴露年龄 -说得太对了
- They give it away. - 100%
不好意思 噬肉标靶是真的吗
Excuse me. Is El Chupacabra real?
你是说墨西哥吸血鼬吗
You mean the Mexican vampire weasel?
-是的 -这我不好说
- Yeah. - Yeah, I'm not sure about that.
好吧
Okay.
万事俱备 只欠椅子
This is coming together. We need seating.
对 是需要椅子
Yes, we do. We do need seating.
-卡米 -顺利吗
- Hey, Cami. - How'd it go?
你都不知道班吉刚才多么勇敢
You won't believe how brave Benji was.
他刚刚当着大家的面 跟女孩子... 道歉了
He apologized to a woman... in public.
天啊 你做到了吗 班吉
My God. Did you really do that, Benji?
没什么了不起的
It wasn't a big deal.
既然大家都到齐了 我想给你们看一下我的特别收藏
Since we're all back, I wanna take a second, and show you guys something very special.
你去吧 怎么回事 我想听
Okay, sounds great. But wait, so what happened?I want to hear it.
真的很了不起 这就是成长
This was a huge deal. This is real growth.
我感觉特勇敢
I mean, it felt courageous,
但没有萝丝我肯定做不到
but I couldn't have done it without Rose.
她是我的坚强后盾 虽然她是你的
She's my rock. I mean, she's your rock.
但那时她也是我的后盾
In that moment, she was my rock, too.
-我愿意分享我的后盾 -谢谢你的分享
- I'll share my rock. - Thanks for rock sharing.
等一下 你怎么... 对哦
Wait, what are you... right.
-游戏之夜 -你俩怎么回事
- Game night. - Y'all bullshit people.
我爱你 兄弟
I love you, dude.
有天晚上我睡不着
So one night, I was up late,
我父母都在睡觉 我从电视购物上面订了这套
my parents were asleep, I ordered these on QVC.
戴安娜王妃纪念餐具
They're Princess Diana commemorative dishware.
戴安娜王妃纪念餐具
I really admire her for her strength and her beauty,
主要是漂亮
but mostly her beauty.
抱歉哦 要不你把这些摆上
I'm sorry. I think maybe you should set those,
把桌子准备好
and get the table ready,
我去厨房♥帮班吉
and I'm just gonna help Benji out in the kitchen,
我真的很想听听他的大胆突破
'cause I really wanna hear more about his breakthrough.
其实... 我觉得我还是跟你一起吧
Actually, um... I think I would be best suited doing whatever it is that you're doing.
我学习能力超强
I'm an excellent copycat.
但我们需要有人摆桌子 所以你做你的 我们做我们的
But we need someone to do this, so you do that and we'll do this.
-一会儿再回来 -好吧
- Then we'll come back. - Okay.
戴安娜王妃去世的时候你们在哪儿呀
Where were you guys when Princess Diana died?
-超棒的 -谢谢
- It was amazing. - Thank you.
她们俩好有意思
Hey, these women are so much fun.
人超好 好极了
They're great. They're very great.
班吉 我的普拉提教练能让你看起来长高3厘米
My Pilates instructor, Benji, can make you stand an inch taller.
太好了 光是听到我都觉得自己长高了
My God, that sounds great, but I feel taller already.
杰夫 我也想长高
Jeff, I wanna feel taller.
我变女神的机会快要离我而去了
My transformation's slipping away from me.
大家一起开开心心的不好吗
Maybe there's a scenario where everybody wins.
杰夫 你不是想玩游戏吗
Jeff, you wanted to play a game?
今天晚上我们就要玩个游戏
Guess what. Tonight, we're gonna play a game,
奖品就是她们俩 而且我赢定了
and the prize is those women, and I'm gonna win them.
你这样说不太合适吧
I don't think you should say things like that.
肥胖已经成为我们国家的流行病 所以...
As you know, there's an obesity epidemic in this country, so...
为了控制自己的新陈代谢 我每天吃20顿简餐
to control my metabolism, I eat 20 really small meals a day.
如果食物比我的手大 我就不吃
If it's bigger than my hand, I won't even put it in my mouth.
就是要把自己的身体当寺庙一样供起来
Yeah, it's so important to treat your body like a temple,
或是别的信仰崇拜
or however you choose to worship.
说到这里我想到最近看的一篇写格温妮斯[女演员 代表作"莎翁情史" "钢铁侠的评论文章
And that reminds me of this think piece I recently read about Gwyneth.
我知道大家对她的感情复杂
I know we all have mixed feelings about her.
不过格洛丽亚·斯泰纳姆[女权先锋]还转发了
But Gloria Steinem had actually reposted it,
所以我觉得现在聊一聊挺合适
so I feel comfortable bringing it up at the dinner table.
格洛丽亚真的很励志
Gloria. She's so inspirational.
她的每本书我们都有
We have every last one of her books.
如果你们想借来看 随时找我们
If you wanna borrow one, just let us know.
太好了
I would love that.
那就别想再见到那本书了
Say good-bye to that book.
说到阅读 我还会速读
Funny thing about reading. I'm a speed reader.
虽然没受过正规训练
I'm not formally trained or anything,
但我看书真的超级快
but my words per minute is pretty off the chain.
我小时候参加过一项天才计划
I was in a gifted program growing up,
所以我看书都是从后往前读
and I actually read books back to front.
这是我从日本传统中学来的
It's a Japanese tradition that I've adopted.
平心而论 我在阅读方面有生理上的的优势
In all fairness, though, I have a biological advantage with reading,
因为我的角膜很厚
because I have very thick corneas.
很适合做激光手术
Makes me a great candidate for Lasik.
每次我上舞蹈课的时候
I actually, whenever I take a dance class,
老师总让我站在最前面
the teacher always asks me to stand in the front row,
-因为我跳得还可以 这样其他学生可以学习我的姿态 -厉害啊
- just so that I can set a good example, and other students can learn from me and my form. - Okay.
我从小是被管家带大的
I took the hardship of being raised by a housekeeper,
所以会用两种语言
and turned it into being bilingual.
[西班牙语]太好了 我喜欢海滩
Que bueno. Me gusta la playa.
-[西班牙语]出什么事了 -没什么
- ¿Que esta pasando? - Not much.
我读的高中在全国是出了名的活动丰富
I actually went to the most diverse high school in the nation.
我们还开过动员大会
We had a pep assembly about it.
我觉得这是同化现象 我算是个词语大♥师♥
I think it's called assimilation. I'm sort of a wordsmith.
我记得我会做侧手翻 你们想看吗
I can do a perfect cartwheel from memory. Do you guys wanna see?
什么叫"记得"
What do you mean, from memory?
就是说我记得有这回事
Like, I have it memorized.
艾丝特 你耍杂技之前 是不是该先给客人上甜点
Hey, Esther, shouldn't we serve our guests dessert before the acrobatic portion of this evening?
有道理
I think that's wise.
你怎么这么沉不住气 我不就表现好了点吗
So I think you should just sort of chill out a little, 'cause I'm killing it.
你要记得你不该表现这么好
Remember that you're not supposed to be killing it tonight,
当初你还说我拿她们当导师傻来着
because you think mentors are stupid?
我改主意了 我也想要导师
I changed my mind, okay? Maybe I want mentors, too.
她们都很支持我 好像问她们任何问题都可以
They're really body positive with me, and I feel safe asking them pretty much any question.
你是个男人 你问任何人问任何问题都可以
You are a man, and you feel safe asking anyone anything.
我这么小只 走到哪儿都会有生命危险
I'm small, and everywhere I go, life is a threat.
她们是我的
Those women are mine.
你难道不觉得 她们不喜欢被当成被人拥有的物品吗
Did you ever think that maybe those women don't like being referred to as objects that can be owned?
你难道不觉得 你平时不是这样说话的吗
Did you ever think that that's not really how you talk, right?
那你平时是这样说话的咯
'cause this is how you talk?
你知道我怎么想的吗
Yeah, and you know what I was thinking?
我们应该直接过去
Maybe we should just go out there,
让她们决定 想收谁当学生
and we'll let them decide who they want to be their mentee.
好啊 太好了
Okay, fine. Great.
-别跟我抢 -什么
- Don't. - What?
这是我家 应该我来端蛋糕
It's my apartment, I'm taking this cake out.
蛋糕不能放心交给你
You can't be trusted with cake.
可以的 这可是我家
I can be trusted. It's my apartment.
我来决定谁可以相信 谁不能相信
I'll decide who can be trusted and who can't be.
蛋糕给我
Give me the cake.
-没门儿 -你会把头皮屑粘在蛋糕上的
- Absolutely not. - You're gonna get dandruff on the cake.
-不会的 -艾丝特
- I am not. - Esther!
-班吉 -够了
- Benji. - Stop!
我不是想八卦 但是他们是不是经常这样斗嘴 争风吃醋
I don't mean to be intrusive, but is this common, the way they compete for attention?
这算什么
This is nothing.
平时的游戏之夜我们从来都没玩到游戏
Usually on game night, we never get to the actual game.
他们一整晚都会因为规则争来争去
They just spend the whole evening screaming at each other about the rules.
这样形容他们关系还挺贴切的
It's actually a pretty good metaphor for their relationship.
动作真优美
Wow. Nice moves.
学了八年芭蕾
Ballet for eight years.
五年百老汇爵士
Broadway jazz for five.
舞蹈可以很好地表达内心的情绪 却不用开口说话
That might work as a wonderful way to non-verbally express what you're feeling on the inside.
你知道还有什么更好吗
You know what else is great?
-游戏 -我喜欢游戏
- Games. - I love games.
特别是需要表演的游戏
Especially something with a performative element.
不不不 别玩你比我猜
No, no, no, we're not playing charades.
每次都是她自己出题
She makes all the clues up,
除非你特别了解90年代末的女子组合
and unless you know a ton of stuff about late '90s girl groups,
否则根本赢不了
you don't have a chance.
我都提前已经把题目列表发给你们了
I actually send out a Spotify playlist ahead of time,
只要认真准备 就不会有什么问题