一起单身（2018）

为了赢撒谎算什么
I lie to win.
迷你哑光版 情人节珍藏版 各种限定版
Matte-minis, Valentine's collection, limited edition anything.
商店开门了
The store is open!
慢点 注意安全
Relax, okay. Be safe.
别挤别挤 你们这样会吓到人的
Don't push. Some people are scared, here alone.
戴维 抱歉
David! Excuse me.
不好意思 我是里面的 我是里面的 借过
Excuse me, sorry. I'm in there. I'm in there. Sorry.
你好 我是26号♥ 还有朋友在里面
Hi. I'm number 26. The rest of my party's inside.
跟餐厅一样的排队规则 过号♥就重新排队
Deli rules. Once your number has passed, it's the end of the line.
我不懂
I don't follow.
好吧 过一下 借过
Okay, excuse me. Excuse me.
抱歉 对不起 朋友们
Excuse me, sorry. My friends.
朋友们 是我啊 你们还记得吗
You guys, friends, hey. It's me, remember?
想给我下毒来着 但没关系
You tried to poison me. It's all good.
我不介意 还想一起玩吗
I don't care. You don't wanna hang?
好吧 借过 打扰了 紧急状况
Okay. Okay. Excuse me. Sorry. Emergency.
抱歉 消防队长 原谅下
Sorry. Fire marshal. Sorry.
你好 刚才我离开队伍 是要阻止我烦人的小矮子犹太朋友海鱼鱼缸
Hi. I had to leave the line to stop my short, annoying Jewish friend from buying a saltwater fish tank.
天啊 这是我听过最悲伤的故事
My God, that is the saddest thing l've ever heard.
我有个叔叔就因为瓶装船去世了
I lost an uncle to ships in a bottle.
-请到我们前面吧 -万分感谢
- Please, go ahead of us. - Thank you so much.
好了 我按你愚蠢的规定
All right, I followed your stupid rules
愚蠢地走了一遍
and played your silly games.
让我进去吧
Let me in.
商店满员
The store is at capacity.
啥
What?
我的墨镜
But my sunglasses.
我墨镜被我妈带进去了
I left them inside with my mom.
下一个人出来 你才能进去
You'll have to wait till the next person leaves.
戴维
David.
抱歉 抱歉
Excuse me, excuse me.
不好意思 有人看到糖果奶油色高光盘了吗
Excuse me, has anybody seen the Candy Cream Kylighter?
他在帮我抢 他在帮我抢
He's doing it, he's doing it.
戴维
David.
天啊 你全都抢到了
My God, you got everything.
除了限定版高光盘
I mean, except for the limited edition Kylighter,
不过能抢到它简直是做白日梦
but that was a pipe dream.
-是啊 不过... -高光粉
-Yeah. I mean, unless... -Kylighter?!
只剩棕色了
It's brown; it's all they had left.
棕色 也...没关系
Brown. Okay, that... that's cool.
骗你的
Psych!
是奶油草莓色 这次骗到你啦
It's Strawberry Shortcake. I tricked you this time.
天哪 去我家吧
My God! Um, can we go to my place?
我想换运动裤
I really wanna put sweatpants on.
其实吧 班吉喊我帮他装鱼缸
Actually, Benji asked if I could help him set up the fish tank.
别啊 你能拒绝吗
No. Well, can you just tell him no?
我拒绝不了人 艾丝特
I can't refuse to help someone, Esther.
我发过希波克拉底誓言[医生从业前所立的保证遵守医德 拯救生命的誓言]
I took the Hippocratic oath.
那好吧 那你能快点回来吗
Okay. Will you hurry back?
没问题
You got it.
我是护理人员老婆了
I'm a paramedic wife now.
你是怎么喜欢上鱼的
So how'd you get into fish?
我从小就有个鱼缸
Well, I had a fish tank when I was a little kid.
我算是被管家玛莉索尔养大的
I was sort of raised by my housekeeper Marisol,
她帮我装好的鱼缸
and she helped me get my tank together.
挺棒的 我被父母养大的
That's great. I was raised by my parents.
然后 因为她母亲病重不得不回瓦哈卡[墨西哥南部]
And then, she had to go to Oaxaca 'cause her mom got really sick,
结果我的鱼全死了 她母亲倒活得很好
and all my fish died, but her mom's fine.
也不是很悲剧嘛
So it's not all bad.
我盯着死鱼有一年半吧
I was staring at dead fish for about a year and a half
都没人发现
until anybody noticed.
妈耶
Yikes.
天哪
My God.
别指指点点的
Look, please don't be judge-y.
我知道你在想什么 可你也有怪癖的呀
I know what you're thinking, but you've got weird hobbies, too.
我们昨晚可是为了你的化妆品在外过夜了
We slept outside for makeup last night.
我这点事 跟你被个热带鱼邪教头子骗了 有可比性吗
You're gonna compare that to being tricked by a tropical fish cult leader?
别这样 你们 这些鱼吧
Guys, hold on, 'cause that fish right there
感觉就像化了妆
looks like it's wearing makeup,
这对你俩的爱好都好
and that's the best of both worlds.
戴维 这些鱼感觉很需要化妆
David, that fish looks like it needs makeup.
别把吉赛尔拖下水
Don't bring Giselle into this.
要是有女生看到你这么个海洋地狱 她们会怎么想啊
What are girls gonna think when you bring them back to this fish hell?
-鬼才在乎她们怎么想 -你在乎啊
- Who cares what girls think?- You do.
-你一直都在乎啊 -我也不知道 她们说不定会想
- All the time. - I don't know. Maybe they'll think,
我还以为班吉是个独居的废柴
I thought Benji was a lonely loser,
然后看到我的鱼 转念一想
and then they see the fish, and then they'll be like,
其实他品味很独特嘛
He's actually kinda cool.
你为什么就不能支持我呢 会死吗
Why don't you just be supportive? How's that?
我在支持你啊
I am being supportive, okay?
但你现在是单身成年男性
But you are now a single adult male
还有一缸热带鱼在你卧室啊
with a tropical fish tank in your bed, okay?
我想帮你
I tried to help you,
但你已经无药可救了
but since you're now clearly beyond being saved,
我告诉你吧
there's something you should know.
用这样的鱼缸唯一能吊到的马子
The only kind of girl you're ever gonna get
也就是我这样的了
with a fish tank like this is a girl like me.
-我觉得你的鱼挺帅气的 -你也喜欢鱼
- I think your fish are cool. - You're a fish girl.
我说的是 像我这样的女孩
And just so you know, I mean a girl like me.
但不是我 我觉得你好恶心
Obviously not me. I think you're gross.
-你才恶心 -戴维 拿好包 我们走吧
- You're gross. - David, grab your purse. Let's go.
我知道你也喜欢鱼
I knew you had fish vibes.
回见啦
See ya, bud.
这些鱼真无聊
Man, these fish are boring.
我鱼饿了
My fish are starving.
-是你 -你来了
- Hey. - Hey.
戴维呢 你们不是在约会吗
Where's David? I thought you guys were on a date.
是啊 是在约会
Yeah, we were on a date,
但有辆校车在高速上翻车了
and then a school bus rolled over on the freeway,
所以他不得不走了
and he had to go.
你之前没约过有工作的男生吧
Look, you've never dated a guy with a job, right?
他现在真的在救人呢
He's literally saving people's lives right now.
行吧 我也不会刻意吸引别人的注意啊
Okay, well, I am not gonna compete for some guy's attention, okay?
我这么成熟 不会干这么幼稚的蠢事
I'm too old for that shit.
秘密暴露了吧
Cat's out of the bag.
你喜欢鱼
You're a fish girl.
如果你需要的话 我可以带你去鱼店里
If you want, I'll take you to the fish store
买♥♥些初级装备
and help you get a starter kit.
又跟你有共同之处 真让我感到悲哀
It makes me sad that we have another thing in common.
什么鬼 没事啊 我喜欢鱼 你也喜欢鱼
What? It's fine. I like fish, you like fish.
老铁 你的护理人员男朋友也很喜欢鱼啊
Dude, your paramedic boyfriend is crazy about fish.
我有事要告诉你
There's something I have to tell you.
-怎么了 -我可能给戴维发了几百条分手短♥信♥
- What? - I maybe sent David, like, a million break-up texts
跟神经病一样 而且也不能撤回了
that were totally insane, and I definitely can't come back from,
所以他不是我男朋友了
and he's not my boyfriend anymore.
-那你给他发了... -大哭视频吗 发了
- Did you send him a... - Crying video? Yeah.
不过是可爱的哭 你懂得
But it was, like, a cute cry, you know.
是的 没戏了
Yeah, it's over.
听着 如果我真要交个医生男朋友 虽然我也交到了
Look, if I have to have a paramedic boyfriend, and I obviously do,
我也要用老套的方法钓到手
I'm gonna get one the old-fashioned way, okay, Benj?
那就是假装非常严重的紧急情况
By faking an extremely elaborate emergency.
你说我要吃多少酸奶冰淇淋才能使体温过低呢
How much fro-yo do you think I need to eat before I get hypothermia?
你不用真的把自己搞到体温过低啊
You don't have to actually get hypothermia.
你不是在那个凯莉店里买♥♥了蓝色眼影吗
Did you buy any blue eyeshadow at that Kylie thing?
天 你太聪明了
My God. You're a genius.
我是很聪明 要不先把酸奶喝完吧
Yeah, I'm a genius, but let's finishour yogurts first.
戴维品味还是不错的
David made a lot of good choices.