一起单身（2018）

是吧 我也这么说的
I know. That's what I said.
杰姬 你说的故事太有趣了
Jackie, you have the best stories.
我知道 谢谢你
I know. Thank you.
-谢谢你和我分享这些 -没什么
- Thank you for sharing them with me. - Sure.
我必须要问你
I have to ask you.
你的才艺是什么
What was your talent?
舞礼仪杖
Baton twirling.
-不会吧 -是的
- No. - Yes.
而且我还特别厉害
And I was amazing at it.
我一直想学礼仪杖
I always wanted to learn baton twirling,
但是我妈说那是最危险的游戏
but my mom said that it was the most dangerous game.
她怕我把玻璃打碎
She was always afraid I'd break a window.
现在还来得及呀 小天使
Angel, it's never too late.
你看看我
Look at me.
我一直梦想有个女儿
I always dreamed I would have a daughter
可以每周和我一起做指甲
that can come with me every week to get our nails done.
每周吗
Every week?
对
Yeah.
杰姬 我小的时候
Jackie, when I was younger,
只有在特殊场合才能涂指甲油
I was only allowed to wear nail polish on special occasions,
而且还只能涂... 透明色
and the only color I was allowed to use was... clear.
-太惨了 -谢谢你
- I'm so sorry. - Thank you.
艾丝特 我真的希望你能把卵子捐给我们家
Esther, I really hope you donate your eggs to my family.
不是我家 捐给我
Well, not to my family, but to me.
不用管那些男孩
Forget the boys.
不过我知道这是个重要的决定
But I know that this is a really big decision.
的确是 不过幸好我经常意气用事 又冲动
It is, but, fortunately, I act impulsively and emotionally a lot.
-太好了 -是的
- That's great. - Yeah.
我要问你最后一个问题
I do have to ask you one final question.
好的 我准备好了
Okay. I'm ready.
如果你12岁的女儿偷走你的信♥用♥卡♥
Your 12-year-old daughter steals your credit card.
买♥♥了小甜甜 "梦中梦" 巡演的贵宾票
She buys VIP tickets to the Britney Spears "Dream Within A Dream" tour,
花了800块买♥♥周边
and she spends $800 on merch.
但她度过了最棒的一晚
But she has the best night of her life.
你会怎么做
What do you do?
感谢你的提问
Thank you for your question.
首先 我女儿绝不会偷刷我的卡
First of all, my daughter would never steal my credit card,
因为我已经为她买♥♥了票
because I would've already bought the tickets.
你能想象她脸上的表情吗
Can you imagine the look on her face
当我给她和5个小伙伴惊喜 让他们一起租豪车看爱豆演唱会
when I surprise her and five friends with a limo to go see her favorite singer?
这种体验 一生仅有一次
Experiences like that are once in a lifetime.
我是杰姬 来自圣塔克拉利塔谷
I'm Jackie from Santa Clarita Valley.
谢谢
Thank you.
谢谢
Thank you.
你有问题要问我吗 我也想演选美佳丽
Do you have a question for me? I wanna play pageant.
你干啥呢
What are you doing?
玩接球
Playing catch.
这不是接球 这是投球
You're not playing catch, you're playing throw.
你♥爸♥爸没有教过你吗
Didn't your dad teach you how to do this?
我爸爸在纽约金融时代上班
My dad works on New York market time,
要经常加班 才能养活我们 和他的另一个家
and works long hours to provide for us and his other family.
好吧 懂了
Okay. I get that.
我爸爸也总是加班...
My dad worked a lot, too, so...
但是 你如果想自己玩接球
But look, if you wanna play catch by yourself,
应该把球往空中投
you gotta throw the ball in the air,
而不是往墙上投 我给你看
not up against a wall. I can show you.
你要亲自教我玩接球吗
You're gonna teach me how to play catch?
不 我给你看个油管接球教学视频
No. I'm gonna show you a YouTube tutorial that'll show you how to play catch.
老实讲 会接球的人很多 但这不代表什么 所以我没什么压力
To be honest, most people who are good at playing catch don't really amount to anything, so I wouldn't stress about it.
你应该经常和朋友们打电动吧
You and your friends probably play video games anyways, right?
我没有朋友
I don't have any friends.
骆驼趾: 常指女性因穿紧身裤 私处勾勒出类似骆驼趾的形状
他们都叫我"骆驼趾"
Everyone calls me "Cameltoe."
这样啊
Right.
朋友也就是那么回事
Well, friends aren't all they're cracked up to be.
以我的经验来看 朋友会趁你上班睡你女朋友
From my experience, friends will sleep with your girlfriend when you go to work,
吃饭经常不给钱
they don't always split the check,
还在我的浴室用我的漱口水
I think they're using my mouthwash when they're in my bathroom.
你是要给我看交友的油管教学视频吗
Are you gonna show me a YouTube video on making friends?
不是 但如果你交朋友的话
No, bro, but if you ever wanna make any,
你得自己站出来
you're gonna have to stick up for yourself.
没有人想和别人口中的"骆驼趾"做朋友
No one wants to be friends with the kid they call "Cameltoe."
-最弱的人才叫"骆驼趾" -我就是最弱
- That's the weakest guy. - But I am the weakest.
希♥特♥勒♥鸡鸡还很小呢 你强势一点 别人就会听话了
Hitler had a micropenis. Just act tough and people will fall in line.
好吧 你朋友会把卵子给我妈妈吗
Okay. Is your friend gonna give my mom her eggs?
其实 我朋友可能利用你妈妈
Honestly, she's probably just gonna, like, use her
做做美甲 吃肉桂卷 然后拒绝她
for manicures and cinnamon rolls and break her heart.
等下 你怎么了... 你哭了吗
Wait, wait, wait. What are you... You're crying?
没有 花粉变多了
No. Pollen counts are just up.
来 拿着 这是好东西
Here, take these. It's the good stuff.
要成年才能买♥♥到
You need a driver's license to buy it.
你确定吗
Are you sure?
别人拿这种药制冰♥毒♥
They make meth out of them,
你人这么小... 吃半片吧
and you're kinda small, so... take half?
我们要生孩子啦 看我指甲
We're having a baby. Look at my nails.
什么鬼
What?
为什么这么着急做决定
Why are you rushing into this?
你挑粉红莓佐料的时间都比这次长
You've spent more time picking Pinkberry toppings.
这是女人之间的事
It's kind of just a woman thing.
杰姬就是对的人
Like, Jackie's the one.
有的事情 时候到了自然就发生了
I guess you just know when you know.
自然而然发生吗 你别忘了
You know when you know, 'cause this morning,
今早你还以为他们要杀你取卵呢
you thought they were gonna murder you for eggs.
我只是谨慎起见嘛
I was being modest, okay?
小心驶得万年船 学学我
It's called humble pie. Have a piece.
把自己卵子给别人是关乎生命的大事
Giving someone your eggs is a life-consuming process, okay?
一生的大事
It's a really big deal.
你说对了 一生的大事
You're right, it is a big deal.
是一个女人能给予另一个女人最珍贵的礼物
It's the greatest gift that one woman can give to another woman,
除了蒂普提克香氛蜡烛[爱马仕特别系列]以外
besides a Diptyque candle; That's a really good gift.
你看 你态度根本不严肃
See, you're not even taking this seriously.
我查过
I've done research.
你知不知道自己要注射
Did you know that you have to inject yourself
绝经后女性的尿液
with pee from a post-menopausal woman?
听起来很棒啊
That sounds great.
况且 这件事对你的身体影响是不可逆转的
Also, you're gonna do, like, permanent damage to your body.
小肚腩永远不会消失
You're gonna have belly fat that never goes away.
我一周有五天都会浮肿
I get bloated five times a week, okay?
小肚腩一直有啊 很可爱的
I have belly fat all the time, and it's cute,
我这么年轻 别人都想不到我有小肚腩
'cause I'm young, and it's unexpected.
艾丝特 别这样做
Esther, don't do this.
如果你给了杰姬梦想中的女儿
If you give Jackie the daughter of her dreams,
波比就可能永远吃不到无麸的肉桂卷了
then Bobby's probably never, ever gonna have a gluten-free cinnamon roll.
他可能得上肺炎 死在某个阴沟里
He's gonna die of pneumonia in a gutter.
不要通过帮那个孩子来弥补自己的童年了
Stop trying to fix your childhood by helping that kid.
-很奇怪 -不奇怪
- It's weird. - It's not weird.
我给他看了油管视频 给了他几片安♥非♥他♥命♥
I showed him YouTube videos and gave him amphetamines,
要是他有个像样的妈 这就根本不算事
and if he had a decent mom, that wouldn't even be a big deal.
杰姬不是波比"像样的妈"
Just because Jackie wasn't a "decent mom" for Bobby
不代表她不能是小艾丝特的完美妈妈
doesn't mean she won't be the perfect mom for a little baby Esther egg, okay?
杰姬要是我妈
If Jackie had been my mom,
我现在就是丽萨·弗兰克产业的首席执行官了
I'd be the CEO of Lisa Frank Industries by now,
你会蹲监狱
and you'd be in jail.
我涂了护手霜 现在水果一股味
There was lotion on my hands, and now, this tastes like lotion.
欢迎来到女孩的世界 11岁起我就再没尝过水果本来的味道了
Welcome to being a girl. I haven't tasted real fruit since I was 11.
"美女你好"
"Hello gorgeous."
它怎么知道
How does it know?
艾丝特 你能来我好高兴
Esther, I'm so glad you could come by.
快进来
Come on in.
艾丝特 现在你就像我的家人一样
Esther, you're like family to me now,
你能做这个决定 我太开心了