一起单身（2018）

-赞 -天哪
- Cool! - My God!
我一直想学心脏复苏
I always wanted to learn CPR,
不过我9岁的时候肺出问题了
but part of my lung collapsed when I was nine,
-所以他们不让我学 -有道理
- so they won't let me. - That makes sense.
你的肺部无力
You wouldn't have the pulmonary strength.
我总能救个人吧
I could help somebody.
-可能救只兔子吧 -真的吗
- Like a rabbit. - Really?
对 跟你说一下 他在安全行业工作
Yeah. Just so you know, he is in the safety industry,
要是出于安全考虑 想让我们到前面一点维护秩序 就跟我们说
so if you would like for us to be closer to the front of the line for safety reasons just let us know.
人型没有手环
Dummy doesn't get a wristband.
行
Sure.
感谢服务 你有脸书吗
Thank you for your service. Are you on Facebookby any chance?
-所以... 你是护理人员 -对
- So... you're a paramedic, I see.- Yeah.
你跟医生之间有过节吗
So is there a rivalry between you and doctors?
像血帮和瘸帮[由非裔美国人组成的帮派]那种关系
Is it like a Blood and Cripps thing?
不是 救护人员救人比医生救得多
Not really. I mean, paramedics save waymore lives than doctors,
我们在休息室 都叫他们第二出动人员[协助第一出动人员处理特殊情况]
or as we call them in the break room, second responders.
医生很伟大
I mean, doctors do great work.
是个光荣的职业
It's an honorable profession.
对可乐控而言 抱歉 忍♥不住
For coke addicts. I'm so sorry. I can't help it.
说得好
I love that one.
你的新保姆来了
All right, well, um, guess your new babysitter's here,
我想去逛逛 先走了
and I wanna get in some steps, so I'm just gonna go.
你10点前要回来
But you'll be back by 10:00.
-9:30前 -好的
-By 9:30. - Okay. Cool.
-记住 别相信这些年轻人 -收到
- Remember, don't trust these teens. - Got it. Confirmed.
太好了 太好了
Yes! Yes!
有模有样的
Wow, this is legit.
棒
Yeah.
你们真是漂亮湿润的天使
You beautiful, wet angels.
要是我有鳃 就跳进去跟你们一起游泳了
If I had gills, I would jump in and swim with you,
不过我没有鳃
but I don't have gills.
天哪 我爱你
My God, I love you.
哥们 我们不卖♥♥大♥麻♥了
Hey, man, we are no longer a weed store.
我只是来看鱼的
Cool, yeah. I'm just fish browsing.
我不是来买♥♥什么大♥麻♥的
I'm not looking to do anything crazy.
我知道你这个表情
I know that face.
什么表情
What face?
她很婊 对吧
She's a bitch, right?
-我不知道... -她们都一样
- I don't know... - Yeah, they're all the same.
老是达不到我们的期望 我说对了吧
Can't live up to those expectations. Am I not right?
我宁愿孤独终老
I'd rather die alone.
我的表情不是这意思
I think you're misreading my face.
我没谈恋爱
I'm not in a relationship.
我只是远远地欣赏美丽的事物
I just like admiring pretty things from a distance.
比如海鱼
You know, like saltwater fish
还有Ins上的模特之类的
and Instagram models, stuff like that.
鱼多好啊 有些人难过地进来
Fish are great. I have sad guys coming in here.
买♥♥了条鱼 整个人生都变了
They buy one fish, their lives changeso dramatically.
我就是这意思
Yeah, that's what I was saying,
但我朋友就说"女人看到鱼就没性♥欲♥"
and then my friend was like, "Women are sexually repulsed by fish."
谁说的 女人最喜欢看男人在水下排出盐分了
No, man, ladies love to see a man adjust the salinity levels in the aquatic environment.
我有三个前妻 两个都是这么认识的
That's how I met two of my three ex-wives.
我还是个初学者 只会在油管看看鱼的视频
I'm more of a novice. I just watch fish YouTube videos.
不是那种诡异的鱼的性♥爱♥视频
Not like creepy fish sex stuff.
就是简简单单的鱼
Just regular fish stuff.
没想到真让我碰到了礁石男[也有大♥麻♥之意]
I didn't know I was in the presence of a real reefer.
大♥麻♥ 你不是说你们不卖♥♥大♥麻♥了吗
A reefer? I thought you said this place isn't a weed store anymore.
不是 海水鱼缸爱好者
No, man, a saltwater tank man.
就是我们说的礁石男
That's what we call a reefer.
你就这样吸大♥麻♥ 打个光脚 抽着大♥麻♥
You're just gonna smoke weed? All barefoot, smokin' weed?
你老板不会生气吗
Isn't your boss gonna get mad at you?
我就是老板
I'm the boss.
带你看点东西
Let me show you some things.
-你可真成功啊 -天哪 你好瘦
- You got it made, dude. - God, you're skinny.
谢了
Thanks, man.
他们的生日迷你哑光版卖♥♥完了
Okay, so they're out of the birthday edition mini-mattes.
你怎么办
What do you do?
杏色唇釉套装限定版
Limited edition Apricot lip kit,
-还是神魂颠倒唇釉套装 -限定版吧
- or Head Over Heels lip kit?- Limited edition?
等下要再给你看一看
I'll show it to you again.
杏色唇釉已经不是限定版了 知道吗
Apricot isn't limited edition anymore, okay?
当然 我知道
Right, of course. I knew that.
戴维的吗 谢了
For David? Thanks, man.
单独加冰
Ice on the side.
-谢谢 -给我的吗
- Thank you. - Wow, is that for me?
对
Yeah.
你真体贴
That's really thoughtful.
有什么事吗
Hi. Can I help you?
我听到你们在讨论情人节版色号♥
I overheard you talking about getting the Valentine's edition colors,
但我觉得你应该试试他们的2016假日眼影盘
but I really think you could pull off the Holiday 2016 color palette.
假日... 什么... 那些颜色太深了 我不...
The Holiday... what... Those colors are all so dark. I don't...
你用肯定很好看
It would be a really good look for you.
你们都这么觉得
And you all think this?
我皮肤这么白 真能用那种深棕色和暗红色吗
You all think that I could pull off those dark browns and burgundies on my porcelain skin?
-当然 -对
- Totally! - Yes!
很好看
So hot.
我是艾丝特 你们想去我的帐篷里看看吗
I'm Esther. Do you guys wanna hang out in my tent?
里面有橙子 还有贴纸书
I have orange slices and sticker books.
当然 这么酷的帐篷哪里来的
Sure. Where did you even get this cool tent?
网购魅可和奶酪的时候送的
I got it online with Mac and cheese proofs of purchases.
班吉不是说这些人不可信吗
Benji said those teens can't be trusted.
其他年轻人不可信
Those were the other teens.
-但这些是我的朋友 -我说不好 艾丝特
- These ones are my friends.- I don't know, Esther.
商店30分钟后开张
Store opens in 30 minutes.
天哪
My God.
班吉去哪了
Where the hell is Benji?
该回来了呀
He should be here.
你在定位他的手♥机♥吗
Are you tracking his phone location?
有次我趁他洗澡 打开了位置共享
I turned on location sharing when he was in the shower once,
这是为他的安全着想
just for his own safety.
那... 真是体贴 艾丝特
That's... really thoughtful, Esther.
安全第一
Safety's super important.
我知道 天哪
I know. My God!
他在鱼店
He's at a fish store?!
他怎么能在最后关头背叛我
Why would he bail on me at the last second?
他可能是被迫留下的
They could be holding him against his will.
这种事经常发生 好多人都想不到
That stuff happens way more often than people think.
我不知道该怎么办 我想去跟这些小孩子交流一下
I don't know what to do. I really wanna trauma bond with those teens,
但我又很需要班吉
but we really need Benji here.
我去找班吉
I'll go get Benji.
谢谢你今天让我依靠 戴维
Thank you so much for being my damn rock today, David.
没关系
No problem.
你们喜欢赞达亚[蜘蛛侠:英雄归来]吗
Hey, you guys, do you guys like Zendaya?
-喜欢 -我超喜欢
- Yeah. - I love her.
但哈里·斯泰尔斯[单向乐队One Direction成员]也就那样啦
Harry Styles is, like, whatever, right?
我跟这同一条鱼眼神交流
I've been making eye contact with the same fish
已经30秒了 也太有力量了吧
for, like, 30 seconds, and it's really powerful.
这个鱼缸就是面镜子
The inside of this tank is mirrored.
是啊 我好像从里面看到我的希望和梦想
Yeah. It's like it's reflecting my hopes and dreams back at me.
不是啊 我说鱼缸壁是镜面
No, man, the walls are mirrored.
这些鱼看着自己
They're looking at themselves,
但却以为自己看着某位朋友
but they're tricked, and they think they're looking at a friend.
是哦
Yeah.
那我也该在房♥间里装面镜子
Then I should get mirrors in my room.
你好 我是戴维
Hey, man, it's David.
你好 我是班吉 我知道你是谁
Hey, man, it's Benji. I know who you are.
我是斯坦
Hey, my name is Stan.
好 艾丝特快抓狂了
Good. Hey, Esther's freaking out.
她在阳光下晒了太久
She's been in the sun way too long,