我爱上的人是奇葩（2014）

If you ever try to kiss Jimmy again, I will punch you in the clit.
如果你再敢吻吉米 我就打爆你的阴蒂
Deal.
可以
The Scotland situation, huh?
现在苏格兰闹独♥立♥挺烦的哈
"Stay with us, Scotland. You belong in the UK."
"别走 苏格兰 你是大英帝国的一份子"
Coronation Street finally cancelled.
《加冕街》播了几十年总算要被取消了
Jimmy, if it had been,
吉米 如果真被取消了
my mum would have rung me crying,
我妈肯定会打电♥话♥跟我哭诉的
so I think that you're wrong about that one.
所以我觉得这一点你说错了
All right.
好吧
So where are you guys living?
你们现在住在哪儿
Uh, we're over, uh...
我们住在...
Uh, west, uh... No. NNicaragua.
西... 尼加拉瓜
Little. Little. Little. Little...
小 小 小 小
Little Nicaragua.
小尼加拉瓜
I knew it! You rubbish liars.
我早猜到了 你们撒谎的水平太烂了
Sorry, Edgar. I studied as hard as I could.
抱歉 埃德加 我已经尽量事先学习了
Talk.
交代吧
He's an actor I met a while back.
他是我不久前认识的一个演员
NCIS:L.A.? Yes!
演《海军罪案调查处洛杉矶篇》的 没错
Thank you! Thanks. I love my fans.
谢谢你 谢谢 我很爱我的粉丝的
Well, uh, I'm gonna go mingle.
我去融入这个派对玩去了
I'll-I'll come with you.
我跟你一起去吧
Keep watching, dude.
要继续收看哦 老兄
Oh, of course.
当然了
No, no one can leave yet. No, actually, guys, you...
别 都别走 不行 各位 你们...
You want a juice? Do you want a trash juice?
你想喝果汁吗 黑暗料理界的明星饮料
Trash juice. Are you ready for your trash juice?
黑暗饮料 准备好来一杯黑暗饮料了吗
Here's the rest of the vodka. I'm putting it in.
剩余的伏特加都在这儿了 我都倒进去
Trash juice! Trash juice!
黑暗饮料 黑暗饮料
I made so much trash juice.
我调了好多的黑暗饮料
You guys should have some.
你们真该来尝尝
Do I have to drink all this trash juice by myself?!
我难道要一个人把这些黑暗饮料喝光吗
Drink your juice, boys!
喝起来吧 兄弟们
There you are.
你在这儿啊
Doing dishes at someone else's house.
在别人家帮着洗盘子
I saw this and thought of you, because you're so sweet.
我看到这个就想起了你 因为你也很甜蜜
And because you love raisins.
而且因为你喜欢吃葡萄干
Even though they're disgusting failed grapes.
尽管它们都是用恶心的烂葡萄做的
Sorry what I said about raisins.
抱歉我这么贬低葡萄干
I saw you trying to kiss Jimmy.
我之前看到你想吻吉米了
What? What?! What are... what are you...
什么 神马 你在胡说些...
I'm not stupid. I saw you.
我不傻 我亲眼看到了
Come on. You're my Paullywog.
别生气 你是我的"宝罗"啊
Stop it.
别来这一套
You respect me so little that you...
你对我毫无尊重 以至于...
Honey. Okay, honey, I know.
亲爱的 我知道的 亲爱的
I'm sorry, but that was before.
我很抱歉 但那是很久前的事了
That was half an hour ago.
那才是半小时前的事
Right, before now.
是啊 是此刻之前的
I...
我...
I'm so messed up.
我整个人都一团乱
You don't need a telescope to see that.
不需要望远镜就能看出这一点
There you are. Hey. Right, listen...
你在这儿啊 你好 听我说...
You listen. I know that I have issues,
你才给我听着 我知道我这人有很多毛病
but it is not up to you to fix them.
但你没有权力替我改正那些毛病
You're right.
你说得对
Okay, look, I massively overstepped with your parents,
听着 我那天在你父母面前的确是管得太宽了
and nothing like that will ever happen again.
以后绝对不会再发生这种事了
Okay. Okay?
好吧 好吗
I did not expect you to apologize so quickly.
我没想到你会这么快道歉
Look, I appreciate that we have a strong connection,
听着 我很高兴我们之间很合得来
but right now, that? That's crazytown.
但现在就那样 也太疯狂了吧
Have I thought about it?
我是否有考虑过那事
Maybe in some abstract way way down the line,
或许抽象地思考过 但肯定是很久后的事了
but clearly now would be bonkers.
现在就发生的话 实在是太疯狂了
But... then I started thinking about it
但是 后来我又仔细考虑了一番
and maybe we're like two pit bulls, you know?
或许我们就像是两头斗牛犬
You put either with another dog, and that dog's toast.
你把其中一头跟其他狗放在一起 那狗就遭殃了
But, together, they're couch buds.
但在一起时 它们就是贴心小伴侣
They nullify the threat through mutually assured destruction.
因为相互间的毁灭力 反而抵消了威胁
So, uh... I don't know.
所以 我也说不清了
I mean, it's bananas, Jimmy.
反正就是很疯狂 吉米
But, um... What I mean is, uh...
但是呢 我的意思就是...
I mean, the punk rock choice, Jimmy, is yes.
最好的选择就是 吉米 我愿意
So screw it. Why not?
管他呢 为什么不呢
Yes, Jimmy. Yes.
我愿意 吉米 我愿意
What are you talking about?
你在说些什么呢
I found the engagement ring in your drawer.
我在你的抽屉里发现了那枚订婚戒指
That is why I freaked out.
所以我之前才吓坏了
But then I started thinking about it,
但我后来又仔细考虑了一番
and-and the thing about pit bulls, how... Oh, God.
像斗牛犬那样...天啊
Th-The ring was for Becca.
那枚戒指是我之前向贝卡求婚的
Almost three years ago.
差不多是3年前的事了
I was... I was just too embarrassed to return it. D-Did you...
我只是...不好意思退给首饰店 你...
Oh, Gretchen, don't be embarrassed.
格雷琴 别觉得丢人啊
I shit myself earlier, and that is only the second
我之前把屎拉身上了 但那却是我
most embarrassing thing that has happened to me today.
今天遇到的第二丢人的事
Are you leaving?
你是要走了吗
Yes, I cannot stay here anymore.
是的 我没办法再呆在这里了
You can't leave me again.
你不能再次丢下我
I'm seriously gonna lose it. Gretchen, you have to stay.
我真的会失控的 格雷琴 你一定要留下来
Or... I'm gonna suck that guy's dick.
否则 我就去舔那个男人的鸡♥巴♥
And that guy's dick.
以及那个男人的鸡♥巴♥
And definitely that guy's dick.
绝对不能错过那个男人的鸡♥巴♥
Okay, okay. I'll stay. I'll stay.
好吧 好吧 我留下
Why do you smell like shrimp?
你怎么身上一股虾臭味儿
Hello. Hello.
大家好 大家好
Hello? Quiet. Shut that goddamn music off.
大家好 安静 把该死的音乐给我关了
Okay, well, whew, first of all,
好了 首先
how hashtag blessed are we to have you,
我们真的感觉很幸运
our dearest friends, gathered with us tonight?
能有你们这些最亲爱的朋友 与我们共聚今晚
As a society, we go through nothing alone.
作为一个整体 我们无论做什么都不会孤单
We are a family.
我们是一家人
A family of friends, coworkers,
一个由朋友 同事
neighbors we don't know very well.
以及不太熟的邻居组成的大家庭
Listen, I had a momentary lapse of sanity with Becca.
听着 我之前跟贝卡在一起时有片刻失去了理智
The worst thing is this means you wanted to marry Becca,
最令人生气的是 那意味着你想娶贝卡
but you can't even let me spend the night without it
但你从来都不让我安安稳稳过一夜
becoming a goddamn traumatic event.
每次都要演变成"大灾难"
29 years ago, a baby girl was born.
29年前 一个小女孩出生在这世上
29?
真是29岁吗
And all she wanted,
她一直想要的
ever since she was pretending to breast-feed her Baby All Gone,
从她开始假装给小洋娃娃喂奶的时候
was to have her own baby.
她就开始幻想生个自己的小孩
There is a quote from one of my favorite books,
接下来我想引用我最爱的书中的一句话
The Little Prince by Antoine de...
也就是《小王子》 作者是安托万...
I pregged her up, you guys!
我把她肚子搞大了 各位
I'm pregnant! I'm having a baby!
我怀孕了 我要生孩子了
Hello, everybody!
大家好啊
Um, we're having a baby, too!
我们也要生孩子了
Well, not yet, but we're gonna start trying to have one. Yay!
现在还没有 但我们要开始造人了 好棒
What is wrong with you?
你是怎么回事啊
How dare you try to ruin my moment.
你怎敢试图毁掉属于我的时刻
It's always your moment!
永远都是属于你的时刻
When's my moment?
什么时候才是属于我的时刻
You had your moment
你比你姐姐早结婚
when you got married before your older sister,
就已经算是享受过属于你的时刻了
which is an aggressive and hateful act in any culture!
那在任何国家的文化中 都是霸道而令人厌恶的
This isn't about you.
重点不在于你
This is about me and Paul and-and our...
而在于我和保罗 以及我们的...