一起单身（2018）

那些年轻人还一直想插队 她快要崩溃了
and teenagers are breaking her down, trying to cut in line.
好吧 我们去帮艾丝特走过人生最棒的一天
All right, let's go help Esther live her best life.
你能这么支持她真是太酷了
It's so cool how supportive you are.
我室友现在都不让我给他们做辣椒烧肉吃了
My roommates won't even let me cook chili for them anymore.
这些都是什么
Whoa! Who are these guys?
这些是中国鰕虎鱼
Those are mandarin gobies.
现在正好在打折
They're actually on sale.
买♥♥一条 第二条半价
Buy one, get the second one half off.
它们真的很难杀
They're really hard to kill.
你是说它们很好养吧
You mean they're easy to take care of.
不 就是很难杀
No, they're really hard to kill.
班吉 你有水族箱吗
Benji, do you have an aquarium?
没有 我也就想想而已
No, it's just a fantasy right now.
你一定要养一条
You have to get one of these.
像你这么酷的人 一定要养最酷的鱼
Cool guy like you, you gotta have the coolest fish.
等等 这是什么
Wait a sec. What is that?
看起来好贵
It looks expensive.
这是金河豚 鱼缸里的宝石
That is the golden puffer, the jewel of the tank.
好 那我要这条 我要叫它玛莉索尔
Okay, I want that one, and I'm naming it Marisol.
酷
Cool!
你去哪了 班吉呢
Where have you been? Where's Benji?
他正在准备买♥♥几条超级棒的鱼
Man, he is getting a sweet set-up with really great fish.
有狗鲨 长着大牙齿的小鱼
There's a dogfish, a small fish with big teeth,
-长着小牙齿的大鱼 -什么
- a big fish with small teeth.- What?
-你手套真好看 -谢谢
- Cool gloves. - Thank you.
你要给那些年轻人变魔术吗
Are you about to do a magic trick for the teens?
不是 这是海盐维他命手套
No, it's actually a sea salt vitamin hand mask.
那些小孩给我的
The teenagers gave 'em to me.
他们说能让皮肤焕发活力
They said it will help activate it.
现在差不多好了
It's probably done by now.
好像还是以前的样子比较好
I think they looked better before.
班吉通常都会阻止我用陌生人的化妆品
Benji usually stops me from using strangers' cosmetics.
你只是产生副作用了 你对什么过敏吗
Okay, you're just having a reaction. Do you have any allergies?
有
Yes, I do.
我对灰尘 羽毛 草 有些小麦 有些饼干都过敏
I'm allergic to dust, feathers, grass, some wheats, some cookies.
好 保持冷静 我们先消肿
Okay, just remain calm. We're gonna bring the swelling down here.
好了 很好
There we go. That's nice.
今天本应该是属于我的日子
This day was supposed to be about me, you know,
班吉却总能把一切变成他的
and then Benji's making it about him,
就像上次他25岁生日派对一样
and it's like his 25th birthday party all over again.
不 他只是很喜欢鱼
No, he just seemed like he was passionate about fish.
人有爱好是好事 就像你爱好化妆一样
It's good for people to have hobbies, like your makeup thing.
化妆不只是个爱好
Okay, well, makeup is more than a hobby.
你知道这点很重要
It's important you know that.
当然 当然
Sure, sure.
我能看看你的手环吗
Can I see your wristband?
我能看看你的警徽吗
Um, can I see your badge, please?
-26和27号♥ -酷
- 26 and 27. - Cool.
我是25号♥ 我们是邻居
I'm 25. We're neighbors.
严格说来 我应该是25.5号♥
I'm 25 1/2, if we're being technical.
不好意思 但是
Um, I'm sorry, but,
我只想告诉你 那其实是我朋友班吉的手环
I just wanna let you know that's actually my friend Benji's wristband.
实不相瞒 就是我的
Actually, it is my wristband,
我刚从鱼店里一个怪人手里买♥♥的
'cause I just purchased it from some weird guyat a fish store.
如果情况属实 那是极其非法的
If that were the case, that would be extremely illegal,
你的宝宝也许会在监狱里出生
and you might be giving birthto your baby in prison.
那你先雇一个法律团队
Well, go ahead and hire yourself a legal team,
-我会看着办 法庭上见 -我会 我肯定要起诉你
- and I'll take my chances. See you in court.- I will. I will sue you.
-起诉你和你的孩子 -希望你会吧
- I'll sue you and your baby. - I hope you do.
很好 你的宝宝是真的吗 你肚子好假
Good. Is your baby even real? It looks like a fake stomach.
圆得太完美了 好吧
It's all round and perfect. Okay.
那你自己来确认 来摸一下啊
Cool. Why don't you find out? Why don't you touch it?
-摸就摸 -那我就给你一耳光
- I will. - And I'll slap your face.
我才不会碰呢 但我知道那是假的
I won't touch it, but I know that it's fake.
你以为就因为你怀孕了
You think just 'cause you're pregnant
世界就属于你了吗
that the world just belongs to you,
你就可以为所欲为了吗
and you get to do whatever you want?
没错 我最近一直觉得整个世界就剩我的小妹妹了
Yeah, I've been really feeling like the world is my oyster lately.
我睡不着 动不了 步履蹒跚 我的脚变得超大
I can't sleep, I can't move, I waddle, my feet are huge,
但没错 我感觉自己就是世界的女王
but, yeah, I feel like Queen of the World.
-祝你好运 给你最好的祝福 -也祝福你
- Good luck. Best of luck to you.- Good luck to you.
-不 真的祝你好运 -最美好的祝福
- No, really good luck. - Best wishes.
-新年快乐 -你也是 祝你有美好的一天
- Happy New Year. - Yeah, you, too. Have a good one.
我得走 照顾好这个罪犯
I have to get out of here. Take care of this criminal.
我会处理好 生日迷你哑光版
Yeah, I'm on it. Birthday Edition mini-mattes,
所有情人节限定版
anything from the Valentine's collection,
至少一支棉花糖奶油高光
and at least one Cotton Candy Cream Kylighter.
你真是超级超级性感
That is so, so sexy.
抱歉 我得跟你竞争了
I'm sorry, but I have to root against you.
我才不管你做什么
Yeah, I don't care what you do.
班吉
Benji!
这是在做什么
What's going on in here?
我这儿不卖♥♥大♥麻♥了
Okay, I don't sell weed out of here anymore.
气味挥之不去 是在屋椽熏烤的
The smell is lingering. It's baked in the rafters.
我不在乎你的毒品
I don't care about your drugs,
但大家都知道 谁吸谁就是失败者 记好了
but everyone does know users are losers. Just keep that in mind.
我是药用的 我有颈部狂躁症
It's medicinal. I have restless neck syndrome.
我可能也有这个病 症状是什么
I feel like I have that. Do you know what the symptoms are?
你没有病 你的脖子好着呢
You don't have that. Your neck's fine.
你在买♥♥鱼吗
Are you buying fish?
你的手怎么了
What's going on with your hands?
那几个小孩 给我下毒了
The teens, they poisoned me.
-你不在我身边 就会发生这种事 -他们好坏
- This is what happens when you're not around. - That's terrible.
戴维说 要想救我 只有让你回来
David said the only way to save me is for you to come back
拿回你的手环 帮我买♥♥唇釉套装
and get your wristband back, and get me my lip kits.
我不能把手环拿回来
I can't get my wristband back.
倒卖♥♥不是这种规矩
That's not how scalping rules work.
法律也不是你这种规矩
You don't know how the law works,
你小心下半辈子蹲监狱啊 兄弟
and you're going to prison for life, buddy,
因为我要报♥警♥告你
'cause I'm gonna call the cops,
我一直都爱打小报告 你最清楚了
'cause I always tattle, and you know that.
我知道你♥爸♥倒卖♥♥过黑鹰队的门票
I know for a fact that your dad scalped Black hawks tickets
-只被关了24小时 -别提这事
- and only went to jail for 24 hours.- Don't bring that up.
看到我爸被警车带走 我内心非常受创伤
It was very traumatic seeing my dad go away in a paddy wagon
那时我才11岁
when I was just 11.
我不知道能不能把鱼卖♥♥给你家这种氛围
I don't know if I can sell you this fish in this environment.
鱼儿也知道创伤 它们很敏感
Fish have learned trauma. They're very sensitive creatures.
不是 我家氛围好得很
It's not like that. My environment's fine.
她不是我女朋友
She's not my girlfriend.
我不是他女朋友
I'm not his girlfriend.
看来这只可爱小虾是单身
So this little pistol shrimp is single.
我的名字叫斯坦 是小店老板
My name is Stan. I'm a small business owner.
很高兴认识你
Nice to meet you.
我叫艾丝特 是个独♥立♥承包商
I'm Esther. I'm an independent contractor.
见到你很高兴 我也很荣幸
Very nice to meet you. I'm enchanted, of course.
但今天我有约 所以只能把你记心里了
I am seeing someone today, though, so we'll have to put a pin in this.
原来是这样
That's what this is about.
你想养鱼是因为嫉妒我和戴维在一起
You need fish to lord over because you're jealous that I'm with David.
得了吧 你和戴维就约过一次会
Please. You and David went on one date.
他给我买♥♥了40块的外卖♥♥波霸奶茶
He bought me a $40 Postmates boba.
-没打折吗 -没打折
- No promo? - No promo.
艾丝特 我真为你高兴
Esther, I'm really happy for you,
但我现在是礁石男 我属于这里
but I'm a reefer now, and this is where l belong.
好 那我就自己去抢唇釉套装
All right, I guess I'll go get my lip kits without you.
塑料花友谊
Some friendship.
戏好多
So dramatic.
好了 好了
All right, all right.
不过她确实说得有道理
She does have a point though, man.
礁石男生活很孤独的
Reefers have really lonely lives.
你刚还说这样能泡好多妞呢
You were just saying that you get tons of chicks.